They're going to confront her, Sholud I protect her or let them?

[Guest guest]

HI,Guys, My Aunt who I've never met rang last night saying that her and

2 other of my Aunts are coming to confront my Mum about her past, will

it kill her?

The story is: My Mum had 2 Sisters. 1 moved to Australia the other one

my Mum fell out with. In 2005 my Mum rang my dad , my sis and I saying

that her sister had died in Australia and she had a breakdown.

Before Christmas I did my familytree . After a couple of emails I

discovered I had the same family tree as another girl we talked and it

turned she was my cousin and my mum actually has 6 sisters and 5

brothers. I was dubious but they sent me pictures of my Mum when she

was a teenager and a baby and also birth certificates. It turns out

they have been looking for her for 40 years. Also the Aunt is Australia

ain't dead at all but alive and well in the US. My Mum is still trying

to deny them saying they are only half family.

So the sis who she fell out with, the supposedly dead one and the one I

met on the website are coming to see what's going on with my Mum?

Will this kill her, How will this effect a BPD?

[Guest guest]

This will not kill her by any means. Most likely she will flip. She

will feel under attact and since bpd's believe everything is someone

elses fault she will rage at them. She will cry and try her best to

manipulate them. LET IT BE. This is between your mother nad her

siblings. If you put yourself in the middle of it you will pay the

price from both ends. Either way when it is all said and done your

mother will still be a borderline and will not feel a thing.

Remember borderlines can feel intensly but never deeply. Meaning it

hits like a tornado and boom its gone. Borderlines have no true

emotional memory. Since there is no sense of self and no deep

feeling. They are unable to truely remeber things emotionally. They

believed they are wronged but do not really feel it like you and I

do. All their pain and damage is projected out at others.

>

> HI,Guys, My Aunt who I've never met rang last night saying that

her and

> 2 other of my Aunts are coming to confront my Mum about her past,

will

> it kill her?

> The story is: My Mum had 2 Sisters. 1 moved to Australia the other

one

> my Mum fell out with. In 2005 my Mum rang my dad , my sis and I

saying

> that her sister had died in Australia and she had a breakdown.

> Before Christmas I did my familytree . After a couple of emails I

> discovered I had the same family tree as another girl we talked

and it

> turned she was my cousin and my mum actually has 6 sisters and 5

> brothers. I was dubious but they sent me pictures of my Mum when

she

> was a teenager and a baby and also birth certificates. It turns

out

> they have been looking for her for 40 years. Also the Aunt is

Australia

> ain't dead at all but alive and well in the US. My Mum is still

trying

> to deny them saying they are only half family.

> So the sis who she fell out with, the supposedly dead one and the

one I

> met on the website are coming to see what's going on with my Mum?

> Will this kill her, How will this effect a BPD?

>

[Guest guest]

I agree with ec on this one. You should not have to get in the middle of

this. This is between your nada and her siblings. For whatever reason, she

decided she would rather pretend they are dead than have anything to do with

them. You might want to talk to them about this, and just let them know about

how your mother reacts to things (and she WILL most likely rage and scream,

etc.). They deserve to be forewarned. It might help them deal with her better.

But that's really all you can do in this situation. This is just something

they'll have to work out for themselves. You can't spend your life protecting

your nada (or everyone else who comes in contact with her). Ultimately, you are

responsible for you. I'm sorry if this sounds harsh. I don't mean for it to. It

just sounds like you're trying to take on way too much responsibility for things

that are really not even in your control. I know. I've been there, and I'm still

not entirely over it. Keep posting, and let us know how things are going. Take

care of yourself.

They're going to confront her, Sholud I protect her

or let them?

To: WTOAdultChildren1

> HI,Guys, My Aunt who I've never met rang last night saying that

> her and

> 2 other of my Aunts are coming to confront my Mum about her

> past, will

> it kill her?

> The story is: My Mum had 2 Sisters. 1 moved to Australia the

> other one

> my Mum fell out with. In 2005 my Mum rang my dad , my sis and I

> saying

> that her sister had died in Australia and she had a breakdown.

> Before Christmas I did my familytree . After a couple of emails

> I

> discovered I had the same family tree as another girl we talked

> and it

> turned she was my cousin and my mum actually has 6 sisters and 5

> brothers. I was dubious but they sent me pictures of my Mum when

> she

> was a teenager and a baby and also birth certificates. It turns

> out

> they have been looking for her for 40 years. Also the Aunt is

> Australia

> ain't dead at all but alive and well in the US. My Mum is

> still trying

> to deny them saying they are only half family.

> So the sis who she fell out with, the supposedly dead one and

> the one I

> met on the website are coming to see what's going on with my

> Mum?

> Will this kill her, How will this effect a BPD?

>

>

[Guest guest]

What possible reason could they have for confronting her? I'm sorry,

but my deceased dad comes from a rather large family, he was the 3rd

of 6 kids, and all but the youngest one are certifiably mentally ill.

The oldest is a sociopath (con-artist that's been on American's Most

Wanted for Grand Larceny), my two aunts are bps but different types

and my one uncle is a bp as well. The more I learn, the less I want

to know any of them.

Basically, I don't get why they do need to come in a gangsta like

fashion with your nada. It sounds altogether too much like my dad's

family and I say 'run'. It doesn't sound like you knew these people

growing up and quite frankly, for all you know, they could be as

whacked out as your nada. Otherwise, why this need to gang-up on her

when confronting her. Why not one on one like most relationships

where there's a problem? Why do they need to come at her like a tribe

when they are not remotely close to her? I mean I could understand if

they wanted an intervention and they were close to her, but it really

sounds like they could be doing a family bp gang-up on and I'd steer

the hell away from that scenario.

I speak this as one whose 'heard' various stories of my extended

family 'helping out in numbers.' My bp uncle went off on a tangent

one day and shot his favorite dog he'd had for ten years b/c, well,

he's a borderline, that's the because. Why the hell they do anything

is a bloody freaking mystery to me. They're insane. My aunt who was

married to him at the time was utterly bewildered at his insanity and

called his sister, my VERY bp aunt, to try and help the situation.

The bp aunt's solution? She got her, her husband (I guess my uncle

though he's her third hubby and I've only met him once or twice- hard

to look at him like an uncle), my other bp aunt- the other sister,

and her family and all headed down to crazy bp uncle's house. And

what did they do when they walked out of their trucks to try and

bring peace and calm to bp uncle? They brandished their fully loaded

shot guns. Brilliant way to calm someone down, especially a

borderline, don't you think? And yet that's soooo like a borderline

trying to help another borderline.A true 'ball of freaks' if ever

there was one.

Basically, I'm just trying to say be careful. If nada's crazy, you

never know the tree from which that apple dropped. Its rare that

there's just one crazy on that tree and so I don't know how to go

about this if I were you. I might ask the aunts why they feel the

need to intervene and next off why they intend to do it in a group

format when none of them are obviously close to your nada. Sounds

like they just want to blow steam vs understanding the degree of her

mental illness and again, for all you know, they could be bps as well

and then all hell could break loose.

Will it kill her? I don't know. That's not really our concern as KOs.

I'd just probably want to know why they feel the need to approach the

problem in this manner. Regardless though, its not your problem nor

is it for you to rescue your nada from her tribe. But I would say

stay away when this is going to transpire as those kinds of people

can get really ugly and I wouldn't want to be pulled into the thick

of it. Do they now know where she lives b/c of your contact with them

and that's why you seem to feel a certain degree of responsibility?

In the end, you are not responsible. You found out the truth to one

of nada's lies and well, the ones who were lied about are coming in

to set things straight. I just don't know though that it will truly

get straight if they are anything like her.

By the way, what's your dad and sister say about all this drama they

are going to create?

Kerrie

>

> HI,Guys, My Aunt who I've never met rang last night saying that her

and

> 2 other of my Aunts are coming to confront my Mum about her past,

will

> it kill her?

> The story is: My Mum had 2 Sisters. 1 moved to Australia the other

one

> my Mum fell out with. In 2005 my Mum rang my dad , my sis and I

saying

> that her sister had died in Australia and she had a breakdown.

> Before Christmas I did my familytree . After a couple of emails I

> discovered I had the same family tree as another girl we talked and

it

> turned she was my cousin and my mum actually has 6 sisters and 5

> brothers. I was dubious but they sent me pictures of my Mum when

she

> was a teenager and a baby and also birth certificates. It turns out

> they have been looking for her for 40 years. Also the Aunt is

Australia

> ain't dead at all but alive and well in the US. My Mum is still

trying

> to deny them saying they are only half family.

> So the sis who she fell out with, the supposedly dead one and the

one I

> met on the website are coming to see what's going on with my Mum?

> Will this kill her, How will this effect a BPD?

>