Advice on Telling Undiagnosed Nada About BPD

[Guest guest]

Three questions:

1) My relationship with my Nada is so shallow/tenuous at this point,

I don't think I can really damage it much more by suggesting she

_may_ have BPD. After all, I don't know for sure. She is so

chronically unhappy, year after year after year...I feel like I

should talk to her about it (_after_ my daughter's birthday party!).

I have suggested therapy before, even found a place that will work

with her on a sliding scale since money is an issue. She's not

interested in therapy. So I thought maybe I'd bring it up as

tactfully as possible and let the chips fall where they may. Is this

just naive?

2) If I do talk to her about it, I'd like to have a good self-help

book to give her; one that describes the disorder and how it impacts

your relationships and choices, etc. Any suggestions?

3) Have any of you done this, and realized there was something you

should have done differently?

4) I've realized since our last confrontation a few days ago that the

reason she lashes out at me worse than the rest of the family is

because she values my opinion the most. The more I pull away to

protect myself from the emotional pain of our relationship, the more

pain she inflicts. It's a cycle that keeps repeating. I need to do

something differently than I have been all of these years. I

understand that she (probably) has a personality disorder that makes

her incapable of seeing things rationally, but do I really have to

give up all hope of her ever getting better? She's a terror, it's

true, but she does have good qualities, and she is my mother, after

all.

Please share your wisdom!