Depression

[Guest guest]

I have lived with chronic back pain since 1985 when I turn 30.

I don't blame God for giving me the pain.

What I do, is ask for the knowledge I need to get through the days trial,

and face them with his help.

I try to remember, God will not give me any more than what I can handle, but

I do wonder that question more than once a day.

We each have a trial in life, and we may not know the reason or outcome, but

with help from God, Doctors, friends we share this life and make the most of

it.

One day at a time, faith in a better tomorrow, and enjoy what life has to

give us, we keep going.

Hoolihanma

[Guest guest]

Oh yes, I cry also.

It doesn't help with the pain, but it seems to help clean " me " out.

My ex left me in 89, cause I couldn't do what a normal wife could, like

bring in a pay check.

But I do have time to watch the birds, animals out my window and enjoy

nature, where other people are to busy to see or help if I'm needed.

I have help raised kittens, birds, gray squirrels, dogs that needed help.

If I wasn't disable, I wouldn't be there for them or other people who needed

me from time to time.

I deal with good days, and bad days, and plans is something I don't do, for

I never know how I will feel on that " special " day.

A special day is when I feel up to doing anything, and know tomorrow I will

pay for that day, but then I worry about that day tomorrow.

One day at a time, hang in there, your not alone dealing with pain, we are

here also.

Hoolihanma

[Guest guest]

I can't stop blaming God for this chronic back pain that I have. I know

I wasn't raised to blame him for anything but, I keeping wondering in

the back of my mind did I harm someone unknowingly in my past and now I

am being punished for it. I am 40 years old and I can't sit or stand for

any londer than 2-3 hours a day without being in extreme pain. I had

spine fusion surgery last January. (3) discs. It didn't help the pain.

I have OA in my spine & both my hips. I take Morphine 3 times a day,

muscle relaxers 2 times a day, nerve blockers once a day and Arthritis

meds 2 times a day. I feel as if I am a 90 year old woman. I can barely

clean my house or cook dinner or wash clothes. Thank God for my husband

who works 10 hours a day and then comes home and takes care of me and

the house. Just needed someone to vent to. I can't stop crying. Someone

help me please.

[]

[Guest guest]

I think maybe I can help you. First of all God is not punishing you. God is

not like that. You have not done anything wrong, or horrible or even kind of

wrong. In this world in which we live there are tons of people who actually

could be punished far worse than you if that is what God did. He does not do

that. So why you? Out of all the people in the entire world why are you

suffering? That is like asking why is are the clouds blue or why is the grass

green. We wont' know those answers until someday. But we need an answer now,

so here is what I think.

Before I get to that let me tell you that it is highly possible that you need

stronger pain meds. There is nothing wrong with asking for more help. When we

get at our lowest point and you just might be there, sometimes we can't see the

forest for the trees. You are very blessed and you know that I am sure. Your

husband loves you so don't feel guilty that you cannot be all that you want to

be to him. If you need more pain control explore what is out there. Arm

yourself with facts and talk to the doc's that can do that for you. Also, talk

to your husband when you can and tell him how you feel, I feel very sure he will

try to understand.

There is a very good book out that is titled Where is God when it hurts. I

believe Christian book.com carries it and it would help you alot. They are the

cheapest on the net for christian reading material Focus on the Family will send

you stuff free if you cannot afford it just to help. They also have people that

will talk to you over the phone if you just want to talk. There is not charge

for this.

This is what I think when I have a lot of pain. When days are hard for me I

just remember that when I hurt it is then that God holds me close. I don't want

to say much because this is not a religious group, and I don't want to break any

rules. I picture in my mind when the pain gets close to me that it is then if I

listen hard enough I can hear God's breath whispering in my ear, it is okay Gwen

I love you, be calm, rest, knowing that as God someday you will understand. It

is not easy now, but because I love you, you are being used in a way that I

could not use you if you did not suffer. So, let me comfort you child, because

it is then that you know how much I love you. I hope this helps. Just be still

and listen knowing that as the Bible says, " this to shall pass. " Gwen

[Guest guest]

,

I'm terribly sorry.

Sometimes it isn't very helpful to try and cheer someone when they are

feeling depressed. I can empathise. I don't like to admit it, but I

understand very much how deep and dark depression can be.

I also know, that pain is common to humans. It's not punishment and

not even necessarily consequence. Sometimes it just happens. The body

hasn't been perfect since Adam and Eve left the garden.

I want you to be encouraged, because of what you know about God. God

said He'd never put more on you than you can bear. That means, that

you are strong enough to deal with this. You don't want to have to,

and it's not going to be easy, but YOU CAN.

I'm 28 now (29 tomorrow) and it will make four years since I could do

anything for a constant 2 hours or so. Something new is always coming

up. Our bodies are not perfect.

Take courage, because even your sadness WILL NOT LAST. How is your

pain management?

Love loves you, .

Uabi

[Guest guest]

Hi ,

Vent away! We all need to from time to time. That's why I like

having a support group- it's a safe place to just dump load! When

we- any of us vent, there is a 'lethal' message being thrown around

like an unguided missle. Too often that happens around people we

care about, people we love. We hurt them. We don't mean to, they

were just in the path of our venting. It happens. It's sad.

I spent some time blaming God for my pain too. It is a normal

reaction- we just lash out in our pain. We just want it to stop.

Pain happens. Like anything else in life, what matters is how we

hanle it. What we do/make of it.

I'm glad you brought your concern to the board. It is a message so

many of us want to say. We all need the company of others who are

hurting, hurting 'just like me'.

GBY

[Guest guest]

,

Have you discussed these feelings with your doctor? It sounds like you

are depressed and even though you have good reason to be, you don't

have to suffer with these feelings.

Call your doctor and tell him/her about what you are feeling and ask

for an anti-depressant. If your doctor doesn't want to prescribe that

type of drug get a referral to a psychiatrist who can evaluate you and

start you on some treatment.

I have been where you are and I know how bad it feels. I take Effexor

XR and I am a completely different person now. It takes time and some

effort but, you can get there too.

If you can't deal with taking the necessary steps, ask your husband to

help. It seems like he is a wonderful person and it probably is

painful for him to see you like this.

Keep us posted and let me know if I can do anything else to help. Feel

free to email me.

SusieQ

Buckner wrote:

I can't stop blaming God for this chronic back pain that I have.

[Guest guest]

Thanks . I see the Dr. on Friday. It's feels good to know that someone

besides my husbands cares. Sometimes I don't like to burden him. So that's when

I need you guy's. Love to everyone !

[Guest guest]

Thanks , I really need everyone's support right now!

[Guest guest]

Sometimes I feel better when I cry. I think that as long as I continue

to talk to you, my friends who understand what I am going through, I

will be OK!

[Guest guest]

Okay, the light bulb came on last night. My husband and I were talking

and he said " you are a zombie " . " you don't eat, sleep, do anything but

stare at walls, " " it is like you are one of those people in a crazy

house. "

I AM !!!! I AM!!!!!!

Now, can the steroids that were injected in my back cause this to come on?

It started about 2 days after I had those 4 injections. It is worse

and worse every day. I have Lyrica and Cymbalta which one or both would

help with this and do you guys thing anything will help with thise. I

have to be honest I have been thinking very seriously the last few weeks

of just ending this because I feel like I am drowning in myself. If that

makes sense. The only reason I haven't is because of my beliefs. I

can't take this any more. I can't take myself anymore......

Beth

[Guest guest]

Hi Beth,

I'm new to this group, but haven't been on for a while. I totally

understand how you feel.

The reason I found this group is because I was so depressed and frustrated, I

called a friend of mine and told her I had been contemplating suicide.

I have been dealing with chronic pain, depression, medications and steroid

injections since 1995. I was in my 30's when it started with my first car

accident.

Then I had a second car accident causing irrepairable damage.

Unfortunately, there's no magical answer - believe me, I've looked

high and low to find the " right " combination to make me feel at

least semi-normal. And equally frustrating is that all these

procedures and medications react differently for each individual.

For me Cymbalta was one of the medications that made me feel like a

zombie. I tried it for weeks, and it was horrible. I've read other

posts, and Cymbalta has worked really well for others. I've never

had any strange reactions to steroid injections. And also unfortunately, we're

at the mercy of the medical profession.

I feel they just try various things in hopes it will work for you, but the whole

chronic pain issue is a crap shoot and difficult problem to treat. There's such

a fine line to get just the right combination to get you feeling just good

enough without taking too much stuff to make you feel all messed up.

Beth, even in my darkest days, I just hang on to hope that I will find what

works for me. There's that saying " don't give up 5 minutes before the miracle. "

I also think of the ramifications of my not being here any more.

I have a 17 year old son, and it would devastate him if something happened to

me. We (I) always have to try to remember that the people that care about us

want us in their lives in whatever shape we're in. Hang in there, Beth. Do

whatever you can to take care of yourself.

Much love, Deb