Re: Changes--Rhonda

[Guest guest]

Dear Rhonda,

Just wanted to say that my nada also used to take delight in interacting with my

ex-

boyfriend. This was my high school ex, one that she actually knew. After I

moved away

from home and broke up w/him, she used to run into him around town, and, if I'm

not

mistaken, he used to call her. She used to take great delight in telling me

about these

encounters. Once she claims they had a long talk and he cried about me. This

may or

may not be true; what IS true though is that this guy was a total sleaze and

very bad for

me.

This behviour is indicative of nada's 'all about me' and merging tendencies.

Nadas do not

understand that their daughters can have boyfriends; they thing that they are

their own

boyfriends. Once my split-good sister's fiancee lived in the house w/ her and

nada, and I

cannot tell you how much nada delighted in that situation. She considered my

sister's

fiancee her very special friend and confidant, and he played along. They broke

up, but for

years after he married another woman, he used to come by my nada's house every

Christmas.

Nadas are especially invasive when it comes to their daughter's boyfriends, and

should be

kept away from them as much as possible, and firmly taught that they are not a

new toy

for nada to 'own'.

Charlie

>

> I recently feel different. Can't put my finger on it, but

> different. It is in a good way though. I just can't explain it. Things

> seem clearer and I think I am really learning to love myself and to

> let go of the people that are harmful to my emotional and mental

> health. I have fully accepted the way they are, but I have know let go

> of them. I know inside they will never be part of my life every again,

> and although I get sad about that and sometimes depressed that this

> the way it must be. I am okay with that. It is funny, I feel like I

> can move on with me and my life completely now. It is just different.

>

> I think sometimes that since both parents are dead, that I have an

> advantage over alot of people out there. This may sound horrible, but

> I think you don't fully start to heal till they are dead and buried.

> Just my take on it. You can't still be okay, but it is final when they

> are gone and that is when we truely start letting go. It is a very

> slow process, but I found that we only let go to a certain extent when

> they are alive. Anyone else find this to be true?

>

>

>

>

>

> __________________________________________________

>