My sister - need a reality check

[Guest guest]

Hi fellow posters,

I think my sister is trying to make me feel guilty. Let me know

what you think. (also, please let me know if you think some of my

reactions are hermit/waif fleas. It is still the holiday season,

and I see some of my fleas getting more lively right now!)

I haven't seen my sister in over a year. Before that, we usually

spent time every month together. My going NC has put a strain on

our relationship. In addition, I was usually the one would would

plan our times together, calling her and arranging for us to do

something. She was always the accomodating " whatever you want to do

is fine with me " . By her own admission, she realized that this was

not a good way to be.

Over a year ago, I decided that I wasn't going to be the 'cruise

director' any more. And so as I called her less, we did less

together (and I think the hermit flea made this easy to do). I know

she was very busy with selling her home, and helping my parents sell

theirs, and buy a home together. (One of her 'guilt producing(?)'

statements to me when I commented about our not seeing each other

anymore was how busy she is running two homes.)

I am very hurt that she has not been able to find any time to call,

come over to see my new home, meet for dinner, in all that time. I

had two old, sick cats that had to be put to sleep this year. She

was supposed to go to the vets with me, and didn't at the last

minute. She called to say she was sorry she couldn't make it, but

never called later to see how I was doing. (Is this the waif, pity

me, flea?)

I did give up trying to arrange anything with her. And so a full

year plus has gone by. And now, I received gifts for Christmas and

my birthday (was in Sept). One of the gifts is an angel pin that

says " My sister, My friend " . (Rolling my eyes, here.) We live

about 30 - 40 minutes away from each other, so getting together is

not a major production.

So, am I supposed to take the high road and think that she is trying

to reach out, or is this just a guilt producing action on her part.

Or is it something else?

The pin is playing right into my 'fantasy family' dream, which I

have worked so hard to accept as unrealistic and unattainable given

my nada and disrag. I know we can't always figure out why a person

does what he/she does. But I think I am too close and too emotional

to work through this on my own.

I'm curious as to other's interpretations of all of this.

Sylvia