Re: Jana/Camilla

[Guest guest]

To Everyone,

Thank you for your response. It overwelms me that you all care so deeply. I

would be lying if I said that I am not worried, but I am. I think of leaving

him, I almost did the other day, I started packing my bags, but he got crazy on

me and said if I left never to come back. That scared me so much. I thought to

myself, I have nowhere to go. I don't have alot of money whatsoever, I could

never live on what I have now. I used to make a lot of money, I used to make 2

1/2 times more than my fiance. I now only make 13,000 a year from disability.

I cannot live like that. I used to be a bueatiful woman, one of those woman

that when I walked into a room everyone would turn to look, and I know what they

were thinking, " I wish I were her " . I hope i'm not sounding like i'm bragging,

but at one point I had it all, a great career, bueaty, very sociable, great

charisma, the type of person everyone wanted to be around. Men would flock to

me, I had many choices then. But now, I've fallen apart, there are no choices

left, my bueaty has faded, i'm afraid to leave the house out of embarrasment.

There is no man that would want me now. I cannot work, I can hardly get out of

bed. I hate my life. I want to be the person who I know I am, I want to know

where she has gone. I had strength unlike any other once, now that too is gone.

So leaving is not an option, although I fear he will leave me. He has already

threatened to on many occations. Take for instance, last week, I had a siezure

right in front of him, I bit part of my tongue off and a chunk of my inner lip.

He would not call an ambulance. I asked him to, but he said that if I went to

the hospital he would leave me. He was afraid they would lock me away in the

mental ward, and he could not bare that. So I didn't seek medical attention in

fear of losing him. Where would I be without him.

Forgive me all, but I have lost my way, and I fear I will be lost forever. This

disease has stolen my soul.

sincerely,

Jana

[Guest guest]

Dear Jana,

I hope you will go to your local Domestic Violence shelter and

discuss this with someone. They can help you there. They can help you

financially. They can provide legal help, they can provide you with a

place to live. But you must get out of that situation.

I have been in your shoes. I have written about this subject as an

investigative reporter. I have been a Private Investigator, now

retired.

Dillion

I think we're in for a bodacious thunder storm, and I won't be on

much longer.

> To Everyone,

>

> Thank you for your response. It overwelms me that you all care so

deeply. I would be lying if I said that I am not worried, but I am.

I think of leaving him, I almost did the other day, I started packing

my bags, but he got crazy on me and said if I left never to come

back. That scared me so much. I thought to myself, I have nowhere

to go. I don't have alot of money whatsoever, I could never live on

what I have now. I used to make a lot of money, I used to make 2 1/2

times more than my fiance.

[Guest guest]

Jana, grab your soul back. Take your power.

You need to take care of you, you can't count on this man at all, and if you

really need help even to save your life, he will not be there for you.

A shelter will help you find reasonable housing and you can apply for low income

housing via hud... talk to a shelter person......fast as you can..... get the

facts before you decide you have no options. This used to be true, but not in

this day and age..

Please think about this and make a call and gather your facts. You need not

leave until you know what the choices are and facts are unless he is physically

abusing you.....then run.

But go see an attorney also, and see what the mechanics of leaving are.... arm

yourself before making a decision.....it if feels better to do so. That is

what I did one time... but I returned...AFTER FILING FOR DIVORCE........on MY

terms and things worked out pretty well.....but that is not always and seldom is

the case.

gATHER THE INFO... make an informed decision.. dash

Re: Jana/Camilla

To Everyone,

Thank you for your response. It overwelms me that you all care so deeply. I

would be lying if I said that I am not worried, but I am. I think of leaving

him, I almost did the other day, I started packing my bags, but he got crazy on

me and said if I left never to come back. That scared me so much. I thought to

myself, I have nowhere to go. I don't have alot of money whatsoever, I could

never live on what I have now. I used to make a lot of money, I used to make 2

1/2 times more than my fiance. I now only make 13,000 a year from disability.

I cannot live like that. I used to be a bueatiful woman, one of those woman

that when I walked into a room everyone would turn to look, and I know what they

were thinking, " I wish I were her " . I hope i'm not sounding like i'm bragging,

but at one point I had it all, a great career, bueaty, very sociable, great

charisma, the type of person everyone wanted to be around. Men would flock to

me, I had many choices then. But now, I've fallen apart, there are no choices

left, my bueaty has faded, i'm afraid to leave the house out of embarrasment.

There is no man that would want me now. I cannot work, I can hardly get out of

bed. I hate my life. I want to be the person who I know I am, I want to know

where she has gone. I had strength unlike any other once, now that too is gone.

So leaving is not an option, although I fear he will leave me. He has already

threatened to on many occations. Take for instance, last week, I had a siezure

right in front of him, I bit part of my tongue off and a chunk of my inner lip.

He would not call an ambulance. I asked him to, but he said that if I went to

the hospital he would leave me. He was afraid they would lock me away in the

mental ward, and he could not bare that. So I didn't seek medical attention in

fear of losing him. Where would I be without him.

Forgive me all, but I have lost my way, and I fear I will be lost forever.

This disease has stolen my soul.

sincerely,

Jana

1. While it is wonderful to share our experiences with everyone on the list as

to what treatments do and don't work for us, pls always check with your dr.

Some treatments are dangerous when given along with other meds as well as to

certain health conditions or just dangerous in general.

2. Mental and verbal abuse (for those that are only dealing with one or both

of these) can damage just as much or worse than physical abuse. This should not

be tolerated, not even once b/c once is one time too many. If you suspect that

this is happening to you pls get help.

Have a nice day everyone.

[Guest guest]

Jana, I feel so very deeply for you since our stories seem to dovetail very

much.

As I had stated in my introduction, my ex walked out the door when I was dx'd

with leukemia in 2001. Granted, the relationship was a sucking chest wound but

somewhere in my heart I had hoped he would stand by me while I went thru this.

I don't know WHY I thought this since there was no behavior of his in our entire

history that would support the notion that he would or COULD be anything more

than the self-absorbed individual that he seems to continue being. Ennyhoo, he

walked and continued to be a problem up until the last few moments before the

judge thwapped her gavel.

Oh well, I hope he takes his lesson from this and continues writing those little

checks of his as the court order has suggested (rather harshly) that he do.

Now I live alone. (Bingo and the cats tell me otherwise but...) I am

infinitely happier now. I doubt that I will ever be in a 'love relationship'

again but this is because I just do not yet trust my own choosing process. I

don't think I could find a 'good relationship' if one presented itself to me on

a silver platter. It just doesn't seem to be in me.

But I have had the chance to find out some truths about me, and these mean more

to me than having that Special Relationship in my life... because I am

developing that Special Relationship with myself - FINALLY!

I realize that we each have our paths to walk. Our experiences are not the

same, but, for some reason, we wind up here on this cyberlist, joined together

by a rather insidious physical condition. I hope we can continue to be of

support to one another in the years to come.

May all beings benefit.

Winter

Re: Jana/Camilla

To Everyone,

Thank you for your response. It overwelms me that you all care so deeply. I

would be lying if I said that I am not worried, but I am. I think of leaving

him, I almost did the other day, I started packing my bags, but he got crazy on

me and said if I left never to come back. That scared me so much. I thought to

myself, I have nowhere to go. I don't have alot of money whatsoever, I could

never live on what I have now. I used to make a lot of money, I used to make 2

1/2 times more than my fiance. I now only make 13,000 a year from disability.

I cannot live like that. I used to be a bueatiful woman, one of those woman

that when I walked into a room everyone would turn to look, and I know what they

were thinking, " I wish I were her " . I hope i'm not sounding like i'm bragging,

but at one point I had it all, a great career, bueaty, very sociable, great

charisma, the type of person everyone wanted to be around. Men would flock to

me, I had many choices then. But now, I've fallen apart, there are no choices

left, my bueaty has faded, i'm afraid to leave the house out of embarrasment.

There is no man that would want me now. I cannot work, I can hardly get out of

bed. I hate my life. I want to be the person who I know I am, I want to know

where she has gone. I had strength unlike any other once, now that too is gone.

So leaving is not an option, although I fear he will leave me. He has already

threatened to on many occations. Take for instance, last week, I had a siezure

right in front of him, I bit part of my tongue off and a chunk of my inner lip.

He would not call an ambulance. I asked him to, but he said that if I went to

the hospital he would leave me. He was afraid they would lock me away in the

mental ward, and he could not bare that. So I didn't seek medical attention in

fear of losing him. Where would I be without him.

Forgive me all, but I have lost my way, and I fear I will be lost forever.

This disease has stolen my soul.

sincerely,

Jana

1. While it is wonderful to share our experiences with everyone on the list as

to what treatments do and don't work for us, pls always check with your dr.

Some treatments are dangerous when given along with other meds as well as to

certain health conditions or just dangerous in general.

2. Mental and verbal abuse (for those that are only dealing with one or both

of these) can damage just as much or worse than physical abuse. This should not

be tolerated, not even once b/c once is one time too many. If you suspect that

this is happening to you pls get help.

Have a nice day everyone.

[Guest guest]

My heart aches for you. I am afraid I have said too much.....or at least I

have been told that. So I won't say anything more except to tell you that we

care about you and are always ready to listen and to read your posts. Don't be

afraid to write how you are feeling. You certainly have a lot to think about.

Love, Camilla

Re: Jana/Camilla

To Everyone,

Thank you for your response. It overwelms me that you all care so deeply. I

would be lying if I said that I am not worried, but I am. I think of leaving

him, I almost did the other day, I started packing my bags, but he got crazy on

me and said if I left never to come back. That scared me so much. I thought to

myself, I have nowhere to go. I don't have alot of money whatsoever, I could

never live on what I have now. I used to make a lot of money, I used to make 2

1/2 times more than my fiance. I now only make 13,000 a year from disability.

I cannot live like that. I used to be a bueatiful woman, one of those woman

that when I walked into a room everyone would turn to look, and I know what they

were thinking, " I wish I were her " . I hope i'm not sounding like i'm bragging,

but at one point I had it all, a great career, bueaty, very sociable, great

charisma, the type of person everyone wanted to be aroun d. Men would flock to

me, I had many choices then. But now, I've fallen apart, there are no choices

left, my bueaty has faded, i'm afraid to leave the house out of embarrasment.

There is no man that would want me now. I cannot work, I can hardly get out of

bed. I hate my life. I want to be the person who I know I am, I want to know

where she has gone. I had strength unlike any other once, now that too is gone.

So leaving is not an option, although I fear he will leave me. He has already

threatened to on many occations. Take for instance, last week, I had a siezure

right in front of him, I bit part of my tongue off and a chunk of my inner lip.

He would not call an ambulance. I asked him to, but he said that if I went to

the hospital he would leave me. He was afraid they would lock me away in the

mental ward, and he could not bare that. So I didn't seek medical attention in

fear of losing him. Where would I be without him.

Forgive me all, but I have lost my way, and I fear I will be lost forever.

This disease has stolen my soul.

sincerely,

Jana

1. While it is wonderful to share our experiences with everyone on the list as

to what treatments do and don't work for us, pls always check with your dr.

Some treatments are dangerous when given along with other meds as well as to

certain health conditions or just dangerous in general.

2. Mental and verbal abuse (for those that are only dealing with one or both

of these) can damage just as much or worse than physical abuse. This should not

be tolerated, not even once b/c once is one time too many. If you suspect that

this is happening to you pls get help.

Have a nice day everyone.