Guest guest Posted March 28, 2008 Report Share Posted March 28, 2008 ~ Thank you for sharing this. What exactly is it about the cold weather that you find so disturbing? Can we look closer at this? What happes when you have to be out in the cold weather...have you looked at the worst that could happen? Is it that you fear an accident driving in winter conditions? Is it the discomfort of feeling cold? What does it mean for you when you feel cold? Is there something that is not safe about it, how does it threaten you?What do you think you would have in a warmer climate that you do not have now? You sound like you love your husband and children very much...let's get at some of these beliefs and see if you can start enjoying the life that you have to a greater degree. I did the work this winter on cold weather as well...I live in Canada and we were having temperatures that were below -40 C with windchill factored in. I do a good deal of driving in what some would consider trecherous winte conditions, and I love where I live and love the beauty of the winter season now that I have questioned some of my thoughts around the cold conditions here. Looking fwd to your work on this. Blessings from one living in a winter wonder land! C wrote: Here goes Last year during the Winter I did the work on cold weather. How I shouldn't live here (Chicago), and found that it was just as true based on other things that I should. I made it thru this whole winter doing pretty good. I only lost it a few times when I " fish- tailed " my way thru intersections and it took 7 or 8 tries to get the car up the drive way into the garage. I made a deal with my husband that I would quit begging, pleading, and crying to him about how I need to live somewhere else if he would take on the responsibility of doing all errands so that I had to minimally leave the house. I only goto 3 or 4 meetings a month and I take the kids to school everyday (5 trips out), and I play Bingo on Thursdays but someone else drives. Other than that I don't leave the house. That deal coupled with the work that I should live here and it's supporting reasons kept me from complete crying, crazy thinking all year. It's back with a vengence. We had three nice days this year so far that were in the 60's. But, of course, yesterday it had to snow and well as last Friday. Here is the new problem. Baseball seasons have started. My older son has already had 4 practices and one of them I had to take him to. My older daughter had one and I had to take her to it. My younger son is starting next Monday for practice. My younger daughter thank god does not play. Here is the problem. I have to chose between supporting my kids and being with them (which they want me to be) and staying in the house (which is all I want to do if it is under 50). Last year I sat thru 5 of my older sons games that were being played in 35 degree weather 2 of which it was raining. I sat thru 3 of my younger sons games the same way (luckily they don't play in the rain). I haven't even touched upon my older daughters games yet. I don't want to take them to practice, I don't want to goto their games if it is cold, but then again I do. I love to watch them play and be with them. It is making me crazy. I have started to cry again. I DON'T WANT TO LIVE HERE. I am so on edge that yesterday I sent my 12 year old daughter away to her grandmas until Saturday because I can't stand the way she treats everyone. We are all dogs that live to serve her. I did the work on her last year too and I have not been getting angry at her just dooling out the punishments fairly without anger or resentment but this past week I have been so on edge that I can't control it. I am furious with her as well and can't let it go right now like I have been able to the past year and a half because I'm so stressed out. My little kids want to play at the park. They can't go alone and I won't go(IT IS TOOO F***ING COLD). Everyone's nerves are shot from being in the house so they pick at each other and my older daughters coping skills when she is picked at are non existent and when she picks at the others (which is most of the time) they are lashing back at her much quicker. Since they have not been in school all week for spring break and we are still couped in the house it is INSANE. I feel so bad for my daughter; she was crying when they came to pick her up. But I am not in any position right now to deal with her personality clashes with the other three. I am wavering back to all my old habits. Sometimes I start planning how I should just get a job, save some money, leave my husband and move. BUT I DON'T WANT TO I LOVE HIM. Then I will have these much more horrible thoughts when I am out in the cold because I have to be like maybe he won't make it home then I can sell our house and move. BUT I DON'T WANT THAT TO HAPPEN I LOVE HIM. I just want to find a way out of here and I know that it can't be with him. I found out on Easter that my uncles beautiful house in Alabama (which is a destination state for me) is up for sale because they want to get a different one. We could afford it but I can't go unless I completely upheave my really great life minus living in this horrible climate zone. I thought I got over this. I have been doing so good. I'm falling apart again. I'm crying again for the fourth time this morning. Help me find some different work. I'm thinking maybe the baseball season should not start so soon. I need some supporting ideas to how the reverse could be true. I should goto my kids games and practices even if it is snowing or below 40 degrees. Maybe becasue I am doing more damage to myself and my family then if I just didn't go and didn't plan to go. But again here I am crying (I don't want to do any damage at all not do the one that causes the less amount of damage) I HATE MY LIFE --------------------------------- Ask a question on any topic and get answers from real people. Go to Yahoo! Answers. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 28, 2008 Report Share Posted March 28, 2008 It is the discomfort of feeling cold. It is all encompassing; someone might as well be beating me with a cane like they do in Singapore. When I'm cold all I can think of is getting warm, if someone was beating me with a cane all I would be able to think about is when will they quit beating me or please just let me die so I can't feel the cane beating me anymore. It is the equivalent of having air to breath. When you can't breathe; like an asthma attack or someone smothering you with a pillow all you can think about is getting air. Your brain makes you beg please either give me air or just let me die so I can't feel the pain of not getting any air. I know that says even without air you can still live, until you don't. I get that. It's like being under water that is covered in ice. You know air is so close but you can't have it. It hurts to not have it and you have to survive hours without it and know that that is all you are going to get day after day, year after year. The way being cold affects me in the previous scenario would be to have the man and family you love tell you that the only way to be with them is to go under the water and be in that pain for " just a few hours " everyday because you love us. And I have, for 16 years longer than I wanted to. I have done it for them. But I still hate it. It still makes me crazy. It still makes me bitter. I'm hopeless. _____ From: Loving-what-is [mailto:Loving-what-is ] On Behalf Of Sent: Friday, March 28, 2008 10:43 AM To: Loving-what-is Subject: Re: Old Habits Die Hard ~ Thank you for sharing this. What exactly is it about the cold weather that you find so disturbing? Can we look closer at this? What happes when you have to be out in the cold weather...have you looked at the worst that could happen? Is it that you fear an accident driving in winter conditions? Is it the discomfort of feeling cold? What does it mean for you when you feel cold? Is there something that is not safe about it, how does it threaten you?What do you think you would have in a warmer climate that you do not have now? You sound like you love your husband and children very much...let's get at some of these beliefs and see if you can start enjoying the life that you have to a greater degree. I did the work this winter on cold weather as well...I live in Canada and we were having temperatures that were below -40 C with windchill factored in. I do a good deal of driving in what some would consider trecherous winte conditions, and I love where I live and love the beauty of the winter season now that I have questioned some of my thoughts around the cold conditions here. Looking fwd to your work on this. Blessings from one living in a winter wonder land! C <lindakortacomcast (DOT) <mailto:lindakorta%40comcast.net> net> wrote: Here goes Last year during the Winter I did the work on cold weather. How I shouldn't live here (Chicago), and found that it was just as true based on other things that I should. I made it thru this whole winter doing pretty good. I only lost it a few times when I " fish- tailed " my way thru intersections and it took 7 or 8 tries to get the car up the drive way into the garage. I made a deal with my husband that I would quit begging, pleading, and crying to him about how I need to live somewhere else if he would take on the responsibility of doing all errands so that I had to minimally leave the house. I only goto 3 or 4 meetings a month and I take the kids to school everyday (5 trips out), and I play Bingo on Thursdays but someone else drives. Other than that I don't leave the house. That deal coupled with the work that I should live here and it's supporting reasons kept me from complete crying, crazy thinking all year. It's back with a vengence. We had three nice days this year so far that were in the 60's. But, of course, yesterday it had to snow and well as last Friday. Here is the new problem. Baseball seasons have started. My older son has already had 4 practices and one of them I had to take him to. My older daughter had one and I had to take her to it. My younger son is starting next Monday for practice. My younger daughter thank god does not play. Here is the problem. I have to chose between supporting my kids and being with them (which they want me to be) and staying in the house (which is all I want to do if it is under 50). Last year I sat thru 5 of my older sons games that were being played in 35 degree weather 2 of which it was raining. I sat thru 3 of my younger sons games the same way (luckily they don't play in the rain). I haven't even touched upon my older daughters games yet. I don't want to take them to practice, I don't want to goto their games if it is cold, but then again I do. I love to watch them play and be with them. It is making me crazy. I have started to cry again. I DON'T WANT TO LIVE HERE. I am so on edge that yesterday I sent my 12 year old daughter away to her grandmas until Saturday because I can't stand the way she treats everyone. We are all dogs that live to serve her. I did the work on her last year too and I have not been getting angry at her just dooling out the punishments fairly without anger or resentment but this past week I have been so on edge that I can't control it. I am furious with her as well and can't let it go right now like I have been able to the past year and a half because I'm so stressed out. My little kids want to play at the park. They can't go alone and I won't go(IT IS TOOO F***ING COLD). Everyone's nerves are shot from being in the house so they pick at each other and my older daughters coping skills when she is picked at are non existent and when she picks at the others (which is most of the time) they are lashing back at her much quicker. Since they have not been in school all week for spring break and we are still couped in the house it is INSANE. I feel so bad for my daughter; she was crying when they came to pick her up. But I am not in any position right now to deal with her personality clashes with the other three. I am wavering back to all my old habits. Sometimes I start planning how I should just get a job, save some money, leave my husband and move. BUT I DON'T WANT TO I LOVE HIM. Then I will have these much more horrible thoughts when I am out in the cold because I have to be like maybe he won't make it home then I can sell our house and move. BUT I DON'T WANT THAT TO HAPPEN I LOVE HIM. I just want to find a way out of here and I know that it can't be with him. I found out on Easter that my uncles beautiful house in Alabama (which is a destination state for me) is up for sale because they want to get a different one. We could afford it but I can't go unless I completely upheave my really great life minus living in this horrible climate zone. I thought I got over this. I have been doing so good. I'm falling apart again. I'm crying again for the fourth time this morning. Help me find some different work. I'm thinking maybe the baseball season should not start so soon. I need some supporting ideas to how the reverse could be true. I should goto my kids games and practices even if it is snowing or below 40 degrees. Maybe becasue I am doing more damage to myself and my family then if I just didn't go and didn't plan to go. But again here I am crying (I don't want to do any damage at all not do the one that causes the less amount of damage) I HATE MY LIFE --------------------------------- Ask a question on any topic and get answers from real people. Go to Yahoo! Answers. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 28, 2008 Report Share Posted March 28, 2008 Hi , What came up for me is to check your motives for doing the work - do you think it would be better for your family if you stay with them rather than leave, do you think you should go to the games, etc? Do you think you shouldn't be upset by this, what do you make up this means about you? Not saying your motives are right or wrong, simply that these can be inquired into. Jon Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 28, 2008 Report Share Posted March 28, 2008 I don't think that Loving What Is means you can't do anything to change your situation. It means you can be free to think of creative solutions... if you have cancer, you don't have to be depressed about it continuosly, you can *love what is*... but that doesn't mean you don't do anything about it. Perhaps you can move, or at least start making plans now, so you have hope. Perhaps your kids can run around and exercise in the mall. Perhaps you can go on a 1 month vacation somewhere warm every winter (scrimp during the year, and 'homeschool for a few weeks')... Loving What Is doesn't mean not changing. Perhaps this dislike feet cold is like cancer... something to smile at because it is spurring you on to find happy, creative solutions... Churyl > It is the discomfort of feeling cold. It is all encompassing; someone > might > as well be beating me with a cane like they do in Singapore. When I'm > cold > all I can think of is getting warm, if someone was beating me with a > cane > all I would be able to think about is when will they quit beating me or > please just let me die so I can't feel the cane beating me anymore. It > is > the equivalent of having air to breath. When you can't breathe; like an > asthma attack or someone smothering you with a pillow all you can think > about is getting air. Your brain makes you beg please either give me > air or > just let me die so I can't feel the pain of not getting any air. I know > that says even without air you can still live, until you don't. I > get > that. It's like being under water that is covered in ice. You know air > is > so close but you can't have it. It hurts to not have it and you have to > survive hours without it and know that that is all you are going to get > day > after day, year after year. The way being cold affects me in the > previous > scenario would be to have the man and family you love tell you that the > only > way to be with them is to go under the water and be in that pain for > " just a > few hours " everyday because you love us. And I have, for 16 years > longer > than I wanted to. I have done it for them. But I still hate it. It > still > makes me crazy. It still makes me bitter. I'm hopeless. > > > > _____ > > From: Loving-what-is > [mailto:Loving-what-is ] > On Behalf Of > Sent: Friday, March 28, 2008 10:43 AM > To: Loving-what-is > Subject: Re: Old Habits Die Hard > > ~ > > Thank you for sharing this. What exactly is it about the cold weather > that > you find so disturbing? Can we look closer at this? What happes when > you > have to be out in the cold weather...have you looked at the worst that > could > happen? Is it that you fear an accident driving in winter conditions? > Is it > the discomfort of feeling cold? What does it mean for you when you feel > cold? Is there something that is not safe about it, how does it > threaten > you?What do you think you would have in a warmer climate that you do > not > have now? > > You sound like you love your husband and children very much...let's get > at > some of these beliefs and see if you can start enjoying the life that > you > have to a greater degree. I did the work this winter on cold weather as > well...I live in Canada and we were having temperatures that were below > -40 > C with windchill factored in. I do a good deal of driving in what some > would > consider trecherous winte conditions, and I love where I live and love > the > beauty of the winter season now that I have questioned some of my > thoughts > around the cold conditions here. > > Looking fwd to your work on this. > > Blessings from one living in a winter wonder land! > > C > > <lindakortacomcast (DOT) <mailto:lindakorta%40comcast.net> net> > wrote: > Here goes > > Last year during the Winter I did the work on cold weather. How I > shouldn't live here (Chicago), and found that it was just as true > based on other things that I should. I made it thru this whole > winter doing pretty good. I only lost it a few times when I " fish- > tailed " my way thru intersections and it took 7 or 8 tries to get the > car up the drive way into the garage. I made a deal with my husband > that I would quit begging, pleading, and crying to him about how I > need to live somewhere else if he would take on the responsibility of > doing all errands so that I had to minimally leave the house. I only > goto 3 or 4 meetings a month and I take the kids to school everyday > (5 trips out), and I play Bingo on Thursdays but someone else > drives. Other than that I don't leave the house. That deal coupled > with the work that I should live here and it's supporting reasons > kept me from complete crying, crazy thinking all year. > > It's back with a vengence. We had three nice days this year so far > that were in the 60's. But, of course, yesterday it had to snow and > well as last Friday. Here is the new problem. > > Baseball seasons have started. My older son has already had 4 > practices and one of them I had to take him to. My older daughter > had one and I had to take her to it. My younger son is starting next > Monday for practice. My younger daughter thank god does not play. > Here is the problem. I have to chose between supporting my kids and > being with them (which they want me to be) and staying in the house > (which is all I want to do if it is under 50). Last year I sat thru > 5 of my older sons games that were being played in 35 degree weather > 2 of which it was raining. I sat thru 3 of my younger sons games the > same way (luckily they don't play in the rain). I haven't even > touched upon my older daughters games yet. I don't want to take them > to practice, I don't want to goto their games if it is cold, but then > again I do. I love to watch them play and be with them. It is > making me crazy. > > I have started to cry again. I DON'T WANT TO LIVE HERE. I am so on > edge that yesterday I sent my 12 year old daughter away to her > grandmas until Saturday because I can't stand the way she treats > everyone. We are all dogs that live to serve her. I did the work on > her last year too and I have not been getting angry at her just > dooling out the punishments fairly without anger or resentment but > this past week I have been so on edge that I can't control it. I am > furious with her as well and can't let it go right now like I have > been able to the past year and a half because I'm so stressed out. > My little kids want to play at the park. They can't go alone and I > won't go(IT IS TOOO F***ING COLD). Everyone's nerves are shot from > being in the house so they pick at each other and my older daughters > coping skills when she is picked at are non existent and when she > picks at the others (which is most of the time) they are lashing back > at her much quicker. Since they have not been in school all week for > spring break and we are still couped in the house it is INSANE. I > feel so bad for my daughter; she was crying when they came to pick > her up. But I am not in any position right now to deal with her > personality clashes with the other three. > > I am wavering back to all my old habits. Sometimes I start planning > how I should just get a job, save some money, leave my husband and > move. BUT I DON'T WANT TO I LOVE HIM. Then I will have these much > more horrible thoughts when I am out in the cold because I have to be > like maybe he won't make it home then I can sell our house and move. > BUT I DON'T WANT THAT TO HAPPEN I LOVE HIM. I just want to find a > way out of here and I know that it can't be with him. I found out on > Easter that my uncles beautiful house in Alabama (which is a > destination state for me) is up for sale because they want to get a > different one. We could afford it but I can't go unless I completely > upheave my really great life minus living in this horrible climate > zone. I thought I got over this. I have been doing so good. I'm > falling apart again. I'm crying again for the fourth time this > morning. > > Help me find some different work. I'm thinking maybe the baseball > season should not start so soon. I need some supporting ideas to how > the reverse could be true. I should goto my kids games and practices > even if it is snowing or below 40 degrees. Maybe becasue I am doing > more damage to myself and my family then if I just didn't go and > didn't plan to go. But again here I am crying (I don't want to do > any damage at all not do the one that causes the less amount of > damage) I HATE MY LIFE > > > --------------------------------- > Ask a question on any topic and get answers from real people. Go to > Yahoo! > Answers. > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 28, 2008 Report Share Posted March 28, 2008 Hi Churyl, I've just been thinking about what you wrote here - I agree on Loving What Is and taking action - for me the issue is where does the action/motivation come from - a place of stress or a place of ease. Inquiring means that reality stops being argued with and puts people in a position to take action. (And inquiry is also action!). My own experience is that when I'm arguing with reality I'm often stuck rather than being able to take action. And it's never really about the cold, jobs, other people or anything else - unless it is :-) With love, Jon > > I don't think that Loving What Is means you can't do anything to change > your situation. It means you can be free to think of creative > solutions... if you have cancer, you don't have to be depressed about it > continuosly, you can *love what is*... but that doesn't mean you don't > do anything about it. > > Perhaps you can move, or at least start making plans now, so you have > hope. Perhaps your kids can run around and exercise in the mall. Perhaps > you can go on a 1 month vacation somewhere warm every winter (scrimp > during the year, and 'homeschool for a few weeks')... > > Loving What Is doesn't mean not changing. Perhaps this dislike feet cold > is like cancer... something to smile at because it is spurring you on to > find happy, creative solutions... > > Churyl > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 28, 2008 Report Share Posted March 28, 2008 Thank you so much for this Churyl. I know that I need to do something about this; changing my thinking is not going to work; but I'm not sure that changing my life will either because I have never gotten the opportunity to try. It has been so many years. I might dislike having to work for a living instead of sitting at home doing what I want with plenty of money to pay all the bills and have fun and take vacations with my husband and kids. I really have a great life and family. I may not like living in the warm states all alone, supporting myself. But again I have never gotten to try; and I am never going to with all of them. Some of the kids might come with me if my husband lets them but he will never move. There is a saying " no matter where you go; there you are " . How do I know that I just won't find something else to obsess about after I get there. I worked really hard when I was young to make sure that my life would work out the way I wanted it to. I made good decisions; went to college, got a good job, got a house before kids, got kids, stayed home with them. The only other goal I had was to move south. I asked the men that proposed all these questions. I turned down three proposals because the guys were not willing to live the way I wanted to live. The one that had all the right answers I said yes to. Then he changed his mind, strung me along, until I was too deep in it. Now the only way I can get to that last goal is to lose all the others. It makes me so bitter and sad, and angry. I did it all correct. Scratch my second sentence. I think the only way this will work is to change my thinking. I need to attend my childrens baseball/softball games and practices. Is this true: Yes, for their benefit. They like me to be there to let them see how proud I am of them and cheer them on. It makes me feel good and them feel good. Are you sure this is true: Yes (I can't type anymore today. I'm crying too much.) _____ From: Loving-what-is [mailto:Loving-what-is ] On Behalf Of churyl@... Sent: Friday, March 28, 2008 3:39 PM To: Loving-what-is Subject: Re: Old Habits Die Hard I don't think that Loving What Is means you can't do anything to change your situation. It means you can be free to think of creative solutions... if you have cancer, you don't have to be depressed about it continuosly, you can *love what is*... but that doesn't mean you don't do anything about it. Perhaps you can move, or at least start making plans now, so you have hope. Perhaps your kids can run around and exercise in the mall. Perhaps you can go on a 1 month vacation somewhere warm every winter (scrimp during the year, and 'homeschool for a few weeks')... Loving What Is doesn't mean not changing. Perhaps this dislike feet cold is like cancer... something to smile at because it is spurring you on to find happy, creative solutions... Churyl > It is the discomfort of feeling cold. It is all encompassing; someone > might > as well be beating me with a cane like they do in Singapore. When I'm > cold > all I can think of is getting warm, if someone was beating me with a > cane > all I would be able to think about is when will they quit beating me or > please just let me die so I can't feel the cane beating me anymore. It > is > the equivalent of having air to breath. When you can't breathe; like an > asthma attack or someone smothering you with a pillow all you can think > about is getting air. Your brain makes you beg please either give me > air or > just let me die so I can't feel the pain of not getting any air. I know > that says even without air you can still live, until you don't. I > get > that. It's like being under water that is covered in ice. You know air > is > so close but you can't have it. It hurts to not have it and you have to > survive hours without it and know that that is all you are going to get > day > after day, year after year. The way being cold affects me in the > previous > scenario would be to have the man and family you love tell you that the > only > way to be with them is to go under the water and be in that pain for > " just a > few hours " everyday because you love us. And I have, for 16 years > longer > than I wanted to. I have done it for them. But I still hate it. It > still > makes me crazy. It still makes me bitter. I'm hopeless. > > > > _____ > > From: Loving-what- <mailto:Loving-what-is%40yahoogroups.com> is > [mailto:Loving-what- <mailto:Loving-what-is%40yahoogroups.com> is ] > On Behalf Of > Sent: Friday, March 28, 2008 10:43 AM > To: Loving-what- <mailto:Loving-what-is%40yahoogroups.com> is > Subject: Re: Old Habits Die Hard > > ~ > > Thank you for sharing this. What exactly is it about the cold weather > that > you find so disturbing? Can we look closer at this? What happes when > you > have to be out in the cold weather...have you looked at the worst that > could > happen? Is it that you fear an accident driving in winter conditions? > Is it > the discomfort of feeling cold? What does it mean for you when you feel > cold? Is there something that is not safe about it, how does it > threaten > you?What do you think you would have in a warmer climate that you do > not > have now? > > You sound like you love your husband and children very much...let's get > at > some of these beliefs and see if you can start enjoying the life that > you > have to a greater degree. I did the work this winter on cold weather as > well...I live in Canada and we were having temperatures that were below > -40 > C with windchill factored in. I do a good deal of driving in what some > would > consider trecherous winte conditions, and I love where I live and love > the > beauty of the winter season now that I have questioned some of my > thoughts > around the cold conditions here. > > Looking fwd to your work on this. > > Blessings from one living in a winter wonder land! > > C > > <lindakortacomcast (DOT) <mailto:lindakorta%40comcast.net> net> > wrote: > Here goes > > Last year during the Winter I did the work on cold weather. How I > shouldn't live here (Chicago), and found that it was just as true > based on other things that I should. I made it thru this whole > winter doing pretty good. I only lost it a few times when I " fish- > tailed " my way thru intersections and it took 7 or 8 tries to get the > car up the drive way into the garage. I made a deal with my husband > that I would quit begging, pleading, and crying to him about how I > need to live somewhere else if he would take on the responsibility of > doing all errands so that I had to minimally leave the house. I only > goto 3 or 4 meetings a month and I take the kids to school everyday > (5 trips out), and I play Bingo on Thursdays but someone else > drives. Other than that I don't leave the house. That deal coupled > with the work that I should live here and it's supporting reasons > kept me from complete crying, crazy thinking all year. > > It's back with a vengence. We had three nice days this year so far > that were in the 60's. But, of course, yesterday it had to snow and > well as last Friday. Here is the new problem. > > Baseball seasons have started. My older son has already had 4 > practices and one of them I had to take him to. My older daughter > had one and I had to take her to it. My younger son is starting next > Monday for practice. My younger daughter thank god does not play. > Here is the problem. I have to chose between supporting my kids and > being with them (which they want me to be) and staying in the house > (which is all I want to do if it is under 50). Last year I sat thru > 5 of my older sons games that were being played in 35 degree weather > 2 of which it was raining. I sat thru 3 of my younger sons games the > same way (luckily they don't play in the rain). I haven't even > touched upon my older daughters games yet. I don't want to take them > to practice, I don't want to goto their games if it is cold, but then > again I do. I love to watch them play and be with them. It is > making me crazy. > > I have started to cry again. I DON'T WANT TO LIVE HERE. I am so on > edge that yesterday I sent my 12 year old daughter away to her > grandmas until Saturday because I can't stand the way she treats > everyone. We are all dogs that live to serve her. I did the work on > her last year too and I have not been getting angry at her just > dooling out the punishments fairly without anger or resentment but > this past week I have been so on edge that I can't control it. I am > furious with her as well and can't let it go right now like I have > been able to the past year and a half because I'm so stressed out. > My little kids want to play at the park. They can't go alone and I > won't go(IT IS TOOO F***ING COLD). Everyone's nerves are shot from > being in the house so they pick at each other and my older daughters > coping skills when she is picked at are non existent and when she > picks at the others (which is most of the time) they are lashing back > at her much quicker. Since they have not been in school all week for > spring break and we are still couped in the house it is INSANE. I > feel so bad for my daughter; she was crying when they came to pick > her up. But I am not in any position right now to deal with her > personality clashes with the other three. > > I am wavering back to all my old habits. Sometimes I start planning > how I should just get a job, save some money, leave my husband and > move. BUT I DON'T WANT TO I LOVE HIM. Then I will have these much > more horrible thoughts when I am out in the cold because I have to be > like maybe he won't make it home then I can sell our house and move. > BUT I DON'T WANT THAT TO HAPPEN I LOVE HIM. I just want to find a > way out of here and I know that it can't be with him. I found out on > Easter that my uncles beautiful house in Alabama (which is a > destination state for me) is up for sale because they want to get a > different one. We could afford it but I can't go unless I completely > upheave my really great life minus living in this horrible climate > zone. I thought I got over this. I have been doing so good. I'm > falling apart again. I'm crying again for the fourth time this > morning. > > Help me find some different work. I'm thinking maybe the baseball > season should not start so soon. I need some supporting ideas to how > the reverse could be true. I should goto my kids games and practices > even if it is snowing or below 40 degrees. Maybe becasue I am doing > more damage to myself and my family then if I just didn't go and > didn't plan to go. But again here I am crying (I don't want to do > any damage at all not do the one that causes the less amount of > damage) I HATE MY LIFE > > > --------------------------------- > Ask a question on any topic and get answers from real people. Go to > Yahoo! > Answers. > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 28, 2008 Report Share Posted March 28, 2008 Hi , In my experience it's not really possible to change my thinking - at least not on a sustained basis - but it is possible to question it, inquire and see what's there. For example, can you really, absolutely know that it is best for you and your children that you attend their games and practice? I encourage you to keep going with this inquiry all the way through, regardless of your answers. Just see what you find out. For example, maybe there are benefits for your children of you not attending games and practices... And remember, it's only inquiry - you will do what you do anyway. With love, Jon Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 28, 2008 Report Share Posted March 28, 2008 Dear , Am 29.03.2008 um 00:14 schrieb Korta: > Thank you so much for this Churyl. I know that I need to do > something about > this; changing my thinking is not going to work; right. meet it with understanding, instead. > but I'm not sure that > changing my life will either because I have never gotten the > opportunity to > try. It has been so many years. I might dislike having to work for a > living instead of sitting at home doing what I want with plenty of > money to > pay all the bills and have fun and take vacations with my husband > and kids. well, and you would not have enough money? > I really have a great life and family. I may not like living in the > warm > states all alone, supporting myself. But again I have never gotten > to try; > and I am never going to with all of them. Is that true? > Some of the kids might come with > me if my husband lets them but he will never move. There is a > saying " no > matter where you go; there you are " . and yet... he may say he won't move and mean it with all his heart. And can you absolutely know he won't follow you if you do move? I am not saying that you should try and find out. Just notice how you behave and feel around him, whether you know he won't move and... you don't know absolutely. Are there things you don't mention around him, for instance? Well, you would know. > How do I know that I just won't find > something else to obsess about after I get there. I worked really > hard when > I was young to make sure that my life would work out the way I > wanted it to. And... did it? > I made good decisions; went to college, got a good job, got a house > before > kids, got kids, stayed home with them. The only other goal I had > was to > move south. I asked the men that proposed all these questions. I > turned > down three proposals because the guys were not willing to live the > way I > wanted to live. Turn that one around. > The one that had all the right answers I said yes to. Then > he changed his mind, strung me along, until I was too deep in it. > Now the > only way I can get to that last goal is to lose all the others. It > makes me > so bitter and sad, and angry. I did it all correct. And yet, you are where you are. Sounds like you were tricked. And: > Then he strung me along, until I was too deep in it. did he... is that true? How did *he* do that? Must be quite some man... > Now the only way I can get to that last goal is to lose all the > others. Oh... What a reality! > Scratch my second sentence. I think the only way this will work is to > change my thinking. That... may be truer. > I need to attend my childrens baseball/softball games and practices. > > Is this true: Yes, for their benefit. They like me to be there to > let them > see how proud I am of them and cheer them on. It makes me feel good > and > them feel good. Yes. It is good for your children. It makes you feel good. And you *have* to do it. - Is that true. > Are you sure this is true: Yes (I can't type anymore today. I'm > crying too > much.) Let the tears go... they are not yours to hold. .... >> It is the discomfort of feeling cold. It is all encompassing; someone >> might >> as well be beating me with a cane like they do in Singapore. When I'm >> cold >> all I can think of is getting warm, if someone was beating me with a >> cane >> all I would be able to think about is when will they quit beating >> me or >> please just let me die so I can't feel the cane beating me anymore. >> It >> is >> the equivalent of having air to breath. >> When you can't breathe; like an >> asthma attack or someone smothering you with a pillow all you can >> think >> about is getting air. Your brain makes you beg please either give me >> air or >> just let me die so I can't feel the pain of not getting any air. I >> know >> that says even without air you can still live, until you >> don't. I >> get >> that. It's like being under water that is covered in ice. You know >> air >> is >> so close but you can't have it. It hurts to not have it and you >> have to >> survive hours without it and know that that is all you are going to >> get >> day >> after day, year after year. The way being cold affects me in the >> previous >> scenario would be to have the man and family you love tell you that >> the >> only >> way to be with them is to go under the water and be in that pain for >> " just a >> few hours " everyday because you love us. And I have, for 16 years >> longer >> than I wanted to. >> I have done it for them. IS THAT TRUE? You did it because you wanted something. From them. What is it? Time to get honest with yourself. >> But I still hate it. It still >> makes me crazy. It still makes me bitter. I'm hopeless. Oh, well. You know that that is because you believe a story of the future Which may not be even true for you. .... >> Last year during the Winter I did the work on cold weather. How I >> shouldn't live here (Chicago), and found that it was just as true >> based on other things that I should. I made it thru this whole >> winter doing pretty good. I only lost it a few times when I " fish- >> tailed " my way thru intersections and it took 7 or 8 tries to get the >> car up the drive way into the garage. I made a deal with my husband >> that I would quit begging, pleading, and crying to him about how I >> need to live somewhere else if he would take on the responsibility of >> doing all errands so that I had to minimally leave the house. I only >> goto 3 or 4 meetings a month and I take the kids to school everyday >> (5 trips out), and I play Bingo on Thursdays but someone else >> drives. Other than that I don't leave the house. That deal coupled >> with the work that I should live here and it's supporting reasons >> kept me from complete crying, crazy thinking all year. I don't know... you seem pretty clear that you are living at the right place... It seems more about the weather. That it shouldn't be as cold. And that you should not suffer the cold. And that it should be warm where you are. >> It's back with a vengence. We had three nice days this year so far >> that were in the 60's. But, of course, yesterday it had to snow and >> well as last Friday. Here is the new problem. So, it's been only three nice days this year. Is that true? And I am not saying the sun was shining all the time and you didn't notice. who are you with the thought/who are you without it? >> Baseball seasons have started. My older son has already had 4 >> practices and one of them I had to take him to. My older daughter >> had one and I had to take her to it. My younger son is starting next >> Monday for practice. My younger daughter thank god does not play. >> Here is the problem. I have to chose between supporting my kids and >> being with them (which they want me to be) and staying in the house >> (which is all I want to do if it is under 50). So, again, you *have* to choose! And it looks like you'd rather support your kids... but only until you don't. >> Last year I sat thru >> 5 of my older sons games that were being played in 35 degree weather >> 2 of which it was raining. I sat thru 3 of my younger sons games the >> same way (luckily they don't play in the rain). I haven't even >> touched upon my older daughters games yet. I don't want to take them >> to practice, I don't want to goto their games if it is cold, but then >> again I do. I love to watch them play and be with them. It is >> making me crazy. Is it. Because you think you don't want to do what you think you have to do. How do I know I want to walk? My legs are moving. Making me ready to go and thinking I want to stay is insane. I open the door and believe I'd rather have it warm.... That's suffering. >> I have started to cry again. I DON'T WANT TO LIVE HERE. I am so on >> edge that yesterday I sent my 12 year old daughter away to her >> grandmas until Saturday because I can't stand the way she treats >> everyone. We are all dogs that live to serve her. so... leave the others out. You are a dog that lives to serve her. Tell us about that. >> I did the work on >> her last year too and I have not been getting angry at her just >> dooling out the punishments What punishments? What for? >> fairly without anger or resentment but >> this past week I have been so on edge that I can't control it. I am >> furious with her as well and can't let it go right now like I have >> been able to the past year and a half because I'm so stressed out. Well, you are not supposed to control it. >> My little kids want to play at the park. They can't go alone and I >> won't go(IT IS TOOO F***ING COLD). Not for your kids, I hear. >> Everyone's nerves are shot from >> being in the house so they pick at each other and my older daughters >> coping skills when she is picked at are non existent and when she >> picks at the others (which is most of the time) they are lashing back >> at her much quicker. Since they have not been in school all week for >> spring break and we are still couped in the house it is INSANE. I >> feel so bad for my daughter; she was crying when they came to pick >> her up. But I am not in any position right now to deal with her >> personality clashes with the other three. Well, are you there for her? I mean, can you listen? >> I am wavering back to all my old habits. Sometimes I start planning >> how I should just get a job, save some money, leave my husband and >> move. BUT I DON'T WANT TO I LOVE HIM. Good you got that clear. >> Then I will have these much >> more horrible thoughts when I am out in the cold because I have to be >> like maybe he won't make it home then I can sell our house and move. >> BUT I DON'T WANT THAT TO HAPPEN I LOVE HIM. Oh, the thoughts just come. They come to anyone. That doesn't make them true. >> I just want to find a >> way out of here and I know that it can't be with him. I found out on >> Easter that my uncles beautiful house in Alabama (which is a >> destination state for me) is up for sale because they want to get a >> different one. We could afford it but I can't go unless I completely >> upheave my really great life minus living in this horrible climate >> zone. I thought I got over this. I have been doing so good. I'm >> falling apart again. I'm crying again for the fourth time this >> morning. Sweetheart... your call. Or not. >> Help me find some different work. I'm thinking maybe the baseball >> season should not start so soon. I need some supporting ideas to how >> the reverse could be true. Well, look at reality. >> I should goto my kids games and practices >> even if it is snowing or below 40 degrees. Maybe becasue I am doing >> more damage to myself and my family then if I just didn't go and >> didn't plan to go. Are you going? That's how you know you should. Not one moment sooner is that true and not one moment later. >> But again here I am crying (I don't want to do >> any damage at all not do the one that causes the less amount of >> damage) what is it you could damage? >> I HATE MY LIFE is that true? >> Love and compassion, Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 31, 2008 Report Share Posted March 31, 2008 at least you have oprah in chicago. > > Jon, > > If you want feedback on this, mine is that it feels like you are > trying to force yourself into a particular outcome - that you > shouldn't resent and that you should go. > > > > Actually I decided that it didn't matter if I went or not (actually I > decided not to go to any of them if it is too cold; like I did last year). > I needed to find peace if I was there or if I was not there. Being > resentful towards everyone/anyone was the stress. I could live resenting > going/not going or not resenting going/not going. When I resented I was > short tempered most of the time, I make smartalleky comments most of the > time, I was frustrated most of the time. My peace I kept all winter was > gone. I was in hell. Resenting life/living in hell or Not Resenting/living > in peace. I guess I did want that particular outcome. > > > I find it helpful when doing inquiries to stick with turnarounds to > the original statement and keep them in the same structure, otherwise > my mind tends to wander and find ways out. > > The reason I jumped to the second inquiry (without totally finishing the > first) is because I could not get thru the first one without all the story. > When I finally hit the resentment it rang true; that that was the problem. > My mind usually has the hardest time getting to the root of the problem. I > could go around and around with the whole cold thing over and over like I > always have but it was the idea of resenting missing things because of the > cold that was a real problem. I felt like I was missing out on part of my > kids lives. If you reread the first inquiry my how would you act without > the thought I was still going to be acting like a resentful angry person. I > could not make any of the first set of turnarounds ring true or truer than > the original statement. They all were useless and left me stuck in my > story. > > > > A Mark Twain comes to mind: > > " It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble. It's what > you know for sure that just ain't so. " > > What do you think you know for sure? > > > > I know nothing for sure other than I like feeling at what I think is peace. > I plod along everyday trying not to go crazy. When all hell can break loose > around me and I can stay calm and focused (and it has) I feel that I have > found that peace. I tend to be a high strung, super organized, highly > motivated, exhibitionist who thrives off attention. That does not bode well > with a life locked away in a house for 8 months out of the year because it > is too cold to go out. But this year I almost did it. I made it to March > until I went crazy and that is a huge accomplishment. I will be in Vegas in > July. If you are there you will see a thin blond in the crochet bikini, > covered with a crochet cape (both which I made the year before last) sitting > at a blackjack table with a coffee (because the sun went down and the coffee > is hot), playing perfect blackjack (following all the hit, stand, double > rules) that will be me; at peace without any effort, in what I believe is > heaven on earth. I hope to be able to carry that peace from the blackjack > table all the way back to Chicago, live August in peace (still easy) and > stay that way all the way thru the Middle of May next year. I have positive > thoughts that I can make it; unless I don't. > > Thanks for the input. > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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