US HMO Humour Q&A

[Guest guest]

When I moved to the States, I had to learn about getting medical

insurance through the dreaded HMOs. (Health Maintenance Organization).

Everyone I know in the US has had problems at one time or another with

their HMO If the high medical insurance rates don't get you down,

something in your HMO coverage will find a way. :-)

Some friends got together and wrote some questions and answers about

dealing with HMOs. I think they did a good job of finding the humour

in dealing with HMOs,

--

Lyndi

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Q. What does HMO stand for?

A. This is actually a variation of the phrase, " HEY

MOE. " Its roots go back to a treatment concept pioneered by

Moe of the Three Stooges, who discovered that a

patient could be made to forget the pain in his foot

if he was poked hard enough in the eye.

Q. I just joined an HMO. How difficult will it be to

choose the doctor I want?

A. Just slightly more difficult than choosing your

parents. Your insurer will provide you with a book

listing all the doctors in the plan. The doctors

basically fall into two categories: those who are no

longer accepting new patients, and those who will

see you but are no longer participating in the plan.

But don't worry, the remaining doctor who is still

in the plan and accepting new patients has an office

just a half-day's drive away and a diploma from an

obscure third world country.

Q. Do all diagnostic procedures require

pre-certification?

A. No. Only those you need.

Q. Can I get coverage for my pre-existing conditions?

A. Certainly, as long as they don't require any

treatment.

Q. What happens if I want to try alternative forms

of medicine?

A. You'll need to find alternative forms of payment.

Q. My pharmacy plan only covers generic drugs, but I

want the name brand. What should I do?

A. Does the phrase " Hey Moe " strike a familiar note?

Q. What if I'm away from home and I get sick?

A. You really shouldn't do that.

Q. I think I need to see a specialist, but my doctor

insists he can handle my problem. Can a general

practitioner really perform a heart transplant right

in his/her office?

A. Hard to say, but considering that all you're

risking is the $20 co-payment, there's no harm in

giving it a shot.