thinking/writing style

November 19, 2003

Kaiden wrote:

> As he looked at the paragraph he just wrote, Kaiden wondered if he

should

> let others know that after reading fiction, his thoughts tend to

mimic the

> writing style of the author. " That's crazy, " Kaiden thought to himself.

> " Sure, they're just as autistic as me... but who actually thinks in

> 'fiction?' " He shook his head, as if to dispel the idea. For now, Kaiden

> would keep this aberration of thought to himself.

nah wrote:

> nah has noticed herself thinking in certain authors' writing

styles, and even writing in those writing styles. She wonders if that

is what Kaiden means. She also wonders if Kaiden is a Celtic name.

I get that sometimes, most vividly I remember is actually from

watching a video rather than reading. One evening (at uni) we were

watching III (shakespare, long movie), I left part way through

to bike (bicycle) home and was amused to find that everything I was

think was in the particular style of verse from it (rhyming couple?

pent something? I forget the term), to the point where I was thinking

how I was thinking like this and it was a pity to waste it with

thinking about thinking about it (hmm..not sure that made sense).

nah wrote:

She wonders if others have this constant inner narrator, as she has

all her life. As a child, nah's mother overheard her saying, as

she played with dolls, " It was a lovely spring day, when decided

to go for a walk to see Vanissa. *describes the walk there* When she

arrived, Vanissa said, " ******* " and then said " ******* " and

then they decided to ******* " et cetera. nah's mother later told

her this was most abnormal, but she assumes many of the things she did

were abnormal, being that most people didn't do them.

Yep, my brain is always talking to me. It doesn't always narrate on

what is going on outside but it is always talking (except occasionally

when I'm listening to music and playing solitair type games on the

computer).

I remember when I was little playing with dolls and telling them that

this other doll would have to stay with us because her mummy couldn't

look after her (sick or dead, I don't remember), my sister overheard

and was amused (or offended, I don't remember) because it was her

doll. When I think about it this was probably around when the mummy of

one of the other little girls at church was dying of cancer, of course

it could have been a fluke, I'll never know.

Jen

November 19, 2003

Here's my variant on that thinking style. It's an item from

my Snippets web page.

Anxiety Rehearsal

In a discussion about anxiety, an AS woman wrote that she knew it was

useless to worry about upcoming events or changes in her life, but she

couldn't help feeling anxious anyway. I wrote:

I know what you mean! One of my big problems is the way I habitually

" rehearse " everything in advance. It would be okay if all I did was

practice what I wanted to do/say myself. The trouble comes from the fact

that I also make up parts for everyone else!

For example, I have to fight very hard to stop myself from creating

complete scenes (dialogue, mostly) between me and [a service person with

whom I has having a series of unsatisfactory contacts]. It's not that I

don't know the difference between reality (when it happens) and my own

fantasy world about what reality might turn out to be like. The problem is

that when I let myself " indulge " in making up those scenes, I fill myself

up with all the emotions that go along with the dialogue. And because I am

most anxious about his doing/saying things that will make me angry, all my

dialogues end up with me very angry at him!

It's so tempting to " rehearse " in that way. It seems like a natural thing

for me to do, like it's just the way my brain works on its own. But I know

I have to try to stop doing it. My brain probably is trying to control the

future (and thus lessen anxiety) by working through what might happen. But

since that kind of " practice " gives me only an illusion of control and in

the process fills me full of adrenalin and anxiety, it's obviously

something I've got to avoid as much as I can.

Jane

November 19, 2003

Jane Meyerding <jane@j...> wrote:

> Here's my variant on that thinking style. It's an item from

> my Snippets web page.

>

> Anxiety Rehearsal

>

> In a discussion about anxiety, an AS woman wrote that she knew it was

> useless to worry about upcoming events or changes in her life, but she

> couldn't help feeling anxious anyway. I wrote:

>

> I know what you mean! One of my big problems is the way I habitually

> " rehearse " everything in advance. It would be okay if all I did was

> practice what I wanted to do/say myself. The trouble comes from the

fact

> that I also make up parts for everyone else!

Yep, I do that. Although currently I tend to be doing it more in a

fantasy sense rather than a productive. For example fantasizing that

I've won lotto and going through what I'd do, things I'd give to

people, how they would react etc. it's more fun than the reality of

goverment dole . Okay so it's probably not a healthy habit but it

makes trying to get to sleep slightly less stressful.

I remember mum telling me that I shouldn't rehearse stuff in my head

before it happened and I tried to be 'good' but I had to give up and

go back to doing it, stuff didn't work as well if I didn't rehearse

it. Although I have given up on looking forward to stuff most of the

time unless I have full control of whether it will happen. At the time

I didn't tell mum that I had ignored her but when I talked to her more

recently she agreed that we function differently (she does the

emotional NT thing). I suspect that when mum does it she gets so

caught up in the emotions that it is a bad thing, according to her she

thinks in emotions rather than (for example) words or pictures, it is

something I fail to understand.

But

> since that kind of " practice " gives me only an illusion of control

and in

> the process fills me full of adrenalin and anxiety, it's obviously

> something I've got to avoid as much as I can.

When I use it for real life I tend to try and think of variations of

how they might react and try to cover as many as I can think of. I

haven't been doing it much recently, I'm guessing that's either due to

not being in new situations much or possibly just not caring at the

moment.

Jen

November 23, 2003

Why do you think you should stop doing it? I do that all the time, and I

find it helps me to be prepared when I am in conversations: I have already

rehearsed the points to make.

Louis

In my house, " normal " is only a setting on the dryer.

From: Jane Meyerding