Re: It seems like there are a lot of undx BP out there...

[Guest guest]

Agreed! Esp with the emotional abuse we've all endured. My boyfriend

thinks we should have put my mom is jail years ago for her threats

against me. I vote for an institution.

I have yet to meet anyone who claims to be a BP- but yet meet many

bipolars.

[Guest guest]

Wow - I did not realize that many therapists don't accept BP patients. I can

kind of see why...

My mom is technically undx, too (I introduced myself last night, btw), but

came on several of my therapy sessions for postpartum depression (and I'm

learning I probably have a lot more issues too, having been raised by a BPD

mom), and my therapist, who does take BP patients, believes my mom to be BP

I was just relating to what you said, daisy, about your mom having to know

something is wrong with her. My mom is very high-functioning (therapist says

" Many apparent aptitudes " ) and ironically, works in the mental health field. She

is a nurse in a county outpatient mental health facility, and counsels people

with BPD! And my mom tends to mistrust her friends - she gets close, but then

believes that they are jealous of her for various reasons. If they don't call

for a while, it couldn't possibly be because they are busy, overwhelmed by their

own life, etc. It never dawns on her to call and see if they're ok or need

anything - it's always because they're jealous of her, angry at her, not

speaking to her, etc. It used to seem like every week a new person was " avoiding

her. " Usually, I thought in my head, but never said out loud, " Oh no, Mom, that

person doesn't know you well enough to avoid you! " I do know people that

actually avoid my mom, because she's exploded at them a

time or two, but she has no clue about the ones that actually are avoiding her.

OK, what I meant to be a short response has turned into a long rambling thing

about my own frustrations. I'm sorry about that!

Anyway, let's just say I can relate.

daisynj33 wrote:

Our group is huge and it made me think that there are numerous cases

of undx BP out there. I don't understand with all the emotional and

physical abuse involved that there is not more said about BP in the

media.

My mom is got to know something is wrong with her. How she can't

keep any friendships or relationships. If a friend does or says

something wrong my mom dumps her.

It makes you wonder why there isn't more help for non-BP and BP out

there.

I know from my friend who is a counselor that the BP are very hard

on them in therapy and most counselors will not even accept BP's....

It is sad that we have to figure out on our own how to mend and heal

ourselves from all the damage the BP parent has inflicted on us...

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[Guest guest]

Hi ,

'trust me, " mommy dearest " was a disney version of abuse in my

eyes. (funny thing about that is my nada made me watch that when i was

9 to show how much of a good mother she was in contrast)'

OMG! My mother did this too! And she used to tell people how shocked I was

when I saw it that a mother could be mean to her daughter! It's almost like

that film validated that what she did wasn't so terrible...

is

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[Guest guest]

I think the nature of the disorder is part of what prevents BPs from

seeking help. THEY never have a " problem " , and everything is always

someone else's fault. Everyone else is evil, and they are all-

mighty. My nada is the epitome of " speck in another's eye, plank

your own eye. "

Secondly, the ways in which BPs inflict pain on others is often

rather subtle and compounded. No one incident seems psychotic

enough to report or seek treatment over, but the years and years of

erosion on your soul is worse than one huge beating.

And while the knowledge of BPD may have been around awhile, it's

only been in recent decades that psychological therapy has become

less taboo. Prior to that, people dealt with mental illness through

the church, shunning, or other more archaic methods. Since BPs are

often high-functioning, it's hard to justify something as drastic as

a mental hospital.

Also, my therapist told me that most therapists HATE dealing with

BPs. The ones that actually come into therapy (usually because they

are having relationship problems, surprise surprise), she says they

are usually passed onto other more tolerant therapists or will quit

coming because they don't like the mirror turned on them.

So IMO, that is why BPD has gone unchecked, and continues to be

under-diagnosed and so misunderstood.

[Guest guest]

Re: Mommie Dearest

My mother HATED it if we snapped sarcastically " OK, mommie dearest. "

Literally, we would be in deep deep trouble and on " soul watch " (what I

refer to as my mother suddenly being concerned for our souls).

[Guest guest]

I had several theapists say the same thing, that they don't like

dealing with BPD because it is so time consuming and draining. All

of the phone calls, fake illnesses, etc.

This is something that makes me so angry because it seems the mental

health community has abandoned BPD.

My mom's case was deemed severe and chronic so basically no one would

treat her. Throw in the fact she had Medicaid instead of regular

insurance.

Some states have more resources/ money to treat mental health issues

and I live in one of the worst states in US. My dad is admin. in

mental health field so he has shared this with me. (He was not an

enabler of her, they were married only briefly and divorced when I

was a baby- he completely detached from her)

His take and all her doctors was that she was unhelpable and with

state having such limited resources, there was no way to help her.

His explanation was that they have to help people who are treatable

and save beds/ funding for them.

Hospitals don't " commit " people much anymore and a 4 week stay is

not enough to help anyone with BPD. We could find no long term

treatment for nada and we tried everything- state hospitals, group

home, adult home, outpatient, etc. and nothing worked.

Its like people with BPD fall through the cracks of the system

dragging everyone else down with them. I think its grossly unfair

and discriminatory and now that I realize so many people are affected

by this disease it makes me even angrier that the majority of the

mental health community ignores BPD. It's like no one cares...

Thanks for letting me vent!

>

> I think the nature of the disorder is part of what prevents BPs

from

> seeking help. THEY never have a " problem " , and everything is

always

> someone else's fault. Everyone else is evil, and they are all-

> mighty. My nada is the epitome of " speck in another's eye, plank

> your own eye. "

>

> Secondly, the ways in which BPs inflict pain on others is often

> rather subtle and compounded. No one incident seems psychotic

> enough to report or seek treatment over, but the years and years of

> erosion on your soul is worse than one huge beating.

>

> And while the knowledge of BPD may have been around awhile, it's

> only been in recent decades that psychological therapy has become

> less taboo. Prior to that, people dealt with mental illness

through

> the church, shunning, or other more archaic methods. Since BPs are

> often high-functioning, it's hard to justify something as drastic

as

> a mental hospital.

>

> Also, my therapist told me that most therapists HATE dealing with

> BPs. The ones that actually come into therapy (usually because

they

> are having relationship problems, surprise surprise), she says they

> are usually passed onto other more tolerant therapists or will quit

> coming because they don't like the mirror turned on them.

>

> So IMO, that is why BPD has gone unchecked, and continues to be

> under-diagnosed and so misunderstood.

>

[Guest guest]

I agree... BPD patients are often not mental patients as they are

the least likely to get help as they don't see the problem!! And if

they have problems at work or with others, they just blame the

world, or act like everything's okay.

I totally agree that if there was a pill to make them more

manageable... and if money could be made off them, we'd be seeing it

all over the place... example adhd, anxiety, depression. These are

money making diagnoses. Of course, most people benefit huge amounts

from medication, I am one... but still, the more marketable

something is, the less stigma there is in getting the tx. THink

about schizophrenia... its been around a long time, and there is no

single tx for it. But I bet there are a lot of underdiagnosed

people out there, as schizoid disorders vastly increase with age,

and combined with drug use, very likely to occur in some populations

that struggle with substance abuse. But they are shoved aside, just

as " addicts. "

These people can also float in and out of the severity. During when

they are acting halfway normal, they just seem to fool everyone,

especially their doctors!!! I tried to talk to nada's doctor, and

he just assumed I was after her money or something!!!! He looked at

me and totally ignored everything I said to him, even though she was

threatening suicide. Why would I make up something like that?? She

was SO good at telling people lies, that one was that I was trying

to have her declared incompetent so I could take over her money.

I don't have any credentials in mh, have only been a case manager

and teacher, and child of a nada. She'd seek treatment for anxiety,

and took Valium for years and years. That only gave her a weapon,

we all had to be on eggshells or she'd get " nervous " and go into a

rage.

Interesting.

Really, I don't think awareness helps to prevent or treat the

disorder. We can only help those who have been raised by these

people... My nada developed her symptoms over a lifetime of

manipulating, and families just reinforce the behaviors, for their

own survival. But is it a silent killer, I am convinced. How many

people have depression, heart disease, high blood pressure,, just

having to deal with the constant stress????

[Guest guest]

This post, and the post about BP co-workers has made me think; are we,

as children of people with personality disorders, all the more

sensitive to others with personality disorders? We grew up on our

toes, waiting for Nada/Fada to lash out, and seeing our other parent,

or our siblings, try to hide their fear or pain. Did this heighten

our emotional awareness?

I saw this on Emotional Intelligence and Emotional Competence;

http://webhome.idirect.com/~kehamilt/ipsyeq.html

and I kinda feel that, after watching someone who couldn't distinguish

between thoughts and feelings, people and actions, etc., I became

somewhat more aware of how I express myself towards others,

(especially watching that I wasn't acting like Fada...) and more

sensitive to how others expressed themselves.

>

> Our group is huge and it made me think that there are numerous cases

> of undx BP out there. I don't understand with all the emotional and

> physical abuse involved that there is not more said about BP in the

> media.

> My mom is got to know something is wrong with her. How she can't

> keep any friendships or relationships. If a friend does or says

> something wrong my mom dumps her.

>

> It makes you wonder why there isn't more help for non-BP and BP out

> there.

> I know from my friend who is a counselor that the BP are very hard

> on them in therapy and most counselors will not even accept BP's....

> It is sad that we have to figure out on our own how to mend and heal

> ourselves from all the damage the BP parent has inflicted on us...

>