Working on Turnarounds

[Guest guest]

Oneliner: Dick loves to make people feel guilty.

TA1: I love to make Dick feel guilty.

- I made him feel guilty for making me feel guilty by calling him " an a%^ " to

let him know he was out of line.

- When my thought is that Dick is being too emotional, I make him feel guilty by

making fun of him.

- I make him feel guilty if I want him to go shopping for me & amp; he does not

want to go.

TA2: Dick does not love to make people feel guilty.

- He did not make me feel guilty when I made him feel guilty.

- He apologized to me.

- It does not seem to be something he loves; it seems to be a habit or way of

behaving for both of us that is automatic and done without

examination/thoughtfulness. So good to notice!

TA3: I (my thinking) love(s) to make me feel guilty.

- It makes me a victim and then I can get sympathy. My thinking tells me I am

guilty and then I feel sorry for myself: " I grew up with alcoholics, so I did

not have a chance and look at how this poor little girl was abused. "

- It absolves me from being responsible. Eg: (example: My thinking tells me I am

guilty and I come up with excuses. When I was drinking, I used the excuse that

there are so many alcoholics and addicts in my family, so it\'s no wonder I

drink and use! It\'s not my fault!)

-It\'s better if I make myself guilty before you do. So if I make myself guilty,

I beat you to it. I maintain control. You can\'t tell me something I don\'t

already know. I will make myself guilty before you do.

TA4: Dick loves to make people feel good about themselves.

-Dick frequently tells friends about how proud he is of me. At a meeting last

night, he told the guy he was with about my new business venture.

-Dick is very interested in other people and will ask them about their lives.

Dick made a special effort to contact a friend to inquire about her broken foot

and to encourage her.

-Dick encouraged in her plan to go see Cena.

TA5: I love to make people feel guilty. (This is the truest of all TAs)

-I make people feel guilty who cut in front of me on the freeway, by following

them too closely.

-I make people feel guilty in the grocery store if they get too close to me with

their carts or if they bump me, by exaggerating my response.

-I make people feel guilty who call me on the phone to sell me something, by

being totally rude or just hanging up the phone on them.

-I make people feel guilty in my mind by rejoicing when people I think have done

wrong have bad things happen to them. (eg I was thrilled when K. Stern

and the psychiatrist for got indicted for drug pushing because

my mind has made them guilty for her death.

Observations on turnarounds from this week:

I really would love to know about how others make use of turnarounds; I would

like to live my turnarounds but am thinking this only happens with " should " and

" shouldn't " turnarounds ???

1. So it is just occurring to me that *I* felt guilty when Dick confronted me,

that he cannot make me feel guilty. That's my job.] I did feel guilty because

what he brought to my attention is something I had done. After examining my

beliefs and doing the turnarounds, I made it right, both by examining my part,

by apologizing and by seeing that I do not repeat the behavior again.

BUT, I am finding that I am repeating the behavior, so am just noticing and

wondering if I need to do The Work on it again(I shouldn't try to make others

feel guilty?):

Now I am all of a sudden watching myself make him feel guilty. Yesterday and

today I pointed out to him that his dirty hands left stuff on the refrigerator

door. Instead of just cleaning it up, I asked him, " When is the last time you

washed your hands? " So now I am judging him and me too for being so petty! And I

watch him

2. As I hold these turnarounds in my mind and focus on the turnarounds, I am

noticing that I am seeing more and more good in Dick than when I believe the

oneliner I had before.

3. I am also noticing how true it is that it is ME who loves it when people feel

guilty and I feel one-up on them!!