Re: Thoughts about the work / doing the work on 'I want'

[Guest guest]

>

> i think the work is not a 'perfect' thoughts investigation technique.

> i'v noticed that on thoughts of " i want.. " , the work doesn't make as

much sense ..

If you feel so inclined, maybe you could look at what you want and to

the work using the word -

" I'd be happier if I got _____________ " Is it true?

Just a thought.

[Guest guest]

For me " I want " is based on the belief that describes - it's my

mind trying to control things - " I don't want it to rain " , " I want it

to be lighter than it is " , etc.

Inquiring into general statements like " I want love " can reveal stuff

but I do find it helpful to get specific, like " I want love from X " -

then after the 4 questions, the turnaround of " I don't want love from

X " can be looked at specifically, " My thinking wants love from X " , " I

want love from me " . And find 3 examples.

Jon

> >

> > i think the work is not a 'perfect' thoughts investigation technique.

>

> > i'v noticed that on thoughts of " i want.. " , the work doesn't make as

> much sense ..

>

> If you feel so inclined, maybe you could look at what you want and to

> the work using the word -

>

> " I'd be happier if I got _____________ " Is it true?

>

> Just a thought.

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Can you list 10 reasons why you need love and/or what you will get

from it if you have it? Love is a pretty abstract word. What do

you need and why?

What do you get out of " needing love " ? If you didn't need to " need

love " , you wouldn't be needing it any more. What are you're getting

out of this repetitive behaviour you describe.

> > >

> > > i think the work is not a 'perfect' thoughts investigation

technique.

> >

> > > i'v noticed that on thoughts of " i want.. " , the work doesn't

make as

> > much sense ..

> >

> > If you feel so inclined, maybe you could look at what you want

and to

> > the work using the word -

> >

> > " I'd be happier if I got _____________ " Is it true?

> >

> > Just a thought.

> >

> >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

>

> Can you list 10 reasons why you need love and/or what you will get

> from it if you have it? Love is a pretty abstract word. What do

> you need and why?

>

> What do you get out of " needing love " ? If you didn't need to " need

> love " , you wouldn't be needing it any more. What are you're getting

> out of this repetitive behaviour you describe.

- i need love to end my loneliness

- i need love to express myself openly

- i need love to get a feedback that im ok

- if i'v had love i'd be complete

- i need love to experience intamacy

- i need love to be complete

- i need love to stay present

- i need love to satisfy my urges

and you know what.. im dont feel identified with what i just wrote..

its only words and i dont think i need those stuff ... i feel

something i can't put in words.

what do i get out of needing love?

pain, hornyness, loneliness, insecurity, mental buzz, and more and

more.. all of my suffering is this, so in one word.. suffering.

[Guest guest]

there you go - you feel something you can't put into words - it seems

like you've written that as being a problem, rather than seeing that

as it is - just a feeling - not meaning " I need love " or anything else.

and maybe you meant it that way - i notice i'm not feeling " great " at

the moment and how my mind is trying to make that into a problem.

jon

> >

> > Can you list 10 reasons why you need love and/or what you will get

> > from it if you have it? Love is a pretty abstract word. What do

> > you need and why?

> >

> > What do you get out of " needing love " ? If you didn't need to " need

> > love " , you wouldn't be needing it any more. What are you're getting

> > out of this repetitive behaviour you describe.

>

> - i need love to end my loneliness

> - i need love to express myself openly

> - i need love to get a feedback that im ok

> - if i'v had love i'd be complete

> - i need love to experience intamacy

> - i need love to be complete

> - i need love to stay present

> - i need love to satisfy my urges

>

> and you know what.. im dont feel identified with what i just wrote..

> its only words and i dont think i need those stuff ... i feel

> something i can't put in words.

>

> what do i get out of needing love?

> pain, hornyness, loneliness, insecurity, mental buzz, and more and

> more.. all of my suffering is this, so in one word.. suffering.

>

[Guest guest]

Thanks for this discussion. Its so nice to be a part of this group. I feel like

Im learning alot and realizing fears I have.

I have a few thoughts around this I want to share:

- I know says doing the work on other areas can unlock unexpected other

areas. Maybe there is some other things you can/will do the work on that may

help at some point. I have experienced this.

- I dont only do the work, on my troubles. I do yoga, I write feelings letters,

I dance my feelings, I listen to other self-help CD's, I try EFT...etc. Once I

did the work on " doing the work " and I dropped it for a time. It truly wasnt for

me for a time, and if it ever wasn't again, I would drop it again. What works

for or others may not work for me. Or it may. I only do it if it feels

good in my heart to do it, and I dont see it as THE answer, but that it may be.

I see it as something that seems to work for me when it does, and when it doesnt

Im open to the fact I might not be truly doing it fully, or that there is

another beautiful path for me that is not the work.

- I like what you say about the limits of language. This is very interesting. I

wonder if you could do the work on the unnamed feelings somehow, or some way to

do inquiry without language - drawing, movement, something.... I cant put into

words what I mean by that, ironically , but I wonder if there's something

there. Perhaps Ill give it a try. I wouldnt necessarily then call it " the work " ,

perhaps it could be similar, but if it felt good to me...cool.

- I have found something called " The opion Method " very helpful. Its another

method of inquiry. Some people that like the work seem to like the option method

too. It is a way to realize one can be happy right now, and let go of beliefs

that keep us from that. I had the Option Method question come to me as I read

your post:

" What are you afraid would happen if you didnt believe that you needed love? "

There is an Option Method website, if you want to check it out (I have no

affiliation with it, nor am I a certified practitioner)

Thanks for sharing your list. I am dealing with similar beliefs at times, and

its so helpful to read your frustrations, and the replies.

So much love to you as you deal with this.

Jon R.

>

> Subject: Re: Thoughts about the work / doing the work on 'I

want'

> To: Loving-what-is

> Date: Saturday, October 25, 2008, 9:32 PM

>

> >

> > Can you list 10 reasons why you need love and/or what

> you will get

> > from it if you have it? Love is a pretty abstract

> word. What do

> > you need and why?

> >

> > What do you get out of " needing love " ? If

> you didn't need to " need

> > love " , you wouldn't be needing it any more.

> What are you're getting

> > out of this repetitive behaviour you describe.

>

> - i need love to end my loneliness

> - i need love to express myself openly

> - i need love to get a feedback that im ok

> - if i'v had love i'd be complete

> - i need love to experience intamacy

> - i need love to be complete

> - i need love to stay present

> - i need love to satisfy my urges

>

> and you know what.. im dont feel identified with what i

> just wrote..

> its only words and i dont think i need those stuff ... i

> feel

> something i can't put in words.

>

> what do i get out of needing love?

> pain, hornyness, loneliness, insecurity, mental buzz, and

> more and

> more.. all of my suffering is this, so in one word..

> suffering.

[Guest guest]

Jon,

Funny you should mention the Option method becaus I'm a big fan of it

too (though not formally trained). I was actually trying to lead him

into some of that inquiry by initially getting a better understanding

of the beliefs that are wrapped up with the need for love.

Helen

> > >

> > > Can you list 10 reasons why you need love and/or what

> > you will get

> > > from it if you have it? Love is a pretty abstract

> > word. What do

> > > you need and why?

> > >

> > > What do you get out of " needing love " ? If

> > you didn't need to " need

> > > love " , you wouldn't be needing it any more.

> > What are you're getting

> > > out of this repetitive behaviour you describe.

> >

> > - i need love to end my loneliness

> > - i need love to express myself openly

> > - i need love to get a feedback that im ok

> > - if i'v had love i'd be complete

> > - i need love to experience intamacy

> > - i need love to be complete

> > - i need love to stay present

> > - i need love to satisfy my urges

> >

> > and you know what.. im dont feel identified with what i

> > just wrote..

> > its only words and i dont think i need those stuff ... i

> > feel

> > something i can't put in words.

> >

> > what do i get out of needing love?

> > pain, hornyness, loneliness, insecurity, mental buzz, and

> > more and

> > more.. all of my suffering is this, so in one word..

> > suffering.

>

[Guest guest]

> - I like what you say about the limits of language. This is very

>interesting. I wonder if you could do the work on the unnamed

>feelings somehow, or some way to do inquiry without language -

>drawing, movement, something.... I cant put into words what I mean

>by that, ironically , but I wonder if there's something there.

>Perhaps Ill give it a try. I wouldnt necessarily then call it " the

>work " , perhaps it could be similar, but if it felt good to me...cool.

yea exactly, i wonder the same thing.

i have some mental issue going on, i dont exactly what it is .. i

guess it is " needing love " , so i do the work on needing love, and then

it's still there.. so it probably not needing love..

by the way, i suddenly now have an insight,

i usually answer on question 3, the stuff i think the thought is

causing, but how do i know what does it cause? it's just a guess..

maybe it's not that thought that causes it ..

and on question 4, i answer that without the thought i would be happy

and joyful and relax and everything .. but i can't know that .. it's

only a guess too .. i just want to believe it.. i want believe iv find

the root of suffering, it's beginning and it's end, but is it really true?

cause i gotta tell you .. many stuff i have inquired into .. simply

does not change, and my view about it isn't changing as well.

im starting to think that the work is another trick to make me believe

iv found the answer i was looking for.

and i had those kind of stuff on other workshops i have been in, i

really believed those stuff.. and after enough frustration, that even

this method does not help me with my problem.. i start to realize it

wasn't the answer i was looking for.. and then i look for new stuff.

i feel like im getting to the same point now with the work.. which i

really had great hopes for.

>

> - I have found something called " The opion Method " very helpful.

>Its another method of inquiry. Some people that like the work seem

>to like the option method too. It is a way to realize one can be

>happy right now, and let go of beliefs that keep us from that. I had

>the Option Method question come to me as I read your post:

> " What are you afraid would happen if you didnt believe that you

>needed love? "

i afraid nothing.. i wish i didn't believe i need it.

[Guest guest]

Hi Facy,

I hear you say that you are suffering and that you are choosing

suffering. That you see suffering as a consequence of believing that

you need something that you don't have.

Can you name one positive thing that you are getting from the

suffering? Even if it doesn't seem logical can you make a guess at

the payoff(benefit) you're getting from the suffering?

I wish you well,

Helen

> >

> > Can you list 10 reasons why you need love and/or what you will

get

> > from it if you have it? Love is a pretty abstract word. What do

> > you need and why?

> >

> > What do you get out of " needing love " ? If you didn't need

to " need

> > love " , you wouldn't be needing it any more. What are you're

getting

> > out of this repetitive behaviour you describe.

>

> - i need love to end my loneliness

> - i need love to express myself openly

> - i need love to get a feedback that im ok

> - if i'v had love i'd be complete

> - i need love to experience intamacy

> - i need love to be complete

> - i need love to stay present

> - i need love to satisfy my urges

>

> and you know what.. im dont feel identified with what i just wrote..

> its only words and i dont think i need those stuff ... i feel

> something i can't put in words.

>

> what do i get out of needing love?

> pain, hornyness, loneliness, insecurity, mental buzz, and more and

> more.. all of my suffering is this, so in one word.. suffering.

>

[Guest guest]

Hi Facy,

I hear that you are suffering because you believe you need something

that you don't have.

Can you think of at least 1 positive thing that you are getting out

of the suffering that you describe?

> pain, hornyness, loneliness, insecurity, mental buzz, and more and

> more.. all of my suffering is this, so in one word.. suffering.

Why do you continue to act out this suffering?

There is always a reason (belief) behind our actions and feelings.

If you don't know what your reason is, take a guess. Just say

something. What does this behavior do for you?

I wish you all the best,

Helen

> >

> > Can you list 10 reasons why you need love and/or what you will

get

> > from it if you have it? Love is a pretty abstract word. What

do

> > you need and why?

> >

> > What do you get out of " needing love " ? If you didn't need

to " need

> > love " , you wouldn't be needing it any more. What are you're

getting

> > out of this repetitive behaviour you describe.

>

> - i need love to end my loneliness

> - i need love to express myself openly

> - i need love to get a feedback that im ok

> - if i'v had love i'd be complete

> - i need love to experience intamacy

> - i need love to be complete

> - i need love to stay present

> - i need love to satisfy my urges

>

> and you know what.. im dont feel identified with what i just

wrote..

> its only words and i dont think i need those stuff ... i feel

> something i can't put in words.

>

> what do i get out of needing love?

> pain, hornyness, loneliness, insecurity, mental buzz, and more and

> more.. all of my suffering is this, so in one word.. suffering.

>

[Guest guest]

> I hear that you are suffering because you believe you need something

> that you don't have.

>

> Can you think of at least 1 positive thing that you are getting out

> of the suffering that you describe?

> > pain, hornyness, loneliness, insecurity, mental buzz, and more and

> > more.. all of my suffering is this, so in one word.. suffering.

> Why do you continue to act out this suffering?

>

> There is always a reason (belief) behind our actions and feelings.

> If you don't know what your reason is, take a guess. Just say

> something. What does this behavior do for you?

ok, i'v messed abit with the option method .. it's great, i get now

where were you trying to lead me.

so i'v done the method on it.. and my answer was that i do it because

i believe that without it nothing will ever change, and that i will be

alone forever unless i take responsibility.. and that translate as

suffering.

was this what you mean?

i get an illusion of control.

[Guest guest]

> > >

> > > Can you list 10 reasons why you need love and/or what you will get

> > > from it if you have it? Love is a pretty abstract word. What do

> > > you need and why?

> > >

> > > What do you get out of " needing love " ? If you didn't need to " need

> > > love " , you wouldn't be needing it any more. What are you're

getting

> > > out of this repetitive behaviour you describe.

> >

> > - i need love to end my loneliness

> > - i need love to express myself openly

> > - i need love to get a feedback that im ok

> > - if i'v had love i'd be complete

> > - i need love to experience intamacy

> > - i need love to be complete

> > - i need love to stay present

> > - i need love to satisfy my urges

> >

> > and you know what.. im dont feel identified with what i just wrote..

> > its only words and i dont think i need those stuff ... i feel

> > something i can't put in words.

> >

> > what do i get out of needing love?

> > pain, hornyness, loneliness, insecurity, mental buzz, and more and

> > more.. all of my suffering is this, so in one word.. suffering.

> >

>

[Guest guest]

" I have a problem. "

Is it true?

I laughed my ass off for 3 days after doing that one once.

Love,

, Boulder Colorado

[Guest guest]

I'm laughing my ass off now.

Thanks for brightening my day:)

Jane 

Subject: Re: Thoughts about the work / doing the work on 'I

want'

To: Loving-what-is

Date: Monday, October 27, 2008, 11:26 AM

" I have a problem. "

Is it true?

I laughed my ass off for 3 days after doing that one once.

Love,

, Boulder Colorado

[Guest guest]

- i need love to end my loneliness

~ Go outside and talk to a stranger. Call your mother. Phone a friend.

- i need love to express myself openly

~ Well, you are the one! Express yourself openly.

- i need love to get a feedback that im ok

~ I think you are ok.

- if i'v had love i'd be complete

~ Yes, I hear that one. And I think you are complete.

- i need love to experience intamacy

Be intimate with the next person you meet. Look them in the eyes and

listen to what they have to say.

- i need love to be complete

You are complete, whole and perfect.

- i need love to stay present

Be present now.

- i need love to satisfy my urges

What urges? If I want a drink of water, I get up and pour myself some

water and drink it. Urge satisfied!

>

> and you know what.. im dont feel identified with what i just wrote..

> its only words and i dont think i need those stuff ... i feel

> something i can't put in words.

>

> what do i get out of needing love?

> pain, hornyness, loneliness, insecurity, mental buzz, and more and

> more.. all of my suffering is this, so in one word.. suffering.

suffering!....juicy and dramatic isn't it?

~ nne

[Guest guest]

> - i need love to end my loneliness

>

> ~ Go outside and talk to a stranger. Call your mother. Phone a >friend.

cant talk to strangers.

>

> - i need love to express myself openly

can't, i would if i could.

you may not believe me or think im making a big deal out of nothing,

but you are not me .. i tell you i can't.

>

> ~ Well, you are the one! Express yourself openly.

cant.

if i could i would, stuff are bothering me, they have no name..

>

> - i need love to get a feedback that im ok

>

> ~ I think you are ok.

no.. i ment sex

>

> - if i'v had love i'd be complete

>

> ~ Yes, I hear that one. And I think you are complete.

great, it must be great for you to think that.

>

> - i need love to experience intamacy

>

> Be intimate with the next person you meet. Look them in the eyes and

> listen to what they have to say.

i can't.. there's a wall between us, my shyness, my insecurities.. or

maybe that not it .. maybe im not shy, and not insecure.. so it must

be something else. but it is something. no idea what.

>

> - i need love to be complete

>

> You are complete, whole and perfect.

if this is complete, then probably whats bothering me is not the lack

of my completeness, so it must be something else.. no idea what.

> - i need love to stay present

>

> Be present now.

can't.. deamons are taking me over, i simply dont control myself.

> - i need love to satisfy my urges

>

> What urges? If I want a drink of water, I get up and pour myself some

> water and drink it. Urge satisfied!

sex.

the urge to communicate, the urge to share and do stuff that humen

beings do .. and if i do the work on that, and discover that those

urges are a myth.. then i dont know what my problem is.

and if i investigate the fact that i have a problem, and discover that

i dont have a problem.. and stuff are the way they should be, then let

me be depressed .. cause this is what it is now.

>

> >

> > and you know what.. im dont feel identified with what i just wrote..

> > its only words and i dont think i need those stuff ... i feel

> > something i can't put in words.

> >

> > what do i get out of needing love?

> > pain, hornyness, loneliness, insecurity, mental buzz, and more and

> > more.. all of my suffering is this, so in one word.. suffering.

>

> suffering!....juicy and dramatic isn't it?

yea you like this dont you?

so what do you suggest?

doing the work on needing love? done that.. 100 times already. ok so i

dont need love.. thats not it probably.. cause im still experiencing

those affects.

>

> ~ nne

>

[Guest guest]

From my perspective ~ you do express yourself openly in this

email...you are communicating, writing to me, pretty damn open if you

ask me.

I don't mind suffering...it happens sometimes, doesn't it?

~ nne

>

> > - i need love to end my loneliness

> >

> > ~ Go outside and talk to a stranger. Call your mother. Phone a

>friend.

>

> cant talk to strangers.

>

> >

> > - i need love to express myself openly

>

> can't, i would if i could.

> you may not believe me or think im making a big deal out of nothing,

> but you are not me .. i tell you i can't.

>

> >

> > ~ Well, you are the one! Express yourself openly.

>

> cant.

>

>

> if i could i would, stuff are bothering me, they have no name..

>

> >

> > - i need love to get a feedback that im ok

> >

> > ~ I think you are ok.

>

> no.. i ment sex

>

> >

> > - if i'v had love i'd be complete

> >

> > ~ Yes, I hear that one. And I think you are complete.

>

> great, it must be great for you to think that.

>

>

> >

> > - i need love to experience intamacy

> >

> > Be intimate with the next person you meet. Look them in the eyes and

> > listen to what they have to say.

>

> i can't.. there's a wall between us, my shyness, my insecurities.. or

> maybe that not it .. maybe im not shy, and not insecure.. so it must

> be something else. but it is something. no idea what.

>

>

> >

> > - i need love to be complete

> >

> > You are complete, whole and perfect.

>

> if this is complete, then probably whats bothering me is not the lack

> of my completeness, so it must be something else.. no idea what.

>

>

> > - i need love to stay present

> >

> > Be present now.

>

>

> can't.. deamons are taking me over, i simply dont control myself.

>

>

> > - i need love to satisfy my urges

> >

> > What urges? If I want a drink of water, I get up and pour myself some

> > water and drink it. Urge satisfied!

>

> sex.

> the urge to communicate, the urge to share and do stuff that humen

> beings do .. and if i do the work on that, and discover that those

> urges are a myth.. then i dont know what my problem is.

> and if i investigate the fact that i have a problem, and discover that

> i dont have a problem.. and stuff are the way they should be, then let

> me be depressed .. cause this is what it is now.

>

> >

> > >

> > > and you know what.. im dont feel identified with what i just wrote..

> > > its only words and i dont think i need those stuff ... i feel

> > > something i can't put in words.

> > >

> > > what do i get out of needing love?

> > > pain, hornyness, loneliness, insecurity, mental buzz, and more and

> > > more.. all of my suffering is this, so in one word.. suffering.

> >

> > suffering!....juicy and dramatic isn't it?

>

> yea you like this dont you?

> so what do you suggest?

> doing the work on needing love? done that.. 100 times already. ok so i

> dont need love.. thats not it probably.. cause im still experiencing

> those affects.

>

>

> >

> > ~ nne

> >

>

[Guest guest]

>

> From my perspective ~ you do express yourself openly in this

> email...you are communicating, writing to me, pretty damn open if you

> ask me.

yea.. in the internet it's easy for me . chats .. emails.. discussion

groups.. messenger .. that's why it bothers me so much that i can only

do it behind the security of the screen.

>

> I don't mind suffering...it happens sometimes, doesn't it?

yea it does

i guess not mind suffering.. is the end of suffering.

>

> ~ nne

>

>

>

>

> >

> > > - i need love to end my loneliness

> > >

> > > ~ Go outside and talk to a stranger. Call your mother. Phone a

> >friend.

> >

> > cant talk to strangers.

> >

> > >

> > > - i need love to express myself openly

> >

> > can't, i would if i could.

> > you may not believe me or think im making a big deal out of nothing,

> > but you are not me .. i tell you i can't.

> >

> > >

> > > ~ Well, you are the one! Express yourself openly.

> >

> > cant.

> >

> >

> > if i could i would, stuff are bothering me, they have no name..

> >

> > >

> > > - i need love to get a feedback that im ok

> > >

> > > ~ I think you are ok.

> >

> > no.. i ment sex

> >

> > >

> > > - if i'v had love i'd be complete

> > >

> > > ~ Yes, I hear that one. And I think you are complete.

> >

> > great, it must be great for you to think that.

> >

> >

> > >

> > > - i need love to experience intamacy

> > >

> > > Be intimate with the next person you meet. Look them in the eyes and

> > > listen to what they have to say.

> >

> > i can't.. there's a wall between us, my shyness, my insecurities.. or

> > maybe that not it .. maybe im not shy, and not insecure.. so it must

> > be something else. but it is something. no idea what.

> >

> >

> > >

> > > - i need love to be complete

> > >

> > > You are complete, whole and perfect.

> >

> > if this is complete, then probably whats bothering me is not the lack

> > of my completeness, so it must be something else.. no idea what.

> >

> >

> > > - i need love to stay present

> > >

> > > Be present now.

> >

> >

> > can't.. deamons are taking me over, i simply dont control myself.

> >

> >

> > > - i need love to satisfy my urges

> > >

> > > What urges? If I want a drink of water, I get up and pour myself

some

> > > water and drink it. Urge satisfied!

> >

> > sex.

> > the urge to communicate, the urge to share and do stuff that humen

> > beings do .. and if i do the work on that, and discover that those

> > urges are a myth.. then i dont know what my problem is.

> > and if i investigate the fact that i have a problem, and discover that

> > i dont have a problem.. and stuff are the way they should be, then let

> > me be depressed .. cause this is what it is now.

> >

> > >

> > > >

> > > > and you know what.. im dont feel identified with what i just

wrote..

> > > > its only words and i dont think i need those stuff ... i feel

> > > > something i can't put in words.

> > > >

> > > > what do i get out of needing love?

> > > > pain, hornyness, loneliness, insecurity, mental buzz, and more and

> > > > more.. all of my suffering is this, so in one word.. suffering.

> > >

> > > suffering!....juicy and dramatic isn't it?

> >

> > yea you like this dont you?

> > so what do you suggest?

> > doing the work on needing love? done that.. 100 times already. ok so i

> > dont need love.. thats not it probably.. cause im still experiencing

> > those affects.

> >

> >

> > >

> > > ~ nne

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Facy,

Do you really believe that you need to suffer now in order to take

care of your self?

In what way does the suffering make you change your thinking or act

differently? Does it? Or does it just keep you churning, stuck in

your addictions?

wishing you peace,

Helen

>

>

> > I hear that you are suffering because you believe you need

something

> > that you don't have.

> >

> > Can you think of at least 1 positive thing that you are getting

out

> > of the suffering that you describe?

> > > pain, hornyness, loneliness, insecurity, mental buzz, and more

and

> > > more.. all of my suffering is this, so in one word.. suffering.

> > Why do you continue to act out this suffering?

> >

> > There is always a reason (belief) behind our actions and

feelings.

> > If you don't know what your reason is, take a guess. Just say

> > something. What does this behavior do for you?

>

> ok, i'v messed abit with the option method .. it's great, i get now

> where were you trying to lead me.

> so i'v done the method on it.. and my answer was that i do it

because

> i believe that without it nothing will ever change, and that i

will be

> alone forever unless i take responsibility.. and that translate as

> suffering.

> was this what you mean?

> i get an illusion of control.

>

[Guest guest]

Hi,

So you see it as a problem...you can only be open and express yourself

behind the security of the screen.

It makes me think that you are believing that you shouldn't be so shy.

I was very shy as a girl and young woman...I didn't trust people and

couldn't be open with people for a very long time. And believing that

I should not be so shy, is where I suffered. I called it self hatred.

Love you, shy thing,

nne

>

> >

> > From my perspective ~ you do express yourself openly in this

> > email...you are communicating, writing to me, pretty damn open if you

> > ask me.

>

> yea.. in the internet it's easy for me . chats .. emails.. discussion

> groups.. messenger .. that's why it bothers me so much that i can only

> do it behind the security of the screen.

>

> >

> > I don't mind suffering...it happens sometimes, doesn't it?

>

> yea it does

> i guess not mind suffering.. is the end of suffering.

>

> >

> > ~ nne

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > >

> > > > - i need love to end my loneliness

> > > >

> > > > ~ Go outside and talk to a stranger. Call your mother. Phone a

> > >friend.

> > >

> > > cant talk to strangers.

> > >

> > > >

> > > > - i need love to express myself openly

> > >

> > > can't, i would if i could.

> > > you may not believe me or think im making a big deal out of nothing,

> > > but you are not me .. i tell you i can't.

> > >

> > > >

> > > > ~ Well, you are the one! Express yourself openly.

> > >

> > > cant.

> > >

> > >

> > > if i could i would, stuff are bothering me, they have no name..

> > >

> > > >

> > > > - i need love to get a feedback that im ok

> > > >

> > > > ~ I think you are ok.

> > >

> > > no.. i ment sex

> > >

> > > >

> > > > - if i'v had love i'd be complete

> > > >

> > > > ~ Yes, I hear that one. And I think you are complete.

> > >

> > > great, it must be great for you to think that.

> > >

> > >

> > > >

> > > > - i need love to experience intamacy

> > > >

> > > > Be intimate with the next person you meet. Look them in the

eyes and

> > > > listen to what they have to say.

> > >

> > > i can't.. there's a wall between us, my shyness, my

insecurities.. or

> > > maybe that not it .. maybe im not shy, and not insecure.. so it must

> > > be something else. but it is something. no idea what.

> > >

> > >

> > > >

> > > > - i need love to be complete

> > > >

> > > > You are complete, whole and perfect.

> > >

> > > if this is complete, then probably whats bothering me is not the

lack

> > > of my completeness, so it must be something else.. no idea what.

> > >

> > >

> > > > - i need love to stay present

> > > >

> > > > Be present now.

> > >

> > >

> > > can't.. deamons are taking me over, i simply dont control myself.

> > >

> > >

> > > > - i need love to satisfy my urges

> > > >

> > > > What urges? If I want a drink of water, I get up and pour myself

> some

> > > > water and drink it. Urge satisfied!

> > >

> > > sex.

> > > the urge to communicate, the urge to share and do stuff that humen

> > > beings do .. and if i do the work on that, and discover that those

> > > urges are a myth.. then i dont know what my problem is.

> > > and if i investigate the fact that i have a problem, and

discover that

> > > i dont have a problem.. and stuff are the way they should be,

then let

> > > me be depressed .. cause this is what it is now.

> > >

> > > >

> > > > >

> > > > > and you know what.. im dont feel identified with what i just

> wrote..

> > > > > its only words and i dont think i need those stuff ... i feel

> > > > > something i can't put in words.

> > > > >

> > > > > what do i get out of needing love?

> > > > > pain, hornyness, loneliness, insecurity, mental buzz, and

more and

> > > > > more.. all of my suffering is this, so in one word.. suffering.

> > > >

> > > > suffering!....juicy and dramatic isn't it?

> > >

> > > yea you like this dont you?

> > > so what do you suggest?

> > > doing the work on needing love? done that.. 100 times already.

ok so i

> > > dont need love.. thats not it probably.. cause im still experiencing

> > > those affects.

> > >

> > >

> > > >

> > > > ~ nne

> > > >

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

> > >

> > > From my perspective ~ you do express yourself openly in this

> > > email...you are communicating, writing to me, pretty damn open

if you

> > > ask me.

> >

> > yea.. in the internet it's easy for me . chats .. emails.. discussion

> > groups.. messenger .. that's why it bothers me so much that i can only

> > do it behind the security of the screen.

> >

> > >

> > > I don't mind suffering...it happens sometimes, doesn't it?

> >

> > yea it does

> > i guess not mind suffering.. is the end of suffering.

> >

> > >

> > > ~ nne

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > > >

> > > > > - i need love to end my loneliness

> > > > >

> > > > > ~ Go outside and talk to a stranger. Call your mother. Phone a

> > > >friend.

> > > >

> > > > cant talk to strangers.

> > > >

> > > > >

> > > > > - i need love to express myself openly

> > > >

> > > > can't, i would if i could.

> > > > you may not believe me or think im making a big deal out of

nothing,

> > > > but you are not me .. i tell you i can't.

> > > >

> > > > >

> > > > > ~ Well, you are the one! Express yourself openly.

> > > >

> > > > cant.

> > > >

> > > >

> > > > if i could i would, stuff are bothering me, they have no name..

> > > >

> > > > >

> > > > > - i need love to get a feedback that im ok

> > > > >

> > > > > ~ I think you are ok.

> > > >

> > > > no.. i ment sex

> > > >

> > > > >

> > > > > - if i'v had love i'd be complete

> > > > >

> > > > > ~ Yes, I hear that one. And I think you are complete.

> > > >

> > > > great, it must be great for you to think that.

> > > >

> > > >

> > > > >

> > > > > - i need love to experience intamacy

> > > > >

> > > > > Be intimate with the next person you meet. Look them in the

> eyes and

> > > > > listen to what they have to say.

> > > >

> > > > i can't.. there's a wall between us, my shyness, my

> insecurities.. or

> > > > maybe that not it .. maybe im not shy, and not insecure.. so

it must

> > > > be something else. but it is something. no idea what.

> > > >

> > > >

> > > > >

> > > > > - i need love to be complete

> > > > >

> > > > > You are complete, whole and perfect.

> > > >

> > > > if this is complete, then probably whats bothering me is not the

> lack

> > > > of my completeness, so it must be something else.. no idea what.

> > > >

> > > >

> > > > > - i need love to stay present

> > > > >

> > > > > Be present now.

> > > >

> > > >

> > > > can't.. deamons are taking me over, i simply dont control myself.

> > > >

> > > >

> > > > > - i need love to satisfy my urges

> > > > >

> > > > > What urges? If I want a drink of water, I get up and pour myself

> > some

> > > > > water and drink it. Urge satisfied!

> > > >

> > > > sex.

> > > > the urge to communicate, the urge to share and do stuff that humen

> > > > beings do .. and if i do the work on that, and discover that those

> > > > urges are a myth.. then i dont know what my problem is.

> > > > and if i investigate the fact that i have a problem, and

> discover that

> > > > i dont have a problem.. and stuff are the way they should be,

> then let

> > > > me be depressed .. cause this is what it is now.

> > > >

> > > > >

> > > > > >

> > > > > > and you know what.. im dont feel identified with what i just

> > wrote..

> > > > > > its only words and i dont think i need those stuff ... i feel

> > > > > > something i can't put in words.

> > > > > >

> > > > > > what do i get out of needing love?

> > > > > > pain, hornyness, loneliness, insecurity, mental buzz, and

> more and

> > > > > > more.. all of my suffering is this, so in one word..

suffering.

> > > > >

> > > > > suffering!....juicy and dramatic isn't it?

> > > >

> > > > yea you like this dont you?

> > > > so what do you suggest?

> > > > doing the work on needing love? done that.. 100 times already.

> ok so i

> > > > dont need love.. thats not it probably.. cause im still

experiencing

> > > > those affects.

> > > >

> > > >

> > > > >

> > > > > ~ nne

> > > > >

> > > >

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Facy,

you are right, you don't believe you are a shy guy.

as you say, you are the person that can express himself so openly on

the internet.

you are also the person that says nothing to some people when they are

right next to you

notice how you see one of this as more 'you' / better than the other.

Jon

[Guest guest]

Hi Facy,

Rather than having a problem I think you have an opportunity. You

choose your behaviors and every moment is an opportunity to choose

again. Choose differently. What is the worst that could happen?

Write it down. Get comfortable with it and go for it.

Also I think you're very attached to this persona you've created.

You've been writing about these same problems for a very long time.

You've got to be willing to let go of who you are to become

something different. If that is what you want. You don't need

something. You need to let go of something. You need to let go of

the story you have about how you interact with people.

I hope I'm not being to harsh. I really do want you to have a life

filled with happiness.

Helen

> > > >

> > > > From my perspective ~ you do express yourself openly in this

> > > > email...you are communicating, writing to me, pretty damn

open

> if you

> > > > ask me.

> > >

> > > yea.. in the internet it's easy for me . chats .. emails..

discussion

> > > groups.. messenger .. that's why it bothers me so much that i

can only

> > > do it behind the security of the screen.

> > >

> > > >

> > > > I don't mind suffering...it happens sometimes, doesn't

it?

> > >

> > > yea it does

> > > i guess not mind suffering.. is the end of suffering.

> > >

> > > >

> > > > ~ nne

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > > > >

> > > > > > - i need love to end my loneliness

> > > > > >

> > > > > > ~ Go outside and talk to a stranger. Call your mother.

Phone a

> > > > >friend.

> > > > >

> > > > > cant talk to strangers.

> > > > >

> > > > > >

> > > > > > - i need love to express myself openly

> > > > >

> > > > > can't, i would if i could.

> > > > > you may not believe me or think im making a big deal out of

> nothing,

> > > > > but you are not me .. i tell you i can't.

> > > > >

> > > > > >

> > > > > > ~ Well, you are the one! Express yourself openly.

> > > > >

> > > > > cant.

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > > if i could i would, stuff are bothering me, they have no

name..

> > > > >

> > > > > >

> > > > > > - i need love to get a feedback that im ok

> > > > > >

> > > > > > ~ I think you are ok.

> > > > >

> > > > > no.. i ment sex

> > > > >

> > > > > >

> > > > > > - if i'v had love i'd be complete

> > > > > >

> > > > > > ~ Yes, I hear that one. And I think you are complete.

> > > > >

> > > > > great, it must be great for you to think that.

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > > >

> > > > > > - i need love to experience intamacy

> > > > > >

> > > > > > Be intimate with the next person you meet. Look them in

the

> > eyes and

> > > > > > listen to what they have to say.

> > > > >

> > > > > i can't.. there's a wall between us, my shyness, my

> > insecurities.. or

> > > > > maybe that not it .. maybe im not shy, and not insecure..

so

> it must

> > > > > be something else. but it is something. no idea what.

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > > >

> > > > > > - i need love to be complete

> > > > > >

> > > > > > You are complete, whole and perfect.

> > > > >

> > > > > if this is complete, then probably whats bothering me is

not the

> > lack

> > > > > of my completeness, so it must be something else.. no idea

what.

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > > > - i need love to stay present

> > > > > >

> > > > > > Be present now.

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > > can't.. deamons are taking me over, i simply dont control

myself.

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > > > - i need love to satisfy my urges

> > > > > >

> > > > > > What urges? If I want a drink of water, I get up and

pour myself

> > > some

> > > > > > water and drink it. Urge satisfied!

> > > > >

> > > > > sex.

> > > > > the urge to communicate, the urge to share and do stuff

that humen

> > > > > beings do .. and if i do the work on that, and discover

that those

> > > > > urges are a myth.. then i dont know what my problem is.

> > > > > and if i investigate the fact that i have a problem, and

> > discover that

> > > > > i dont have a problem.. and stuff are the way they should

be,

> > then let

> > > > > me be depressed .. cause this is what it is now.

> > > > >

> > > > > >

> > > > > > >

> > > > > > > and you know what.. im dont feel identified with what

i just

> > > wrote..

> > > > > > > its only words and i dont think i need those stuff ...

i feel

> > > > > > > something i can't put in words.

> > > > > > >

> > > > > > > what do i get out of needing love?

> > > > > > > pain, hornyness, loneliness, insecurity, mental buzz,

and

> > more and

> > > > > > > more.. all of my suffering is this, so in one word..

> suffering.

> > > > > >

> > > > > > suffering!....juicy and dramatic isn't it?

> > > > >

> > > > > yea you like this dont you?

> > > > > so what do you suggest?

> > > > > doing the work on needing love? done that.. 100 times

already.

> > ok so i

> > > > > dont need love.. thats not it probably.. cause im still

> experiencing

> > > > > those affects.

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > > >

> > > > > > ~ nne

> > > > > >

> > > > >

> > > >

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Hey Helen,

Funny to read this, as from my perspective it would help if Facy

embraced who is now, rather than trying to let go of it.

Of course, both are probably true and, at least for me, it's my own

work projected into Facy :-)

Much love and thanks,

Jon x

>

> Hi Facy,

>

> Rather than having a problem I think you have an opportunity. You

> choose your behaviors and every moment is an opportunity to choose

> again. Choose differently. What is the worst that could happen?

> Write it down. Get comfortable with it and go for it.

>

> Also I think you're very attached to this persona you've created.

> You've been writing about these same problems for a very long time.

> You've got to be willing to let go of who you are to become

> something different. If that is what you want. You don't need

> something. You need to let go of something. You need to let go of

> the story you have about how you interact with people.

>

> I hope I'm not being to harsh. I really do want you to have a life

> filled with happiness.

>

> Helen

>

>

> > > > >

> > > > > From my perspective ~ you do express yourself openly in this

> > > > > email...you are communicating, writing to me, pretty damn

> open

> > if you

> > > > > ask me.

> > > >

> > > > yea.. in the internet it's easy for me . chats .. emails..

> discussion

> > > > groups.. messenger .. that's why it bothers me so much that i

> can only

> > > > do it behind the security of the screen.

> > > >

> > > > >

> > > > > I don't mind suffering...it happens sometimes, doesn't

> it?

> > > >

> > > > yea it does

> > > > i guess not mind suffering.. is the end of suffering.

> > > >

> > > > >

> > > > > ~ nne

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > > >

> > > > > > > - i need love to end my loneliness

> > > > > > >

> > > > > > > ~ Go outside and talk to a stranger. Call your mother.

> Phone a

> > > > > >friend.

> > > > > >

> > > > > > cant talk to strangers.

> > > > > >

> > > > > > >

> > > > > > > - i need love to express myself openly

> > > > > >

> > > > > > can't, i would if i could.

> > > > > > you may not believe me or think im making a big deal out of

> > nothing,

> > > > > > but you are not me .. i tell you i can't.

> > > > > >

> > > > > > >

> > > > > > > ~ Well, you are the one! Express yourself openly.

> > > > > >

> > > > > > cant.

> > > > > >

> > > > > >

> > > > > > if i could i would, stuff are bothering me, they have no

> name..

> > > > > >

> > > > > > >

> > > > > > > - i need love to get a feedback that im ok

> > > > > > >

> > > > > > > ~ I think you are ok.

> > > > > >

> > > > > > no.. i ment sex

> > > > > >

> > > > > > >

> > > > > > > - if i'v had love i'd be complete

> > > > > > >

> > > > > > > ~ Yes, I hear that one. And I think you are complete.

> > > > > >

> > > > > > great, it must be great for you to think that.

> > > > > >

> > > > > >

> > > > > > >

> > > > > > > - i need love to experience intamacy

> > > > > > >

> > > > > > > Be intimate with the next person you meet. Look them in

> the

> > > eyes and

> > > > > > > listen to what they have to say.

> > > > > >

> > > > > > i can't.. there's a wall between us, my shyness, my

> > > insecurities.. or

> > > > > > maybe that not it .. maybe im not shy, and not insecure..

> so

> > it must

> > > > > > be something else. but it is something. no idea what.

> > > > > >

> > > > > >

> > > > > > >

> > > > > > > - i need love to be complete

> > > > > > >

> > > > > > > You are complete, whole and perfect.

> > > > > >

> > > > > > if this is complete, then probably whats bothering me is

> not the

> > > lack

> > > > > > of my completeness, so it must be something else.. no idea

> what.

> > > > > >

> > > > > >

> > > > > > > - i need love to stay present

> > > > > > >

> > > > > > > Be present now.

> > > > > >

> > > > > >

> > > > > > can't.. deamons are taking me over, i simply dont control

> myself.

> > > > > >

> > > > > >

> > > > > > > - i need love to satisfy my urges

> > > > > > >

> > > > > > > What urges? If I want a drink of water, I get up and

> pour myself

> > > > some

> > > > > > > water and drink it. Urge satisfied!

> > > > > >

> > > > > > sex.

> > > > > > the urge to communicate, the urge to share and do stuff

> that humen

> > > > > > beings do .. and if i do the work on that, and discover

> that those

> > > > > > urges are a myth.. then i dont know what my problem is.

> > > > > > and if i investigate the fact that i have a problem, and

> > > discover that

> > > > > > i dont have a problem.. and stuff are the way they should

> be,

> > > then let

> > > > > > me be depressed .. cause this is what it is now.

> > > > > >

> > > > > > >

> > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > > and you know what.. im dont feel identified with what

> i just

> > > > wrote..

> > > > > > > > its only words and i dont think i need those stuff ...

> i feel

> > > > > > > > something i can't put in words.

> > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > > what do i get out of needing love?

> > > > > > > > pain, hornyness, loneliness, insecurity, mental buzz,

> and

> > > more and

> > > > > > > > more.. all of my suffering is this, so in one word..

> > suffering.

> > > > > > >

> > > > > > > suffering!....juicy and dramatic isn't it?

> > > > > >

> > > > > > yea you like this dont you?

> > > > > > so what do you suggest?

> > > > > > doing the work on needing love? done that.. 100 times

> already.

> > > ok so i

> > > > > > dont need love.. thats not it probably.. cause im still

> > experiencing

> > > > > > those affects.

> > > > > >

> > > > > >

> > > > > > >

> > > > > > > ~ nne

> > > > > > >

> > > > > >

> > > > >

> > > >

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

>

> Hi Facy,

>

> Rather than having a problem I think you have an opportunity. You

> choose your behaviors and every moment is an opportunity to choose

> again. Choose differently. What is the worst that could happen?

> Write it down. Get comfortable with it and go for it.

>

> Also I think you're very attached to this persona you've created.

> You've been writing about these same problems for a very long time.

> You've got to be willing to let go of who you are to become

> something different. If that is what you want. You don't need

> something. You need to let go of something. You need to let go of

> the story you have about how you interact with people.

greate! i'd love to let go ! do you have some method i can use?