Re: Advice on condoning abuse

[Guest guest]

Hi Jon,

here's one possible reason to call the police after being burgled -

insurance doesn't pay out unless it's filed with the police :-)

more seriously, what are you trying to look at - whatever it is, can

probably be inquired into.

Jon

[Guest guest]

A couple thoughts come up for me. First, I'm not sure if reality is perfect. It

just is. we can like it or not, but it happened. but it is. to avoid pain one's

best bet is to acknowledge that that is the reality at that moment. If you are

burglarized and the police recover your merchandise then there is a different

reality. If it comes to you to call the police then that is good. if you decide

to accept that the stuff now belongs to the burglars that's good too. no right

or wrong about it. just do what you do.

on the subject of abuse, the main thing I've gotten from listening to is

that the abuse happens however many times it happens and it is in the past. But

we keep thinking about it and feeling the pain while the abuser is off somewhere

else having nothing to do with our current pain. the abuse could happen once and

we could relive it hundreds of times. so the question becomes, who is the abuser

in this moment?

Vivian

Advice on condoning abuse

Hi there,

Im lookng for thoughst on this subject again:

I hear the CD's and videos of people doing turnarounds on abuse, and I do them

too, and it does feel good. i feel more clear. I also see that some things that

I thought happened didnt.

I guess my question is this. If reality is perfect as it is, why would I call

the police on a burglar once my stuff is stolen. says " because that is the

way of things " which is an answer I dont quite understand.

As I am thinking of this, I guess sometimes perhpas it could end up being most

loving to share one's experience of " abuse " . Perhaps the abuser might learn

somehting that could help them. In that sense I guess coming from a clear mind I

might just act in love. I also recognize how my thinking they could use help

comes from a belief that they arent perfect as they are.

Hmmm...when I ask, that is true. They are perfect as they are, and Im trying

to help them change, when actually they're perfect.

I guess I am back to wondering why change anything if it is perfect. In the

option method they speak of the idea, that things are perfect even if you dont

like something. In other words, you can have preference, and still be completely

happy.

ie: I prefer to not be being beaten right now, but my unhappiness comes from

my beliefs about an experience, not the actual experience.

So then I might put up my hand to stop it. Or I might report it to them or

someone else or the police. I take an action.

I guess Im trying to resolve the fact that in so many ways I get that my life,

and all reality is perfect up to this point. Its like I can feel that in my

heart often. And then I want to speak of things in the past, and I wonder why.

Why did call the police for that burglar?

Any thoughts?

Thanks!

Jon

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[Guest guest]

HA, true. Could be just that, I dont know.

And yes, I guess I can inquire into my stressful thoughts about these questions:

It seems to be something around the idea that I could make a wrong move. That i

could either deny my freedom or empowerment, or follow my heart and speak of

things, and then learn later I should have done the work " better " . Then I worry

I might alienate people I wish to love, and Id be further away from feeling

love.

Plenty of ideas in there I can do the work on. I'll get out some sheets tonight.

Thanks Jon

>

> Subject: Re: Advice on condoning abuse

> To: Loving-what-is

> Date: Saturday, November 1, 2008, 5:10 PM

> Hi Jon,

>

> here's one possible reason to call the police after

> being burgled -

> insurance doesn't pay out unless it's filed with

> the police :-)

>

> more seriously, what are you trying to look at - whatever

> it is, can

> probably be inquired into.

>

> Jon

[Guest guest]

yes, when I believe that I can make a wrong move it feels stressful :-)

says something about wrong always leading to right.

But trying to get it right - yuck :-)

With love and thanks,

Jon

[Guest guest]

Thanks Vivian,

That also helps. I like being reminded that whatever happens next, or what I do,

is also good.

One element of this, is that I left a tight community of people that doesnt know

what was going on. I left in a dramatic way. If some of this community knew I

think they'd be like " ohhhh ....so that fills out the picture " Some of these

people would think Im less crazy for leaving dramatically and we'd just get on

to the business of our freindship much quicker. If they dont know, some of them

could avoid me a little. A letter could help to clarify some things and make my

time revisiting this place more fun.

I know theres much to question in there, but as I write that paragraph it doesnt

feel stressful. I have indeed questioned thoughts like

" people there think im crazy "

" i need them to know IM not crazy "

" I need their love "

" I need them to not whisper about me "

Sometimes it seems like Im bending over backwards to keep from " outing " other

people. In allanon meetings I attend of course this is a theme.

Right now, I dont know. But I will do some more sheets. If you all have any more

advice or thoughts for me I am finding it helpful.

-Jon R.

>

> Subject: Re: Advice on condoning abuse

> To: Loving-what-is

> Date: Saturday, November 1, 2008, 5:16 PM

> A couple thoughts come up for me. First, I'm not sure if

> reality is perfect. It just is. we can like it or not, but

> it happened. but it is. to avoid pain one's best bet is

> to acknowledge that that is the reality at that moment. If

> you are burglarized and the police recover your merchandise

> then there is a different reality. If it comes to you to

> call the police then that is good. if you decide to accept

> that the stuff now belongs to the burglars that's good

> too. no right or wrong about it. just do what you do.

>

> on the subject of abuse, the main thing I've gotten

> from listening to is that the abuse happens however

> many times it happens and it is in the past. But we keep

> thinking about it and feeling the pain while the abuser is

> off somewhere else having nothing to do with our current

> pain. the abuse could happen once and we could relive it

> hundreds of times. so the question becomes, who is the

> abuser in this moment?

>

> Vivian

> Advice on condoning abuse

>

>

> Hi there,

>

> Im lookng for thoughst on this subject again:

>

> I hear the CD's and videos of people doing

> turnarounds on abuse, and I do them too, and it does feel

> good. i feel more clear. I also see that some things that I

> thought happened didnt.

>

> I guess my question is this. If reality is perfect as it

> is, why would I call the police on a burglar once my stuff

> is stolen. says " because that is the way of

> things " which is an answer I dont quite understand.

>

> As I am thinking of this, I guess sometimes perhpas it

> could end up being most loving to share one's experience

> of " abuse " . Perhaps the abuser might learn

> somehting that could help them. In that sense I guess coming

> from a clear mind I might just act in love. I also recognize

> how my thinking they could use help comes from a belief that

> they arent perfect as they are.

>

> Hmmm...when I ask, that is true. They are perfect as they

> are, and Im trying to help them change, when actually

> they're perfect.

>

> I guess I am back to wondering why change anything if it

> is perfect. In the option method they speak of the idea,

> that things are perfect even if you dont like something. In

> other words, you can have preference, and still be

> completely happy.

>

> ie: I prefer to not be being beaten right now, but my

> unhappiness comes from my beliefs about an experience, not

> the actual experience.

>

> So then I might put up my hand to stop it. Or I might

> report it to them or someone else or the police. I take an

> action.

>

> I guess Im trying to resolve the fact that in so many

> ways I get that my life, and all reality is perfect up to

> this point. Its like I can feel that in my heart often. And

> then I want to speak of things in the past, and I wonder

> why. Why did call the police for that burglar?

>

> Any thoughts?

>

> Thanks!

> Jon

>

>

>

>

>

>

> ------------------------------------------------------------------------------

>

>

>

> No virus found in this incoming message.

> Checked by AVG - http://www.avg.com

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> Date: 11/1/2008 9:36 AM

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>

>

[Guest guest]

bending over backwards to keep from " outing " other people because....?

(can you find some reasons here, possible areas of inquiry).

Jon

[Guest guest]

i'm also reminded of a BK quote:

" don't be careful, you might hurt yourself. "

(not sure these are the exact words).

Jon

>

> bending over backwards to keep from " outing " other people because....?

>

> (can you find some reasons here, possible areas of inquiry).

>

> Jon

>

[Guest guest]

Thats a good one. I do feel like much of my 39 years is spent being careful.

Careful so that things dont happen that I think I can't handle.

 

So then that makes me think I can just act, think, and speak, and go from there,

deal with what happens next.

I also remember the quote from I think which is " all judgements and attack

belong on paper " .

 

So I kind of hold off on things, as Im not sure if what Im doing is some sort of

veiled attack or judgment. That my work is not done.

 

I ask my heart, is my work not done around these issues before I speak or not?

I get a yes, like I can still do the work some on this stuff and get a more

clear mind.

 

So thats what Ill do.

 

Thanks and love for the help,

Jon R.

Subject: Re: Advice on condoning abuse

To: Loving-what-is

Date: Saturday, November 1, 2008, 6:04 PM

i'm also reminded of a BK quote:

" don't be careful, you might hurt yourself. "

(not sure these are the exact words).

Jon

>

> bending over backwards to keep from " outing " other people because....?

>

> (can you find some reasons here, possible areas of inquiry).

>

> Jon

>

[Guest guest]

Sounds like you have unfinished business with your " tight community of people. "

Good luck with that.

Vivian

Advice on condoning abuse

>

>

> Hi there,

>

> Im lookng for thoughst on this subject again:

>

> I hear the CD's and videos of people doing

> turnarounds on abuse, and I do them too, and it does feel

> good. i feel more clear. I also see that some things that I

> thought happened didnt.

>

> I guess my question is this. If reality is perfect as it

> is, why would I call the police on a burglar once my stuff

> is stolen. says " because that is the way of

> things " which is an answer I dont quite understand.

>

> As I am thinking of this, I guess sometimes perhpas it

> could end up being most loving to share one's experience

> of " abuse " . Perhaps the abuser might learn

> somehting that could help them. In that sense I guess coming

> from a clear mind I might just act in love. I also recognize

> how my thinking they could use help comes from a belief that

> they arent perfect as they are.

>

> Hmmm...when I ask, that is true. They are perfect as they

> are, and Im trying to help them change, when actually

> they're perfect.

>

> I guess I am back to wondering why change anything if it

> is perfect. In the option method they speak of the idea,

> that things are perfect even if you dont like something. In

> other words, you can have preference, and still be

> completely happy.

>

> ie: I prefer to not be being beaten right now, but my

> unhappiness comes from my beliefs about an experience, not

> the actual experience.

>

> So then I might put up my hand to stop it. Or I might

> report it to them or someone else or the police. I take an

> action.

>

> I guess Im trying to resolve the fact that in so many

> ways I get that my life, and all reality is perfect up to

> this point. Its like I can feel that in my heart often. And

> then I want to speak of things in the past, and I wonder

> why. Why did call the police for that burglar?

>

> Any thoughts?

>

> Thanks!

> Jon

>

>

>

>

>

>

> ----------------------------------------------------------

>

>

>

> No virus found in this incoming message.

> Checked by AVG - http://www.avg.com

> Version: 8.0.175 / Virus Database: 270.8.5/1760 - Release

> Date: 11/1/2008 9:36 AM

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Hey Vivian,

This is a good point - Jon, you could uncover your beliefs about this

" tight community of people " , maybe for example, they (individually or

collectively) won't be able to handle it?

Jon

>

> Sounds like you have unfinished business with your " tight community

of people. " Good luck with that.

> Vivian

[Guest guest]

Hi Jon,

I've actually wondered about this idea that " calling the police is

the way of things " . .. Here's a couple of thoughts that I've come

across.

From Neale Walsh (from my memory, not a quote but I remember

something along the lines of the following)

Reality may not be perfect in the sense that it perfectly matches

what I want or that it perfectly matches how I think it should be

but it is perfect in the sense that it is what it is. It is

perfectly what it is. It is perfectly what followed from that which

went before it. It is the only way that it could be because it is.

***********

Through my perception I may overlay a dis-satisfaction on top of the

perfection that reality is. It is my thoughts that tarnish the

perfection.

***********

Why would call the police about a burlary? Well, because she

wanted to. She had a choice, call the police, don't call the

police.. She chose to call the police. based on her beliefs she

determined that that was the appropriate behavior for her. Either

choice would have been appropriate. In any decision how do you know

what the right decision is? base it on what makes you feel good (no

stressful thoughts, comfort in your body, it is in alignment with

what who you want to be, to do or to have.)

************

Life is change. There is no such thing as staying still... you are

either moving towards the next greatest version of who you are

(expanding, growing, loving, living) or you are contracting

(shriveling, retreating, fearing, dying).

*************

Jon, in some of what you wrote about the burlar you were really in

the burlar's business. Try to stay in your own business when making

decisions. What do you want to be, to do or to have? You want to

be loving? Do what seems loving. You want to get insurance money?

Do what helps get insurance money. You want to alert the community

to the fact that there is a burlar on the loose? Do that which will

alert the community (file a police report, call the newspaper...

etc) What do YOU want to be, to do, or to have? Only you matter,

only you count... the rest is the illusion of your experience. the

rest is your story that you tell yourself. Create the story that is

stressfree and joyful. The parts of your story that are not stress

free and joyful are what The Work (the Option Method ..The Law of

Attraction. etc etc) is for.

Love,

Helen

>

> Hi there,

>

> Im lookng for thoughst on this subject again:

>

> I hear the CD's and videos of people doing turnarounds on abuse,

and I do them too, and it does feel good. i feel more clear. I also

see that some things that I thought happened didnt.

>

> I guess my question is this. If reality is perfect as it is, why

would I call the police on a burglar once my stuff is stolen.

says " because that is the way of things " which is an answer I dont

quite understand.

>

> As I am thinking of this, I guess sometimes perhpas it could end

up being most loving to share one's experience of " abuse " . Perhaps

the abuser might learn somehting that could help them. In that sense

I guess coming from a clear mind I might just act in love. I also

recognize how my thinking they could use help comes from a belief

that they arent perfect as they are.

>

> Hmmm...when I ask, that is true. They are perfect as they are, and

Im trying to help them change, when actually they're perfect.

>

> I guess I am back to wondering why change anything if it is

perfect. In the option method they speak of the idea, that things

are perfect even if you dont like something. In other words, you can

have preference, and still be completely happy.

>

> ie: I prefer to not be being beaten right now, but my unhappiness

comes from my beliefs about an experience, not the actual experience.

>

> So then I might put up my hand to stop it. Or I might report it to

them or someone else or the police. I take an action.

>

> I guess Im trying to resolve the fact that in so many ways I get

that my life, and all reality is perfect up to this point. Its like

I can feel that in my heart often. And then I want to speak of

things in the past, and I wonder why. Why did call the police

for that burglar?

>

> Any thoughts?

>

> Thanks!

> Jon

>

[Guest guest]

Hi Jon

> I guess Im trying to resolve the fact that in so many ways I get that my

> life, and all reality is perfect up to this point. Its like I can feel

> that in my heart often. And then I want to speak of things in the past,

> and I wonder why. Why did call the police for that burglar?

>

This reminds me that about two years ago my son's car that I bought him was

stolen out of our driveway. I noticed that I wasn't upset about it at all,

it was just something that happened. I did get into my car and drove to the

police station and reported it. I did put in a claim with the insurance

company and we got our money back in due course. I was robbed before and I

took the same actions this time I took then, except this time round it was

totally stress-free. It was an interesting experience.

Regards

Hanle

[Guest guest]

Another perspective on " calling the police " .

there are laws and rules in place and, whether I agree with them or

not personally, I can also see how not applying the laws and rules

that are in place doesn't help people. So reporting a burglary, and

maybe the burglar then being caught, can be an act of kindness.

Maybe when they are in prison they will be introduced to the work.

(Or to 'Big Bubba' their cell-mate - but that's another story...).

Who knows? :-)

Jon

[Guest guest]

> I guess my question is this. If reality is perfect as it is, why

would I call the police on a burglar once my stuff is stolen.

> I guess Im trying to resolve the fact that in so many ways I get

that my life, and all reality is perfect up to this point. Its like I

can feel that in my heart often. And then I want to speak of things

in the past, and I wonder why. Why did call the police for that

burglar?

Perfection exists. Is that true? I'm not sure it is. As if there is

no imperfection, what good is perfection?

What is, is, without the labels.

As for calling police, well, sometimes it's done, sometimes it's not.

If it's all God, why WOULDN'T God call the police? Sometimes God

would, sometimes God wouldn't, as God is all that is.

Ultimately, God is; , the burglar, the police.

If any of it bothers you, do 'the work' on -

shouldn't have called the police. Is that true? etc, etc

I've spent time in jail twice. Just more life experiences.

If you have any resistance to it, do something illegal. I'd be happy

to call the police on you my dear freind.