MORNING COFFEE

[Guest guest]

Plan to win

Too often, when you visualize all the things that could go wrong,

you never even make the attempt. You're defeated before you even start, by your

own imagination. It doesn't have to be that way. You can visualize anything you

want. Your imagination is yours

to control. Instead of anticipating defeat, plan in

your mind to win. See yourself achieving. Consider the possible

challenges you'll face, and then see yourself successfully overcoming them.

You don't need any money, or experience, or knowledge, or permission

from anyone else to be a winner in your own mind. You can do it right now, and

tomorrow, and for the rest of your life. And whatever you can visualize in vivid

detail, is well on its way to happening.

Think about what you do want, and discard thoughts of what you don't

want. Be a winner in your mind, and your positive mind will make you a winner.

I read this well-worn saying again the other day " With age comes

wisdom. " It was written by a very lovely person who was attempting to put a very

nice spin on the fact that, for many of us in this age group, we are now in " the

youth of our old age " and there's got to be some goodies that come along with

that.

When I read it, my immediate thought was " If only it were true. " You

can blame my skepticism on several things: a) I'm a Baby Boomer and I still, on

occasion, do some unwise things, I have a boatload of friends, colleagues and

acquaintances who would say the same thing about themselves, c) I know from my

professional training and experience that it's really not age that makes us

wiser but our willingness to recognize our mistakes and learn from them.

Not long after reading this saying, a quote from Abigail Van Buren

(Dear Abby) came up on one of those " Sayings of the Day for Women Who Are Way

Too Busy to Even Have Time to Read Them " calendars I seem to get every Christmas

(I think my friends are trying to tell me something). It read:

" Wisdom doesn't automatically come with old age. Nothing does -

except wrinkles. It's true, some wines improve with age. But only if the grapes

were good in the first place. " And I thought, " God I love that woman! " Nothing

could have described it better.

Aging really is about the " more so " theory...whatever we were in our

youth, we will be come more so as we age. (I wish I knew the name of the person

who came up with that so that I could give him/her the proper attribution.)

If we were content, joyful people in our youth, we will probably

attract experiences and relationships that will enhance our contentment and keep

bringing us evidence that life is good.

If we were discontented, grumpy, complaining people in our youth, we

will more than likely find experiences and relationships that reinforce that

belief and continuously bring us evidence that life is a struggle. And unless

something major intervenes to change that, this is how maturation will go.

The work of son gives an excellent theory on this. If you

read his Stages of Psycho-Social Development, you see that every stage of life

presents its own " crisis " ; how well each stage is resolved impacts on the next

stage. His theory is far too rich and insightful to distill down into in this

article, so when you have time, Google his work and you will usually find a

table of the stages that gives you a clear picture of how one develops socially

and emotionally.

So by old age, if all previous stages have gone reasonably well, you

would be looking back contentedly on a lifetime of satisfying relationships and

accomplishments and feel a sense of wholeness and peace (Integrity). Your view

of the world by this time would have become global, i.e., you have a sincere

wish to leave the world a better place for your having been in it.

From this you can get the picture of what the opposite would be.

son labeled this negative resolution of the crisis " Despair " - lots of

regrets, lots of blaming of circumstances, lots of focus on what you didn't get

and what was taken from you. Opposite to the global view, the person in Despair

has reduced life to a microscopic view.

As I am an idealist and not a cynic, I like to believe that there

are always opportunities for growth throughout our lives. But I am also enough

of a realist to know that it requires our making an effort to reach out, grab

the opportunities and get the most out of them that we possibly can. Age can

bring wisdom if we really work for it.

© Kate Sanner

When your day gets off to a bad start, it doesn't have to end that

way. Because you can adapt, adjust and put a positive spin on whatever may have

already happened.

Just because you've suffered disappointment in the past does not

mean it must continue. You have the opportunity right now to begin moving beyond

that disappointment.

If you feel overwhelmed by life's difficulties and frustrations,

here's something to consider. Every painful, negative thing that has ever

happened to you is now in the past.

Though it would sometimes be nice to change the past, there is

something much more powerful and valuable that you can now do. You can create

the future.

The past disappointments and frustrations that seem so burdensome

are kept alive primarily in your mind. You can decide right now to redirect that

mental energy into thoughts and actions that move you positively forward.

No matter how you may have started, you can choose to finish strong.

Now is the moment you can use to make a future that is rich, bright and

fulfilling.

Ralph Marston