Why is this a common thread?

[Guest guest]

Why does it seem like as soon as a KO goes NC their nada's get cancer

or some other major life threatening illness? Is it a ploy to pull us

back in or is it legit health issues b/c the rage eats away at them

so badly and they have even more anger when we finally pull away for

our own safty?

I just got off the phone w/my aunt, nada's sister whom I've always

been pretty close to and she informed me that there are two tumors on

my bp mom's liver. Nada is saying its okay and just can't be cancer

and not to worry, but my aunt is worried sick of course. For my part,

when she mentioned it, I just said 'well she's probably right- its

probably some growth from her gallbladder surgery a few years ago.

Better to wait and see before freaking out.' and then I just kind of

quickly moved onto the next topic as I just have NO DESIRE to partake

in any gloom and doom conversations w/anyone in my FOO - even if

there's legitimate reasons to worry or grieve. I just don't feel safe

sharing these emotions w/them after all the traumatic events that

always happen in their lives. I'd just rather give it to God and let

it rest there vs engaging. I'd rather be the insensitive Ahole that

is constantly misunderstood than to have my world turned upside down

by yet another crazy encounter with death and morbidity and trauma

bonding.

That said, I am a little concerned and yet in the worst case scenario

that has run in my mind these past few hours, of nada dieing of

cancer, I just had to say to myself 'let it go. Your mother died long

ago and just be at peace with the universe.' It sucks though- this

inner struggle and constant battle for my own serenity. I love this

time of the year and yet this year is sad for me, much more so than

normal as I looked at my Christmas card list and saw all the good-

byes I've had to make this year. I really can't remotely bare the

thought of calling nada and connecting with her over her own cancer

scare. It just doesn't feel remotely like what is best for me and yet

at the other side of the coin, I feel like this is a test- much like

that parable of the bridge- that instead of stopping for someone who

seems polite journeying the opposite way on the bridge so that they

can 'rope' me into their own drama and trauma, I just want to keep up

w/my own momentum in life and move on- knowing its a trap- it always

is even if she may not be here on earth much longer. My life is

better without the chaos and if she were on her death bed,I'd say

good bye, but that's a bridge I'll cross when I get there. For now, I

just want to keep moving over this current bridge I'm crossing. This

does suck though- these feelings and grieving.

Kerrie