Another request to my family

[Guest guest]

Dear MS family, I hesitate to enter another issue or problem to be dealt with by anyone but I am at a point right now where I could just disappear into oblivion and not think twice about it. I have gone from one thing to the next and just dealt with it. I have tried to always have something positive in my mind to fall back on when things seem to be so much weight. I list 5 things for which to be thankful for every 1 thing that goes wrong. You know what, despite being positive, smiling through the tears, laughing through the pain, and loving harder for every lost love, there comes a time when enough is enough and all you want to do is draw the proverbial line and say enough is enough. It is 4 o'clock in the afternoon the day before Jerry is supposed to come home and I have not slept in 36 hours, my spirit is withered and weary, and I am in the hospital, again, for the second time in less than a week. It was an

unplanned thing and came about as the result of an ER visit this morning. My kids are with someone that is NOT their mommy or their daddy, my husband is desolate and depressed over this latest turn of events, and I am so sick and tired of being the "me" that I have become. Count my blessings? I am and that has been whats saved me time and time again. I do not want to be in the hospital, I do not want to cry anymore, I do not want my children to spend this upcoming day of family and thanksgiving with another family, being read to and put to bed by people that are not their parents. I am so grateful that I have two very wonderful, very close friends that love my girls nearly as much as I do, but I am not with them, and that cuts me to the quick. Jerry, who has battled with his own health demons so fiercely and strongly, has overcome seemingly insurmountable odds to come home well before any doctor said he would, is now facing the chance that he won't be discharged because

there won't be a caretaker in the house. Hmmm, I am still trying to find the positives in this whole thing. The one positive I can think of right now is being able to write to all of you, vent a bit and not have to fear judgement for what I've said. It goes without saying that Jerry and the girls are a positive, a tremendous one at that. Thank you all for everything, for taking this journey with me, for being my traveling companion down this road of life, for just being there when I needed to run my mouth. You all are so great. Your thoughts while all of this is going on will be greatly appreciated. I have loads of respect and admiration for each and every one of you, thank you, thank you, thank you. . .

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