AFFH/FOO dynamics and enabling nons

[Guest guest]

The recent thread about how the BP’s spouse does not do all that much to

prevent the madness that is BPD has started me thinking.

How many had fathers, brothers/sisters, etc., were in major denial,

denying that abuse was occurring?

And how many swallowed the BPD’s excuses/dogshit for it? Even though

abuse was going on, they’d rather eat dogshit than admit to it. If they

admitted it, they would be to scared stiff to actually … do something.

That would guarantee that the BP turns on *them* I suppose, because what

they would have to do is grab the kids and flee for their lives…

How many had an AFFH (antifamilyfromhell) instead of a FOO?

_____

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[Guest guest]

I was in denial for a long time. Really not so much denial, but

that I never knew what was really happening, so I excused it. If

nada told me a different story then I had remembered about abuse, I

questioned my memory. This is why I began journaling so young, is

because I knew something wasn't right at about age six. So, I have

journaled daily since. My writings prove my experience was not made

up, or poor memory loss. I wrote everyday about that day. Looking

back and reading the junk helps me to come to terms with this NC

thing for the sake of my kids. I did have the family from hell, but

I know now it is because of BPD, and nada's enablers. So, now I

have just worked on how to break this cycle with my family, and cope

with nada's illness, and not harbor guilt that makes me nada become

a hoover vacuum for me again. I have my triggers, and issues, but I

am slowly learning how to control them. It helps with all the

validation that goes on in this group, so I thank everyone of you

daily for the help. It saddens me that this is the way we all have

come together is through a horrible life, but my belief of there is

something positive in every situation proves me right being here

with all of you. We may have some really haunting stories about our

past, but through the miracle of the man upstairs we have all been

brought together to help through these times to a healing, peaceful

state of mind.

" HIGH FIVE " to NO MORE DENIAL!!!

erbussmom

>

> The recent thread about how the BP's spouse does not do all that

much to

> prevent the madness that is BPD has started me thinking.

>

> How many had fathers, brothers/sisters, etc., were in major denial,

> denying that abuse was occurring?

>

> And how many swallowed the BPD's excuses/dogshit for it? Even

though

> abuse was going on, they'd rather eat dogshit than admit to it. If

they

> admitted it, they would be to scared stiff to actually … do

something.

> That would guarantee that the BP turns on *them* I suppose,

because what

> they would have to do is grab the kids and flee for their lives…

>

> How many had an AFFH (antifamilyfromhell) instead of a FOO?

>

>

>

> _____

>

> << ella for Spam Control >> has removed 807 Spam messages and set

aside

> 0 Newsletters for me

> You can use it too - and it's FREE! www.ellaforspam.com

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 1/30/2007 1:46:33 AM Eastern Standard Time,

scott_1971_h@... writes:

How many had fathers, brothers/sisters, etc., were in major denial,

denying that abuse was occurring?

And how many swallowed the BPD’s excuses/dogshit for it? Even though

abuse was going on, they’d rather eat dogshit than admit to it. If they

admitted it, they would be to scared stiff to actually … do something.

That would guarantee that the BP turns on *them* I suppose, because what

they would have to do is grab the kids and flee for their lives…

How many had an AFFH (antifamilyfromhellHow many had an AFFH (a

,

Good question. I have BP mother. She was extremely physically abusive.

My dad ignored what went on with her. He either worked wayyyyy too much in

order to avoid dealing with it, or rolled his eyes to us and said, " you know

how your mother is, just try to stay out of her way "

My father was petrified of my mother. He knew she was beating us, she

raged at us and him. I must admit that my anger is just as strong toward him as

it is to my Nada.

My mom was particularly abusive to my middle brother, so my father has

spent most of my brother's adult life trying to make it up to him. I feel like

screaming at him, " Don't you see we were all abused? " Everytime I saw my

mother beating my brother to the point of puddles of blood on the floor, I

learned to keep my mouth shut, and walk on eggshells even more. I knew I could

be

next. I was not special. He thinks just because my brother got most of the

actual beatings, he got it worse. (Just getting one of her beatings was

horrific). I grew up with sort of mixed emotions for my brother. I used to wish

he

would just be a little better at walking on eggshells like me and keep his

mouth shut. But that was not my brother's nature. He was the kind of kid that

if

he knew my mother would stop beating us after we sobbed and begged her to

stop, he would refuse to cry and take it even more solemnly. " harder, ma'am "

was his mantra. My Dad just sort of justified that he deserved it in some way,

or tried real hard not to be home. Oh the denial!

Dawn A.

40/f

Boston Area