Guest guest Posted April 15, 2005 Report Share Posted April 15, 2005 Tess dear, I am speechless, which doesn't happen very often. Thank you for your tranparency, and I mean this in all sincerity- YOU ARE MY HERO. Love jane > Hi Friends...These are my thoughts about this past year of recovery from > bariatric surgery. I wrote it for the various weight loss surgery > groups I'm involved in, but thought some of you might like to read it. > > ONE YEAR > OK, here is the physical stuff...down 132 pounds from highest weight, > loss of 11 inches each at chest, waist, hips, size 12 ring now a size 7 > 1/2, no diabetes, high bp, edema, or breathing meds anymore. > Looking > at other folks with my surgery (DS) I think I'm pretty average (in that > in the first year some have lost more, some have lost less.) The > physical stuff is WONDERFUL and I FEEL pretty doggone strong and healthy > MUCH more of the time. > > Here's the harder stuff....emotional and interpersonal issues. > This has been THE year (so far) of learning to LET GO, LET GOD. And I > sure don't do it well all the time. > There are some people who 'seemed' to like me much more 132 pounds ago. > The 'soft-n-fluffy' 'don't step on anyone's toes' Tess was 'easier' to > be around, I guess. And it is not exactly that I am an emotional > bulldozer now. : ) I treat people kindly, and if I mess up, I > apologize. But I make the effort to speak honestly. To be " who I am " . > That is a HARD thing to do when you've been 'camouflaged' with fat > and > crazy eating all your life and you haven't really gotten to know > yourself even at 53 years of age. But, one foot ahead of the other... > > The bouts of depression this past year have, at times, almost been > catastrophic. I am not exaggerating. I have learned that it is NOT > because I can't eat food to numb things as I have done nearly all my > life, because I can eat anything I want. But the revelation that EVEN IF > I DO, the food just won't work anymore. It's being emotionally naked. > So, I sit with my raw bundle of nerves trying to move forward in this' > psychic surgery' we call life, without anestesia. Oh my Lord, has > that > been hard. > > Hormones have been involved. Changing body size has been involved. > Different reactions to medications have occurred. But the deep stuff > of > the heart, the " Who am I? " and " Why am I here? " stuff has been more > intense than ever in my life. > > There have been other changes in my life the past year...moving to a new > place, my last child moving out, problems with friends and family > members. However, I am convinced that before this surgery I would > have > anesthetized myself sufficiently with food so it all wouldn't have hurt > so bad or been so frightening. > And, I would have remained stagnant and not grown. > > Would I do this again? Yes. Because there is hope for me now on so > many > more levels. Physically, certainly. Emotionally, well it's about > time > I learn to know and love myself. Interpersonally, because, though I > am > willing to take a lot, and be empathetic and compassionate with others, > I > am also learning to do that with and for me. > > I think I was much more prepared for the physical changes (most of the > time) than the emotional and interpersonal changes. > > And then there is the spiritual aspect. As I have lost weight, fat, > inches, and become physically healthier, I have found that my need for > the Lord in my life is much more profound. The fat is just a facade, > a > veneer of protection. It doesn't protect me from anything other than > joy, health, and hope. As I let go of the fat and release it, I have > to > make more room for God. > > I am grateful amidst the tears. This has been quite a year. > > Lovingly, always.... > > Tess > Open BPD/DS April 14, 2004 > Age 53 > Dr. McConnell ~ OHSU > 398~266~180 > Loss so far ~ 132 lbs. > Starting BMI 70.5 > Current ~ 47.1 > 86 pounds to goal! > Updated 04/12/05 > " Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not unto your own > understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He shall direct > your paths. " Prov 3~5-6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 15, 2005 Report Share Posted April 15, 2005 Tess dear, I am speechless, which doesn't happen very often. Thank you for your tranparency, and I mean this in all sincerity- YOU ARE MY HERO. Love jane > Hi Friends...These are my thoughts about this past year of recovery from > bariatric surgery. I wrote it for the various weight loss surgery > groups I'm involved in, but thought some of you might like to read it. > > ONE YEAR > OK, here is the physical stuff...down 132 pounds from highest weight, > loss of 11 inches each at chest, waist, hips, size 12 ring now a size 7 > 1/2, no diabetes, high bp, edema, or breathing meds anymore. > Looking > at other folks with my surgery (DS) I think I'm pretty average (in that > in the first year some have lost more, some have lost less.) The > physical stuff is WONDERFUL and I FEEL pretty doggone strong and healthy > MUCH more of the time. > > Here's the harder stuff....emotional and interpersonal issues. > This has been THE year (so far) of learning to LET GO, LET GOD. And I > sure don't do it well all the time. > There are some people who 'seemed' to like me much more 132 pounds ago. > The 'soft-n-fluffy' 'don't step on anyone's toes' Tess was 'easier' to > be around, I guess. And it is not exactly that I am an emotional > bulldozer now. : ) I treat people kindly, and if I mess up, I > apologize. But I make the effort to speak honestly. To be " who I am " . > That is a HARD thing to do when you've been 'camouflaged' with fat > and > crazy eating all your life and you haven't really gotten to know > yourself even at 53 years of age. But, one foot ahead of the other... > > The bouts of depression this past year have, at times, almost been > catastrophic. I am not exaggerating. I have learned that it is NOT > because I can't eat food to numb things as I have done nearly all my > life, because I can eat anything I want. But the revelation that EVEN IF > I DO, the food just won't work anymore. It's being emotionally naked. > So, I sit with my raw bundle of nerves trying to move forward in this' > psychic surgery' we call life, without anestesia. Oh my Lord, has > that > been hard. > > Hormones have been involved. Changing body size has been involved. > Different reactions to medications have occurred. But the deep stuff > of > the heart, the " Who am I? " and " Why am I here? " stuff has been more > intense than ever in my life. > > There have been other changes in my life the past year...moving to a new > place, my last child moving out, problems with friends and family > members. However, I am convinced that before this surgery I would > have > anesthetized myself sufficiently with food so it all wouldn't have hurt > so bad or been so frightening. > And, I would have remained stagnant and not grown. > > Would I do this again? Yes. Because there is hope for me now on so > many > more levels. Physically, certainly. Emotionally, well it's about > time > I learn to know and love myself. Interpersonally, because, though I > am > willing to take a lot, and be empathetic and compassionate with others, > I > am also learning to do that with and for me. > > I think I was much more prepared for the physical changes (most of the > time) than the emotional and interpersonal changes. > > And then there is the spiritual aspect. As I have lost weight, fat, > inches, and become physically healthier, I have found that my need for > the Lord in my life is much more profound. The fat is just a facade, > a > veneer of protection. It doesn't protect me from anything other than > joy, health, and hope. As I let go of the fat and release it, I have > to > make more room for God. > > I am grateful amidst the tears. This has been quite a year. > > Lovingly, always.... > > Tess > Open BPD/DS April 14, 2004 > Age 53 > Dr. McConnell ~ OHSU > 398~266~180 > Loss so far ~ 132 lbs. > Starting BMI 70.5 > Current ~ 47.1 > 86 pounds to goal! > Updated 04/12/05 > " Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not unto your own > understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He shall direct > your paths. " Prov 3~5-6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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