Guest guest Posted March 3, 2007 Report Share Posted March 3, 2007 Charlotte, It helps me to remember that I'm IN a situation, not OF it. Also, that it's going to end -- soon. If I had a nickle for every time someone told me I'm " the only one, " I'd be rich. Funny, only people who seem to be hiding something say that. Can you say " BPD " ? One Non-BP Recovering Man --- charlottes_mommy8 wrote: > Hey all, first off-- sorry for the long post. Also, > I haven't been > keeping up with the group very well, I'm sorry. I do > think about it > a lot, but have been barely keeping my head above > water lately. > Amazing and wonderful as it is, Hermit nada is > actually not my > biggest issue right now! > > I am wondering if anyone has had a bp boss? I am in > a very > precarious position right now. I am bound by > contract to work until > June 12 and not in a position that I can leave. The > problem: my boss > is *toxic*. She fits the Queen type to a T. She > contradicts herself > all the time and then scolds me when I do the > " wrong " thing. She > appears out of nowhere to yell at me for doing my > job. She tells me > I need to be coming in earlier, staying later (I > already work more > than I should), and taking work home. I am told that > I am the " only > one " of several colleagues having trouble with a > particular computer > program & it's user error. I am not alone, it's > normal to see > colleagues crying or fighting back tears as they try > to do their > jobs. My site also has the highest turnover of all > sites in the > area. I could go on and on, but you get the picture. > > > I told my boss that I would be " pursuing other > opportunities " (after > June 12th) a month ago. Ever since then, she has > escalated and has > made my life miserable. I have gotten to the point > that my only goal > is to make it through the work day without crying, & > I haven't even > been able to do that! I am having migraines and feel > sick all the > time. I need something, a strategy, some advice to > help me make to > June 12th without becoming more of a mess than I > already am. HELP! > > ________________________________________________________________________________\ ____ Cheap talk? Check out Yahoo! Messenger's low PC-to-Phone call rates. http://voice.yahoo.com Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 3, 2007 Report Share Posted March 3, 2007 Thanks, Non-BP Man. Yeah, I have a running countdown in my head & that helps a little. A friend I work with (who also has a BP nada) says she makes through the day by playing " The Crazy Game " . She goes in thinking " I'm going to see a lot of crazy behavior today. " Then when she is getting yelled at, she does the bobble-head yes-man thing and thinks to herself, " I am witnessing crazy behavior. " When she gets home, she wins the game by saying, " Wow! I survived another crazy day! " And then doesn't think about work again. I'm trying, but I always feel so upset that I've got another day just like the last one coming. Oh well. I can do anything for 3 1/2 months, right? > > Charlotte, > > It helps me to remember that I'm IN a situation, not > OF it. Also, that it's going to end -- soon. > > If I had a nickle for every time someone told me I'm > " the only one, " I'd be rich. Funny, only people who > seem to be hiding something say that. Can you say > " BPD " ? > > One Non-BP Recovering Man > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 3, 2007 Report Share Posted March 3, 2007 charlotte's mommy: If I were in your shoes, I would set a goal that I am going use this next 3 1/2 months to become very good at detachment in the presence of crazy people. You can master the skill -- no joke! Turn it around and look at it like a " boot camp " for learning to dissociate from BPD behavior. Read the parts of all of the BPD survival books that deal with detachment. (Melody Beatty's books are good for that, if I recall correctly. Lots of " letting go " language) You'll emerge from this time with a VERY useful life skill. Become oblivious to the rantings of nutjobs..... Detach, detach, detach, detach...... -Kyla > > > > Charlotte, > > > > It helps me to remember that I'm IN a situation, not > > OF it. Also, that it's going to end -- soon. > > > > If I had a nickle for every time someone told me I'm > > " the only one, " I'd be rich. Funny, only people who > > seem to be hiding something say that. Can you say > > " BPD " ? > > > > One Non-BP Recovering Man > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 3, 2007 Report Share Posted March 3, 2007 " Detach detach detach detach " --------------------------------------------------------------------------------\ ---------------------------------------------------- Sounds kinda like the " EJECT! EJECT! EJECT! " that fighter pilots yell before they save themselves from a crashing plane....how appropriate! - kylaboo728 wrote: charlotte's mommy: If I were in your shoes, I would set a goal that I am going use this next 3 1/2 months to become very good at detachment in the presence of crazy people. You can master the skill -- no joke! Turn it around and look at it like a " boot camp " for learning to dissociate from BPD behavior. Read the parts of all of the BPD survival books that deal with detachment. (Melody Beatty's books are good for that, if I recall correctly. Lots of " letting go " language) You'll emerge from this time with a VERY useful life skill. Become oblivious to the rantings of nutjobs..... Detach, detach, detach, detach...... -Kyla > > > > Charlotte, > > > > It helps me to remember that I'm IN a situation, not > > OF it. Also, that it's going to end -- soon. > > > > If I had a nickle for every time someone told me I'm > > " the only one, " I'd be rich. Funny, only people who > > seem to be hiding something say that. Can you say > > " BPD " ? > > > > One Non-BP Recovering Man > > > --------------------------------- Don't pick lemons. See all the new 2007 cars at Yahoo! Autos. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 3, 2007 Report Share Posted March 3, 2007 What a terrific solution to this problem. Talk about making lemonade from lemons! Sylvia > > charlotte's mommy: > > If I were in your shoes, I would set a goal that I am going use this > next 3 1/2 months to become very good at detachment in the presence > of crazy people. You can master the skill -- no joke! > > Turn it around and look at it like a " boot camp " for learning to > dissociate from BPD behavior. Read the parts of all of the BPD > survival books that deal with detachment. (Melody Beatty's books > are good for that, if I recall correctly. Lots of " letting go " > language) > > You'll emerge from this time with a VERY useful life skill. Become > oblivious to the rantings of nutjobs..... > > > Detach, detach, detach, detach...... > > -Kyla ....... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 3, 2007 Report Share Posted March 3, 2007 I don't know your situation, but it does not seem to me that anyone can be legally bound to a contract that includes daily abuse at the level you describe. If you find another job, would you consider calling the local legal aid people and having them intervene for you if your boss insists that you must stay? No one has the right to sign someone to a contract and then heap abuse on them according to their own whim and create a hostile work environment that paralyzes and abuses the workers. You do have choices....just thinking out loud. > > Hey all, first off-- sorry for the long post. Also, I haven't been > keeping up with the group very well, I'm sorry. I do think about it > a lot, but have been barely keeping my head above water lately. > Amazing and wonderful as it is, Hermit nada is actually not my > biggest issue right now! > > I am wondering if anyone has had a bp boss? I am in a very > precarious position right now. I am bound by contract to work until > June 12 and not in a position that I can leave. The problem: my boss > is *toxic*. She fits the Queen type to a T. She contradicts herself > all the time and then scolds me when I do the " wrong " thing. She > appears out of nowhere to yell at me for doing my job. She tells me > I need to be coming in earlier, staying later (I already work more > than I should), and taking work home. I am told that I am the " only > one " of several colleagues having trouble with a particular computer > program & it's user error. I am not alone, it's normal to see > colleagues crying or fighting back tears as they try to do their > jobs. My site also has the highest turnover of all sites in the > area. I could go on and on, but you get the picture. > > I told my boss that I would be " pursuing other opportunities " (after > June 12th) a month ago. Ever since then, she has escalated and has > made my life miserable. I have gotten to the point that my only goal > is to make it through the work day without crying, & I haven't even > been able to do that! I am having migraines and feel sick all the > time. I need something, a strategy, some advice to help me make to > June 12th without becoming more of a mess than I already am. HELP! > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 3, 2007 Report Share Posted March 3, 2007 Sylvia, Kyla, Non-BP Man: You are all certainly right. Thank you to everyone who has given advice! My new mantras at work: " Detach, detach, detach " ! (I have even set it to music-- do you all know the tune " Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps " ?) Also: " I am IN this situation but not OF this situation " . That's what I'm going to be thinking when she is yelling w/ her finger in my face. Plus, I plan to do something with my hands and body when she gets in my face, i.e. take a step back & put my hands in front of my body as if to say, " Easy does it " or slide my chair out from the table if I'm in a meeting. I am also going to keep a notebook of things she tells me to do/not do with dates and times, so that I can refer to it when she jumps a track,i.e. " Last week you asked for this. Would you prefer I do that instead? " (sweet husband's suggestions, all). B/c it's work, I can't use my fave nada/fada tactic: " I'll be happy to discuss this with you when you are calm " or " I'm hanging up now, you can hang up 1st, if you like " and then leaving/hanging up. Know what's creepy? My boss has a Wizard of OZ obsession.... (detach, detach, detach....) > > > > charlotte's mommy: > > > > If I were in your shoes, I would set a goal that I am going use > this > > next 3 1/2 months to become very good at detachment in the > presence > > of crazy people. You can master the skill -- no joke! > > > > Turn it around and look at it like a " boot camp " for learning to > > dissociate from BPD behavior. Read the parts of all of the BPD > > survival books that deal with detachment. (Melody Beatty's books > > are good for that, if I recall correctly. Lots of " letting go " > > language) > > > > You'll emerge from this time with a VERY useful life skill. > Become > > oblivious to the rantings of nutjobs..... > > > > > > Detach, detach, detach, detach...... > > > > -Kyla > ...... > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 5, 2007 Report Share Posted March 5, 2007 Charlotte's mommy -- That's the spirit! Be sure and give us " reports from the field! " My Therapist always cautions us (it's group therapy) that when someone's acting nutty, don't take it in! Let it remain on them! Big-eyed blank stares are very effective, too. Keeps the nut looking like the nut, and you look like the sane one! And yes, your statement of " Do you want me to do it this way? Last week you wanted it this way " Absolutely -- and say it without a hint of sarcasm or faultfinding. This is simply information NORMAL people need during the daily course of business. I think some of us KOs (myself included) are timid about speaking up -- stating what we need -- fearful of appearing dumb or whatever. You're doing good! Keep those reports coming! {hugs} Kyla > > > > > > charlotte's mommy: > > > > > > If I were in your shoes, I would set a goal that I am going use > > this > > > next 3 1/2 months to become very good at detachment in the > > presence > > > of crazy people. You can master the skill -- no joke! > > > > > > Turn it around and look at it like a " boot camp " for learning to > > > dissociate from BPD behavior. Read the parts of all of the BPD > > > survival books that deal with detachment. (Melody Beatty's > books > > > are good for that, if I recall correctly. Lots of " letting go " > > > language) > > > > > > You'll emerge from this time with a VERY useful life skill. > > Become > > > oblivious to the rantings of nutjobs..... > > > > > > > > > Detach, detach, detach, detach...... > > > > > > -Kyla > > ...... > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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