Re: Day Late, Dollar Short

[Guest guest]

Okay, run your explanation by me, 'cause I missed something somewhere! What

happened?

Louis

In my house, " normal " is only a setting on the dryer.

From: Kaiden Fox

I just wrote something for my boss, explaining why the police came in and

dragged me away from work, and why I'm returning to work with two admittance

bracelets on my right arm and a hatchwork of scars on my left.

I was wondering if there's any " generic " explanations that I can either

print-out or photocopy, in case I ever have to explain this to a different

boss.

____________________

" I'm easily confused. It's part of my boyish charm. "

-- Kaiden Fox

[Guest guest]

I'm not following either. Were you late in paying some bill?? I would

be embarassed if that happened to me! Let us in on a little more so we

could help out. Sorry I was late with this on a prior post but here's my

input/idea for that " card. "

" Pardon me if we are having a communication gap here. During my

lifetime living with Aspergers/Autism, I've faced many such difficult

encounters in my efforts to maintain civilized relationships & socialize

amongst others. Obviously, I am hurt and offended by your actions

toward me since they do not meet my standards and thus, I find them

quite unbecoming. Oh and BTW, excuse me for stepping on your proverbial

toe!! ; > P "

http://community.webtv.net/tikigalharkins/LETSTALKASPERGERS

[Guest guest]

This message from Kaiden Fox arched across the cosmos:

>If I ever have children, I'll be sure to attempt self-hypnosis to insert

>other words into my " profane " vocabulary. Sure, yelling, " FORSOOTH,

>SCALAWAG, THOU ART A VILLAIN! " is just about as bad, but at least I won't be

>teaching " bad words " to my kids.

I don't see much of any harm in letting kids hear a parent swear: they do

hear it in school as early as kindergarten, so I figure the best strategy

is (as my parents did) to just tell the kids not to use such language

around other adults. That's the same message they'll get either way; there

are internal differences that arise from whether you swear near them, but

I'll spare you the details. *grin* Moot point anyway for me, of course,

because my cats only swear in felinese. Too bad my brain doesn't take real

life into account when it picks perseverations -- being stuck with child

psychology for several years was a real waste given I'm never having any!

If you need to stop swearing at any point, though, IME the easiest way is

to aim for words that are just as short and explosive as the swear-words

themselves. It also helps if there's a good strong image associated with

the replacement word... " Nuts " is what I am using for mild occasions in

public right now, as I can use it both in the explosive ( " NUTS! " ) and

grumble ( " ugh, nuts " ) senses quite easily.

On the topic of swearing, I had an odd incident at the airport last

night... I was hanging out in the cafe with Parrish waiting for it to be

time for me to go through security, and heard somebody at a table behind me

exclaiming " fuck! " over and over again. I glanced behind me and only saw

that it was two young adults sitting together, so I couldn't figure out why

they were each saying " fuck " so repetitively. It wasn't until Parrish

commented that the game they were playing seemed a lot like

rock/paper/scissors that I realized 1) they were playing a game and 2) they

weren't speaking in English. (I had thought that they were just hanging

out swearing for fun.) I guess when my brain couldn't understand what was

being said, it assumed it was just another case of Central Auditory

Processing gone wrong and didn't bother relaying the sounds even enough for

me to realize it wasn't in a language I could understand. It shouldn't

surprise me, because I also realized on this trip that when Parrish speaks

softly to himself, not only can I not grasp what he is saying, I can't even

manage to focus on it enough for my brain to make it be anything more than

nonsense murmuring noises despite my powerful hearing -- he's being loud

enough, but my mind won't allow for translation of even a single vowel!

DeGraf ~*~ http://www.sonic.net/mustang/moggy

[Guest guest]

> I don't see much of any harm in letting kids hear a parent swear: they do

> hear it in school as early as kindergarten, so I figure the best strategy

> is (as my parents did) to just tell the kids not to use such language

> around other adults.

" OK, ... I'm sorry to tell you, but adults are fucking hypocrites.

They're going to look at you as if you're a 'bad boy' if you tell them to

eat shit and die, and they're going to look at me as if I'm a total fucking

shithead if you swear. So, although I know they're shit-eating anal-fucks,

and YOU know they're shit-eating anal-fucks, you're not supposed to swear

around adults. I know it doesn't actually make any fucking sense, but can

you do that for your old man? "

" Sure, dad, why the fuck not? "

> That's the same message they'll get either way; there

> are internal differences that arise from whether you swear near them, but

> I'll spare you the details. *grin* Moot point anyway for me, of course,

> because my cats only swear in felinese. Too bad my brain doesn't take

real

> life into account when it picks perseverations -- being stuck with child

> psychology for several years was a real waste given I'm never having any!

If I have any, you can be their " Autie Auntie. " If my children resemble me

*at all,* they're going to need a support structure that includes adults who

can break through the child/adult barrier. I've always been more

comfortable around adults than I have around children. I'm actually

considered " good with kids, " because I treat them as an adult. I'm also

bloody aweful at checkers, so any second-grader can beat me at the game

without me actually *letting* them win.

[Guest guest]

Subject: Re: Re: Day Late, Dollar Short

I don't see much of any harm in letting kids hear a parent swear: they do

hear it in school as early as kindergarten, so I figure the best strategy

is (as my parents did) to just tell the kids not to use such language

around other adults.

that is a good way to teach them to be hypocrites. how about: i am sorry i

swore. i should not have done that. if you are not sorry: i should not have

sworn in front of you. it isnt acceptable in many situations.

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[Guest guest]

I installed the greeting-card software I have, but rarely use and ran off a

card on good resume-quality paper for the co-worker involved. It had a

picture of a fairy with a magic wand and a cat. The front of the card said,

" Imagination is a powerful thing. " Inside, the card suggested, " Let's

imagine that I didn't screw up. Forgive me? "

My own contribution to the card was, " Pardon me for the " melt-down " and

communication gap. During my lifetime living with Aspergers/Autism, I've

faced many such difficult encounters in my efforts to maintain civilized

relationships & socialize amongst others.

" Please don't take any yelling personally, as it is not dirrected at you,

even if it is in your dirrection. "

I hope that eases tention between us. I'm off until Wednesday night, when

I'm working with the co-worker who I actually get along with very well, so

hopefully this *will* provide enough breathing room.

I'm going to talk to my clinical social worker and perscribing psychiatrist

today. My Big Fear was that I was going to have to pay emergency room fees

(and, in fact, I still am, because the police dragged me off to the hospital

against my will), due to my manager's policy of not being able to take miss

work due to illness without a doctor's excuse. I may be able to " drop in

and get an excuse " at any time, regardless of if I have an appointment or

not. The thought didn't cross my mind until a few hours ago, as I was

thinking along the lines of reasonable accomediations.

If I don't get the lunchbox I've been asking for, which explains a number of

rules of interaction for autists, I'll purchase it myself.

I'll write an " impact statement " using the bottom-line questions Jane

Meyerding mentioned in message 10965.

____________________

" I'm easily confused. It's part of my boyish charm. "

-- Kaiden Fox

[Guest guest]

HOW TO STOP PERSERVATIVE SWEARING, by Soma Mukhopadhyay

STEP ONE: Instead of " ass, " say " buns "

Like " kiss my buns " or " you're a buns-hole "

STEP TWO: Instead of " shit, " say " poo "

As in " bull-poo " " poo! " and " this poo is cold. "

STEP THREE: With " bitch " drop the " t "

Because " bich " is Latin for generosity

STEP FOUR: Don't say " fuck " any more

Because " fuck " is the worst word that you can say

So just use the word " m'kay. "

RE: Re: Day Late, Dollar Short

> Oh. My. God. I can't clean my mouth up to save my life! I've been trying

> and trying to substitute other words for the swear words, to find other

> phrases. I've managed to insert " bloody " into my vocabulary, which isn't

> too bad in the US, but I can't seem to get shit and fuck and damnit out of

> my mouth.

>

> There was nothing quite so cute as seeing a 2-year-old try unsuccessfully

to

> imitate me by saying, " Oh my shit! " when she made a mess, though.

>

> Elayne

> mommy to Brenden, Tamara, & Caitlin (10/12/1999 @ 26w2d) and Liam

> (10/15/2002 @ 40w4d)

>

> > -----Original Message-----

> > From: Kaiden Fox

> > If I ever have children, I'll be sure to attempt self-hypnosis to insert

> > other words into my " profane " vocabulary. Sure, yelling, " FORSOOTH,

> > SCALAWAG, THOU ART A VILLAIN! " is just about as bad, but at least

> > I won't be teaching " bad words " to my kids.

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Kaiden wrote:

>I installed the greeting-card software I have, but rarely use and ran off a

>card on good resume-quality paper for the co-worker involved. It had a

>picture of a fairy with a magic wand and a cat. The front of the card said,

> " Imagination is a powerful thing. " Inside, the card suggested, " Let's

>imagine that I didn't screw up. Forgive me? "

>

>My own contribution to the card was, " Pardon me for the " melt-down " and

>communication gap. During my lifetime living with Aspergers/Autism, I've

>faced many such difficult encounters in my efforts to maintain civilized

>relationships & socialize amongst others.

>

> " Please don't take any yelling personally, as it is not dirrected at you,

>even if it is in your dirrection. "

>

>I hope that eases tention between us.

It certainly should. I think it's great.

Jane

[Guest guest]

wrote:

>I don't see much of any harm in letting kids hear a parent swear: they do

>hear it in school as early as kindergarten, so I figure the best strategy

>is (as my parents did) to just tell the kids not to use such language

>around other adults.

I'm glad my parents didn't swear around me. I don't know whether

they swore in private. In any case, I don't like the idea of

setting up different ways to act around different people. It

always irritated and annoyed me when age peers (in childhood/

youth) acted differently around adults than with age peers.

Hypocrisy, I considered it, and despised it.

I am not sure why I think it was important for me that my

parents didn't swear. Will have to think about it more. Maybe

something to do with my ability to rely on them to be rational.

Jane

[Guest guest]

Ok, that would *never* work, mostly because I can't say " poo " with a

straight face.

Elayne

mommy to Brenden, Tamara, & Caitlin (10/12/1999 @ 26w2d) and Liam

(10/15/2002 @ 40w4d)

> -----Original Message-----

> From: Kaiden Fox

> STEP TWO: Instead of " shit, " say " poo "

> As in " bull-poo " " poo! " and " this poo is cold. "

[Guest guest]

thank you kaiden! I actually said just that to my significant other the

other day... I did apoloigize (well I " m still apologizing for that day)

and I am lucky that day he was able to aceept that is the ASD... what's

frustrating for us is we both have the unpredictable sensitivities, and

at times no tolerance for the unpredictability of the other...

but we both have Fibromyalgia as well as his Asperger's and my ASD, so

its a real crap shoot whether either of us can tolerate any change,

difference, or even normal expectations...

really intersting Kaiden about the tourettes connection... definetly is

one of my issues...the swearing

thanks

dani

Kaiden Fox wrote:

> Now, if an autist were to react to something I said with raised voice and

> even a " fuck off, fuck you, fuck everything, FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK! " I

> would be more than willing to accept his or her apology if he or she

> were to

> say, " I wasn't yelling at you, I was yelling because of you. "

>

> Maybe it's an autistic thing, but I do separate the person from the

> situation. I also understand that autism can lead to Tourettes-like

> behavior, so I accept that profanity is not *always* a verbal assault, but

> sometimes arises for the same reason it arises in people with

> Tourettes. I

> talk in my sleep, and my girlfriend has told me that it's incoherent

> mumbling mixed with coherent profanity... and that is because profanity is

> processed by a different part of the brain than other words. A person

> swearing during a meltdown isn't *trying* to be offensive - they are

> simply

> using what limited vocabulary is left available to them.

>

> If I ever have children, I'll be sure to attempt self-hypnosis to insert

> other words into my " profane " vocabulary. Sure, yelling, " FORSOOTH,

> SCALAWAG, THOU ART A VILLAIN! " is just about as bad, but at least I

> won't be

> teaching " bad words " to my kids.

>

> RE: Re: Day Late, Dollar Short

>

>

> > After ten+ years of marriage, I'm still trying to explain this to my

> > husband. I get to a point where I'm so overloaded, I just snap at

> everybody

> > and everything, and its not that I'm mad at anybody really, it's

> just that

> I

> > need down time and I have no way to get it. It's been worse since we

> moved

> > up here, because I don't get my nights off anymore, and it's so easy to

> get

> > overloaded after a whole day of being whined at and climbed on with no

> > escape. I just can't seem to get across to him that when I do that, I'm

> not

> > mad, I just need to be left alone.

> >

> > Elayne

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

> I'd never been told not to use those words before, though I did

> usually kind of try not to say " crap " around people I didn't know too

well,

> since it could be offensive, and tried not to say " omigod " if I thought

the

> person was very religious and would consider it taking the Lord's name in

> vain.

Technically, though, the veneration of Rassilon is far more common than that

of Omega, although Omega is an important figure. Still, it's good not to

say anything that could be construed as taking a Time Lord's name in vain.

(Yes, I would watch Doctor Who religiously. When I was living with my

grandparents when they had cable that included two other PBS stations, I

would watch it four times per weekend).