Re: I just want to scream!!

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 8/3/2007 1:28:51 PM Eastern Daylight Time,

luv_spell_gurl75@... writes:

If you don't want to read a " poor me " post...then just skip this

one. Cuz I'm so angry, mad, upset, tired, etc. I just want to give

up today. I'm screaming and yelling at my kids. I'm so full of pent

up frustration. I've been taking all these meds for my pain, I mean,

we're talking over 20 some pills a day!! But do you think they can

do anything for me after taking them for so freaking long??!! I'm

sure that some of them are...but my pain pills sure aren't. Add to

that the fact that they started doing traction on me this week at

PT!! MY GOD!!! I can barely move now. I was better last week than

what I am now. I understand the whole theory, and I understand that

it just might help in the end. BUT I CAN'T TAKE ANY MORE PAIN!!!

I'm 31 years old and I feel as if my life is over! It's a struggle

just to get out of bed.

I called my PCP today...they are the one's that I have my pain

contract with. I told them that I can't take the pain, and that I

know I'm due for refills today, but I have to have something

stronger. Two Lortabs every 6 hours just isn't doing it after 19

months of them!!! I feel like an addict when I have to call to get

my refills every other week. Let alone tell them that I need

something stronger!! I don't want to have to go to the ER again. I

used to go to a pain clinic for my meds...but that dr wanted to put

me on oxy's. After seeing my boyfriend go through withdrawals from

them...NO WAY IN HELL!! I went to an orthopedic dr yesterday for my

knee (old injury..one that I'm just plain used to anymore), he

suddenly took it upon himself to " try " and help me out some more with

my back. At this point...WHAT'my back. At this point...WHAT'<WBR>S ANOTHE

back brace...which I will give a fair chance even though it's 90 some

degrees here, humidity at a zillion percent and I sweat like a pig in

the shade. Ain't nothing some Gold Bond powder can't help with!

I try so hard to keep my sense of humor...that'I try so hard to keep

always known for was seeing the lighter side of things. But lately

it seems that I have a real hard time finding the lighter side of

things when it comes to myself. How do you all deal with it? Anyone

have any suggestions on how to go about dealing with all of this? I

hate like hell to just come here and vent, but in the slightest way I

feel a little bit better. I had a dr suggest I think about seeing a

therapist. I'm on both Lexapro and Xanax for my depression and they

just upped them for me since I seem to be having more " issues "

lately. Anyone have any thoughts on that? I don't think I'm going

crazy. I just don't think I can handle this as well as I used to.

When this first started I was OK. I went along my way, doing what I

loved. Then as it got worse I kept getting things taken away from

me, I kept getting more and more dignoses of not just the herniated

discs...and my self worth just crumbled. Can anyone relate to this?

Can anyone help me out here? Tell me that this is normal? Tell me

that I'm not totally crazy?

_Messages in _

(http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Hugs-N-Pain/message/43813;_ylc=X3oDMTM2azJyNGxnBF\

9TAzk3MzU5NzE0BGdycElkAzI0ODIwNjEEZ3Jwc3BJZAMxNzA1MDYxNzgwBG

1zZ0lkAzQzODEzBHNlYwNmdHIEc2xrA3Z0cGMEc3RpbWUDMTE4NjE2MjA4MwR0cGNJZAM0MzgxMw--

)

Hey, this seems to be my post.......... Oh yes I can relate to all you are

feelin and thinking!!! Believe me you are not alone with any of this. I am

taking lortabs and they really do nothing for me anymore. I have been on 60mg

of

oxy every 12 hours and lortabs for the break though pain. I have no idea how

i fouled my self up but came up a week shy of my oxy and can not get a

refill until thursday. My Dr. said i have to tough it out with just the lortab

and

i have not slept for the last couple of nights. The pain has been

excruiciating anfd yes i feel like a drug addict when i call them and plead for

a

different med. i know how he has to be careful with the regulations and all but

where does that leave me???? The depression is normal from the pain. it robs

our bodies of serotonin sp. I take prozac and ativan when needed. Monday is my

surical consult so perhaps it is the route i may need right now. Thanks for

letting me vent too, but I really wanted to let you know i feel the same

way!!!

Gentle hugs,

kim C.

************************************** Get a sneak peek of the all-new AOL at

http://discover.aol.com/memed/aolcom30tour

[Guest guest]

*hugs*

A friend of mine went for a massage a week ago and had been terribly miserable

since, she is sooo regretful that she had it done, Its messed up to think that

something that is supposed to help makes our conditions worse. I understand the

lortab thing, I take them like pez because they are just not working the way

they are supposed to, but it is all my dr will order for me...

I hope you get some answers and respit soon!

Kerry

I just want to scream!!

If you don't want to read a " poor me " post...then just skip this

one. Cuz I'm so angry, mad, upset, tired, etc. I just want to give

up today. I'm screaming and yelling at my kids. I'm so full of pent

up frustration. I've been taking all these meds for my pain, I mean,

we're talking over 20 some pills a day!! But do you think they can

do anything for me after taking them for so freaking long??!! I'm

sure that some of them are...but my pain pills sure aren't. Add to

that the fact that they started doing traction on me this week at

PT!! MY GOD!!! I can barely move now. I was better last week than

what I am now. I understand the whole theory, and I understand that

it just might help in the end. BUT I CAN'T TAKE ANY MORE PAIN!!!

I'm 31 years old and I feel as if my life is over! It's a struggle

just to get out of bed.

I called my PCP today...they are the one's that I have my pain

contract with. I told them that I can't take the pain, and that I

know I'm due for refills today, but I have to have something

stronger. Two Lortabs every 6 hours just isn't doing it after 19

months of them!!! I feel like an addict when I have to call to get

my refills every other week. Let alone tell them that I need

something stronger!! I don't want to have to go to the ER again. I

used to go to a pain clinic for my meds...but that dr wanted to put

me on oxy's. After seeing my boyfriend go through withdrawals from

them...NO WAY IN HELL!! I went to an orthopedic dr yesterday for my

knee (old injury..one that I'm just plain used to anymore), he

suddenly took it upon himself to " try " and help me out some more with

my back. At this point...WHAT'S ANOTHER FREAKING DR??!! He gave me a

back brace...which I will give a fair chance even though it's 90 some

degrees here, humidity at a zillion percent and I sweat like a pig in

the shade. Ain't nothing some Gold Bond powder can't help with!

I try so hard to keep my sense of humor...that's one thing I was

always known for was seeing the lighter side of things. But lately

it seems that I have a real hard time finding the lighter side of

things when it comes to myself. How do you all deal with it? Anyone

have any suggestions on how to go about dealing with all of this? I

hate like hell to just come here and vent, but in the slightest way I

feel a little bit better. I had a dr suggest I think about seeing a

therapist. I'm on both Lexapro and Xanax for my depression and they

just upped them for me since I seem to be having more " issues "

lately. Anyone have any thoughts on that? I don't think I'm going

crazy. I just don't think I can handle this as well as I used to.

When this first started I was OK. I went along my way, doing what I

loved. Then as it got worse I kept getting things taken away from

me, I kept getting more and more dignoses of not just the herniated

discs...and my self worth just crumbled. Can anyone relate to this?

Can anyone help me out here? Tell me that this is normal? Tell me

that I'm not totally crazy?

[Guest guest]

I been there ...not that long ago either. You need to get a pain Management

Doctor for the whole thing, they are treating a little here and a little there

with no results. A Pain Management Doc will put you on some pain meds that

work....Oxy or Methadone or Both and use some other treatments with it, like

acupuncture, nerve blocks, freezes, etc.

The bad news is you will never be RID of the pain....just get it to a manageable

level, and it takes what feels like forever to get a good pain Doc. But keep

trying till you do and don't let the depression get to you. It DOES get better,

take it from someone that tried to kill himself....and if you need to talk to

someone Email me for my phone number or we can just talk online.

wrote: If

you don't want to read a " poor me " post...then just skip this

one. Cuz I'm so angry, mad, upset, tired, etc. I just want to give

up today. I'm screaming and yelling at my kids. I'm so full of pent

up frustration. I've been taking all these meds for my pain, I mean,

we're talking over 20 some pills a day!! But do you think they can

do anything for me after taking them for so freaking long??!! I'm

sure that some of them are...but my pain pills sure aren't. Add to

that the fact that they started doing traction on me this week at

PT!! MY GOD!!! I can barely move now. I was better last week than

what I am now. I understand the whole theory, and I understand that

it just might help in the end. BUT I CAN'T TAKE ANY MORE PAIN!!!

I'm 31 years old and I feel as if my life is over! It's a struggle

just to get out of bed.

I called my PCP today...they are the one's that I have my pain

contract with. I told them that I can't take the pain, and that I

know I'm due for refills today, but I have to have something

stronger. Two Lortabs every 6 hours just isn't doing it after 19

months of them!!! I feel like an addict when I have to call to get

my refills every other week. Let alone tell them that I need

something stronger!! I don't want to have to go to the ER again. I

used to go to a pain clinic for my meds...but that dr wanted to put

me on oxy's. After seeing my boyfriend go through withdrawals from

them...NO WAY IN HELL!! I went to an orthopedic dr yesterday for my

knee (old injury..one that I'm just plain used to anymore), he

suddenly took it upon himself to " try " and help me out some more with

my back. At this point...WHAT'S ANOTHER FREAKING DR??!! He gave me a

back brace...which I will give a fair chance even though it's 90 some

degrees here, humidity at a zillion percent and I sweat like a pig in

the shade. Ain't nothing some Gold Bond powder can't help with!

I try so hard to keep my sense of humor...that's one thing I was

always known for was seeing the lighter side of things. But lately

it seems that I have a real hard time finding the lighter side of

things when it comes to myself. How do you all deal with it? Anyone

have any suggestions on how to go about dealing with all of this? I

hate like hell to just come here and vent, but in the slightest way I

feel a little bit better. I had a dr suggest I think about seeing a

therapist. I'm on both Lexapro and Xanax for my depression and they

just upped them for me since I seem to be having more " issues "

lately. Anyone have any thoughts on that? I don't think I'm going

crazy. I just don't think I can handle this as well as I used to.

When this first started I was OK. I went along my way, doing what I

loved. Then as it got worse I kept getting things taken away from

me, I kept getting more and more dignoses of not just the herniated

discs...and my self worth just crumbled. Can anyone relate to this?

Can anyone help me out here? Tell me that this is normal? Tell me

that I'm not totally crazy?

Take my love take my land

Take me where I cannot stand

I dont care I'm still free

You can't take the sky from me......Theme from Firefly

[Guest guest]

...I am so sorry you are having such a hard time. I too have been through

the things you described from the back pain to the doctor merry-go-round to

being afraid that everyone was thinking I was an addict. I was 32 y.o. when I

injured my back. I am now 51 and have added diabetes, COPD, peripheral

neuropathy, and heart disease to the back problem. There have been times when I

was very low and times when I would have just liked to check out for good. What

I can tell you is this...No matter how down I get or how much pain I have hope.

Try to keep your sense of humor even though there sure as hell doesn't seem to

be much to laugh at some days. Those of us that deal with chronic pain and all

the crap that comes with it seem to develop a morbid sense of humor and that is

just OK. When I was reading your post my heart just went out to you. I will keep

you in my thoughts and prayers...who knows, tomorrow I may be so far down that

you and the others in the group may have to

lift me up. God bless you all for being here.

Gracie

wrote:

I been there ...not that long ago either. You need to get a pain

Management Doctor for the whole thing, they are treating a little here and a

little there with no results. A Pain Management Doc will put you on some pain

meds that work....Oxy or Methadone or Both and use some other treatments with

it, like acupuncture, nerve blocks, freezes, etc.

The bad news is you will never be RID of the pain....just get it to a manageable

level, and it takes what feels like forever to get a good pain Doc. But keep

trying till you do and don't let the depression get to you. It DOES get better,

take it from someone that tried to kill himself....and if you need to talk to

someone Email me for my phone number or we can just talk online.

wrote: If you don't want to read a " poor me "

post...then just skip this

one. Cuz I'm so angry, mad, upset, tired, etc. I just want to give

up today. I'm screaming and yelling at my kids. I'm so full of pent

up frustration. I've been taking all these meds for my pain, I mean,

we're talking over 20 some pills a day!! But do you think they can

do anything for me after taking them for so freaking long??!! I'm

sure that some of them are...but my pain pills sure aren't. Add to

that the fact that they started doing traction on me this week at

PT!! MY GOD!!! I can barely move now. I was better last week than

what I am now. I understand the whole theory, and I understand that

it just might help in the end. BUT I CAN'T TAKE ANY MORE PAIN!!!

I'm 31 years old and I feel as if my life is over! It's a struggle

just to get out of bed.

I called my PCP today...they are the one's that I have my pain

contract with. I told them that I can't take the pain, and that I

know I'm due for refills today, but I have to have something

stronger. Two Lortabs every 6 hours just isn't doing it after 19

months of them!!! I feel like an addict when I have to call to get

my refills every other week. Let alone tell them that I need

something stronger!! I don't want to have to go to the ER again. I

used to go to a pain clinic for my meds...but that dr wanted to put

me on oxy's. After seeing my boyfriend go through withdrawals from

them...NO WAY IN HELL!! I went to an orthopedic dr yesterday for my

knee (old injury..one that I'm just plain used to anymore), he

suddenly took it upon himself to " try " and help me out some more with

my back. At this point...WHAT'S ANOTHER FREAKING DR??!! He gave me a

back brace...which I will give a fair chance even though it's 90 some

degrees here, humidity at a zillion percent and I sweat like a pig in

the shade. Ain't nothing some Gold Bond powder can't help with!

I try so hard to keep my sense of humor...that's one thing I was

always known for was seeing the lighter side of things. But lately

it seems that I have a real hard time finding the lighter side of

things when it comes to myself. How do you all deal with it? Anyone

have any suggestions on how to go about dealing with all of this? I

hate like hell to just come here and vent, but in the slightest way I

feel a little bit better. I had a dr suggest I think about seeing a

therapist. I'm on both Lexapro and Xanax for my depression and they

just upped them for me since I seem to be having more " issues "

lately. Anyone have any thoughts on that? I don't think I'm going

crazy. I just don't think I can handle this as well as I used to.

When this first started I was OK. I went along my way, doing what I

loved. Then as it got worse I kept getting things taken away from

me, I kept getting more and more dignoses of not just the herniated

discs...and my self worth just crumbled. Can anyone relate to this?

Can anyone help me out here? Tell me that this is normal? Tell me

that I'm not totally crazy?

Take my love take my land

Take me where I cannot stand

I dont care I'm still free

You can't take the sky from me......Theme from Firefly

[Guest guest]

My boyfriend takes oxy's...granted only 5's and 10's...but I have seen

him withdrawal from them when he runs out. I saw how sick, aggitated,

and everything else he went through when he started them. It scares

the crap out of me to even *think* of taking them. While I know I

shouldn't have, I have taken a few here and there...but always with

Tylenol...which I know makes them equivalent to a percoset. It's so

funny to think that while I'm scared of the pain, I'm even more scared

to try any drug that might get it to a tolerable level. HMMM??? I've

been to two pain drs already...the one that wanted to put me on

oxy's...and the other one will give me no meds until they have

exhausted all other methods. I've done a nerve block. They lie if

they tell you you can't/won't get " roid rage " from them. I sure did.

I have never yelled at Ralph the way I did for 3 days. I was cussing

him up one side, down the other, and starting all over again. It got

to the point that he called the dr and told them they had to give me

something for the pain cuz unbelievably I was in *way* more pain

afterwards. I got a whole 2 weeks of relief from the block. Not worth

it. I went back to discuss other options...but all they want to do is

even more blocks. I won't. I can't. Hating everyone and everything

for almost 2 weeks is *not* worth 2 weeks of relief!!

I've been out of my meds for the last two days. I've been absolutley

miserable. Someone mentioned taking Lortabs like pez...that made me

laugh cuz that's how I am!!LOL I was *supposed* to be able to fill my

script today. Thanks to the welfare department not sending out a

notice, I can't get them until Tuesday. I can only get 4 pain scripts

a month. I did not know this. So I'm really angry, I'm in so much

pain that I just don't even care at this point what my kids do today as

long as they stay away from me, and my mom gave me some Tylenol 3 from

1996 thinking maybe it might help " atleast a little " . I appreciate the

effort...and who knows...they just might take the edge off. Maybe

they're even like a Tylenol 80 at this point!!LOL My friend is gonna

get my script for me, she's gonna pay for it...Bless her soul! So

hopefully by tonight I feel atleast a little better. Cross your

fingers for me!!

As a little side note here...In my original post I mentioned that I

have other dx also. Here's the list that I can remember right

now...Fibromyalgia, severe arthritis (doing blood work to find out if

it's osteo or rheumatoid) in just about my whole blody, pinched

sciatic, inflamation of the SI joint, tendonitis just about everywhere

(though my understanding this is another fancy word for arthritis),

other pinched nerves in my left side of my lower back (this is where

the bulges are), and we suspect I have a few bulging discs in my

thoracic as well. How did I do all of this to my back??LOL Well, it

wasn't an accident as most would suspect. I was slinging cases of beer

at work. I miss that job...

[Guest guest]

He's not taking more than prescribed...but the dr he sees is a real

pain and goes on last minute vacays and then you get stuck for a week

without your meds. This is the times that my boyfriend has run out.

He takes oxycontin. I know that I can't take his meds...I know that

we both could get in trouble for that. I told my PCP straight up

that twice I have taken an oxycontin 5mg with tylenol because my pain

was so severe that my meds were not working. My PCP told me that it

was OK...but yes, it is illegal and to do my best not to do it

again. Believe me....if you were to fully understand my fear of

oxy's you would know that I was in *extreme* pain when I took his

oxy's.

I (used to have a) fear of becoming addicted to my pain meds. I used

to only take them when I could no longer stand the pain. Then I

would take them as prescribed when the pain became constant...but I

would always take a day or two off of them. I, too, would make sure

that I had nothing to do those days so that I wouldn't do something

to flare the pain up. But as time went on the pain got to the point

that I couldn't even do that anymore. I hate it. I hate feeling

like an addict. I got my Vicodan last night and took 3 as soon as I

got in the car. But finally last night I was pain free and able to

relax. I took my kids to the drive in to see the Simpsons to make up

for being so miserable with them for 2 days. If I wouldn't have paid

for my script I would not have been able to do that and I still would

be sitting here suffering today. UGH!!! I feel like I'm in this

huge, vicious circle. I just want out of it already!!

[Guest guest]

>I think we all get that way when the pain is so out of control and

we think everyone thinks we are in it for the meds . they can have

the meds if they take the pain too.

I know seven years ago killing myself I though would been better but

now I know I as well as You can handle the pain, its just pain hard

at times. God bless you and We will Keep you in our prayers

Sam

>

> In a message dated 8/3/2007 1:28:51 PM Eastern Daylight Time,

> luv_spell_gurl75@... writes:

>

>

>

>

> If you don't want to read a " poor me " post...then just skip this

> one. Cuz I'm so angry, mad, upset, tired, etc. I just want to give

> up today. I'm screaming and yelling at my kids. I'm so full of

pent

> up frustration. I've been taking all these meds for my pain, I

mean,

> we're talking over 20 some pills a day!! But do you think they can

> do anything for me after taking them for so freaking long??!! I'm

> sure that some of them are...but my pain pills sure aren't. Add to

> that the fact that they started doing traction on me this week at

> PT!! MY GOD!!! I can barely move now. I was better last week than

> what I am now. I understand the whole theory, and I understand

that

> it just might help in the end. BUT I CAN'T TAKE ANY MORE PAIN!!!

> I'm 31 years old and I feel as if my life is over! It's a struggle

> just to get out of bed.

>

> I called my PCP today...they are the one's that I have my pain

> contract with. I told them that I can't take the pain, and that I

> know I'm due for refills today, but I have to have something

> stronger. Two Lortabs every 6 hours just isn't doing it after 19

> months of them!!! I feel like an addict when I have to call to get

> my refills every other week. Let alone tell them that I need

> something stronger!! I don't want to have to go to the ER again. I

> used to go to a pain clinic for my meds...but that dr wanted to

put

> me on oxy's. After seeing my boyfriend go through withdrawals from

> them...NO WAY IN HELL!! I went to an orthopedic dr yesterday for

my

> knee (old injury..one that I'm just plain used to anymore), he

> suddenly took it upon himself to " try " and help me out some more

with

> my back. At this point...WHAT'my back. At this point...WHAT'<WBR>S

ANOTHE

> back brace...which I will give a fair chance even though it's 90

some

> degrees here, humidity at a zillion percent and I sweat like a pig

in

> the shade. Ain't nothing some Gold Bond powder can't help with!

>

> I try so hard to keep my sense of humor...that'I try so hard to

keep

> always known for was seeing the lighter side of things. But lately

> it seems that I have a real hard time finding the lighter side of

> things when it comes to myself. How do you all deal with it?

Anyone

> have any suggestions on how to go about dealing with all of this?

I

> hate like hell to just come here and vent, but in the slightest way

I

> feel a little bit better. I had a dr suggest I think about seeing

a

> therapist. I'm on both Lexapro and Xanax for my depression and

they

> just upped them for me since I seem to be having more " issues "

> lately. Anyone have any thoughts on that? I don't think I'm going

> crazy. I just don't think I can handle this as well as I used to.

> When this first started I was OK. I went along my way, doing what

I

> loved. Then as it got worse I kept getting things taken away from

> me, I kept getting more and more dignoses of not just the

herniated

> discs...and my self worth just crumbled. Can anyone relate to

this?

> Can anyone help me out here? Tell me that this is normal? Tell me

> that I'm not totally crazy?

>

>

>

> _Messages in _

> (http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Hugs-N-

Pain/message/43813;_ylc=X3oDMTM2azJyNGxnBF9TAzk3MzU5NzE0BGdycElkAzI0OD

IwNjEEZ3Jwc3BJZAMxNzA1MDYxNzgwBG

>

1zZ0lkAzQzODEzBHNlYwNmdHIEc2xrA3Z0cGMEc3RpbWUDMTE4NjE2MjA4MwR0cGNJZAM0

MzgxMw--

> )

>

>

>

>

>

> Hey, this seems to be my post.......... Oh yes I can relate to all

you are

> feelin and thinking!!! Believe me you are not alone with any of

this. I am

> taking lortabs and they really do nothing for me anymore. I have

been on 60mg of

> oxy every 12 hours and lortabs for the break though pain. I have

no idea how

> i fouled my self up but came up a week shy of my oxy and can not

get a

> refill until thursday. My Dr. said i have to tough it out with just

the lortab and

> i have not slept for the last couple of nights. The pain has been

> excruiciating anfd yes i feel like a drug addict when i call them

and plead for a

> different med. i know how he has to be careful with the regulations

and all but

> where does that leave me???? The depression is normal from the

pain. it robs

> our bodies of serotonin sp. I take prozac and ativan when needed.

Monday is my

> surical consult so perhaps it is the route i may need right now.

Thanks for

> letting me vent too, but I really wanted to let you know i feel the

same

> way!!!

> Gentle hugs,

> kim C.

>

>

>

> ************************************** Get a sneak peek of the all-

new AOL at

> http://discover.aol.com/memed/aolcom30tour

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Hi

Sorry you are going through a rough time right now. No you are not

going crazy. When I first got sick and couldn't do anything that I

was used to doing, I got really depressed. As time went on, I've

learned to live with the constant pain and my limited activities.

It's hard to adjust at first, but we all do. I'm glad that you came

one here and vented. Sometimes it just makes us feel better after

we do it. Hang in there.

Hugs

Diane-Minnesota

>

> I try so hard to keep my sense of humor...that's one thing I was

> always known for was seeing the lighter side of things. But

lately

> it seems that I have a real hard time finding the lighter side of

> things when it comes to myself. How do you all deal with it?

Anyone

> have any suggestions on how to go about dealing with all of this?

I

> hate like hell to just come here and vent, but in the slightest

way I

> feel a little bit better. I had a dr suggest I think about seeing

a

> therapist. I'm on both Lexapro and Xanax for my depression and

they

> just upped them for me since I seem to be having more " issues "

> lately. Anyone have any thoughts on that? I don't think I'm

going

> crazy. I just don't think I can handle this as well as I used

to.

> When this first started I was OK. I went along my way, doing what

I

> loved. Then as it got worse I kept getting things taken away from

> me, I kept getting more and more dignoses of not just the

herniated

> discs...and my self worth just crumbled. Can anyone relate to

this?

> Can anyone help me out here? Tell me that this is normal? Tell

me

> that I'm not totally crazy?

>