Guest guest Posted June 11, 2004 Report Share Posted June 11, 2004 Jane writes: " ...my failure to realize that my mother would not already know everything I knew. " THAT is something I only realized as an adult: that I actually went around not knowing that others had another experience and perception of the world than mine. The only time that really strikes me as a lightning out of the blue, was when I realized there was a bit of dichotomy between my certainty that I was my parents' center of life and the undescribable (faint) aknowledgement that my two sisters also got their need for love and attention. The schism (mathematical inequality) was too great to encompass, and the thought that the unconditional and total love and understanding my parents gave me could be a negation towards my sisters was pushed aside on the spot. The system of understanding in me would break down (as a computer crashes) and I left this illogicality on my parents desk. Funny. I was already clearly autistic but didn't know how it affected me. The consellor who guides me through my role as holder-together of my famile of autismx4, keeps on saying: " You are just so intelligent (a bit embarassing, even though it has been my deep awareness that intelligence was/will forever be my greatest saving grace in this world), your brain makes the jump from observation, searching through your databank of experiences to corrective action incredibly quickly. " But the mental gymnastics is there, every single minute of the day. My mom knew evrything I knew, so I never thought about it. We are just so naive, aren't we. Good thing we are fantastic and enlightenes people in other areas. ;-) Hilsen, Denmark christine@... Æblevangen 17 2765 Smørum 44 66 02 17 24 24 12 17 Making choices I'm reading Dawn Prince- " Songs of the Gorilla Nation. " This morning I got to this bit: --begin quote from p. 91: The first day I packed a lunch and went to the zoo alone, I felt suddenly liberated. I was able to make a choice about where I went and how long I was there.... This may sound strange to people accustomed to making active choices, but I had lived my life up to this point utterly unaware that I could choose a course of action and allow that choice to nurture me. " ---end quotation. Me, too. As I've probably said before in this forum, I seem to spend much of my life saying, " it didn't occur to me. " The example I might use here (though it's less aesthetically pleasing than Dawn's gorillas) if I were writing my life story is: I had been earnng money for years before I went to college. First by collecting returnables for small change, and then (when 16) by working after school and on weekends. But it never occurred to me that I could choose what to do with the money, with the exception that I somehow knew it was okay to use small amounts of money to buy presents for other people. In my case, that meant buying little baby cacti (which were extremely cheap at the time) whenever I got the chance and giving them to members of my family. All other money went to my mother, who needed it. She occasionally spent it on me, as when she paid for me to attend summer school (which was necessary because she worked full-time). I had been at college, living in a dorm, for some months when I noticed that some of the other women in the dorm often had candy bars. Stealthy observation enabled me to track down their source to a vending machine in the basement. I was working two jobs (to supplement scholarships), so I had some money. One day, it finally occurred to me that I, too, could put money into the vending machine and get a candy bar. The feeling of doing so was, as Dawn P-H noted, liberating. I was so impressed by it that I expected....I don't know, some reaction from the world. The halls would be wider, something like that. I didn't enjoy the vending machine or its candy much and therefore did not repeat the experiment often. But it's an experience/feeling I've never forgotten, though it happened 37 years ago. Another thing Dawn P-H and I had in common as children: ------quotation from p. 43: I never told my parents about it. It didn't occur to me that I could communicate about things that happened. I simply wasn't able to understand that use of words. ------end quotation. Complicated, in my case, by my failure to realize that my mother would not already know everything I knew. Jane Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 11, 2004 Report Share Posted June 11, 2004 > THAT is something I only realized as an adult: that I actually went > around not knowing that others had another experience and perception of > the world than mine. For me was something more like: Did not know boundary that people could only see skin. Then did not know people could not see thoughts. Did not know how much of body language people could or could not read. Thought thinking was as obvious as saying. Realized otherwise while eating lunch somewhere at a table with several people. Age about 20/21/somewhere in there. They looked at me. Realized they were looking at my eating style. Realized they could not see inside my head. Realized I had no idea how I looked from outside physically. Or how they saw me in terms of how they thought. That was strange. -- " Humans: No fur, no paws, no tail. They run away from mice. They never get enough sleep. How can you help but love such an absurd animal? " - An anonymous cat on Homo sapiens Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 11, 2004 Report Share Posted June 11, 2004 Dear . Ja, mirrors are still a strange object for me... Can't figure out how to remember using it. Should be scheduled in in my routines ;-) Hilsen, christine@... Æblevangen 17 2765 Smørum 44 66 02 17 24 24 12 17 RE: Making choices > THAT is something I only realized as an adult: that I actually went > around not knowing that others had another experience and perception of > the world than mine. For me was something more like: Did not know boundary that people could only see skin. Then did not know people could not see thoughts. Did not know how much of body language people could or could not read. Thought thinking was as obvious as saying. Realized otherwise while eating lunch somewhere at a table with several people. Age about 20/21/somewhere in there. They looked at me. Realized they were looking at my eating style. Realized they could not see inside my head. Realized I had no idea how I looked from outside physically. Or how they saw me in terms of how they thought. That was strange. -- " Humans: No fur, no paws, no tail. They run away from mice. They never get enough sleep. How can you help but love such an absurd animal? " - An anonymous cat on Homo sapiens Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 11, 2004 Report Share Posted June 11, 2004 > Ja, mirrors are still a strange object for me... Can't figure out how to > remember using it. Should be scheduled in in my routines ;-) A friend visited once. Upon meeting we decided neither one had bodies. Could read each other's (autistic) body language. But putting it together with the words being typed was too strange. The room I talked in yesterday had mirrors all over the wall. THAT was strange. Not used to seeing my body either from outside. Sort of a compacted rocking blob on the floor. :-) -- Random recommended webpage: Confessions of a Non-Compliant Patient http://www.power2u.org/recovery/confessions.html Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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