Strange Thoughts...wouldn't you say?

[Guest guest]

Strange Thoughts

1. Dont sweat the petty things and dont pet the sweaty things.

2. One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.....

3. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

4. If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?

5. The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad

girls live.

6. I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, Wheres the self-help

section? She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.

7. What if there were no hypothetical questions?

8. If a deaf person swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?

9. If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it

considered a hostage situation?

10. Is there another word for synonym?

11. Where do Forest Rangers go to get away from it all?

12. What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered

plant?

13. If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?

14. Would a fly without wings be called a walk?

15. Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean

them?

16. If a turtle doesnt have a shell, is he homeless or naked?

17. Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?

18. If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain

silent?

19. Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines?

20. How do they get deer to cross the road only at those yellow road signs?

21. What was the best thing before sliced bread?

22. One nice thing about egotists: they dont talk about other people.

23. Does the Little Mermaid wear an algebra?

24. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

25. How is it possible to have a civil war?

26. If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown, too?

27. If you ate both pasta and antipasto, would you still be hungry?

28. If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?

29. Whose cruel idea was it for the word Lisp to have S in it?

30. Why are hemorrhoids called hemorrhoids instead of asteroids?

31. Why is it called tourist season if we cant shoot at them?

32. Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?

33. If you spin an oriental man in a circle three times does he become

disoriented?

34. Can an atheist get insurance against acts of God?

~ " We all take different paths in life, but no matter where we go, we take a

little of each other everywhere. " ~ ~ " If I could reach up and hold a star for

every time you've made me smile, the entire evening sky would be in the palm of

my hand. " ~

[Guest guest]

Jan, I can tell we have a similar sense of humor. One of the girls in

my Sunday school class is the local animal rescuer- they just wind up

at Rita's house. Her latest is an albino german shepherd someone

dumped. She told us, " he's deaf, and blind, but very sweet natured. "

I thought about it for a minute, then I said, " so what you're telling

us is that the dog needs a seeing eye person. " to which Rita replied,

EXACTLY! )

Jane

> Strange Thoughts

>

> 1. Dont sweat the petty things and dont pet the sweaty things.

> 2. One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.....

> 3. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

> 4. If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have

monkeys and apes?

> 5. The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all

the bad girls live.

> 6. I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, Wheres the self-

help section? She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.

> 7. What if there were no hypothetical questions?

> 8. If a deaf person swears, does his mother wash his hands with

soap?

> 9. If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill

himself, is it considered a hostage situation?

> 10. Is there another word for synonym?

> 11. Where do Forest Rangers go to get away from it all?

> 12. What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an

endangered plant?

> 13. If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?

> 14. Would a fly without wings be called a walk?

> 15. Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid

someone will clean them?

> 16. If a turtle doesnt have a shell, is he homeless or naked?

> 17. Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?

> 18. If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right

to remain silent?

> 19. Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines?

> 20. How do they get deer to cross the road only at those yellow

road signs?

> 21. What was the best thing before sliced bread?

> 22. One nice thing about egotists: they dont talk about other

people.

> 23. Does the Little Mermaid wear an algebra?

> 24. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

> 25. How is it possible to have a civil war?

> 26. If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown, too?

> 27. If you ate both pasta and antipasto, would you still be hungry?

> 28. If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?

> 29. Whose cruel idea was it for the word Lisp to have S in it?

> 30. Why are hemorrhoids called hemorrhoids instead of asteroids?

> 31. Why is it called tourist season if we cant shoot at them?

> 32. Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?

> 33. If you spin an oriental man in a circle three times does he

become disoriented?

> 34. Can an atheist get insurance against acts of God?

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> ~ " We all take different paths in life, but no matter where we go,

we take a little of each other everywhere. " ~ ~ " If I could reach up

and hold a star for every time you've made me smile, the entire

evening sky would be in the palm of my hand. " ~

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