Re:Short version of the situation with my mom and son...

[Guest guest]

First, I'm sorry things have been so rough, especially at this time of year

when we all want so desperately to be happy.

I don't quite understand the situation with your son (did he want to leave

the church and you were just helping or did he not want to leave and was

being kicked out for some other reason?) but I do know that in the past my

mom and I went through some very difficult times together. I was upset and

frustrated and she was having her own problems that she was trying to deal

with and things got ugly between us. There were times I literally felt I

had to hide from her. I just want you to know that things like this can

pass. Mom and I have a lot of fun together now and I love her dearly. Well,

I never stopped loving her, but there was a long time where I didn't trust

her or feel safe around her. We both did a lot of healing and put a lot of

effort toward trying to be softer and more understanding of each other. I

am so glad we did because I am extremely proud of her and admire what a

strong, creative, and intelligent woman she is. And it didn't take a

lifetime to see that. I'm only 34. This all changed over about 10 years.

She worked very hard herself to learn to treat me with respect and dignity

as well. I can't thank her enough for that. We both had to make a few leaps

of faith when it came to our relationship, but it worked out. We certainly

don't agree on a lot of stuff, but we can still be close without seeing eye

to eye on a lot of subjects.

As far as your mom goes...I wasn't there, but it sounds like it's important

not to take what she said too personally. Having guests over, even

family--heck, maybe even more with family since they're the ones we tend to

want to make the biggest fuss over--is exhausting for many people, both

mentally and physically. Even though she may want your company, she might

feel like she spends too much time stressing when you stay with her instead

of having fun just being with you. I know I have anxiety problems about

people coming into my house and prefer to meet them somewhere else most of

the time. (Okay, so I am diagnosed OCD, but others often have this feeling

to a lesser extreme.) Or maybe she has a lot of physical pain from trying

to keep up with stuff with guests in the house. It doesn't matter if the

guest doesn't mind messes or whatever, the hostess may feel the need to

fuss because that's the only way that feels right for her, so it's easier

not to put herself in that position. It may have nothing to do with you,

just be a boundary she has learned that she has to set with everyone. It's

something to consider anyway. I'm sure she didn't mean to hurt you.

I hope things get better for you soon. TV shows make families look carefree

and easy, but for most of us, it's something that has to be worked at.

___________

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