NC? No Contact?

[Guest guest]

Does " going NC " mean No Contact?

I am about to move from the West Coast with my wife to the East

Coast, where our adult sons and grandkids are. I will be leaving my

90 year old udBPD mother behind, and no doubt will not see her again

alive. I've only recently come to understand that mother has BPD

after living with it and its effects on me for 60 years. With no

other siblings, and my mother having chosen to live alone and nearly

completely isolated for 40 years, of course I feel deeply guilty at

leaving her with, perhaps, the support only of a second cousin.

After all these years of pain and recurring boughts with major

depression, I have to leave to survive. Without sharing all the

horrible details, December was unbelievable - out of a sense of

guilt/duty/responsiblility and with the amazing support of my 40-

year wife (per Nada " the slut from the wrong side of the tracks " ) we

talked my mother into moving east with us. After sending our

household belongings east ahead of us, we moved in with her to help

her prepare for this big move, sell her house etc. It was

unrealistic to begin with, and predictably it blew up after 30 days

of hell. After leaving her house (kicked out) I'm on a course of

medication for a couple of months for the havoc the stress and fear

did to my gastrointestinal works. It is hard to permanently turn my

back, but I feel I have done and offerred all I could to help my mom

either live out her life in assisted living or with us, and what I

have got in return is an angry attack, accusations, and hateful

rejection. An altogether familiar experience with her. I was a

sometimes angry father and husband, but my sons and my wife are

there for me, and for our family, big time, looking forward to our

being with them. I've spent a lot of time and money in the last 35

years working on myself, my depressions and anger. But I've only

come recently to understand and remember how much blackmail,

disapproval, and emptiness I went through as a kid. My mind simply

shut off most of the memory. I am worried about my sons, though both

are doing well in their 30's. I was infected with a toxic bug by my

mother, who is a carrier of the BPD disease going through her last

stage of a bitter, angry life. I hope that I did enough work on

myself to keep the infection from spreading to my boys. Before

taking the risk inviting my mother to move east with us I did a lot

of reflection. One of the things I found useful comes from the

jewish Talmud. I'm not jewish, but the Talmud was written over

hundreds of years, to explain and interpret the fist 5 books of the

Bible, the Torah to jews. In interpreting the command to honor our

parents, the jewish sages said in the Talmud that their God requires

children to provide shelter to their elderly parents, food, and

assistance in getting about. But, the Talmud does not require that

we love them. I have reached the point of finally turning my back

on my venomous mother. Something one cannot do, I cannot do, to

someone I love. Love for her no longer exists in me. It won't be

easy, but it will be done.

Randy