Guest guest Posted August 8, 2007 Report Share Posted August 8, 2007 The surgery date creeps closer, its about a month away now and I hate to even think about it. This will be surgery number 5 and the results have ranged from a month or two in bed up to a year flat of my back with a hole the size of a coffee can in my abdomen. I tell myself this time will be different, the last few times I spent either in the home of a crazy woman who even attempted to poison me at one time or in a daughters home who while she did allow me to live there never missed a chance to remind me what a burden I was, when she bothered to check in on me at all. My friends came an visited now and then but they had lives of their own and soon moved on. The first time was the worst....I was flat of my back with staples from my crotch to my chest and an X-kajira talking to me like I was a piece of shit, who seemed to enjoy my suffering......seemed hell she DID enjoy it. The others were only slightly better, they were like being in solitary confinement that allowed people to come by and revel in your pain and make fun of you. The only people I saw or heard from were people that hated me. I was asked repeatedly " when are you just gonna die? " and told " I am not gonna waste the rest of my life taking care of a dying husband, I am still young enough to find someone else " Many times if I could have gotten out of bed I would have killed them. Remember these were the folks I had worked 80-90 hours a week to make sure they had the best life had to offer, the " right " clothes, a good education, a nice house, etc. I tell myself this time will be different, and in my heart I know it will, but I have to admit in the back of my mind I am afraid I will be stuck in a bed, forgotten by all my friends at BEST to be mocked and abused by those who don't like me at worst. I am not living with a crazy woman this time and my children aren't being poisoned against me 24/7 like they were then, fehu is a wonderful woman and me and my children are closer than we have ever been and even my friends now are real friends not just people wanting something from me......but still yet in the back of my mind.......... Take my love take my land Take me where I cannot stand I dont care I'm still free You can't take the sky from me......Theme from Firefly Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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