Re: The EFFECTS of my BP mom's emotional abuse on me

[Guest guest]

I can understand where you are coming from on a lot of different

levels. I've had trouble keeping friends (in the past) because I'm

always looking for the catch, like why would they want to be my

friend? It's taken me a longtime to realize that not everyone is

like my nada. Yea, there are some crappy people in this world that

DO try and use others, but I'm not a stupid person and there is no

reason for me to pick out all the flaws in others, just so I can

justify to myself that noone really likes me.

Sounds crazy just typing it.

But I know it's because of the things my mom would say to me.

That shit sticks in your head after hearing it years upon years, you

might not even realize the effects until much later. Just speaking

from personal experience, the fact that you can identify the things

about you that are caused by your mom, means you are in the

beginning stages of actually being OKAY. I can't say I'm completely

OKAY yet either. But I know that after I realized I was doing these

things, they got better. And it took time, but eventually my

attitude began to change. I went from being majorly depressed, to

unbelieveably angry, and now, where I am today; which is pretty damn

proud of myself! And happy to know I don't have to live in misery

any longer.

Find yourself, that's where the real inner peace comes in. Not

various religions (I've done that too!) You don't have to rely on

anyone else to teach you how to behave or how you should live. You

KNOW deep down inside of you, what is right for you. You just have

to keep digging until you can get to the point where you find it.

It's like our lives have become terrible knots, and we can't

just cut the strings, we have to untangle them first. It's

frustrating to have to go back and untangle this big mess that

somebody else made, a mess you didn't ask for. But words can not

express how rewarding it will be when you reach the end. That's what

I am going through right now, and I feel like I can finally see the

light, I'm not there yet, but I'm almost home. And remember this

stuff takes time, it's a journey and you aren't going to reach your

destintaion overnight!

The best way for you to not " end up like your mother " is to

realize that YOU have control of yourself! I used to be terrified

that I was going to end up like my nada. Like I thought her

craziness was something that just magically 'happened' to her one

day. And it could spring itself on me at anytime. But that's not it,

it was from years of being confused in her own life, and always

searching for the answers somewhere else, not looking to herself as

a person who can change on her own. But it's not too late for us, we

can still change our behaviours. If you are aware of the problem

then you can find the solution, and it sounds like you are a very

aware person! I know you will be OKAY, because you want to be. And

sometimes that's all it takes.