Re: Feeling wrung out...warning, vent ahead

[Guest guest]

You know the worst thing about a pity party is that no one ever shows up! There

you sit all by yourself and no one even has the decency to show up and feel

sorry for you! no one brings you a truck full of chocolate, and Diet Pepsi! No

one even brings you a box of kleenex. You wait and wait and wait and look out

the window and no one, yep that is right no one even rings the door bell. the

pizza guy does not deliver a pizza in a heart shape that says I love you! The

flower shop does not bring a dozen red roses from the one true love of your

heart. Why the Zales jewlery guy does not even bring a diamond ring to your

door! You want to know why?

Because you already have everything you need for a pity party. You yourself

and I. Together you can have a pity party all by yourself. When it is over

that is when you start seeing things better. So go ahead and cry, that is why

God gave you tear ducts. Go ahead and feel sorry for yourself, you have 24

hours. At the end of that time, you must dry your tears, take a shower, and go

outside, look up and say, I am going to make it! How do I know? I know

because all of us know you can do it, because we have done it, We are pulling

for you! We care. Time starts now! We are counting! You can do it! ready

set GO! Gwen

[Guest guest]

WOW! Jen, you do it with class

If I could, I'd vent just like you did- I just don't know how to be

as thorough, effective, descriptive... without calling on some of my

language from my navy days.

This too shall pass. When you look back on these days in a year or

two, what do you want to remember? OK, now get up, and get on with

making memories of that strong, brave woman who took control of a

nasty situation. She's in control. She's strong. She's a

powerhouse that protects the broken, pain-filled woman inside!

There, now aint that an awesome dream?

Do you have anybody to act as your advocate? I'm talking about

someone who is 'there' when you need them? Run errands, keep notes

on your pain, physical limitations, escort to doc/clinic, fight and

argue when needed with docs & insurance carrier...? It's a big help

to have one.

Be strong and know I am praying for you.

GBY

>

> Thanks for letting me vent!

>

> Jen

>

> PS..I haven't mentioned this, but I filed disability

discrimination

> charges against my team leader and supervisor. >

[Guest guest]

Gwen,

I was going to respond to Jen's post with a " man, do I know how you feel "

message. Thank you very much for heading me off at the pass!!

Tammie

I know because all of us know you can do it, because we have done it, We are

pulling for you! We care. Time starts now! We are counting! You can do it!

ready set GO! Gwen

[Guest guest]

After I sent it I hoped people did not think I do not understand, because I

certainly do! I have been there plenty of times. I just started typing and

clicked send and then thought oh no! I hope others knew I was trying to help!

Thanks! Gwen

Tammie Wheeler wrote: Gwen,

I was going to respond to Jen's post with a " man, do I know how you feel "

message. Thank you very much for heading me off at the pass!!

[Guest guest]

It's okay, you're allowed to to feel sorry for yourself once in a

while. Hopefully you've gotten it out of your system. If you need

some anti-depressants to help you, ask your doctor for some.

What has your supervisor done that discriminates against you? I would

think they'd know better by now. That's been a big no-no for many

years now.

SusieQ

Jen wrote:

> I fully admit that I'm feeling sorry for myself right now, throwing

> a pity party with myself as the only guest. I filed disability

discrimination charges against my team leader and supervisor.

[Guest guest]

Now that's my kind of party! ;-)

SusieQ

Gwen wrote:

a truck full of chocolate, and Diet Pepsi! a pizza in a heart shape a

dozen red roses a diamond ring

[Guest guest]

Jen wrote:

<<Do any of you just get tired? I don't mean fatigued, but just tired of

dealing with it all?>>

Of course we do, Jen. Been there, done that! And so have most of us

here.

And just when you think you've got all the grieving over with, and

you're handling the whole thing just great, some little thing comes up

(or some big thing, like the mess with your boss) and slaps you in the

face and BAM! You're right back at the beginning of the grieving

process all over again, dealing with all the same crap all over

again. We don't ever finish this grieving process - it's cyclical,

and we go through it again and again. That was a real revelation for

me the first time it happened!

But the good news is that we get better at it each time. We learn

from experience and we gain tools to deal with the emotions and the

frustrations and the fear. And by surviving the process every time,

we learn that we really are capable and strong and we'll get through

it each and every time. And it does get easier over time. After a

while, it doesn't feel so much like hitting a brick wall, but more

like a speed bump in our daily lives. We deal with it, and go on.

You do know this is a grieving process, right? We grieve the loss of

the life we had " BP " ( " before pain " ), the loss of the ability to do

all those " fun " things we did before - for you, dancing and hiking and

such. We get angry about having to change our life when we didn't

make the choice to change. We get angry about having choices taken

away from us. We're in pain, and pain often creates chemical changes

in our brains which creates depression, which only complicates the

problem.

And when you look ahead at all those years of potential pain (and for

me, there's no chance of remission or future research - there's only

unremitting constant pain for many more years to come, so I KNOW what

a horror that future can look like!) it's utterly overwhelming. If I

think too much about the years ahead, I end up feeling completely

lost, numbed, freaked out, out-of-control weepy... overwhelmed.

So one piece of advice I can give you is DON'T focus on the future.

Simply do NOT let yourself dwell on those years ahead. It does no

good whatsoever. In fact, it does a lot of harm. It's overwhelming,

depressing, terrifying, and you end up frozen and unable to function.

You know that people who constantly live in the past, reliving past

injustices and grievances, can never enjoy the present, right? Well,

living in fear of the future is just as destructive - it means you

can't live in the moment and enjoy anything about the time you have.

So stop it. Just make the decision to turn your thoughts away from

any obsession about the years of pain ahead. It's the only way to

function.

The other piece of advice I have is to go ahead and feel your

depression and anger and emotional pain about having your life ripped

away without your choice. Get it out. Vent. Scream. Cry. Punch a

pillow. Write in your journal. Whatever works for you. You're

right. It sucks. It ain't fair. Have your pity party.

But then, move on. Get out of bed and don't dwell on it. How do you

do that? You have to find *something* that makes you happy for a

moment - a great cuppa coffee, brush your cat, read a book with your

daughter, watch a funny movie, plan a fun craft that you can look

forward to, enjoy the sunset. Focus on something other than your

pain, anything that brings you joy. You're going to have to WORK at

finding a moment of joy, intentionally, at first. Find several

moments of joy throughout the day, and they start to add up. After a

while, it becomes easier, not so much work.

And remember, change is just change. It isn't good or bad. It's just

change. It may not be something you asked for, but it happens all the

time and we get to deal with it. These health challenges force us to

change, and while we get depressed and grieve the changes they create,

the changes themselves aren't necessarily bad. We may not be able to

hike or dance any more, but there ARE other things we can do that will

bring us joy. We just need to find the new life that will work for us

with these new circumstances.

And if anyone reading this feels so overwhelmed emotionally by their

pain that they can't cope, please talk to your doctor, get

professional assistance. Therapy and medical intervention for

depression really does help. I know you've done a work for yourself

in that area, Jen, but I'm writing this for others as well who may not

be as far along as you are, and maybe someone else who reads this will

seek help who hasn't found the courage to do so yet.

I hope there's something in here that helps you, Jen. I did want to

let you know that I heard you, and I understand. I too have dealt

with (and am still dealing with) terrible employers who have

completely denied all my ADA disability accommodation requests. I've

been left with the option of suing and getting the accommodations but

eventually being fired as a result (with them being completely able to

cover their behinds and me never being able to prove it), or sucking

it up and staying in the job without any accommodations, and never

being able to find work again in my field. So I *really* do

understand the frustrations you're dealing with. You're not alone.

Hang in there, and vent any time you want. I'll probably be here

venting right back one day, and I'll need you to give me support and

advice in return! <smile>

Cheryl in AZ

[Guest guest]

Also for you, Jen, just wanted to add:

I also know how awful it is to be young and to

deal with this and to suddenly not be certain

of the future-- employment is essential.

Feeling safe at work is also essential. We

can blame it on the disability, but maybe it's

just a bit wider than that.

Uabi

--- Cheryl wrote:

> You're not alone.

> Cheryl in AZ