Re: Just another way for nada to say eff you to me

[Guest guest]

Is there a reason why your nada gets the money? Can you thank your

grandma this year for the gifts, and mention how much easier it

would be since you have kids to know what they need and stuff to

send the money to you? Sometimes it is hard for our grandparents to

know what to get the families, so they rely on one person who they

think has this ability. Since you nada is not capable of this, and

without dragging grandma throught his, it may be possible to work

the conversation into you getting the money instead of your nada, so

you can continue to live in peace with your decision to NC and then

not having these nerve racking interruptions, especially since you

are expecting. Congrats!!!

erbussmom

>

> Ok, so every year my grandmother sends me (and my DH) money for

> Christmas. Not just a little, but a good amount, at least to me.

Each

> year I look forward to having around $100 all to myself, to do

> whatever I want with. My grandmother is in the habit of sending

all

> the money to nada, to divy it up and hand out to the kids,

assuming

> nada has a relationship with anyone that year, which is often

> doubtful.

>

> So this year, I am the " bad daughter " and my brother and

stepsister

> (who hate her but still have a superficial relationship with nada

> that won't last long, according to them) rec'd their share. My

> brother, who is in town, rec'd nice gifts (lots of tools) that

nada

> bought w/ my grandmother's money. My stepsister (who is across the

> country) rec'd a rather generous amount for her and her husband.

Each

> year we usually just get the cash from nada, so for my brother to

> receive gifts was odd, but I think she had to buy things for him

> because what did she do with me? She blew my money on a bunch of

> crap, USED crap, may I add.

>

> Yep, a bunch of random, used gifts that are obviously from the

> consignment shop. And I know she had at LEAST a couple of hundred

> dollars to spend, and there's no way the garbage she sent over

(via

> my brother, who did see her on Christmas) added up to that amount.

>

> The other thing that gets me mad is that she threw in a couple of

> sentimental things. A book for my daughter clld, " I'm a Big

Sister, "

> which is obviously her way of letting me know that she knows I'm

> pregnant again. Family must have told her. I'm close w/ my

extended

> family, and someone must have mentioned it, which I assumed and

> doesn't bother me at all. What does bother me is her passive

> aggressive approach to letting me know that she knows.

>

> She also got a couple of small sentamental things for me, I'm sure

to

> pull at the heart strings. But I'll have fun throwing them away.

>

> It's just a shame that my grandmother wanted to do a nice thing,

> which she does every year (my grandmother is really sweet, very

very

> sweet... nada must have been adopted) and nada just blew through

it

> and ruined it.

>

> She probably kept some for herself, or allocated the rest of mine

to

> the " good kids. " I know she steals. She charges dishrag when he

makes

> her mad. Yep. She charges him $20 when he makes her mad, and she

> tucks it away in a book, or a shoe. Growing up she would tell me

> periodically, " ok Grace, if something happens to me, I want you to

> know that I have $500 in my left boot.... " While it is THEIR money

as

> a married couple, it's still wrong to deceive your spouse and

charge

> him money. She would spend it, or give it to me to spend, and he

> would never know. And we weren't exactly rich. Very tight,

actually.

> She stayed at home w/ kids, and he worked second shift in a

factory.

> And they had four kids. Not a lot of wiggle room for her to be

> slipping $20 bills into her freaking shoes or books each time he

made

> her mad.

>

> Anyway, just needed to vent. I feel emotionally detached from her.

I

> think it's happened. I just am. ERRGGG!!!! Am I cold? I think not.

I

> am just mad, and tired of being hurt by her.

>

> I am thankful for NC. Yea! Still going strong, as of early Oct

with

> two exceptions of fights over the phone, the second fight being

the

> one that established NC.

>

> Grace

>

[Guest guest]

Thanks for your reply... I actually already mentioned to my grandma

to send me the money directly next time, to not put my mom in the

middle. :-)

Thanks for the support!!!

Grace

> >

> > Ok, so every year my grandmother sends me (and my DH) money for

> > Christmas. Not just a little, but a good amount, at least to me.

> Each

> > year I look forward to having around $100 all to myself, to do

> > whatever I want with. My grandmother is in the habit of sending

> all

> > the money to nada, to divy it up and hand out to the kids,

> assuming

> > nada has a relationship with anyone that year, which is often

> > doubtful.

> >

> > So this year, I am the " bad daughter " and my brother and

> stepsister

> > (who hate her but still have a superficial relationship with nada

> > that won't last long, according to them) rec'd their share. My

> > brother, who is in town, rec'd nice gifts (lots of tools) that

> nada

> > bought w/ my grandmother's money. My stepsister (who is across

the

> > country) rec'd a rather generous amount for her and her husband.

> Each

> > year we usually just get the cash from nada, so for my brother to

> > receive gifts was odd, but I think she had to buy things for him

> > because what did she do with me? She blew my money on a bunch of

> > crap, USED crap, may I add.

> >

> > Yep, a bunch of random, used gifts that are obviously from the

> > consignment shop. And I know she had at LEAST a couple of hundred

> > dollars to spend, and there's no way the garbage she sent over

> (via

> > my brother, who did see her on Christmas) added up to that

amount.

> >

> > The other thing that gets me mad is that she threw in a couple of

> > sentimental things. A book for my daughter clld, " I'm a Big

> Sister, "

> > which is obviously her way of letting me know that she knows I'm

> > pregnant again. Family must have told her. I'm close w/ my

> extended

> > family, and someone must have mentioned it, which I assumed and

> > doesn't bother me at all. What does bother me is her passive

> > aggressive approach to letting me know that she knows.

> >

> > She also got a couple of small sentamental things for me, I'm

sure

> to

> > pull at the heart strings. But I'll have fun throwing them away.

> >

> > It's just a shame that my grandmother wanted to do a nice thing,

> > which she does every year (my grandmother is really sweet, very

> very

> > sweet... nada must have been adopted) and nada just blew through

> it

> > and ruined it.

> >

> > She probably kept some for herself, or allocated the rest of mine

> to

> > the " good kids. " I know she steals. She charges dishrag when he

> makes

> > her mad. Yep. She charges him $20 when he makes her mad, and she

> > tucks it away in a book, or a shoe. Growing up she would tell me

> > periodically, " ok Grace, if something happens to me, I want you

to

> > know that I have $500 in my left boot.... " While it is THEIR

money

> as

> > a married couple, it's still wrong to deceive your spouse and

> charge

> > him money. She would spend it, or give it to me to spend, and he

> > would never know. And we weren't exactly rich. Very tight,

> actually.

> > She stayed at home w/ kids, and he worked second shift in a

> factory.

> > And they had four kids. Not a lot of wiggle room for her to be

> > slipping $20 bills into her freaking shoes or books each time he

> made

> > her mad.

> >

> > Anyway, just needed to vent. I feel emotionally detached from

her.

> I

> > think it's happened. I just am. ERRGGG!!!! Am I cold? I think

not.

> I

> > am just mad, and tired of being hurt by her.

> >

> > I am thankful for NC. Yea! Still going strong, as of early Oct

> with

> > two exceptions of fights over the phone, the second fight being

> the

> > one that established NC.

> >

> > Grace

> >

>