Every once in awhile/Long vent

[Guest guest]

Every once in awhile my life seems to go smooth for a short bit.

You know normal every day stresses, but realativly calm. Than an

issue from the FOO comes up and the anxiety starts. Excuse me if I

am rambling, had to take a xanax last night to get the voices in my

head to shut up so I could go to sleep. It seems to me that anything

from the FOO doesn't sit too well with me and starts me up with the

anxiety and depression. The only contact I have is with the

codependent sister who has now decided to, in a round about way,

wants to know from others close to the borderlines, why they did

what they did at the time of nadas death and shortly afterwards.

HERES THE ANSWER- THEY ARE BORDERLINES!!!!! They will never get,

understand, feel or validate anything about anything. They are what

they are and that is it. Not easy to take, but let it go. They will

not change and I bet can not be fixed, and if they could it is not

by my codependent sister. Her codependency has to keep the drama and

crap going to feed her addiction. FINE- leave me out of it. I want

peace and stability. I have to live with all the heart ache and

damage done by these people and fix myself the best I can. That is

enough punishment for this life time, don't need to go looking for

more.

Anyways, Miss codependent agreed to pay for half of my plane fare.

Until yesterday when she stated I don't have to still pitch in on

that, do I? Heres what happen. I wanted to order the ticket many

months ago when the fair was cheap. I have to dogs to board and with

a cheap fare that would still mean I had to shell out about 700$ all

I can possiblily afford around the holidays. She said dont buy the

ticket, prices will drop. I told her if they keep going up I can't

afford to come down. Well, they kept going up and she agreed to pay

half the fare or I was not going to be able to afford to go down.

Now she is moaning about what she said, like it is my fault.

When nada died, I got stuck with 85% of the bill. I ask her to help

pay for that funeral, it was her mother too. She ignored my request

and put 30 grand into fixing up her house, which okay that still

burns me up inside. I realize her money means more to her than doing

the right thing. I don not care if it is a 1$ or a million. You do

the right thing. None of my sisters really ever have. They left me

behind to care for the witch and never much bothered with me for

years. Well, I have reached my breaking point with this one too.

I have realized my FOO will all be gone. I will go down to Florida

and have a nice time and when I get back they phone calls will be

once a month and visits maybe once a year. I am sick of being the

doormat and being the last thought in anyones head. say bye bye to

FOO. She wants us to be close and be a family-HA! That notion died

the day we were born to " Mommie Dearest " .