Re: Me and my boyfriend have a question

[Guest guest]

Pookie,

Taking responsibility for the traits you have observed in your

behavior is HUGE. Way to go. I, too, have been prone to

catastrophizing both in relationships and other areas of life. If

something wasn't right, it grew to nothing was right, and then to the

thought that this one person (boyfriend, etc) was the sole cause and

root of the that. I have grown to understand the discontent is

within myself and now experience more depression or emptiness from

time to time rather than anger and rage. I didn't know about BPD

until a couple of years ago, so my growth into a calmer state wasn't

filled with as much insight as yours might be.

There are several books written or edited by Marsha Linehan that

might address your specific concerns regarding modifying behaviors.

One book specifically addresses the " high conflict couple " and all of

the texts deal with cognitive behavioral therapy for BPD. If you

search by Linehan on amazon, a slew of titles come up.

It doesn't sound like you have BPD since you are taking

responsibility for your reactions, but some cognitive-behavioral

tools might still be useful.

Best wishes on your journey.

Caitlyn

>

> Our situation is that my mother most definitely has BPD and I (being

> raised by her) either have BPD myself or at least have BPD

tendencies.

> I'm in a relationship with a guy who has been absolutely great and

> supportive even though I have put him through hell. In our

> relationship I tend to go through phases or mood swings (whatever

you

> want to call them). One of the phases I go through is I start

> thinking that everything in our relationship is horrible and can't

be

> fixed and that it was always horrible and I start thinking back to

> previous fights and thinking that that is how it all has been all

the

> time. So with this I freak out and leave. I've done this 3 or 4

> times. And we amazingly get back together and things are great.

This

> time around I have recognized that my mom has BPD and that I have

> those same tendencies and I am planning on going to a therapist

after

> I move in with my boyfriend again. We are both concerned that I'm

> going to get into this mode again and end up splitting even though

> that is not what I really want.

>

> Our question is what are some techniques that we could maybe use

when

> I get this way and what are some methods that others have used to

deal

> with the same or similar situations? Is recognizing it now going to

> help with it or is it something that I'm just always bound to do

> again? My boyfriend and I were thinking of maybe some sort of

signal

> when I get this way. Is that effective or am I already lost by that

> point? Any help with this would be greatly appreciated.

>