RE;

[Guest guest]

My condolences on the loss of your mother.

Noreen

[Guest guest]

Sometimes they do work it out much more than you expect them to. My other half just didn't get it initially, and spent a long while thinking I was somehow causing it by not exercising enough, that I had trouble with the housework because I was leadswinging, that I was using my back as an excuse, that I was being lazy. A few things changed that over time - I think my father in law may have said something about how shocked he was to see the state I was in after only seeing us maybe 10 months previously, and when I finally got an appointment with a specialist, and 2c saw my xrays and was shocked by them and the specialist's suggestion that medical retirement was an imminent likelihood, that stepped it forward as well.

Still, he stuck his head as deep in the sand as it would go when the surgery was looming, and nearly drove me to distraction with his refusal (not in the sense of saying no, just in the sense of not getting around to doing things) to help me try to get what would be my living area for a while after surgery straightened up. I think he just wanted to dig in and hope it didn't happen somehow! Not that I blame him - I'm the steady one for the most part, the one that picks up all the pieces and like most of us handle a lot of stuff just quietly so that he doesn't even think about it, or realise anything needed doing. I'm the optimist of the pair of us as a general rule, placid and hopeful, but was of course totally erratic in the lead up, not to mention grim and terrified, so although I tried I couldn't really give him the support he needed and hold enough for myself to get through it all.

Once it was through though, and I was back home, he just got on and dealt with it, and did so a lot better than I'd actually expected. Grumbles have mostly occurred with me pushing to do more, and him getting upset because he's afraid that I'll hurt myself. It means I end up going mad periodically because I've asked him 6 times already to do something, so when I go ahead and do it and he flips out worrying it doesn't do great things for my equilibrium. All in all though, as far as someone who's not going through it can get it, I think he really does these days.

As to 's suggestion that the guys could support each other, well, 2c isn't really big on words and like most men you have to know him to actually get much sub-text beyond the purely pragmatic approach, but something we've discussed regarding my site is the possibility of setting up a forum for supporters of those having the surgery. It's not something we've worked out how to do for various reasons (the relative lack of adult members being one, the fact the site has to be primarily for the person with scoliosis and the difficulties posed in terms of making it a comfortable situation for both sides being another larger reason). That said, he might well be happy to talk via MSN to partners, as I know it's something he's felt could be really useful. I'll have to run it by him, and see if he's in a sociable mood at the moment ;o)

titch-- " The older I grow the more I distrust the familiar doctrine that age brings wisdom. " - H. L. Mencken

[Guest guest]

Titch, your relationship with your hubby sounds so much like mine! Except mine IS pretty good with words, for an XY, but that doesn't mean he's about to waste any of them on a support group. Well, I dunno, maybe if 2C starts something I can coerce a few words out of 'im. He used to live in your neck of the woods, for a while as a boy, but I think it interests me more than it does him, as he hardly remembers why he has that half-British accent. I must say that if I can ever get him to visit his aunts in England I'll be knocking on your door for sure.

:^)

Sharon

Re: [ ] Re: Re;

Sometimes they do work it out much more than you expect them to. My other half just didn't get it initially, and spent a long while thinking I was somehow causing it by not exercising enough, that I had trouble with the housework because I was leadswinging, that I was using my back as an excuse, that I was being lazy. A few things changed that over time - I think my father in law may have said something about how shocked he was to see the state I was in after only seeing us maybe 10 months previously, and when I finally got an appointment with a specialist, and 2c saw my xrays and was shocked by them and the specialist's suggestion that medical retirement was an imminent likelihood, that stepped it forward as well.

Still, he stuck his head as deep in the sand as it would go when the surgery was looming, and nearly drove me to distraction with his refusal (not in the sense of saying no, just in the sense of not getting around to doing things) to help me try to get what would be my living area for a while after surgery straightened up. I think he just wanted to dig in and hope it didn't happen somehow! Not that I blame him - I'm the steady one for the most part, the one that picks up all the pieces and like most of us handle a lot of stuff just quietly so that he doesn't even think about it, or realise anything needed doing. I'm the optimist of the pair of us as a general rule, placid and hopeful, but was of course totally erratic in the lead up, not to mention grim and terrified, so although I tried I couldn't really give him the support he needed and hold enough for myself to get through it all.

Once it was through though, and I was back home, he just got on and dealt with it, and did so a lot better than I'd actually expected. Grumbles have mostly occurred with me pushing to do more, and him getting upset because he's afraid that I'll hurt myself. It means I end up going mad periodically because I've asked him 6 times already to do something, so when I go ahead and do it and he flips out worrying it doesn't do great things for my equilibrium. All in all though, as far as someone who's not going through it can get it, I think he really does these days.

As to 's suggestion that the guys could support each other, well, 2c isn't really big on words and like most men you have to know him to actually get much sub-text beyond the purely pragmatic approach, but something we've discussed regarding my site is the possibility of setting up a forum for supporters of those having the surgery. It's not something we've worked out how to do for various reasons (the relative lack of adult members being one, the fact the site has to be primarily for the person with scoliosis and the difficulties posed in terms of making it a comfortable situation for both sides being another larger reason). That said, he might well be happy to talk via MSN to partners, as I know it's something he's felt could be really useful. I'll have to run it by him, and see if he's in a sociable mood at the moment ;o)

titch-- "The older I grow the more I distrust the familiar doctrine that age brings wisdom." - H. L. Mencken

[Guest guest]

Sharon, Titch... loved your comments on your fellas! When I took my

then-hubby into doctor to look at all my pre-surgery-decision test

results, instead of getting the " light turned on " effect, you could

almost see him reach up over his head and turn the light bulb off!

LOL! Take care, Marty

[Guest guest]

Sounds like your ex might be a friend of my ex!

> > Marty, Yee Gads!!! You're almost as old as I am!!! You will love> > Tricare for Life ...>

[Guest guest]

Dear Marty,

My first surgery with Kumar was a decompression, trying to save my L5-S1

since I was relatively young(41). That gave me a year to get ready for full

on front and back revision, which I did a year after the decompression. My

second revision became necessary because I cracked the fusion mass above my

revision, my Harrington rod fusion mass that Kumar hadn't gone into during

my revision. A total bummer, but what can you do, so he went back in and

this time went all the way up my spine and fused from T-1 to T-5 that was

unfused in previous surgeries. They took out all my titanium hardware and

replaced it with Stainless Steel, and put in twenty some screws and those

lovely bolts. So now I'm fused T-1 to the sacrum, two large rods and one

small, I look like on an X-ray like I have all the hardware at HomeDepot in

my back. These surgeries gave me back the ability to fully live my life, and

the bonus of being painfree, better than I hoped for, all I was looking for

was a reduction in pain. So while it took three surgeries, it was all worth

it to me.

[ ] Re: Re;

> , Great posting! Very touched to hear of that amazing teacher;

> seems even more wonderful when someone reaches out and helps your

> child, doesn't it. Also, like hearing of your success story, tho'

> can't imagine the pain that 3 surgeries in two years must have bro't

> on. You are a real trooper! Did you KNOW you would need three

> surgeries in the beginning, or did it just turn into that? I am at

> the stage where I know I will need a second revision to correct the

> flatback, just not ready to start the process; at this moment, I am

> without even a local Ortho-doc. My one here in Tucson has retired

> and the one in Phoenix - I don't want to return to. Plus now

> instead of Aetna, I will have TriCare and Medicare (starting in

> May). BUT, again, love hearing that you are happy with your final

> UPRIGHT outcome, with what sounds like minimal complications and

> pain. TERRIFIC! That's what we all need to focus on! Best wishes,

> Marty

>

>

>>

>> Dear ,

>>... I know you'll find through this many people who will be there

> for you in ways you never would have imagined. When I had my last

> surgery, my son Niles was in middle school. He had a teacher, who I

> didn't know except for parent teacher conferences, who called

> weekly, got Niles a school advocate, someone he could talk to about

> his scared feelings about me. This teacher called me for the whole

> school year, and became a good friend, and made the whole experience

> for Niles so much better by getting him some support emotionally.

> This is just one example, and there were many like that.

>>

>> I am doing well after my surgeries, and I'm three years out from

> the last one. I got my ability to live my life back from them, I'm

> mobile, level, and best of all painfree. It was a journey, but glad

> I went through with it, and I look forward to hearing about your

> progress as you go through the journey.

>>

>>

>>

>

>

>

>

>

> scoliosis veterans * flatback sufferers * revision candidates

>

[Guest guest]

, thanks for sharing! So, first surgery with Kumar was not your

first FUSION, if I am reading correctly. Curious why they took out

Titanium and replaced with SSteel at secong revision? Better " track

record " ? ... 'Cos you know, I got 2 Titanium rods with 18 hooks &

screws in my revision 12/2003, attached to my original fused mass and

extended down to S1 (with fusion failure at S1,by the way). Not sure

of the hardware name... I tho't it was MPV or MVP, but that't's a van

or an athelete, right? LOL!! Was surprised when I read Cam's story

about TLSO brace... never had one, wonder why not. And some other

thing she talked about to " stimulate " bone growth electronically.

Don't know about that either. This is all so enlightening! Think Cam

said you still use a cane when out and about? I do but was surprised

you do, if you are fully " upright " now. Balance issues still? Gotta

go; take care, Marty

--- <.Kirkaldie@...> wrote: Dear Marty,

> My first surgery with Kumar was a decompression, trying to save my

L5-S1 since I was relatively young(41). That gave me a year to get

ready for full on front and back revision, which I did a year after

the decompression. My second revision became necessary because I

cracked the fusion mass above my revision, my Harrington rod fusion

mass that Kumar hadn't gone into during my revision. ... They took out

all my titanium hardware and replaced it with Stainless Steel...