Re: I am standing up for myself... fear..anger...guilt

[Guest guest]

Absolutely, KK!

Standing alone is sometimes erroneously looked on as being " wrong " --

and there are countless examples throughout human history of people

finally deciding enough is enough and risking everything to stand on

their truth. They were ridiculed, ostracized, and even threatened

with death!

They've gone before us and shown us the way. We can each stand

alone to our FOO and extended families. We can be the only voice in

the wilderness and still be " right " as our personal truth tells us

we are.

Standing alone does not mean " wrong " .

-Kyla

>

> > I am preparing a statement for the court so our

> > family can have some

> > peace. Why I do I feel guilty for only telling the

> > truth about how

> > vindictive, mean, cruel and not to mention selfish

> > my so called

> > mother is? It feels awful.

> >

> > But I have to do it. I hate having to go to a state

> > statute for

> > protection. It is embarassing, beyond anything I've

> > experienced.

> > Like having a rectal exam in front of a bunch of

> > idiots with

> > uniforms on. This is very hard work.. it will be

> > worth it, but

> > right now it just plain hurts. It hurts and it

> > sucks and why would

> > any human being CHOOSE to put someone through

> > this???

> >

> > I guess I wonder, maybe she's just downright mean,

> > as she will

> > certainly control herself in front of the judge.

> > She'll be so sweet

> > and innocent... she'll probably cry some real tears

> > and be just so

> > innocent, why are we picking on her??? I haven't

> > been on her

> > property or contacted her at all for 4 years, why is

> > that so bad?

> > It s not like I was trying to intrude or harass HER.

> > She was trying

> > everything she could to break us apart as a family,

> > and she has NOT

> > succeeded!!! I have paid a price as my anxiety is

> > at times more

> > severe, but I can say it has opened up my world a

> > lot, and I have

> > grown. But I'm tired of it. I just want to enjoy

> > my family, not

> > watch the mail for threats and crazy insinuations.

> > I still feel

> > sucked into trying to defend myself... though I've

> > not done anything

> > wrong.

> >

> > I did cuss her out once, but only because it was the

> > only way I

> > could get her to get off the phone and stop calling

> > me. That is

> > certainly not a crime.

> >

> > Thanks for letting me vent. I feel a teeny bit

> > better. This just

> > shows you how we can be totally feeling positive one

> > moment. and how

> > a BPD person can rock our world, over and over.

> > Maybe I'll have

> > peace someday before they are putting flowers on my

> > grave.

> >

> > Sorry for being such a whiner.... I know someone out

> > there

> > understands.

> >

> >

>

>

>

>

>

_____________________________________________________________________

_______________

> We won't tell. Get more on shows you hate to love

> (and love to hate): Yahoo! TV's Guilty Pleasures list.

> http://tv.yahoo.com/collections/265

>

[Guest guest]

Thanks for dialogue...

One of my coping skills is rediscovering music. I like the newer

ny Cash recordings. If you really listen to the words of his

songs they speak of a person who is alone in the world but still makes

a difference and finds profound joy. If you dont believe me, do some

listening.

It is an emotional roller coaster... but when I get to where I am

going, after life, heaven whatever we call it, I'll have a story to

tell!!! I didn't let it get me down, and I tried really hard to help

other people along the way.

[Guest guest]

I hear ya -- music can be a great healer. And a songwriter's words

are his heart reaching out. So many times I've felt the song was

speaking to me!

And ny Cash -- what a master of the human heart he was. His

lyrics were such an example of a hurting human heart.

>

> Thanks for dialogue...

>

> One of my coping skills is rediscovering music. I like the newer

> ny Cash recordings. If you really listen to the words of his

> songs they speak of a person who is alone in the world but still

makes

> a difference and finds profound joy. If you dont believe me, do

some

> listening.

>

> It is an emotional roller coaster... but when I get to where I am

> going, after life, heaven whatever we call it, I'll have a story

to

> tell!!! I didn't let it get me down, and I tried really hard to

help

> other people along the way.

>

[Guest guest]

I myself just discovered this wonderful site with these wonderfully

supportive people last June -- when my nada pulled her latest stunt.

God's timing, as usual, was perfect -- I was ready to see the truth

with open eyes. From this site I found " Stop Walking on Eggshells " -

- or maybe the other way around -- and it all CLICKED!

Even some of my flea-bitten behavior just months before that I NOW

understand. And it's gone! I can think it through with all of this

new information.

It has helped me change -- at 44, I feel I have finally grown up.

Standing up to my fada and feeling his wrath and doing it anyway was

like my " graduation " into adulthood. I would have felt such anxiety

and rushed in to fix things before. Now, I SEE how he is as sick as

Nada and I have to leave them to each other. My brother and I both

realize now that fada is just as manipulative as nada. I was blind

to it before. Thought he was a good dad -- a kindly man.

No anxiety this time. It's wonderful. With God's help, this place

has saved my sanity. Glad to know you're doing well, too.

[hugs],

Kyla

> > >

> > > > I am preparing a statement for the court so our

> > > > family can have some

> > > > peace. Why I do I feel guilty for only telling

> > the

> > > > truth about how

> > > > vindictive, mean, cruel and not to mention

> > selfish

> > > > my so called

> > > > mother is? It feels awful.

> > > >

> > > > But I have to do it. I hate having to go to a

> > state

> > > > statute for

> > > > protection. It is embarassing, beyond anything

> > I've

> > > > experienced.

> > > > Like having a rectal exam in front of a bunch of

> > > > idiots with

> > > > uniforms on. This is very hard work.. it will

> > be

> > > > worth it, but

> > > > right now it just plain hurts. It hurts and it

> > > > sucks and why would

> > > > any human being CHOOSE to put someone through

> > > > this???

> > > >

> > > > I guess I wonder, maybe she's just downright

> > mean,

> > > > as she will

> > > > certainly control herself in front of the judge.

> >

> > > > She'll be so sweet

> > > > and innocent... she'll probably cry some real

> > tears

> > > > and be just so

> > > > innocent, why are we picking on her??? I

> > haven't

> > > > been on her

> > > > property or contacted her at all for 4 years,

> > why is

> > > > that so bad?

> > > > It s not like I was trying to intrude or harass

> > HER.

> > > > She was trying

> > > > everything she could to break us apart as a

> > family,

> > > > and she has NOT

> > > > succeeded!!! I have paid a price as my anxiety

> > is

> > > > at times more

> > > > severe, but I can say it has opened up my world

> > a

> > > > lot, and I have

> > > > grown. But I'm tired of it. I just want to

> > enjoy

> > > > my family, not

> > > > watch the mail for threats and crazy

> > insinuations.

> > > > I still feel

> > > > sucked into trying to defend myself... though

> > I've

> > > > not done anything

> > > > wrong.

> > > >

> > > > I did cuss her out once, but only because it was

> > the

> > > > only way I

> > > > could get her to get off the phone and stop

> > calling

> > > > me. That is

> > > > certainly not a crime.

> > > >

> > > > Thanks for letting me vent. I feel a teeny bit

> > > > better. This just

> > > > shows you how we can be totally feeling positive

> > one

> > > > moment. and how

> > > > a BPD person can rock our world, over and over.

> >

> > > > Maybe I'll have

> > > > peace someday before they are putting flowers on

> > my

> > > > grave.

> > > >

> > > > Sorry for being such a whiner.... I know someone

> > out

> > > > there

> > > > understands.

> > > >

> > > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> >

>

_____________________________________________________________________

> > _______________

> > > We won't tell. Get more on shows you hate to love

> > > (and love to hate): Yahoo! TV's Guilty Pleasures

> > list.

> > > http://tv.yahoo.com/collections/265

> > >

> >

> >

> >

>

>

>

>

>

_____________________________________________________________________

_______________

> Food fight? Enjoy some healthy debate

> in the Yahoo! Answers Food & Drink Q & A.

> http://answers.yahoo.com/dir/?link=list & sid=396545367

>

[Guest guest]

Just wanted to say....You Go Girl!!!! I feel guilty about things

like allowing my brother to spend extended periods of time at my

house because I know it is triggering her abandonment and feelings

of defectiveness. I can only imagine the guts it takes to do what

you're doing! So good for you standing up for yourself and making a

choice to protect yourself and your life.

>

> I am preparing a statement for the court so our family can have

some

> peace. Why I do I feel guilty for only telling the truth about

how

> vindictive, mean, cruel and not to mention selfish my so called

> mother is? It feels awful.

>

> But I have to do it. I hate having to go to a state statute for

> protection. It is embarassing, beyond anything I've experienced.

> Like having a rectal exam in front of a bunch of idiots with

> uniforms on. This is very hard work.. it will be worth it, but

> right now it just plain hurts. It hurts and it sucks and why

would

> any human being CHOOSE to put someone through this???

>

> I guess I wonder, maybe she's just downright mean, as she will

> certainly control herself in front of the judge. She'll be so

sweet

> and innocent... she'll probably cry some real tears and be just so

> innocent, why are we picking on her??? I haven't been on her

> property or contacted her at all for 4 years, why is that so bad?

> It s not like I was trying to intrude or harass HER. She was

trying

> everything she could to break us apart as a family, and she has

NOT

> succeeded!!! I have paid a price as my anxiety is at times more

> severe, but I can say it has opened up my world a lot, and I have

> grown. But I'm tired of it. I just want to enjoy my family, not

> watch the mail for threats and crazy insinuations. I still feel

> sucked into trying to defend myself... though I've not done

anything

> wrong.

>

> I did cuss her out once, but only because it was the only way I

> could get her to get off the phone and stop calling me. That is

> certainly not a crime.

>

> Thanks for letting me vent. I feel a teeny bit better. This just

> shows you how we can be totally feeling positive one moment. and

how

> a BPD person can rock our world, over and over. Maybe I'll have

> peace someday before they are putting flowers on my grave.

>

> Sorry for being such a whiner.... I know someone out there

> understands.

>

[Guest guest]

Could have written this myself..

Yay for us!!!

[Guest guest]

Thanks a billion...

I feel alternately peaceful, knowing I have done all I can and have

tried to help her...

A little anger that I have to take a day of my life and deal with

her... then either way NC is the only way for me.

I have finally grown up...

Now I can live a life.

Thanks you you all for comments and encouragement.

I just look at it as a lesson in humility. We CANt control what

others do, no matter what we can just limit our exposure to it.

[Guest guest]

Congratulations. Now march over there and do what needs to be done!

[hugs],

Kyla

>

> Thanks a billion...

>

> I feel alternately peaceful, knowing I have done all I can and

have

> tried to help her...

>

> A little anger that I have to take a day of my life and deal with

> her... then either way NC is the only way for me.

>

> I have finally grown up...

>

> Now I can live a life.

>

> Thanks you you all for comments and encouragement.

>

> I just look at it as a lesson in humility. We CANt control what

> others do, no matter what we can just limit our exposure to it.

>