HMO's

[Guest guest]

This was posted by a funny person on another group I'm on - hope they don't

mind. i got so upset about the insurance subject, I thought this would balance

it out. Joyce in MI

Subject: HMOs

Q. What does HMO stand for?

A. This is actually a variation of the phrase, " HEY MOE. " Its roots go back

to a concept pioneered by Moe of the Three Stooges, who discovered that a

patient could be made to forget about the pain in his foot if he was poked

hard enough in the eyes.

Q. I just joined an HMO. How difficult will it be to choose the doctor I want?

A. Just slightly more difficult than choosing your parents. Your insurer

will provide you with a book listing all the doctors in the plan. These

doctors basically fall into two categories - those who are no longer

accepting new patients, and those who will see you but are no longer

participating in the plan.

But don't worry; the remaining doctor who is still in the plan and

accepting new patients has an office just a half day's drive

away, and a diploma from a Third World country.

Q. Do all diagnostic procedures require pre-certification?

A. No. Only those you need.

Q. Can I get coverage for my preexisting conditions?

A. Certainly, as long as they don't require any treatment.

Q. What happens if I want to try alternative forms of medicine?

A. You'll need to find alternative forms of payment.

Q. My pharmacy plan only covers generic drugs, but I need the name brand. I

tried the Generic Medication, but it gave me a stomach ache. What

should I do?

A. Poke yourself in the eye.

Q. What if I'm away from home and I get sick?

A. You really shouldn't do that.

Q. I think I need to see a specialist, but my doctor insists he can handle

my problem. Can a general practitioner really perform a heart transplant

right in his office?

A. Hard to say, but considering that all you're risking is the $20

co-payment, there's no harm in giving him a shot at it.

Q. Will health care be different in the next century?

A. No. But if you call right now, you might get an appointment by then.