sorry I have not been here- updates some OT

January 15, 2005

I posted this today on another group I belong to-

I broke down finally and went in - been sick since Dec 26, thought it was ear

infection or maybe possibly a bad tooth? I kept hoping that in spite of my

chemo, my body might fight it off, anyway, on it's own? (I live in partial

denial that I have RA and am on chemo- so used to having a sturdy healthy

constitution, ya know?) This morning at pinewood derby weigh in, my ear began to

bleed inside. It has been hurting a LOT, and my jaw has been swelling, so much

my teeth would not close or meet up lately sometimes. Well, having my ear bleed

I though oh you dummy now you went and let your dumb eardrum rupture, you fool.

SO I went in to the ER, deciding it should not wait till Monday.

UG. Doc said my eustachian tubes are damaged, and so are my salivary

glands....no infection, just chronic fluid that damaged it all.....and my jaw

has RA in it.....like my fingers. (and toes and shoulder and knees etc, yeesh)

He said he really can do very little for any of it. He gave me a decongestatnt

hoping it will help the pressure and pain some, but warned me it might not and

this is long term problem. grrrr. and the RA in the jaw will be just like

everywhere else, sometimes it will act up and sometimes it won't. sometimes I

will be to my knees in pain and unable to eat and sometimes it will be fine. Oh

joy. The good news is I took one pill so far and already the pressure and pain

are better, bearable, and so is my hearing.

I really am disgusted with my dumb body turning on itself. LOL. And I am like

anyone else, - hey fix me doc! NOW. I am tired of all the things in me, Ray and

the kids that medicine cannot yet fix, LOL, I am a product of the instant

gratification generation, ya know? LOL.

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In addition, I was at Shriners childrens hospital with my youngest for 3 full

days this week.came home to find a cousin and a friend - both early 40s had

passed away.....UG. broke her shoulder, I am not yet sure how......

I counted, I have been to 8 funerals this year for people in their teens and

20's and 6 for people in their 30s and 40s, and it is hitting me hard in my

face. also 2 for teen agers.

I am in middle of suing our school district for disability discrimination and

harrassment for my oldest child.....the trial starts this week, and sadly I am

having to represent myself (LONG story)

Life is just being really hard right now. I did not mean to not be here and not

be supportive to you guys in your battles. Please do know I keep you all in my

prayers daily, and I am inspired by your attitudes.

My best to all of you.

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