OT:hospital chart humour

[Guest guest]

Actual writing on hospital charts

1. The patient refused autopsy.

2. The patient has no previous history of suicides.

3. Patient has left white blood cells at another

hospital.

4. Patient's medical history has been remarkably

insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the

past three days.

5. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her

husband states she was very hot in bed last night.

6. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side

for over a year.

7. On the second day the knee was better and on the

third day it disappeared.

8. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She

also appears to be depressed.

9.The patient has been depressed since she began

seeing me in 1993.

10. Discharge status: Alive, but without my

permission.

11. Healthy appearing decrepit 69-year old male,

mentally alert, but forgetful.

12. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for

lunch.

13. She is numb from her toes down.

14. While in ER, she was examined, x-rated and sent

home.

15. The skin was moist and dry.

16. Occasional, constant infrequent headaches.

17. Patient was alert and unresponsive.

18. Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid.

19. She stated that she had been constipated for most

of her life until she got a divorce.

20. I saw your patient today, who is still under our

car for physical therapy.

21. Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and

accommodation.

22. Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus

sized.

23. The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.

24. Skin: somewhat pale. but present.

25. The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor.

26. Large brown stool ambulating in the hall.

27. Patient has two teenage children, but no other

abnormalities

28. When she fainted, her eyes rolled around the room

29. The patient was in his usual state of good health

until his airplane ran out of gas and crashed.

30. Between you and me, we ought to be able to get

this lady pregnant.

31. She slipped on the ice and apparently her legs

went in separate directions in early December.

32. Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. , who

felt we should sit on the abdomen and I agree.

33. The patient was to have a bowel resection.

However, he took a job as a stock broker instead.

34. By the time he was admitted, his rapid heart had

stopped, and he was feeling better.

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[Guest guest]

Thanks . I am sitting here with tears rolling down my cheeks from laughing so hard. Great way to start the day.