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[Guest guest]

Hey Everyone,

I had therapy today, early this afternoon. It has taken this long to calm down

enough to write coherently, and I still am not sure how this is going to come

out. I had just explained a dream and the feelings that I used to have and that

are now coming back as I've gone n/c with my mom to my psychiatrist. I was very

vulnerable and even told him so. He said, " Your emotional IQ must be very low.

Oh, that didn't sound right. " From the look on my face, I gathered that he

realized he made a huge Freudian slip. I asked him, " What makes you say that? "

And he tried to skirt it. He said that I may have problems reading people's

emotions, people's body language, etc. THAT IS ALL BULL SHIT. If anything, I'm

too acute at reading these things. So I stayed right with it and said " What

indicators show you that I have a lack of emotional skill sets? I realize that,

as a child of a mother who has BPd And a father that had APD I have some

difficult times trusting people, but it

just takes me longer. " He told me that b/c I was not mirrored properly, it's

only natural that I would have deficits. I agreed, but that first statement had

a harsh, quick tone to it that stings to this moment. I also told him that

while I was in school last year, we had one class that the prof encouraged us to

take all these very expensive psych tests, as they were freee or next to free.

I did and my score on teh emotional IQ was very high. I told him this and he

just laughed. He's missed 3 appointments out of 8 and I didn't like his remark

3 weeks ago that he had me scheduled in his calendar indefinitely. He wasn't

laughing: Tuesdays at 1:30. This is not what feel right; it's not what I

signed up for. When I ask himabout the treatment plan, he gets vague and skirts

the question and then when something emotionally hard comes up, he says, " Well,

this is why we need to keep working on your past, as it effects your present

dating.... " Yes, and NO. If I listen to

only my gut intuition, it is telling me to end the " therapy. " He is after my

money. he is helping on the way, but isn't putting much effort into it. After

many sentences he said today, I reminded him what it was like having a BPD

mother and what UBM said about it. I think that this irritated him. He told me

in the beginning that he has some experience treating BPD and KO BPD. I'm not

sure he's had enough, b/c the things he is saying are so not a part of the BPD

world. He's a nice guy, but i'm not paying for nice. and that comment almost

first thing was anything but nice. I know that therapy is a form of

manipulation with consent, one-way relationship, built on trust. Was he

manipulating me to get me to feel other feelings or transference or

what?????????? The last thing is that I read about other people's posts about

how they feel good after sessions and I don't. I feel worse. Any advice or

comments are welcome........Thanks. Greg.

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