Bad Day

January 20, 2005

Well, I totally lost it today. The RA and Fibromyalgia have really been acting

up the past few days - yesterday was a two Vicodin day - and then this morning I

found out I have strep throat AGAIN!

The last time was about three weeks ago and sent me to the ER when the swelling

in my throat made breathing difficult. I didn't realize that I getting sick

this time because I've felt so lousy lately; it was just more of the same. Now

I'm on a different antibiotic and a 5-day course of steriods to combat the

swelling.

What made me lose it? The grandkids (ages 4 & 6 who live with us) were being

their usual demanding selves. Everyone was waiting around for me to fix them

something for dinner. NO ONE was even acknowledging the fact that I was sick

or making any effort to help me. The final straw came when I was putting the

sheets I had washed this morning back on the bed. I didn't feel up to it, but

you've got to have sheets, you know? My hand slipped and forced my fingers to

bend toward my palm too hard and fast. I just broke down and cried. A

shoulder-heaving, 6-tissue cry. I'm tired of hurting, I'm tired of being sick,

and I'm tired of everyone forgetting that I can't do everything I want or that

they expect.

Now my throat is really starting to hurt. Tomorrow I have to watch the 4-yr old

(who has ADHD) all day and possibly the 6-yr old if they cancel school. (The

weather is starting to get pretty bad here again.) I don't sleep well these

days and I'm not looking forward to how I'm going to feel tomorrow. I guess you

could say I'm depressed!!!

Anyway, I think I've whined long enough. I tried to explain to my husband how I

was feeling, but there was really nothing he could do. How can he REALLY know

what it's like dealing with the pain and fatigue EVERY DAY? How can he

understand the frustration of not being able to do simple things like open a

bottle or put sheets on the bed without injuring yourself?

Maybe I'll feel better after I get some rest. I just hope these antibiotics do

the trick and do it quickly.

Thanks for being my shoulder to cry on. I just had to get this out. I'll be OK

as soon as I quit crying. " This too shall pass... "

Vikki

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