Re: Thoughts about the work / doing the work on 'I want'

[Guest guest]

Facy,

My own experience is that it's not possible for " you " to let go -

because you're not the the one holding the beliefs and thoughts - they

are holding you.

" I'd love to let go " can be inquired into - in my experience, it's

stressful wanting to be different than I am in any moment - inquiry

into what's going on, simple curiosity is different from trying to

make a change.

And inquire into anything else as well - what holds you back from

talking with someone, etc.

Much love,

Jon

[Guest guest]

Hi Facy,

I have lots of ideas but only you will be able to decide what to do

with them. I'll keep posting them as I think of them.

Something that comes to mind right now is that at the root of most

(all?) unhappiness is fear. What are your fears? By doing the work

you should be able to identify the root fears that are holding you

back.

Do you know what FEAR is? False Emotions Appearing Real.

Look at what you fear, do The WOrk on it. Can you find the illusion

in your fear? Can you laugh at what you fear. I love that

teaches that any stressful thought is not true.

I commend your persistence. Know that All is well and you are

exactly where you are supposed to be.

Love Helen

> >

> > Hi Facy,

> >

> > Rather than having a problem I think you have an opportunity.

You

> > choose your behaviors and every moment is an opportunity to

choose

> > again. Choose differently. What is the worst that could

happen?

> > Write it down. Get comfortable with it and go for it.

> >

> > Also I think you're very attached to this persona you've

created.

> > You've been writing about these same problems for a very long

time.

> > You've got to be willing to let go of who you are to become

> > something different. If that is what you want. You don't need

> > something. You need to let go of something. You need to let go

of

> > the story you have about how you interact with people.

>

>

> greate! i'd love to let go ! do you have some method i can use?

>

[Guest guest]

Hi Helen,

I love the piece about " you are exactly where you are supposed to be "

- noticing where that doesn't feel true is a great place to inquire into:

" I'm not exactly where I'm supposed to be because... "

Mine at the moment could be:

I'm supposed to be doing more

I'm supposed to be looking for a job

I'm supposed to be filling in job applications

I'm not supposed to be writing this message

I'm supposed to be more motivated

What fun to notice these beliefs running around in the background :-)

Jon

[Guest guest]

Hi Jon,

Yes, I could agree with you too. It's really all about the

attachment or addiction to thoughts. You've probably heard the

saying " What you resist, persists " . So that would support what

you're saying. When we stop resisting, by accepting and embracing,

then the thing we were resisting is free to fade away. We no longer

have a death grip on it.

We're really talking about the same thing but it might sound

opposite.

I think it's part of the duality of the nature we live in.

Acceptance and letting go may be 2 sides of the same coin.

It's really about the addiction. Having a need to have it either

way. When there is no NEED of GOTTA HAVE, then we are much freer to

choose either way. Then we can choose that which we prefer and

accept whatever we get.

Love,

Helen

> > > > > >

> > > > > > From my perspective ~ you do express yourself openly in

this

> > > > > > email...you are communicating, writing to me, pretty

damn

> > open

> > > if you

> > > > > > ask me.

> > > > >

> > > > > yea.. in the internet it's easy for me . chats .. emails..

> > discussion

> > > > > groups.. messenger .. that's why it bothers me so much

that i

> > can only

> > > > > do it behind the security of the screen.

> > > > >

> > > > > >

> > > > > > I don't mind suffering...it happens sometimes, doesn't

> > it?

> > > > >

> > > > > yea it does

> > > > > i guess not mind suffering.. is the end of suffering.

> > > > >

> > > > > >

> > > > > > ~ nne

> > > > > >

> > > > > >

> > > > > >

> > > > > >

> > > > > > >

> > > > > > > > - i need love to end my loneliness

> > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > > ~ Go outside and talk to a stranger. Call your

mother.

> > Phone a

> > > > > > >friend.

> > > > > > >

> > > > > > > cant talk to strangers.

> > > > > > >

> > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > > - i need love to express myself openly

> > > > > > >

> > > > > > > can't, i would if i could.

> > > > > > > you may not believe me or think im making a big deal

out of

> > > nothing,

> > > > > > > but you are not me .. i tell you i can't.

> > > > > > >

> > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > > ~ Well, you are the one! Express yourself openly.

> > > > > > >

> > > > > > > cant.

> > > > > > >

> > > > > > >

> > > > > > > if i could i would, stuff are bothering me, they have

no

> > name..

> > > > > > >

> > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > > - i need love to get a feedback that im ok

> > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > > ~ I think you are ok.

> > > > > > >

> > > > > > > no.. i ment sex

> > > > > > >

> > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > > - if i'v had love i'd be complete

> > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > > ~ Yes, I hear that one. And I think you are complete.

> > > > > > >

> > > > > > > great, it must be great for you to think that.

> > > > > > >

> > > > > > >

> > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > > - i need love to experience intamacy

> > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > > Be intimate with the next person you meet. Look them

in

> > the

> > > > eyes and

> > > > > > > > listen to what they have to say.

> > > > > > >

> > > > > > > i can't.. there's a wall between us, my shyness, my

> > > > insecurities.. or

> > > > > > > maybe that not it .. maybe im not shy, and not

insecure..

> > so

> > > it must

> > > > > > > be something else. but it is something. no idea what.

> > > > > > >

> > > > > > >

> > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > > - i need love to be complete

> > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > > You are complete, whole and perfect.

> > > > > > >

> > > > > > > if this is complete, then probably whats bothering me

is

> > not the

> > > > lack

> > > > > > > of my completeness, so it must be something else.. no

idea

> > what.

> > > > > > >

> > > > > > >

> > > > > > > > - i need love to stay present

> > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > > Be present now.

> > > > > > >

> > > > > > >

> > > > > > > can't.. deamons are taking me over, i simply dont

control

> > myself.

> > > > > > >

> > > > > > >

> > > > > > > > - i need love to satisfy my urges

> > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > > What urges? If I want a drink of water, I get up and

> > pour myself

> > > > > some

> > > > > > > > water and drink it. Urge satisfied!

> > > > > > >

> > > > > > > sex.

> > > > > > > the urge to communicate, the urge to share and do

stuff

> > that humen

> > > > > > > beings do .. and if i do the work on that, and

discover

> > that those

> > > > > > > urges are a myth.. then i dont know what my problem is.

> > > > > > > and if i investigate the fact that i have a problem,

and

> > > > discover that

> > > > > > > i dont have a problem.. and stuff are the way they

should

> > be,

> > > > then let

> > > > > > > me be depressed .. cause this is what it is now.

> > > > > > >

> > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > > > and you know what.. im dont feel identified with

what

> > i just

> > > > > wrote..

> > > > > > > > > its only words and i dont think i need those

stuff ...

> > i feel

> > > > > > > > > something i can't put in words.

> > > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > > > what do i get out of needing love?

> > > > > > > > > pain, hornyness, loneliness, insecurity, mental

buzz,

> > and

> > > > more and

> > > > > > > > > more.. all of my suffering is this, so in one

word..

> > > suffering.

> > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > > suffering!....juicy and dramatic isn't it?

> > > > > > >

> > > > > > > yea you like this dont you?

> > > > > > > so what do you suggest?

> > > > > > > doing the work on needing love? done that.. 100 times

> > already.

> > > > ok so i

> > > > > > > dont need love.. thats not it probably.. cause im still

> > > experiencing

> > > > > > > those affects.

> > > > > > >

> > > > > > >

> > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > > ~ nne

> > > > > > > >

> > > > > > >

> > > > > >

> > > > >

> > > >

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

I agree Helen - and even then, there can be a motive of acceptance so

that something then changes - a sort of " backdoor " motive.

Again, nothing to do on this, except for me to notice when I'm

inquiring with that kind of motive and check it out.

And it all seems to lead that way anyway - for example, when someone

doesn't accept me (or appears not to) that will cause me stress.

Much love and thanks,

Jon

> > > > > > >

> > > > > > > From my perspective ~ you do express yourself openly in

> this

> > > > > > > email...you are communicating, writing to me, pretty

> damn

> > > open

> > > > if you

> > > > > > > ask me.

> > > > > >

> > > > > > yea.. in the internet it's easy for me . chats .. emails..

> > > discussion

> > > > > > groups.. messenger .. that's why it bothers me so much

> that i

> > > can only

> > > > > > do it behind the security of the screen.

> > > > > >

> > > > > > >

> > > > > > > I don't mind suffering...it happens sometimes, doesn't

> > > it?

> > > > > >

> > > > > > yea it does

> > > > > > i guess not mind suffering.. is the end of suffering.

> > > > > >

> > > > > > >

> > > > > > > ~ nne

> > > > > > >

> > > > > > >

> > > > > > >

> > > > > > >

> > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > > > - i need love to end my loneliness

> > > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > > > ~ Go outside and talk to a stranger. Call your

> mother.

> > > Phone a

> > > > > > > >friend.

> > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > > cant talk to strangers.

> > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > > > - i need love to express myself openly

> > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > > can't, i would if i could.

> > > > > > > > you may not believe me or think im making a big deal

> out of

> > > > nothing,

> > > > > > > > but you are not me .. i tell you i can't.

> > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > > > ~ Well, you are the one! Express yourself openly.

> > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > > cant.

> > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > > if i could i would, stuff are bothering me, they have

> no

> > > name..

> > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > > > - i need love to get a feedback that im ok

> > > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > > > ~ I think you are ok.

> > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > > no.. i ment sex

> > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > > > - if i'v had love i'd be complete

> > > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > > > ~ Yes, I hear that one. And I think you are complete.

> > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > > great, it must be great for you to think that.

> > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > > > - i need love to experience intamacy

> > > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > > > Be intimate with the next person you meet. Look them

> in

> > > the

> > > > > eyes and

> > > > > > > > > listen to what they have to say.

> > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > > i can't.. there's a wall between us, my shyness, my

> > > > > insecurities.. or

> > > > > > > > maybe that not it .. maybe im not shy, and not

> insecure..

> > > so

> > > > it must

> > > > > > > > be something else. but it is something. no idea what.

> > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > > > - i need love to be complete

> > > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > > > You are complete, whole and perfect.

> > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > > if this is complete, then probably whats bothering me

> is

> > > not the

> > > > > lack

> > > > > > > > of my completeness, so it must be something else.. no

> idea

> > > what.

> > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > > > - i need love to stay present

> > > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > > > Be present now.

> > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > > can't.. deamons are taking me over, i simply dont

> control

> > > myself.

> > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > > > - i need love to satisfy my urges

> > > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > > > What urges? If I want a drink of water, I get up and

> > > pour myself

> > > > > > some

> > > > > > > > > water and drink it. Urge satisfied!

> > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > > sex.

> > > > > > > > the urge to communicate, the urge to share and do

> stuff

> > > that humen

> > > > > > > > beings do .. and if i do the work on that, and

> discover

> > > that those

> > > > > > > > urges are a myth.. then i dont know what my problem is.

> > > > > > > > and if i investigate the fact that i have a problem,

> and

> > > > > discover that

> > > > > > > > i dont have a problem.. and stuff are the way they

> should

> > > be,

> > > > > then let

> > > > > > > > me be depressed .. cause this is what it is now.

> > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > > > > and you know what.. im dont feel identified with

> what

> > > i just

> > > > > > wrote..

> > > > > > > > > > its only words and i dont think i need those

> stuff ...

> > > i feel

> > > > > > > > > > something i can't put in words.

> > > > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > > > > what do i get out of needing love?

> > > > > > > > > > pain, hornyness, loneliness, insecurity, mental

> buzz,

> > > and

> > > > > more and

> > > > > > > > > > more.. all of my suffering is this, so in one

> word..

> > > > suffering.

> > > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > > > suffering!....juicy and dramatic isn't it?

> > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > > yea you like this dont you?

> > > > > > > > so what do you suggest?

> > > > > > > > doing the work on needing love? done that.. 100 times

> > > already.

> > > > > ok so i

> > > > > > > > dont need love.. thats not it probably.. cause im still

> > > > experiencing

> > > > > > > > those affects.

> > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > > > ~ nne

> > > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > >

> > > > > > >

> > > > > >

> > > > >

> > > >

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

>

> Facy,

>

> My own experience is that it's not possible for " you " to let go -

> because you're not the the one holding the beliefs and thoughts - they

> are holding you.

>

yea dude i know.. i was 30% cinical i dont believe i can let go

simply by choosing it .. been there.. tried that.

> And inquire into anything else as well - what holds you back from

> talking with someone, etc.

whats holding me..

well nothing really.. i hold myself.. im simply more comfortable in my

own bubble ..

initiating conversation has some sort of energy investment.. i seem to

hold onto my routines and sort of " staying in the lines " .

when a consideration to talk to someone is raising up i feel some sort

of tension.. is if there's a risk involved, and i give the idea up.

other times when there's an attractive girl in the picture, a great i

have a very tens feeling of great risk, much fear.. and again i seem

to choose not to .. no matter that 5 minutes after i mad at myself for

why havn't i said anything.

[Guest guest]

its not a need to suffer.

i think its his need to feel better..

which creates suffering as he is arguing with what is.

I can relate..

I see what your saying those are good queestions.

since i have an identity of being depressed it has

become a habit. rh

- In Loving-what-is , " helenoftroy1919 "

wrote:

>

> Facy,

>

> Do you really believe that you need to suffer now in order to take

> care of your self?

>

> In what way does the suffering make you change your thinking or act

> differently? Does it? Or does it just keep you churning, stuck in

> your addictions?

>

> wishing you peace,

> Helen

>

>

> >

> >

> > > I hear that you are suffering because you believe you need

> something

> > > that you don't have.

> > >

> > > Can you think of at least 1 positive thing that you are getting

> out

> > > of the suffering that you describe?

> > > > pain, hornyness, loneliness, insecurity, mental buzz, and more

> and

> > > > more.. all of my suffering is this, so in one word.. suffering.

> > > Why do you continue to act out this suffering?

> > >

> > > There is always a reason (belief) behind our actions and

> feelings.

> > > If you don't know what your reason is, take a guess. Just say

> > > something. What does this behavior do for you?

> >

> > ok, i'v messed abit with the option method .. it's great, i get now

> > where were you trying to lead me.

> > so i'v done the method on it.. and my answer was that i do it

> because

> > i believe that without it nothing will ever change, and that i

> will be

> > alone forever unless i take responsibility.. and that translate as

> > suffering.

> > was this what you mean?

> > i get an illusion of control.

> >

>

[Guest guest]

letting go would be embracing..

i would think.-

embracing now and letting go of the story

rh

-- In Loving-what-is , " Jon " wrote:

>

> Hey Helen,

>

> Funny to read this, as from my perspective it would help if Facy

> embraced who is now, rather than trying to let go of it.

>

> Of course, both are probably true and, at least for me, it's my own

> work projected into Facy :-)

>

> Much love and thanks,

>

> Jon x

>

> >

> > Hi Facy,

> >

> > Rather than having a problem I think you have an opportunity. You

> > choose your behaviors and every moment is an opportunity to choose

> > again. Choose differently. What is the worst that could happen?

> > Write it down. Get comfortable with it and go for it.

> >

> > Also I think you're very attached to this persona you've created.

> > You've been writing about these same problems for a very long time.

> > You've got to be willing to let go of who you are to become

> > something different. If that is what you want. You don't need

> > something. You need to let go of something. You need to let go of

> > the story you have about how you interact with people.

> >

> > I hope I'm not being to harsh. I really do want you to have a life

> > filled with happiness.

> >

> > Helen

> >

> >

> > > > > >

> > > > > > From my perspective ~ you do express yourself openly in this

> > > > > > email...you are communicating, writing to me, pretty damn

> > open

> > > if you

> > > > > > ask me.

> > > > >

> > > > > yea.. in the internet it's easy for me . chats .. emails..

> > discussion

> > > > > groups.. messenger .. that's why it bothers me so much that i

> > can only

> > > > > do it behind the security of the screen.

> > > > >

> > > > > >

> > > > > > I don't mind suffering...it happens sometimes, doesn't

> > it?

> > > > >

> > > > > yea it does

> > > > > i guess not mind suffering.. is the end of suffering.

> > > > >

> > > > > >

> > > > > > ~ nne

> > > > > >

> > > > > >

> > > > > >

> > > > > >

> > > > > > >

> > > > > > > > - i need love to end my loneliness

> > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > > ~ Go outside and talk to a stranger. Call your mother.

> > Phone a

> > > > > > >friend.

> > > > > > >

> > > > > > > cant talk to strangers.

> > > > > > >

> > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > > - i need love to express myself openly

> > > > > > >

> > > > > > > can't, i would if i could.

> > > > > > > you may not believe me or think im making a big deal out of

> > > nothing,

> > > > > > > but you are not me .. i tell you i can't.

> > > > > > >

> > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > > ~ Well, you are the one! Express yourself openly.

> > > > > > >

> > > > > > > cant.

> > > > > > >

> > > > > > >

> > > > > > > if i could i would, stuff are bothering me, they have no

> > name..

> > > > > > >

> > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > > - i need love to get a feedback that im ok

> > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > > ~ I think you are ok.

> > > > > > >

> > > > > > > no.. i ment sex

> > > > > > >

> > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > > - if i'v had love i'd be complete

> > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > > ~ Yes, I hear that one. And I think you are complete.

> > > > > > >

> > > > > > > great, it must be great for you to think that.

> > > > > > >

> > > > > > >

> > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > > - i need love to experience intamacy

> > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > > Be intimate with the next person you meet. Look them in

> > the

> > > > eyes and

> > > > > > > > listen to what they have to say.

> > > > > > >

> > > > > > > i can't.. there's a wall between us, my shyness, my

> > > > insecurities.. or

> > > > > > > maybe that not it .. maybe im not shy, and not insecure..

> > so

> > > it must

> > > > > > > be something else. but it is something. no idea what.

> > > > > > >

> > > > > > >

> > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > > - i need love to be complete

> > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > > You are complete, whole and perfect.

> > > > > > >

> > > > > > > if this is complete, then probably whats bothering me is

> > not the

> > > > lack

> > > > > > > of my completeness, so it must be something else.. no idea

> > what.

> > > > > > >

> > > > > > >

> > > > > > > > - i need love to stay present

> > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > > Be present now.

> > > > > > >

> > > > > > >

> > > > > > > can't.. deamons are taking me over, i simply dont control

> > myself.

> > > > > > >

> > > > > > >

> > > > > > > > - i need love to satisfy my urges

> > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > > What urges? If I want a drink of water, I get up and

> > pour myself

> > > > > some

> > > > > > > > water and drink it. Urge satisfied!

> > > > > > >

> > > > > > > sex.

> > > > > > > the urge to communicate, the urge to share and do stuff

> > that humen

> > > > > > > beings do .. and if i do the work on that, and discover

> > that those

> > > > > > > urges are a myth.. then i dont know what my problem is.

> > > > > > > and if i investigate the fact that i have a problem, and

> > > > discover that

> > > > > > > i dont have a problem.. and stuff are the way they should

> > be,

> > > > then let

> > > > > > > me be depressed .. cause this is what it is now.

> > > > > > >

> > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > > > and you know what.. im dont feel identified with what

> > i just

> > > > > wrote..

> > > > > > > > > its only words and i dont think i need those stuff ...

> > i feel

> > > > > > > > > something i can't put in words.

> > > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > > > what do i get out of needing love?

> > > > > > > > > pain, hornyness, loneliness, insecurity, mental buzz,

> > and

> > > > more and

> > > > > > > > > more.. all of my suffering is this, so in one word..

> > > suffering.

> > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > > suffering!....juicy and dramatic isn't it?

> > > > > > >

> > > > > > > yea you like this dont you?

> > > > > > > so what do you suggest?

> > > > > > > doing the work on needing love? done that.. 100 times

> > already.

> > > > ok so i

> > > > > > > dont need love.. thats not it probably.. cause im still

> > > experiencing

> > > > > > > those affects.

> > > > > > >

> > > > > > >

> > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > > ~ nne

> > > > > > > >

> > > > > > >

> > > > > >

> > > > >

> > > >

> > >

> >

>