DIARY OF A SNOW SHOVELER

[Guest guest]

The dates should be changed but thought maybe the snow bunnies would

appreciate this.

or Ellen you can delete this if you don't want it taking up

space. It won't bother me.

December 8:

> > > > >

> > > > >6:00 PM. It started to snow. The first snow

> > > > >of the season and the wife and I took our

> > > > >cocktails and sat for hours by the window,

> > > > >watching the huge soft flakes drift down from

> > > > >heaven. It looked like a Grandma Moses Print.

> > > > >So romantic we felt like newlyweds again.

> > > > >I love snow!

> > > > >

> > > > >December 9:

> > > > >

> > > > >We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white

> > > > >snow covering every inch of the landscape.

> > > > >What a fantastic sight! Can there be a more

> > > > >lovely place in the Whole World? Moving here

> > > > >was the best idea I've ever had. Shoveled for

> > > > >the first time in years and felt like a boy again.

> > > > >I did both our driveway and the sidewalks. This

> > > > >afternoon the snow plow came along and covered

> > > > >up the sidewalks and closed in the driveway, so

> > > > >I got to shovel again. What a perfect life!

> > > > >

> > > > >December 12:

> > > > >

> > > > >The sun has melted all our lovely snow. Such a

> > > > >disappointment. My neighbor tells me not to worry,

> > > > >we'll definitely have a white Christmas. No snow

> > > > >on Christmas would be awful! Bob says we'll have

> > > > >so much snow by the end of winter, that I'll never

> > > > >want to see snow again. I don't think that's possible.

> > > > >Bob is such a nice man. I'm glad he's our neighbor.

> > > > >

> > > > >December 14:

> > > > >

> > > > >Snow, lovely snow! 8 " last night. The temperature

> > > > >dropped to *20. The cold makes everything sparkle

> > > > >so. The wind took my breath away, but I warmed up

> > > > >by shoveling the driveway and sidewalks. This is the

> > > > >life! The snowplow came back this afternoon and

> > > > >buried everything again. I didn't realize I would have

> > > > >to do quite this much shoveling, but I'll certainly get

> > > > >back in shape this way. I wish I wouldn't huff and

> > > > >puff so.

> > > > >

> > > > >December 15:

> > > > >

> > > > >20 inches forecast. Sold my van and bought a 4x4

> > > > >Blazer. Bought snow tires for the wife's car and 2

> > > > >extra shovels. Stocked the freezer. The wife wants

> > > > >a wood stove in case the electricity goes out. I think

> > > > >that's silly. We aren't in Alaska, after all.

> > > > >

> > > > >December 16:

> > > > >

> > > > >Ice storm this morning. Fell on my back side on the ice

> > > > >in the driveway putting down salt. Hurt something terrible.

> > > > >The wife laughed for an hour, which I think was

> > > > >very cruel.

> > > > >

> > > > >December 17:

> > > > >

> > > > >Still way below freezing. Roads are too icy to go

> > > > >anywhere. Electricity was off for 5 hours. I had to

> > > > >pile the blankets on to stay warm. Nothing to do

> > > > >but stare at the wife and try not to irritate her. Guess

> > > > >I should've bought a wood stove, but won't admit it

> > > > >to her. Boy I hate it when she's right. I can't believe

> > > > >I'm freezing to death in my own living room.

> > > > >

> > > > >December 20:

> > > > >

> > > > >Electricity's back on, but had another 14 " of the

> > > > >white stuff last night. More shoveling. Took all

> > > > >day. freakin' snowplow came by twice. Tried to

> > > > >find a neighbor kid to shovel, but they said they're

> > > > >too busy playing hockey. I think they're lying. Called

> > > > >the only hardware store around to see about buying

> > > > >a snow blower and they're out. Might have another

> > > > >shipment in March. I think they're lying also. Bob says

> > > > >I have to shovel or the city will have it done and bill

> > > > >me. I think he's lying.

> > > > >

> > > > >December 22:

> > > > >

> > > > >Bob was right about a white Christmas because 13

> > > > >more inches of the white stuff fell today, and it's so

> > > > >cold it probably won't melt till August. Took me 45

> > > > >minutes to get all dressed up to go out to shovel and

> > > > >then I had to go to the bath room. By the time I got

> > > > dressed again. I was too tired to shovel. Tried to

> > > > >hire Bob who has a plow on his truck for the rest of the

> > > > >winter; but he says he's too busy. I think the so and so

> > > > >is lying.

> > > > >

> > > > >December 23:

> > > > >

> > > > >Only 2 " of snow today. And it warmed up to 0. The

> > > > >wife wanted me to decorate the front of the house

> > > > >this morning. What is she...nuts??? Why didn't

> > > > >she tell me to do that a month ago? She says

> > > > >she did but I think she's darn well lying.

> > > > >

> > > > >December 24:

> > > > >

> > > > >6 " . Snow packed so hard by snowplow, I broke the

> > > > >shovel. Thought I was having a heart attack. If I ever

> > > > >catch the son of a gun who drives that snowplow,

> > > > >I'll drag him through the snow by @$#% & *#. I know

> > > > >he hides around the corner and waits for me to finish

> > > > >shoveling and then he comes down the street at a 100

> > > > >miles an hour and throws snow all over where I've just

> > > > >been! Tonight the wife wanted me to sing Christmas

> > > > >carols with her and open our presents, but I was busy

> > > > >watching for the freakin' snowplow.

> > > > >

> > > > >December 25:

> > > > >

> > > > >Merry Christmas. 20 more inches of the @#$%^ & slop

> > > > >tonight. Snowed in. The idea of shoveling makes my

> > > > >blood boil. Boy I hate the snow! Then the snowplow

> > > > >driver came by asking for a donation and I hit him over

> > > > >the head with my shovel. The wife says I have a bad

> > > > >attitude. I think she's an idiot. If I have to watch " It's a

> > > > >Wonderful Life " one more time, I'm going to kill her.

> > > > >

> > > > >December 26:

> > > > >

> > > > >Still snowed in. Why did I ever move here in the first

place?

> > > > >It was all HER idea. She's really getting on my nerves.

> > > > >

> > > > >December 27:

> > > > >

> > > > >Temperature dropped to -30 and the pipes froze.

> > > > >

> > > > >December 28:

> > > > >

> > > > >Warmed up to above-50. Still snowed in. THAT WOMAN

> > > > >is driving me crazy!!!

> > > > >

> > > > >December 29:

> > > > >

> > > > >10 more inches. Bob says I have to shovel the roof or

> > > > >it could cave-in. That's the silliest thing I ever heard.

> > > > >How stupid does he think I am?

> > > > >

> > > > >December 30:

> > > > >

> > > > >Roof caved in. The snow plow driver is suing me for

> > > > >a million dollars for the bump on his head. The wife

> > > > >flew to Florida to visit her mother. 9 " predicted.

> > > > >

> > > > >December 31:

> > > > >

> > > > >Set fire to what's left of the house. No more shoveling!

> > > > >

> > > > >January 8:

> > > > >

> > > > >I feel so good. I just love those little white pills they

> > > > >keep giving me.

> > > > >Nurse why am I tied to the bed?