Re: Re: Why is this a common thread?

[Guest guest]

Kerrie,

Stay strong. Hoovers come in many forms. You're not

the only one who wants to stay away from drama,

especially that kind.

One Non-BP Recovering Man

--- wrote:

> Kerrie,

>

> I think that this is widely used by nada's from

> talking with other

> KO's and my own experience. When I went NC, her age

> spots turned into

> potential skin cancer, how convenient. I felt

> terrible, but I realized

> after you get a biopsy you want to declare to your

> loved ones that do

> or don't in fact have cancer. She didn’t after the

> biopsy, and when my

> the foo finally ripped the truth out of her she said

> that she was

> negative, then her dish rag also had age spots that

> suddenly became

> life threatening and that they were worried " sick "

> (a famous anxious

> word my nada loves to use) about it. I still have

> yet to hear through

> the wire whether he indeed has cancer or not. I

> laugh that they could

> use such a terrible thing to keep us inline, how

> sinister they are

> those nadas. I’m happy that you’re crossing that

> bridge instead of

> getting hampered by the chaos, it used to cause me

> “life paralysisâ€

> and great amounts of anxiety. I like your idea of

> keeping up with your

> own momentum.

>

> Warm regards,

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

> >

> > Why does it seem like as soon as a KO goes NC

> their nada's get cancer

> > or some other major life threatening illness? Is

> it a ploy to pull us

> > back in or is it legit health issues b/c the rage

> eats away at them

> > so badly and they have even more anger when we

> finally pull away for

> > our own safty?

> >

> > I just got off the phone w/my aunt, nada's sister

> whom I've always

> > been pretty close to and she informed me that

> there are two tumors on

> > my bp mom's liver. Nada is saying its okay and

> just can't be cancer

> > and not to worry, but my aunt is worried sick of

> course. For my part,

> > when she mentioned it, I just said 'well she's

> probably right- its

> > probably some growth from her gallbladder surgery

> a few years ago.

> > Better to wait and see before freaking out.' and

> then I just kind of

> > quickly moved onto the next topic as I just have

> NO DESIRE to partake

> > in any gloom and doom conversations w/anyone in my

> FOO - even if

> > there's legitimate reasons to worry or grieve. I

> just don't feel safe

> > sharing these emotions w/them after all the

> traumatic events that

> > always happen in their lives. I'd just rather give

> it to God and let

> > it rest there vs engaging. I'd rather be the

> insensitive Ahole that

> > is constantly misunderstood than to have my world

> turned upside down

> > by yet another crazy encounter with death and

> morbidity and trauma

> > bonding.

> >

> > That said, I am a little concerned and yet in the

> worst case scenario

> > that has run in my mind these past few hours, of

> nada dieing of

> > cancer, I just had to say to myself 'let it go.

> Your mother died long

> > ago and just be at peace with the universe.' It

> sucks though- this

> > inner struggle and constant battle for my own

> serenity. I love this

> > time of the year and yet this year is sad for me,

> much more so than

> > normal as I looked at my Christmas card list and

> saw all the good-

> > byes I've had to make this year. I really can't

> remotely bare the

> > thought of calling nada and connecting with her

> over her own cancer

> > scare. It just doesn't feel remotely like what is

> best for me and yet

> > at the other side of the coin, I feel like this is

> a test- much like

> > that parable of the bridge- that instead of

> stopping for someone who

> > seems polite journeying the opposite way on the

> bridge so that they

> > can 'rope' me into their own drama and trauma, I

> just want to keep up

> > w/my own momentum in life and move on- knowing its

> a trap- it always

> > is even if she may not be here on earth much

> longer. My life is

> > better without the chaos and if she were on her

> death bed,I'd say

> > good bye, but that's a bridge I'll cross when I

> get there. For now, I

> > just want to keep moving over this current bridge

> I'm crossing. This

> > does suck though- these feelings and grieving.

> >

> > Kerrie

> >

>

>

>

__________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

Kerrie, Lizzy, , and All,

My nada has been “tired” all my life (did she start

feeling tired by giving birth to me? Who knows?).

Like, “I’m tired. Leave me aLONE!,” “Will YOU LEAVE

ME ALONE, I’m TIRED!,” and “I’M TOO TIRED FOR THIS.

WHY WON’T YOU LEAVE ME ALONE!” She wasn’t too tired

to be physically abusive to me, or to yell and scream

at and denigrate me and laugh while Malignant NPDs

step-fada and older brudda did same, and pretend that

they weren’t also physically abusing me. I stopped

believing that she was “tired” in the normal sense

when I began realizing that she got “tired” every time

I wanted to talk about something she didn’t want to

talk about, which was basically anything that was ever

interesting or important to me, all the way into my

adulthood. KWIM? Meanwhile, dishrag NPD fada, almost

every time we talked, either ignored me or turned the

conversation to something that was `all about him.’

Because of these wonderful influences, it took me

decades to begin to understand what things are really

important in life and how to best spend my energy. No

wonder I was exhausted! Why wouldn’t they leave me

alone? Hmmm . . .

This board and this group are good places and people

with which to spend some of my energy. Capiche?

One Non-BP Recovering Man

--- wrote:

> Kerrie,

>

> I know, I try to catch myself when the " sick " term

> can go into play,

> but sometimes I don't and I laugh. She also tosses

> around the term she

> is " dying " if she's hungary or if she endures any

> slight discomfort.

> I'm chilln' with the foo as we speak, and I think

> I've already heard

> the terms used once in the span of a day.

>

> Talk to you later

>

>

>

>

>

> > > >

> > > > Why does it seem like as soon as a KO goes NC

> their nada's get

> > cancer

> > > > or some other major life threatening illness?

> Is it a ploy to

> > pull us

> > > > back in or is it legit health issues b/c the

> rage eats away at

> > them

> > > > so badly and they have even more anger when we

> finally pull away

> > for

> > > > our own safty?

> > > >

> > > > I just got off the phone w/my aunt, nada's

> sister whom I've

> > always

> > > > been pretty close to and she informed me that

> there are two

> > tumors on

> > > > my bp mom's liver. Nada is saying its okay and

> just can't be

> > cancer

> > > > and not to worry, but my aunt is worried sick

> of course. For my

> > part,

> > > > when she mentioned it, I just said 'well she's

> probably right-

> > its

> > > > probably some growth from her gallbladder

> surgery a few years

> > ago.

> > > > Better to wait and see before freaking out.'

> and then I just kind

> > of

> > > > quickly moved onto the next topic as I just

> have NO DESIRE to

> > partake

> > > > in any gloom and doom conversations w/anyone

> in my FOO - even if

> > > > there's legitimate reasons to worry or grieve.

> I just don't feel

> > safe

> > > > sharing these emotions w/them after all the

> traumatic events that

> > > > always happen in their lives. I'd just rather

> give it to God and

> > let

> > > > it rest there vs engaging. I'd rather be the

> insensitive Ahole

> > that

> > > > is constantly misunderstood than to have my

> world turned upside

> > down

> > > > by yet another crazy encounter with death and

> morbidity and

> > trauma

> > > > bonding.

> > > >

> > > > That said, I am a little concerned and yet in

> the worst case

> > scenario

> > > > that has run in my mind these past few hours,

> of nada dieing of

> > > > cancer, I just had to say to myself 'let it

> go. Your mother died

> > long

> > > > ago and just be at peace with the universe.'

> It sucks though-

> > this

> > > > inner struggle and constant battle for my own

> serenity. I love

> > this

> > > > time of the year and yet this year is sad for

> me, much more so

> > than

> > > > normal as I looked at my Christmas card list

> and saw all the good-

> > > > byes I've had to make this year. I really

> can't remotely bare the

> > > > thought of calling nada and connecting with

> her over her own

> > cancer

> > > > scare. It just doesn't feel remotely like what

> is best for me and

> > yet

> > > > at the other side of the coin, I feel like

> this is a test- much

> > like

> > > > that parable of the bridge- that instead of

> stopping for someone

> > who

> > > > seems polite journeying the opposite way on

> the bridge so that

> > they

> > > > can 'rope' me into their own drama and trauma,

> I just want to

> > keep up

> > > > w/my own momentum in life and move on- knowing

> its a trap- it

> > always

> > > > is even if she may not be here on earth much

> longer. My life is

> > > > better without the chaos and if she were on

> her death bed,I'd say

> > > > good bye, but that's a bridge I'll cross when

> I get there. For

> > now, I

> > > > just want to keep moving over this current

> bridge I'm crossing.

> > This

> > > > does suck though- these feelings and grieving.

> > > >

> > > > Kerrie

> > > >

> > >

> >

>

>

>

__________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

GREAT for you, LIzzy!!!!

Gre.g

--- lizzyboo81 wrote:

> To all, first off I want to say Kerrie, you really

> speak with grace.

>

> They will do this mine right now has had " several

> major medical

> conditions " especially in the last 6 months.

> Including benign tumors

> in the brain. UGH! Last year I think it was liver

> cancer! This past

> summer " kidney failure " ! Anything to turn my head

> but my head just

> keeps looking forward.

>

> I know we all have so much in common and one thing I

> have made as a

> personal choice is this….If each family member I

> have were to die

> today would I be at peace with the standing

> relationship? Have I

> spoken all that I need to speak? Would I be happy

> with my self about

> going or not going to a funeral? Because they will

> be dead, we will

> be alive, we only need to worry about ourselves

> because we can't

> worry about anybody else we only can change and help

> our selves.

>

> I have decided I am at peace with all relationships

> the way they are

> standing. They are all very different. Nada and I

> are n/c and I have

> not been able to speak my peace, the last words I

> said were " F%#@

> you " but I think she knows I love her;-) What did

> she think I would

> say she was taking me to court for my kids? I did

> see her one time

> for court forced visitation after now that I think

> about it she did

> something and I said " stop mom your scaring my kids "

> but I think

> overall she would not hear me anyways if I did say I

> love you she

> can't hear when I tell her stop or f off why would

> she hear I love

> you? I would like to be at her deathbed or funeral.

> In regards to my

> sister, she sometimes makes me mad b/c I think she

> is on the fence

> but I clearly said I love you and I meant it. I hope

> nothing happens

> to her she is so young but if it did I am at peace

> with what I said.

> With my dad I tell him every time I talk to him I

> love him if we

> ever talk about the family and how my mom should get

> I even say I

> love my mom and my sister I want him to know I don't

> hate my family

> they are just difficult. I am at peace there also. I

> am not sure my

> mom would let me come to the funeral of my dad or

> sister.

> Grandnada, our last conversation was a bad one but I

> really don't

> care what do you expect from a bp? I would not go to

> her funeral and

> I am at peace with what I said to her. I tried to be

> clear this is

> not my fault but she needs a place to lay blame and

> it sure is not

> herself or her daughter! I love her but she is not

> my cup of tea.

> And all the rest I have peace there also. Sometimes

> silence is the

> peace.

>

> I feel much like what Kerrie wrote I don't want to

> get roped into

> their chaos! I am making great strides in my life. I

> know some of my

> last conversations were maybe considered " bad ones "

> by outsiders

> looking in. Like the conversations I had w/ nada and

> grandnada but

> like I said when you talk to a bp what do you

> expect. One thing my

> nada always tried to do to haunt me was tell me how

> I better never

> get mad b/c it might be the last time I see

> somebody. That is bull,

> even if you were mad at somebody when they died I

> like to think that

> years of a steady relationship would cover that! So

> I give myself

> the freedom to feel mad, I am not mad at grandnada

> and nada (for the

> time being) But our last conversation was sour. I

> really could care

> less even if our last conversation was sweet it

> would make no

> difference in the true character in either of us. I

> am at peace

> whether they are or not is up to them.

>

> I hope this did not sound cold hearted I just can't

> let myself be

> hurt anymore. This is the way I know how. Merry

> Christmas. All my

> love Lizzy

>

> > > >

> > > > Why does it seem like as soon as a KO goes NC

> their nada's get

> > > cancer

> > > > or some other major life threatening illness?

> Is it a ploy to

> > pull

> > > us

> > > > back in or is it legit health issues b/c the

> rage eats away at

> > > them

> > > > so badly and they have even more anger when we

> finally

=== message truncated ===

__________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

GREAT for you, LIzzy!!!!

Gre.g

--- lizzyboo81 wrote:

> To all, first off I want to say Kerrie, you really

> speak with grace.

>

> They will do this mine right now has had " several

> major medical

> conditions " especially in the last 6 months.

> Including benign tumors

> in the brain. UGH! Last year I think it was liver

> cancer! This past

> summer " kidney failure " ! Anything to turn my head

> but my head just

> keeps looking forward.

>

> I know we all have so much in common and one thing I

> have made as a

> personal choice is this….If each family member I

> have were to die

> today would I be at peace with the standing

> relationship? Have I

> spoken all that I need to speak? Would I be happy

> with my self about

> going or not going to a funeral? Because they will

> be dead, we will

> be alive, we only need to worry about ourselves

> because we can't

> worry about anybody else we only can change and help

> our selves.

>

> I have decided I am at peace with all relationships

> the way they are

> standing. They are all very different. Nada and I

> are n/c and I have

> not been able to speak my peace, the last words I

> said were " F%#@

> you " but I think she knows I love her;-) What did

> she think I would

> say she was taking me to court for my kids? I did

> see her one time

> for court forced visitation after now that I think

> about it she did

> something and I said " stop mom your scaring my kids "

> but I think

> overall she would not hear me anyways if I did say I

> love you she

> can't hear when I tell her stop or f off why would

> she hear I love

> you? I would like to be at her deathbed or funeral.

> In regards to my

> sister, she sometimes makes me mad b/c I think she

> is on the fence

> but I clearly said I love you and I meant it. I hope

> nothing happens

> to her she is so young but if it did I am at peace

> with what I said.

> With my dad I tell him every time I talk to him I

> love him if we

> ever talk about the family and how my mom should get

> I even say I

> love my mom and my sister I want him to know I don't

> hate my family

> they are just difficult. I am at peace there also. I

> am not sure my

> mom would let me come to the funeral of my dad or

> sister.

> Grandnada, our last conversation was a bad one but I

> really don't

> care what do you expect from a bp? I would not go to

> her funeral and

> I am at peace with what I said to her. I tried to be

> clear this is

> not my fault but she needs a place to lay blame and

> it sure is not

> herself or her daughter! I love her but she is not

> my cup of tea.

> And all the rest I have peace there also. Sometimes

> silence is the

> peace.

>

> I feel much like what Kerrie wrote I don't want to

> get roped into

> their chaos! I am making great strides in my life. I

> know some of my

> last conversations were maybe considered " bad ones "

> by outsiders

> looking in. Like the conversations I had w/ nada and

> grandnada but

> like I said when you talk to a bp what do you

> expect. One thing my

> nada always tried to do to haunt me was tell me how

> I better never

> get mad b/c it might be the last time I see

> somebody. That is bull,

> even if you were mad at somebody when they died I

> like to think that

> years of a steady relationship would cover that! So

> I give myself

> the freedom to feel mad, I am not mad at grandnada

> and nada (for the

> time being) But our last conversation was sour. I

> really could care

> less even if our last conversation was sweet it

> would make no

> difference in the true character in either of us. I

> am at peace

> whether they are or not is up to them.

>

> I hope this did not sound cold hearted I just can't

> let myself be

> hurt anymore. This is the way I know how. Merry

> Christmas. All my

> love Lizzy

>

> > > >

> > > > Why does it seem like as soon as a KO goes NC

> their nada's get

> > > cancer

> > > > or some other major life threatening illness?

> Is it a ploy to

> > pull

> > > us

> > > > back in or is it legit health issues b/c the

> rage eats away at

> > > them

> > > > so badly and they have even more anger when we

> finally

=== message truncated ===

__________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

GREAT for you, LIzzy!!!!

Gre.g

--- lizzyboo81 wrote:

> To all, first off I want to say Kerrie, you really

> speak with grace.

>

> They will do this mine right now has had " several

> major medical

> conditions " especially in the last 6 months.

> Including benign tumors

> in the brain. UGH! Last year I think it was liver

> cancer! This past

> summer " kidney failure " ! Anything to turn my head

> but my head just

> keeps looking forward.

>

> I know we all have so much in common and one thing I

> have made as a

> personal choice is this….If each family member I

> have were to die

> today would I be at peace with the standing

> relationship? Have I

> spoken all that I need to speak? Would I be happy

> with my self about

> going or not going to a funeral? Because they will

> be dead, we will

> be alive, we only need to worry about ourselves

> because we can't

> worry about anybody else we only can change and help

> our selves.

>

> I have decided I am at peace with all relationships

> the way they are

> standing. They are all very different. Nada and I

> are n/c and I have

> not been able to speak my peace, the last words I

> said were " F%#@

> you " but I think she knows I love her;-) What did

> she think I would

> say she was taking me to court for my kids? I did

> see her one time

> for court forced visitation after now that I think

> about it she did

> something and I said " stop mom your scaring my kids "

> but I think

> overall she would not hear me anyways if I did say I

> love you she

> can't hear when I tell her stop or f off why would

> she hear I love

> you? I would like to be at her deathbed or funeral.

> In regards to my

> sister, she sometimes makes me mad b/c I think she

> is on the fence

> but I clearly said I love you and I meant it. I hope

> nothing happens

> to her she is so young but if it did I am at peace

> with what I said.

> With my dad I tell him every time I talk to him I

> love him if we

> ever talk about the family and how my mom should get

> I even say I

> love my mom and my sister I want him to know I don't

> hate my family

> they are just difficult. I am at peace there also. I

> am not sure my

> mom would let me come to the funeral of my dad or

> sister.

> Grandnada, our last conversation was a bad one but I

> really don't

> care what do you expect from a bp? I would not go to

> her funeral and

> I am at peace with what I said to her. I tried to be

> clear this is

> not my fault but she needs a place to lay blame and

> it sure is not

> herself or her daughter! I love her but she is not

> my cup of tea.

> And all the rest I have peace there also. Sometimes

> silence is the

> peace.

>

> I feel much like what Kerrie wrote I don't want to

> get roped into

> their chaos! I am making great strides in my life. I

> know some of my

> last conversations were maybe considered " bad ones "

> by outsiders

> looking in. Like the conversations I had w/ nada and

> grandnada but

> like I said when you talk to a bp what do you

> expect. One thing my

> nada always tried to do to haunt me was tell me how

> I better never

> get mad b/c it might be the last time I see

> somebody. That is bull,

> even if you were mad at somebody when they died I

> like to think that

> years of a steady relationship would cover that! So

> I give myself

> the freedom to feel mad, I am not mad at grandnada

> and nada (for the

> time being) But our last conversation was sour. I

> really could care

> less even if our last conversation was sweet it

> would make no

> difference in the true character in either of us. I

> am at peace

> whether they are or not is up to them.

>

> I hope this did not sound cold hearted I just can't

> let myself be

> hurt anymore. This is the way I know how. Merry

> Christmas. All my

> love Lizzy

>

> > > >

> > > > Why does it seem like as soon as a KO goes NC

> their nada's get

> > > cancer

> > > > or some other major life threatening illness?

> Is it a ploy to

> > pull

> > > us

> > > > back in or is it legit health issues b/c the

> rage eats away at

> > > them

> > > > so badly and they have even more anger when we

> finally

=== message truncated ===

__________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

GREAT for you, LIzzy!!!!

Gre.g

--- lizzyboo81 wrote:

> To all, first off I want to say Kerrie, you really

> speak with grace.

>

> They will do this mine right now has had " several

> major medical

> conditions " especially in the last 6 months.

> Including benign tumors

> in the brain. UGH! Last year I think it was liver

> cancer! This past

> summer " kidney failure " ! Anything to turn my head

> but my head just

> keeps looking forward.

>

> I know we all have so much in common and one thing I

> have made as a

> personal choice is this….If each family member I

> have were to die

> today would I be at peace with the standing

> relationship? Have I

> spoken all that I need to speak? Would I be happy

> with my self about

> going or not going to a funeral? Because they will

> be dead, we will

> be alive, we only need to worry about ourselves

> because we can't

> worry about anybody else we only can change and help

> our selves.

>

> I have decided I am at peace with all relationships

> the way they are

> standing. They are all very different. Nada and I

> are n/c and I have

> not been able to speak my peace, the last words I

> said were " F%#@

> you " but I think she knows I love her;-) What did

> she think I would

> say she was taking me to court for my kids? I did

> see her one time

> for court forced visitation after now that I think

> about it she did

> something and I said " stop mom your scaring my kids "

> but I think

> overall she would not hear me anyways if I did say I

> love you she

> can't hear when I tell her stop or f off why would

> she hear I love

> you? I would like to be at her deathbed or funeral.

> In regards to my

> sister, she sometimes makes me mad b/c I think she

> is on the fence

> but I clearly said I love you and I meant it. I hope

> nothing happens

> to her she is so young but if it did I am at peace

> with what I said.

> With my dad I tell him every time I talk to him I

> love him if we

> ever talk about the family and how my mom should get

> I even say I

> love my mom and my sister I want him to know I don't

> hate my family

> they are just difficult. I am at peace there also. I

> am not sure my

> mom would let me come to the funeral of my dad or

> sister.

> Grandnada, our last conversation was a bad one but I

> really don't

> care what do you expect from a bp? I would not go to

> her funeral and

> I am at peace with what I said to her. I tried to be

> clear this is

> not my fault but she needs a place to lay blame and

> it sure is not

> herself or her daughter! I love her but she is not

> my cup of tea.

> And all the rest I have peace there also. Sometimes

> silence is the

> peace.

>

> I feel much like what Kerrie wrote I don't want to

> get roped into

> their chaos! I am making great strides in my life. I

> know some of my

> last conversations were maybe considered " bad ones "

> by outsiders

> looking in. Like the conversations I had w/ nada and

> grandnada but

> like I said when you talk to a bp what do you

> expect. One thing my

> nada always tried to do to haunt me was tell me how

> I better never

> get mad b/c it might be the last time I see

> somebody. That is bull,

> even if you were mad at somebody when they died I

> like to think that

> years of a steady relationship would cover that! So

> I give myself

> the freedom to feel mad, I am not mad at grandnada

> and nada (for the

> time being) But our last conversation was sour. I

> really could care

> less even if our last conversation was sweet it

> would make no

> difference in the true character in either of us. I

> am at peace

> whether they are or not is up to them.

>

> I hope this did not sound cold hearted I just can't

> let myself be

> hurt anymore. This is the way I know how. Merry

> Christmas. All my

> love Lizzy

>

> > > >

> > > > Why does it seem like as soon as a KO goes NC

> their nada's get

> > > cancer

> > > > or some other major life threatening illness?

> Is it a ploy to

> > pull

> > > us

> > > > back in or is it legit health issues b/c the

> rage eats away at

> > > them

> > > > so badly and they have even more anger when we

> finally

=== message truncated ===

__________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

GREAT for you, LIzzy!!!!

Gre.g

--- lizzyboo81 wrote:

> To all, first off I want to say Kerrie, you really

> speak with grace.

>

> They will do this mine right now has had " several

> major medical

> conditions " especially in the last 6 months.

> Including benign tumors

> in the brain. UGH! Last year I think it was liver

> cancer! This past

> summer " kidney failure " ! Anything to turn my head

> but my head just

> keeps looking forward.

>

> I know we all have so much in common and one thing I

> have made as a

> personal choice is this….If each family member I

> have were to die

> today would I be at peace with the standing

> relationship? Have I

> spoken all that I need to speak? Would I be happy

> with my self about

> going or not going to a funeral? Because they will

> be dead, we will

> be alive, we only need to worry about ourselves

> because we can't

> worry about anybody else we only can change and help

> our selves.

>

> I have decided I am at peace with all relationships

> the way they are

> standing. They are all very different. Nada and I

> are n/c and I have

> not been able to speak my peace, the last words I

> said were " F%#@

> you " but I think she knows I love her;-) What did

> she think I would

> say she was taking me to court for my kids? I did

> see her one time

> for court forced visitation after now that I think

> about it she did

> something and I said " stop mom your scaring my kids "

> but I think

> overall she would not hear me anyways if I did say I

> love you she

> can't hear when I tell her stop or f off why would

> she hear I love

> you? I would like to be at her deathbed or funeral.

> In regards to my

> sister, she sometimes makes me mad b/c I think she

> is on the fence

> but I clearly said I love you and I meant it. I hope

> nothing happens

> to her she is so young but if it did I am at peace

> with what I said.

> With my dad I tell him every time I talk to him I

> love him if we

> ever talk about the family and how my mom should get

> I even say I

> love my mom and my sister I want him to know I don't

> hate my family

> they are just difficult. I am at peace there also. I

> am not sure my

> mom would let me come to the funeral of my dad or

> sister.

> Grandnada, our last conversation was a bad one but I

> really don't

> care what do you expect from a bp? I would not go to

> her funeral and

> I am at peace with what I said to her. I tried to be

> clear this is

> not my fault but she needs a place to lay blame and

> it sure is not

> herself or her daughter! I love her but she is not

> my cup of tea.

> And all the rest I have peace there also. Sometimes

> silence is the

> peace.

>

> I feel much like what Kerrie wrote I don't want to

> get roped into

> their chaos! I am making great strides in my life. I

> know some of my

> last conversations were maybe considered " bad ones "

> by outsiders

> looking in. Like the conversations I had w/ nada and

> grandnada but

> like I said when you talk to a bp what do you

> expect. One thing my

> nada always tried to do to haunt me was tell me how

> I better never

> get mad b/c it might be the last time I see

> somebody. That is bull,

> even if you were mad at somebody when they died I

> like to think that

> years of a steady relationship would cover that! So

> I give myself

> the freedom to feel mad, I am not mad at grandnada

> and nada (for the

> time being) But our last conversation was sour. I

> really could care

> less even if our last conversation was sweet it

> would make no

> difference in the true character in either of us. I

> am at peace

> whether they are or not is up to them.

>

> I hope this did not sound cold hearted I just can't

> let myself be

> hurt anymore. This is the way I know how. Merry

> Christmas. All my

> love Lizzy

>

> > > >

> > > > Why does it seem like as soon as a KO goes NC

> their nada's get

> > > cancer

> > > > or some other major life threatening illness?

> Is it a ploy to

> > pull

> > > us

> > > > back in or is it legit health issues b/c the

> rage eats away at

> > > them

> > > > so badly and they have even more anger when we

> finally

=== message truncated ===

__________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

GREAT for you, LIzzy!!!!

Gre.g

--- lizzyboo81 wrote:

> To all, first off I want to say Kerrie, you really

> speak with grace.

>

> They will do this mine right now has had " several

> major medical

> conditions " especially in the last 6 months.

> Including benign tumors

> in the brain. UGH! Last year I think it was liver

> cancer! This past

> summer " kidney failure " ! Anything to turn my head

> but my head just

> keeps looking forward.

>

> I know we all have so much in common and one thing I

> have made as a

> personal choice is this….If each family member I

> have were to die

> today would I be at peace with the standing

> relationship? Have I

> spoken all that I need to speak? Would I be happy

> with my self about

> going or not going to a funeral? Because they will

> be dead, we will

> be alive, we only need to worry about ourselves

> because we can't

> worry about anybody else we only can change and help

> our selves.

>

> I have decided I am at peace with all relationships

> the way they are

> standing. They are all very different. Nada and I

> are n/c and I have

> not been able to speak my peace, the last words I

> said were " F%#@

> you " but I think she knows I love her;-) What did

> she think I would

> say she was taking me to court for my kids? I did

> see her one time

> for court forced visitation after now that I think

> about it she did

> something and I said " stop mom your scaring my kids "

> but I think

> overall she would not hear me anyways if I did say I

> love you she

> can't hear when I tell her stop or f off why would

> she hear I love

> you? I would like to be at her deathbed or funeral.

> In regards to my

> sister, she sometimes makes me mad b/c I think she

> is on the fence

> but I clearly said I love you and I meant it. I hope

> nothing happens

> to her she is so young but if it did I am at peace

> with what I said.

> With my dad I tell him every time I talk to him I

> love him if we

> ever talk about the family and how my mom should get

> I even say I

> love my mom and my sister I want him to know I don't

> hate my family

> they are just difficult. I am at peace there also. I

> am not sure my

> mom would let me come to the funeral of my dad or

> sister.

> Grandnada, our last conversation was a bad one but I

> really don't

> care what do you expect from a bp? I would not go to

> her funeral and

> I am at peace with what I said to her. I tried to be

> clear this is

> not my fault but she needs a place to lay blame and

> it sure is not

> herself or her daughter! I love her but she is not

> my cup of tea.

> And all the rest I have peace there also. Sometimes

> silence is the

> peace.

>

> I feel much like what Kerrie wrote I don't want to

> get roped into

> their chaos! I am making great strides in my life. I

> know some of my

> last conversations were maybe considered " bad ones "

> by outsiders

> looking in. Like the conversations I had w/ nada and

> grandnada but

> like I said when you talk to a bp what do you

> expect. One thing my

> nada always tried to do to haunt me was tell me how

> I better never

> get mad b/c it might be the last time I see

> somebody. That is bull,

> even if you were mad at somebody when they died I

> like to think that

> years of a steady relationship would cover that! So

> I give myself

> the freedom to feel mad, I am not mad at grandnada

> and nada (for the

> time being) But our last conversation was sour. I

> really could care

> less even if our last conversation was sweet it

> would make no

> difference in the true character in either of us. I

> am at peace

> whether they are or not is up to them.

>

> I hope this did not sound cold hearted I just can't

> let myself be

> hurt anymore. This is the way I know how. Merry

> Christmas. All my

> love Lizzy

>

> > > >

> > > > Why does it seem like as soon as a KO goes NC

> their nada's get

> > > cancer

> > > > or some other major life threatening illness?

> Is it a ploy to

> > pull

> > > us

> > > > back in or is it legit health issues b/c the

> rage eats away at

> > > them

> > > > so badly and they have even more anger when we

> finally

=== message truncated ===

__________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

GREAT for you, LIzzy!!!!

Gre.g

--- lizzyboo81 wrote:

> To all, first off I want to say Kerrie, you really

> speak with grace.

>

> They will do this mine right now has had " several

> major medical

> conditions " especially in the last 6 months.

> Including benign tumors

> in the brain. UGH! Last year I think it was liver

> cancer! This past

> summer " kidney failure " ! Anything to turn my head

> but my head just

> keeps looking forward.

>

> I know we all have so much in common and one thing I

> have made as a

> personal choice is this….If each family member I

> have were to die

> today would I be at peace with the standing

> relationship? Have I

> spoken all that I need to speak? Would I be happy

> with my self about

> going or not going to a funeral? Because they will

> be dead, we will

> be alive, we only need to worry about ourselves

> because we can't

> worry about anybody else we only can change and help

> our selves.

>

> I have decided I am at peace with all relationships

> the way they are

> standing. They are all very different. Nada and I

> are n/c and I have

> not been able to speak my peace, the last words I

> said were " F%#@

> you " but I think she knows I love her;-) What did

> she think I would

> say she was taking me to court for my kids? I did

> see her one time

> for court forced visitation after now that I think

> about it she did

> something and I said " stop mom your scaring my kids "

> but I think

> overall she would not hear me anyways if I did say I

> love you she

> can't hear when I tell her stop or f off why would

> she hear I love

> you? I would like to be at her deathbed or funeral.

> In regards to my

> sister, she sometimes makes me mad b/c I think she

> is on the fence

> but I clearly said I love you and I meant it. I hope

> nothing happens

> to her she is so young but if it did I am at peace

> with what I said.

> With my dad I tell him every time I talk to him I

> love him if we

> ever talk about the family and how my mom should get

> I even say I

> love my mom and my sister I want him to know I don't

> hate my family

> they are just difficult. I am at peace there also. I

> am not sure my

> mom would let me come to the funeral of my dad or

> sister.

> Grandnada, our last conversation was a bad one but I

> really don't

> care what do you expect from a bp? I would not go to

> her funeral and

> I am at peace with what I said to her. I tried to be

> clear this is

> not my fault but she needs a place to lay blame and

> it sure is not

> herself or her daughter! I love her but she is not

> my cup of tea.

> And all the rest I have peace there also. Sometimes

> silence is the

> peace.

>

> I feel much like what Kerrie wrote I don't want to

> get roped into

> their chaos! I am making great strides in my life. I

> know some of my

> last conversations were maybe considered " bad ones "

> by outsiders

> looking in. Like the conversations I had w/ nada and

> grandnada but

> like I said when you talk to a bp what do you

> expect. One thing my

> nada always tried to do to haunt me was tell me how

> I better never

> get mad b/c it might be the last time I see

> somebody. That is bull,

> even if you were mad at somebody when they died I

> like to think that

> years of a steady relationship would cover that! So

> I give myself

> the freedom to feel mad, I am not mad at grandnada

> and nada (for the

> time being) But our last conversation was sour. I

> really could care

> less even if our last conversation was sweet it

> would make no

> difference in the true character in either of us. I

> am at peace

> whether they are or not is up to them.

>

> I hope this did not sound cold hearted I just can't

> let myself be

> hurt anymore. This is the way I know how. Merry

> Christmas. All my

> love Lizzy

>

> > > >

> > > > Why does it seem like as soon as a KO goes NC

> their nada's get

> > > cancer

> > > > or some other major life threatening illness?

> Is it a ploy to

> > pull

> > > us

> > > > back in or is it legit health issues b/c the

> rage eats away at

> > > them

> > > > so badly and they have even more anger when we

> finally

=== message truncated ===

__________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

GREAT for you, LIzzy!!!!

Gre.g

--- lizzyboo81 wrote:

> To all, first off I want to say Kerrie, you really

> speak with grace.

>

> They will do this mine right now has had " several

> major medical

> conditions " especially in the last 6 months.

> Including benign tumors

> in the brain. UGH! Last year I think it was liver

> cancer! This past

> summer " kidney failure " ! Anything to turn my head

> but my head just

> keeps looking forward.

>

> I know we all have so much in common and one thing I

> have made as a

> personal choice is this….If each family member I

> have were to die

> today would I be at peace with the standing

> relationship? Have I

> spoken all that I need to speak? Would I be happy

> with my self about

> going or not going to a funeral? Because they will

> be dead, we will

> be alive, we only need to worry about ourselves

> because we can't

> worry about anybody else we only can change and help

> our selves.

>

> I have decided I am at peace with all relationships

> the way they are

> standing. They are all very different. Nada and I

> are n/c and I have

> not been able to speak my peace, the last words I

> said were " F%#@

> you " but I think she knows I love her;-) What did

> she think I would

> say she was taking me to court for my kids? I did

> see her one time

> for court forced visitation after now that I think

> about it she did

> something and I said " stop mom your scaring my kids "

> but I think

> overall she would not hear me anyways if I did say I

> love you she

> can't hear when I tell her stop or f off why would

> she hear I love

> you? I would like to be at her deathbed or funeral.

> In regards to my

> sister, she sometimes makes me mad b/c I think she

> is on the fence

> but I clearly said I love you and I meant it. I hope

> nothing happens

> to her she is so young but if it did I am at peace

> with what I said.

> With my dad I tell him every time I talk to him I

> love him if we

> ever talk about the family and how my mom should get

> I even say I

> love my mom and my sister I want him to know I don't

> hate my family

> they are just difficult. I am at peace there also. I

> am not sure my

> mom would let me come to the funeral of my dad or

> sister.

> Grandnada, our last conversation was a bad one but I

> really don't

> care what do you expect from a bp? I would not go to

> her funeral and

> I am at peace with what I said to her. I tried to be

> clear this is

> not my fault but she needs a place to lay blame and

> it sure is not

> herself or her daughter! I love her but she is not

> my cup of tea.

> And all the rest I have peace there also. Sometimes

> silence is the

> peace.

>

> I feel much like what Kerrie wrote I don't want to

> get roped into

> their chaos! I am making great strides in my life. I

> know some of my

> last conversations were maybe considered " bad ones "

> by outsiders

> looking in. Like the conversations I had w/ nada and

> grandnada but

> like I said when you talk to a bp what do you

> expect. One thing my

> nada always tried to do to haunt me was tell me how

> I better never

> get mad b/c it might be the last time I see

> somebody. That is bull,

> even if you were mad at somebody when they died I

> like to think that

> years of a steady relationship would cover that! So

> I give myself

> the freedom to feel mad, I am not mad at grandnada

> and nada (for the

> time being) But our last conversation was sour. I

> really could care

> less even if our last conversation was sweet it

> would make no

> difference in the true character in either of us. I

> am at peace

> whether they are or not is up to them.

>

> I hope this did not sound cold hearted I just can't

> let myself be

> hurt anymore. This is the way I know how. Merry

> Christmas. All my

> love Lizzy

>

> > > >

> > > > Why does it seem like as soon as a KO goes NC

> their nada's get

> > > cancer

> > > > or some other major life threatening illness?

> Is it a ploy to

> > pull

> > > us

> > > > back in or is it legit health issues b/c the

> rage eats away at

> > > them

> > > > so badly and they have even more anger when we

> finally

=== message truncated ===

__________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

GREAT for you, LIzzy!!!!

Gre.g

--- lizzyboo81 wrote:

> To all, first off I want to say Kerrie, you really

> speak with grace.

>

> They will do this mine right now has had " several

> major medical

> conditions " especially in the last 6 months.

> Including benign tumors

> in the brain. UGH! Last year I think it was liver

> cancer! This past

> summer " kidney failure " ! Anything to turn my head

> but my head just

> keeps looking forward.

>

> I know we all have so much in common and one thing I

> have made as a

> personal choice is this….If each family member I

> have were to die

> today would I be at peace with the standing

> relationship? Have I

> spoken all that I need to speak? Would I be happy

> with my self about

> going or not going to a funeral? Because they will

> be dead, we will

> be alive, we only need to worry about ourselves

> because we can't

> worry about anybody else we only can change and help

> our selves.

>

> I have decided I am at peace with all relationships

> the way they are

> standing. They are all very different. Nada and I

> are n/c and I have

> not been able to speak my peace, the last words I

> said were " F%#@

> you " but I think she knows I love her;-) What did

> she think I would

> say she was taking me to court for my kids? I did

> see her one time

> for court forced visitation after now that I think

> about it she did

> something and I said " stop mom your scaring my kids "

> but I think

> overall she would not hear me anyways if I did say I

> love you she

> can't hear when I tell her stop or f off why would

> she hear I love

> you? I would like to be at her deathbed or funeral.

> In regards to my

> sister, she sometimes makes me mad b/c I think she

> is on the fence

> but I clearly said I love you and I meant it. I hope

> nothing happens

> to her she is so young but if it did I am at peace

> with what I said.

> With my dad I tell him every time I talk to him I

> love him if we

> ever talk about the family and how my mom should get

> I even say I

> love my mom and my sister I want him to know I don't

> hate my family

> they are just difficult. I am at peace there also. I

> am not sure my

> mom would let me come to the funeral of my dad or

> sister.

> Grandnada, our last conversation was a bad one but I

> really don't

> care what do you expect from a bp? I would not go to

> her funeral and

> I am at peace with what I said to her. I tried to be

> clear this is

> not my fault but she needs a place to lay blame and

> it sure is not

> herself or her daughter! I love her but she is not

> my cup of tea.

> And all the rest I have peace there also. Sometimes

> silence is the

> peace.

>

> I feel much like what Kerrie wrote I don't want to

> get roped into

> their chaos! I am making great strides in my life. I

> know some of my

> last conversations were maybe considered " bad ones "

> by outsiders

> looking in. Like the conversations I had w/ nada and

> grandnada but

> like I said when you talk to a bp what do you

> expect. One thing my

> nada always tried to do to haunt me was tell me how

> I better never

> get mad b/c it might be the last time I see

> somebody. That is bull,

> even if you were mad at somebody when they died I

> like to think that

> years of a steady relationship would cover that! So

> I give myself

> the freedom to feel mad, I am not mad at grandnada

> and nada (for the

> time being) But our last conversation was sour. I

> really could care

> less even if our last conversation was sweet it

> would make no

> difference in the true character in either of us. I

> am at peace

> whether they are or not is up to them.

>

> I hope this did not sound cold hearted I just can't

> let myself be

> hurt anymore. This is the way I know how. Merry

> Christmas. All my

> love Lizzy

>

> > > >

> > > > Why does it seem like as soon as a KO goes NC

> their nada's get

> > > cancer

> > > > or some other major life threatening illness?

> Is it a ploy to

> > pull

> > > us

> > > > back in or is it legit health issues b/c the

> rage eats away at

> > > them

> > > > so badly and they have even more anger when we

> finally

=== message truncated ===

__________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

GREAT for you, LIzzy!!!!

Gre.g

--- lizzyboo81 wrote:

> To all, first off I want to say Kerrie, you really

> speak with grace.

>

> They will do this mine right now has had " several

> major medical

> conditions " especially in the last 6 months.

> Including benign tumors

> in the brain. UGH! Last year I think it was liver

> cancer! This past

> summer " kidney failure " ! Anything to turn my head

> but my head just

> keeps looking forward.

>

> I know we all have so much in common and one thing I

> have made as a

> personal choice is this….If each family member I

> have were to die

> today would I be at peace with the standing

> relationship? Have I

> spoken all that I need to speak? Would I be happy

> with my self about

> going or not going to a funeral? Because they will

> be dead, we will

> be alive, we only need to worry about ourselves

> because we can't

> worry about anybody else we only can change and help

> our selves.

>

> I have decided I am at peace with all relationships

> the way they are

> standing. They are all very different. Nada and I

> are n/c and I have

> not been able to speak my peace, the last words I

> said were " F%#@

> you " but I think she knows I love her;-) What did

> she think I would

> say she was taking me to court for my kids? I did

> see her one time

> for court forced visitation after now that I think

> about it she did

> something and I said " stop mom your scaring my kids "

> but I think

> overall she would not hear me anyways if I did say I

> love you she

> can't hear when I tell her stop or f off why would

> she hear I love

> you? I would like to be at her deathbed or funeral.

> In regards to my

> sister, she sometimes makes me mad b/c I think she

> is on the fence

> but I clearly said I love you and I meant it. I hope

> nothing happens

> to her she is so young but if it did I am at peace

> with what I said.

> With my dad I tell him every time I talk to him I

> love him if we

> ever talk about the family and how my mom should get

> I even say I

> love my mom and my sister I want him to know I don't

> hate my family

> they are just difficult. I am at peace there also. I

> am not sure my

> mom would let me come to the funeral of my dad or

> sister.

> Grandnada, our last conversation was a bad one but I

> really don't

> care what do you expect from a bp? I would not go to

> her funeral and

> I am at peace with what I said to her. I tried to be

> clear this is

> not my fault but she needs a place to lay blame and

> it sure is not

> herself or her daughter! I love her but she is not

> my cup of tea.

> And all the rest I have peace there also. Sometimes

> silence is the

> peace.

>

> I feel much like what Kerrie wrote I don't want to

> get roped into

> their chaos! I am making great strides in my life. I

> know some of my

> last conversations were maybe considered " bad ones "

> by outsiders

> looking in. Like the conversations I had w/ nada and

> grandnada but

> like I said when you talk to a bp what do you

> expect. One thing my

> nada always tried to do to haunt me was tell me how

> I better never

> get mad b/c it might be the last time I see

> somebody. That is bull,

> even if you were mad at somebody when they died I

> like to think that

> years of a steady relationship would cover that! So

> I give myself

> the freedom to feel mad, I am not mad at grandnada

> and nada (for the

> time being) But our last conversation was sour. I

> really could care

> less even if our last conversation was sweet it

> would make no

> difference in the true character in either of us. I

> am at peace

> whether they are or not is up to them.

>

> I hope this did not sound cold hearted I just can't

> let myself be

> hurt anymore. This is the way I know how. Merry

> Christmas. All my

> love Lizzy

>

> > > >

> > > > Why does it seem like as soon as a KO goes NC

> their nada's get

> > > cancer

> > > > or some other major life threatening illness?

> Is it a ploy to

> > pull

> > > us

> > > > back in or is it legit health issues b/c the

> rage eats away at

> > > them

> > > > so badly and they have even more anger when we

> finally

=== message truncated ===

__________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

GREAT for you, LIzzy!!!!

Gre.g

--- lizzyboo81 wrote:

> To all, first off I want to say Kerrie, you really

> speak with grace.

>

> They will do this mine right now has had " several

> major medical

> conditions " especially in the last 6 months.

> Including benign tumors

> in the brain. UGH! Last year I think it was liver

> cancer! This past

> summer " kidney failure " ! Anything to turn my head

> but my head just

> keeps looking forward.

>

> I know we all have so much in common and one thing I

> have made as a

> personal choice is this….If each family member I

> have were to die

> today would I be at peace with the standing

> relationship? Have I

> spoken all that I need to speak? Would I be happy

> with my self about

> going or not going to a funeral? Because they will

> be dead, we will

> be alive, we only need to worry about ourselves

> because we can't

> worry about anybody else we only can change and help

> our selves.

>

> I have decided I am at peace with all relationships

> the way they are

> standing. They are all very different. Nada and I

> are n/c and I have

> not been able to speak my peace, the last words I

> said were " F%#@

> you " but I think she knows I love her;-) What did

> she think I would

> say she was taking me to court for my kids? I did

> see her one time

> for court forced visitation after now that I think

> about it she did

> something and I said " stop mom your scaring my kids "

> but I think

> overall she would not hear me anyways if I did say I

> love you she

> can't hear when I tell her stop or f off why would

> she hear I love

> you? I would like to be at her deathbed or funeral.

> In regards to my

> sister, she sometimes makes me mad b/c I think she

> is on the fence

> but I clearly said I love you and I meant it. I hope

> nothing happens

> to her she is so young but if it did I am at peace

> with what I said.

> With my dad I tell him every time I talk to him I

> love him if we

> ever talk about the family and how my mom should get

> I even say I

> love my mom and my sister I want him to know I don't

> hate my family

> they are just difficult. I am at peace there also. I

> am not sure my

> mom would let me come to the funeral of my dad or

> sister.

> Grandnada, our last conversation was a bad one but I

> really don't

> care what do you expect from a bp? I would not go to

> her funeral and

> I am at peace with what I said to her. I tried to be

> clear this is

> not my fault but she needs a place to lay blame and

> it sure is not

> herself or her daughter! I love her but she is not

> my cup of tea.

> And all the rest I have peace there also. Sometimes

> silence is the

> peace.

>

> I feel much like what Kerrie wrote I don't want to

> get roped into

> their chaos! I am making great strides in my life. I

> know some of my

> last conversations were maybe considered " bad ones "

> by outsiders

> looking in. Like the conversations I had w/ nada and

> grandnada but

> like I said when you talk to a bp what do you

> expect. One thing my

> nada always tried to do to haunt me was tell me how

> I better never

> get mad b/c it might be the last time I see

> somebody. That is bull,

> even if you were mad at somebody when they died I

> like to think that

> years of a steady relationship would cover that! So

> I give myself

> the freedom to feel mad, I am not mad at grandnada

> and nada (for the

> time being) But our last conversation was sour. I

> really could care

> less even if our last conversation was sweet it

> would make no

> difference in the true character in either of us. I

> am at peace

> whether they are or not is up to them.

>

> I hope this did not sound cold hearted I just can't

> let myself be

> hurt anymore. This is the way I know how. Merry

> Christmas. All my

> love Lizzy

>

> > > >

> > > > Why does it seem like as soon as a KO goes NC

> their nada's get

> > > cancer

> > > > or some other major life threatening illness?

> Is it a ploy to

> > pull

> > > us

> > > > back in or is it legit health issues b/c the

> rage eats away at

> > > them

> > > > so badly and they have even more anger when we

> finally

=== message truncated ===

__________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

GREAT for you, LIzzy!!!!

Gre.g

--- lizzyboo81 wrote:

> To all, first off I want to say Kerrie, you really

> speak with grace.

>

> They will do this mine right now has had " several

> major medical

> conditions " especially in the last 6 months.

> Including benign tumors

> in the brain. UGH! Last year I think it was liver

> cancer! This past

> summer " kidney failure " ! Anything to turn my head

> but my head just

> keeps looking forward.

>

> I know we all have so much in common and one thing I

> have made as a

> personal choice is this….If each family member I

> have were to die

> today would I be at peace with the standing

> relationship? Have I

> spoken all that I need to speak? Would I be happy

> with my self about

> going or not going to a funeral? Because they will

> be dead, we will

> be alive, we only need to worry about ourselves

> because we can't

> worry about anybody else we only can change and help

> our selves.

>

> I have decided I am at peace with all relationships

> the way they are

> standing. They are all very different. Nada and I

> are n/c and I have

> not been able to speak my peace, the last words I

> said were " F%#@

> you " but I think she knows I love her;-) What did

> she think I would

> say she was taking me to court for my kids? I did

> see her one time

> for court forced visitation after now that I think

> about it she did

> something and I said " stop mom your scaring my kids "

> but I think

> overall she would not hear me anyways if I did say I

> love you she

> can't hear when I tell her stop or f off why would

> she hear I love

> you? I would like to be at her deathbed or funeral.

> In regards to my

> sister, she sometimes makes me mad b/c I think she

> is on the fence

> but I clearly said I love you and I meant it. I hope

> nothing happens

> to her she is so young but if it did I am at peace

> with what I said.

> With my dad I tell him every time I talk to him I

> love him if we

> ever talk about the family and how my mom should get

> I even say I

> love my mom and my sister I want him to know I don't

> hate my family

> they are just difficult. I am at peace there also. I

> am not sure my

> mom would let me come to the funeral of my dad or

> sister.

> Grandnada, our last conversation was a bad one but I

> really don't

> care what do you expect from a bp? I would not go to

> her funeral and

> I am at peace with what I said to her. I tried to be

> clear this is

> not my fault but she needs a place to lay blame and

> it sure is not

> herself or her daughter! I love her but she is not

> my cup of tea.

> And all the rest I have peace there also. Sometimes

> silence is the

> peace.

>

> I feel much like what Kerrie wrote I don't want to

> get roped into

> their chaos! I am making great strides in my life. I

> know some of my

> last conversations were maybe considered " bad ones "

> by outsiders

> looking in. Like the conversations I had w/ nada and

> grandnada but

> like I said when you talk to a bp what do you

> expect. One thing my

> nada always tried to do to haunt me was tell me how

> I better never

> get mad b/c it might be the last time I see

> somebody. That is bull,

> even if you were mad at somebody when they died I

> like to think that

> years of a steady relationship would cover that! So

> I give myself

> the freedom to feel mad, I am not mad at grandnada

> and nada (for the

> time being) But our last conversation was sour. I

> really could care

> less even if our last conversation was sweet it

> would make no

> difference in the true character in either of us. I

> am at peace

> whether they are or not is up to them.

>

> I hope this did not sound cold hearted I just can't

> let myself be

> hurt anymore. This is the way I know how. Merry

> Christmas. All my

> love Lizzy

>

> > > >

> > > > Why does it seem like as soon as a KO goes NC

> their nada's get

> > > cancer

> > > > or some other major life threatening illness?

> Is it a ploy to

> > pull

> > > us

> > > > back in or is it legit health issues b/c the

> rage eats away at

> > > them

> > > > so badly and they have even more anger when we

> finally

=== message truncated ===

__________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

GREAT for you, LIzzy!!!!

Gre.g

--- lizzyboo81 wrote:

> To all, first off I want to say Kerrie, you really

> speak with grace.

>

> They will do this mine right now has had " several

> major medical

> conditions " especially in the last 6 months.

> Including benign tumors

> in the brain. UGH! Last year I think it was liver

> cancer! This past

> summer " kidney failure " ! Anything to turn my head

> but my head just

> keeps looking forward.

>

> I know we all have so much in common and one thing I

> have made as a

> personal choice is this….If each family member I

> have were to die

> today would I be at peace with the standing

> relationship? Have I

> spoken all that I need to speak? Would I be happy

> with my self about

> going or not going to a funeral? Because they will

> be dead, we will

> be alive, we only need to worry about ourselves

> because we can't

> worry about anybody else we only can change and help

> our selves.

>

> I have decided I am at peace with all relationships

> the way they are

> standing. They are all very different. Nada and I

> are n/c and I have

> not been able to speak my peace, the last words I

> said were " F%#@

> you " but I think she knows I love her;-) What did

> she think I would

> say she was taking me to court for my kids? I did

> see her one time

> for court forced visitation after now that I think

> about it she did

> something and I said " stop mom your scaring my kids "

> but I think

> overall she would not hear me anyways if I did say I

> love you she

> can't hear when I tell her stop or f off why would

> she hear I love

> you? I would like to be at her deathbed or funeral.

> In regards to my

> sister, she sometimes makes me mad b/c I think she

> is on the fence

> but I clearly said I love you and I meant it. I hope

> nothing happens

> to her she is so young but if it did I am at peace

> with what I said.

> With my dad I tell him every time I talk to him I

> love him if we

> ever talk about the family and how my mom should get

> I even say I

> love my mom and my sister I want him to know I don't

> hate my family

> they are just difficult. I am at peace there also. I

> am not sure my

> mom would let me come to the funeral of my dad or

> sister.

> Grandnada, our last conversation was a bad one but I

> really don't

> care what do you expect from a bp? I would not go to

> her funeral and

> I am at peace with what I said to her. I tried to be

> clear this is

> not my fault but she needs a place to lay blame and

> it sure is not

> herself or her daughter! I love her but she is not

> my cup of tea.

> And all the rest I have peace there also. Sometimes

> silence is the

> peace.

>

> I feel much like what Kerrie wrote I don't want to

> get roped into

> their chaos! I am making great strides in my life. I

> know some of my

> last conversations were maybe considered " bad ones "

> by outsiders

> looking in. Like the conversations I had w/ nada and

> grandnada but

> like I said when you talk to a bp what do you

> expect. One thing my

> nada always tried to do to haunt me was tell me how

> I better never

> get mad b/c it might be the last time I see

> somebody. That is bull,

> even if you were mad at somebody when they died I

> like to think that

> years of a steady relationship would cover that! So

> I give myself

> the freedom to feel mad, I am not mad at grandnada

> and nada (for the

> time being) But our last conversation was sour. I

> really could care

> less even if our last conversation was sweet it

> would make no

> difference in the true character in either of us. I

> am at peace

> whether they are or not is up to them.

>

> I hope this did not sound cold hearted I just can't

> let myself be

> hurt anymore. This is the way I know how. Merry

> Christmas. All my

> love Lizzy

>

> > > >

> > > > Why does it seem like as soon as a KO goes NC

> their nada's get

> > > cancer

> > > > or some other major life threatening illness?

> Is it a ploy to

> > pull

> > > us

> > > > back in or is it legit health issues b/c the

> rage eats away at

> > > them

> > > > so badly and they have even more anger when we

> finally

=== message truncated ===

__________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

GREAT for you, LIzzy!!!!

Gre.g

--- lizzyboo81 wrote:

> To all, first off I want to say Kerrie, you really

> speak with grace.

>

> They will do this mine right now has had " several

> major medical

> conditions " especially in the last 6 months.

> Including benign tumors

> in the brain. UGH! Last year I think it was liver

> cancer! This past

> summer " kidney failure " ! Anything to turn my head

> but my head just

> keeps looking forward.

>

> I know we all have so much in common and one thing I

> have made as a

> personal choice is this….If each family member I

> have were to die

> today would I be at peace with the standing

> relationship? Have I

> spoken all that I need to speak? Would I be happy

> with my self about

> going or not going to a funeral? Because they will

> be dead, we will

> be alive, we only need to worry about ourselves

> because we can't

> worry about anybody else we only can change and help

> our selves.

>

> I have decided I am at peace with all relationships

> the way they are

> standing. They are all very different. Nada and I

> are n/c and I have

> not been able to speak my peace, the last words I

> said were " F%#@

> you " but I think she knows I love her;-) What did

> she think I would

> say she was taking me to court for my kids? I did

> see her one time

> for court forced visitation after now that I think

> about it she did

> something and I said " stop mom your scaring my kids "

> but I think

> overall she would not hear me anyways if I did say I

> love you she

> can't hear when I tell her stop or f off why would

> she hear I love

> you? I would like to be at her deathbed or funeral.

> In regards to my

> sister, she sometimes makes me mad b/c I think she

> is on the fence

> but I clearly said I love you and I meant it. I hope

> nothing happens

> to her she is so young but if it did I am at peace

> with what I said.

> With my dad I tell him every time I talk to him I

> love him if we

> ever talk about the family and how my mom should get

> I even say I

> love my mom and my sister I want him to know I don't

> hate my family

> they are just difficult. I am at peace there also. I

> am not sure my

> mom would let me come to the funeral of my dad or

> sister.

> Grandnada, our last conversation was a bad one but I

> really don't

> care what do you expect from a bp? I would not go to

> her funeral and

> I am at peace with what I said to her. I tried to be

> clear this is

> not my fault but she needs a place to lay blame and

> it sure is not

> herself or her daughter! I love her but she is not

> my cup of tea.

> And all the rest I have peace there also. Sometimes

> silence is the

> peace.

>

> I feel much like what Kerrie wrote I don't want to

> get roped into

> their chaos! I am making great strides in my life. I

> know some of my

> last conversations were maybe considered " bad ones "

> by outsiders

> looking in. Like the conversations I had w/ nada and

> grandnada but

> like I said when you talk to a bp what do you

> expect. One thing my

> nada always tried to do to haunt me was tell me how

> I better never

> get mad b/c it might be the last time I see

> somebody. That is bull,

> even if you were mad at somebody when they died I

> like to think that

> years of a steady relationship would cover that! So

> I give myself

> the freedom to feel mad, I am not mad at grandnada

> and nada (for the

> time being) But our last conversation was sour. I

> really could care

> less even if our last conversation was sweet it

> would make no

> difference in the true character in either of us. I

> am at peace

> whether they are or not is up to them.

>

> I hope this did not sound cold hearted I just can't

> let myself be

> hurt anymore. This is the way I know how. Merry

> Christmas. All my

> love Lizzy

>

> > > >

> > > > Why does it seem like as soon as a KO goes NC

> their nada's get

> > > cancer

> > > > or some other major life threatening illness?

> Is it a ploy to

> > pull

> > > us

> > > > back in or is it legit health issues b/c the

> rage eats away at

> > > them

> > > > so badly and they have even more anger when we

> finally

=== message truncated ===

__________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

GREAT for you, LIzzy!!!!

Gre.g

--- lizzyboo81 wrote:

> To all, first off I want to say Kerrie, you really

> speak with grace.

>

> They will do this mine right now has had " several

> major medical

> conditions " especially in the last 6 months.

> Including benign tumors

> in the brain. UGH! Last year I think it was liver

> cancer! This past

> summer " kidney failure " ! Anything to turn my head

> but my head just

> keeps looking forward.

>

> I know we all have so much in common and one thing I

> have made as a

> personal choice is this….If each family member I

> have were to die

> today would I be at peace with the standing

> relationship? Have I

> spoken all that I need to speak? Would I be happy

> with my self about

> going or not going to a funeral? Because they will

> be dead, we will

> be alive, we only need to worry about ourselves

> because we can't

> worry about anybody else we only can change and help

> our selves.

>

> I have decided I am at peace with all relationships

> the way they are

> standing. They are all very different. Nada and I

> are n/c and I have

> not been able to speak my peace, the last words I

> said were " F%#@

> you " but I think she knows I love her;-) What did

> she think I would

> say she was taking me to court for my kids? I did

> see her one time

> for court forced visitation after now that I think

> about it she did

> something and I said " stop mom your scaring my kids "

> but I think

> overall she would not hear me anyways if I did say I

> love you she

> can't hear when I tell her stop or f off why would

> she hear I love

> you? I would like to be at her deathbed or funeral.

> In regards to my

> sister, she sometimes makes me mad b/c I think she

> is on the fence

> but I clearly said I love you and I meant it. I hope

> nothing happens

> to her she is so young but if it did I am at peace

> with what I said.

> With my dad I tell him every time I talk to him I

> love him if we

> ever talk about the family and how my mom should get

> I even say I

> love my mom and my sister I want him to know I don't

> hate my family

> they are just difficult. I am at peace there also. I

> am not sure my

> mom would let me come to the funeral of my dad or

> sister.

> Grandnada, our last conversation was a bad one but I

> really don't

> care what do you expect from a bp? I would not go to

> her funeral and

> I am at peace with what I said to her. I tried to be

> clear this is

> not my fault but she needs a place to lay blame and

> it sure is not

> herself or her daughter! I love her but she is not

> my cup of tea.

> And all the rest I have peace there also. Sometimes

> silence is the

> peace.

>

> I feel much like what Kerrie wrote I don't want to

> get roped into

> their chaos! I am making great strides in my life. I

> know some of my

> last conversations were maybe considered " bad ones "

> by outsiders

> looking in. Like the conversations I had w/ nada and

> grandnada but

> like I said when you talk to a bp what do you

> expect. One thing my

> nada always tried to do to haunt me was tell me how

> I better never

> get mad b/c it might be the last time I see

> somebody. That is bull,

> even if you were mad at somebody when they died I

> like to think that

> years of a steady relationship would cover that! So

> I give myself

> the freedom to feel mad, I am not mad at grandnada

> and nada (for the

> time being) But our last conversation was sour. I

> really could care

> less even if our last conversation was sweet it

> would make no

> difference in the true character in either of us. I

> am at peace

> whether they are or not is up to them.

>

> I hope this did not sound cold hearted I just can't

> let myself be

> hurt anymore. This is the way I know how. Merry

> Christmas. All my

> love Lizzy

>

> > > >

> > > > Why does it seem like as soon as a KO goes NC

> their nada's get

> > > cancer

> > > > or some other major life threatening illness?

> Is it a ploy to

> > pull

> > > us

> > > > back in or is it legit health issues b/c the

> rage eats away at

> > > them

> > > > so badly and they have even more anger when we

> finally

=== message truncated ===

__________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

GREAT for you, LIzzy!!!!

Gre.g

--- lizzyboo81 wrote:

> To all, first off I want to say Kerrie, you really

> speak with grace.

>

> They will do this mine right now has had " several

> major medical

> conditions " especially in the last 6 months.

> Including benign tumors

> in the brain. UGH! Last year I think it was liver

> cancer! This past

> summer " kidney failure " ! Anything to turn my head

> but my head just

> keeps looking forward.

>

> I know we all have so much in common and one thing I

> have made as a

> personal choice is this….If each family member I

> have were to die

> today would I be at peace with the standing

> relationship? Have I

> spoken all that I need to speak? Would I be happy

> with my self about

> going or not going to a funeral? Because they will

> be dead, we will

> be alive, we only need to worry about ourselves

> because we can't

> worry about anybody else we only can change and help

> our selves.

>

> I have decided I am at peace with all relationships

> the way they are

> standing. They are all very different. Nada and I

> are n/c and I have

> not been able to speak my peace, the last words I

> said were " F%#@

> you " but I think she knows I love her;-) What did

> she think I would

> say she was taking me to court for my kids? I did

> see her one time

> for court forced visitation after now that I think

> about it she did

> something and I said " stop mom your scaring my kids "

> but I think

> overall she would not hear me anyways if I did say I

> love you she

> can't hear when I tell her stop or f off why would

> she hear I love

> you? I would like to be at her deathbed or funeral.

> In regards to my

> sister, she sometimes makes me mad b/c I think she

> is on the fence

> but I clearly said I love you and I meant it. I hope

> nothing happens

> to her she is so young but if it did I am at peace

> with what I said.

> With my dad I tell him every time I talk to him I

> love him if we

> ever talk about the family and how my mom should get

> I even say I

> love my mom and my sister I want him to know I don't

> hate my family

> they are just difficult. I am at peace there also. I

> am not sure my

> mom would let me come to the funeral of my dad or

> sister.

> Grandnada, our last conversation was a bad one but I

> really don't

> care what do you expect from a bp? I would not go to

> her funeral and

> I am at peace with what I said to her. I tried to be

> clear this is

> not my fault but she needs a place to lay blame and

> it sure is not

> herself or her daughter! I love her but she is not

> my cup of tea.

> And all the rest I have peace there also. Sometimes

> silence is the

> peace.

>

> I feel much like what Kerrie wrote I don't want to

> get roped into

> their chaos! I am making great strides in my life. I

> know some of my

> last conversations were maybe considered " bad ones "

> by outsiders

> looking in. Like the conversations I had w/ nada and

> grandnada but

> like I said when you talk to a bp what do you

> expect. One thing my

> nada always tried to do to haunt me was tell me how

> I better never

> get mad b/c it might be the last time I see

> somebody. That is bull,

> even if you were mad at somebody when they died I

> like to think that

> years of a steady relationship would cover that! So

> I give myself

> the freedom to feel mad, I am not mad at grandnada

> and nada (for the

> time being) But our last conversation was sour. I

> really could care

> less even if our last conversation was sweet it

> would make no

> difference in the true character in either of us. I

> am at peace

> whether they are or not is up to them.

>

> I hope this did not sound cold hearted I just can't

> let myself be

> hurt anymore. This is the way I know how. Merry

> Christmas. All my

> love Lizzy

>

> > > >

> > > > Why does it seem like as soon as a KO goes NC

> their nada's get

> > > cancer

> > > > or some other major life threatening illness?

> Is it a ploy to

> > pull

> > > us

> > > > back in or is it legit health issues b/c the

> rage eats away at

> > > them

> > > > so badly and they have even more anger when we

> finally

=== message truncated ===

__________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

GREAT for you, LIzzy!!!!

Gre.g

--- lizzyboo81 wrote:

> To all, first off I want to say Kerrie, you really

> speak with grace.

>

> They will do this mine right now has had " several

> major medical

> conditions " especially in the last 6 months.

> Including benign tumors

> in the brain. UGH! Last year I think it was liver

> cancer! This past

> summer " kidney failure " ! Anything to turn my head

> but my head just

> keeps looking forward.

>

> I know we all have so much in common and one thing I

> have made as a

> personal choice is this….If each family member I

> have were to die

> today would I be at peace with the standing

> relationship? Have I

> spoken all that I need to speak? Would I be happy

> with my self about

> going or not going to a funeral? Because they will

> be dead, we will

> be alive, we only need to worry about ourselves

> because we can't

> worry about anybody else we only can change and help

> our selves.

>

> I have decided I am at peace with all relationships

> the way they are

> standing. They are all very different. Nada and I

> are n/c and I have

> not been able to speak my peace, the last words I

> said were " F%#@

> you " but I think she knows I love her;-) What did

> she think I would

> say she was taking me to court for my kids? I did

> see her one time

> for court forced visitation after now that I think

> about it she did

> something and I said " stop mom your scaring my kids "

> but I think

> overall she would not hear me anyways if I did say I

> love you she

> can't hear when I tell her stop or f off why would

> she hear I love

> you? I would like to be at her deathbed or funeral.

> In regards to my

> sister, she sometimes makes me mad b/c I think she

> is on the fence

> but I clearly said I love you and I meant it. I hope

> nothing happens

> to her she is so young but if it did I am at peace

> with what I said.

> With my dad I tell him every time I talk to him I

> love him if we

> ever talk about the family and how my mom should get

> I even say I

> love my mom and my sister I want him to know I don't

> hate my family

> they are just difficult. I am at peace there also. I

> am not sure my

> mom would let me come to the funeral of my dad or

> sister.

> Grandnada, our last conversation was a bad one but I

> really don't

> care what do you expect from a bp? I would not go to

> her funeral and

> I am at peace with what I said to her. I tried to be

> clear this is

> not my fault but she needs a place to lay blame and

> it sure is not

> herself or her daughter! I love her but she is not

> my cup of tea.

> And all the rest I have peace there also. Sometimes

> silence is the

> peace.

>

> I feel much like what Kerrie wrote I don't want to

> get roped into

> their chaos! I am making great strides in my life. I

> know some of my

> last conversations were maybe considered " bad ones "

> by outsiders

> looking in. Like the conversations I had w/ nada and

> grandnada but

> like I said when you talk to a bp what do you

> expect. One thing my

> nada always tried to do to haunt me was tell me how

> I better never

> get mad b/c it might be the last time I see

> somebody. That is bull,

> even if you were mad at somebody when they died I

> like to think that

> years of a steady relationship would cover that! So

> I give myself

> the freedom to feel mad, I am not mad at grandnada

> and nada (for the

> time being) But our last conversation was sour. I

> really could care

> less even if our last conversation was sweet it

> would make no

> difference in the true character in either of us. I

> am at peace

> whether they are or not is up to them.

>

> I hope this did not sound cold hearted I just can't

> let myself be

> hurt anymore. This is the way I know how. Merry

> Christmas. All my

> love Lizzy

>

> > > >

> > > > Why does it seem like as soon as a KO goes NC

> their nada's get

> > > cancer

> > > > or some other major life threatening illness?

> Is it a ploy to

> > pull

> > > us

> > > > back in or is it legit health issues b/c the

> rage eats away at

> > > them

> > > > so badly and they have even more anger when we

> finally

=== message truncated ===

__________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

GREAT for you, LIzzy!!!!

Gre.g

--- lizzyboo81 wrote:

> To all, first off I want to say Kerrie, you really

> speak with grace.

>

> They will do this mine right now has had " several

> major medical

> conditions " especially in the last 6 months.

> Including benign tumors

> in the brain. UGH! Last year I think it was liver

> cancer! This past

> summer " kidney failure " ! Anything to turn my head

> but my head just

> keeps looking forward.

>

> I know we all have so much in common and one thing I

> have made as a

> personal choice is this….If each family member I

> have were to die

> today would I be at peace with the standing

> relationship? Have I

> spoken all that I need to speak? Would I be happy

> with my self about

> going or not going to a funeral? Because they will

> be dead, we will

> be alive, we only need to worry about ourselves

> because we can't

> worry about anybody else we only can change and help

> our selves.

>

> I have decided I am at peace with all relationships

> the way they are

> standing. They are all very different. Nada and I

> are n/c and I have

> not been able to speak my peace, the last words I

> said were " F%#@

> you " but I think she knows I love her;-) What did

> she think I would

> say she was taking me to court for my kids? I did

> see her one time

> for court forced visitation after now that I think

> about it she did

> something and I said " stop mom your scaring my kids "

> but I think

> overall she would not hear me anyways if I did say I

> love you she

> can't hear when I tell her stop or f off why would

> she hear I love

> you? I would like to be at her deathbed or funeral.

> In regards to my

> sister, she sometimes makes me mad b/c I think she

> is on the fence

> but I clearly said I love you and I meant it. I hope

> nothing happens

> to her she is so young but if it did I am at peace

> with what I said.

> With my dad I tell him every time I talk to him I

> love him if we

> ever talk about the family and how my mom should get

> I even say I

> love my mom and my sister I want him to know I don't

> hate my family

> they are just difficult. I am at peace there also. I

> am not sure my

> mom would let me come to the funeral of my dad or

> sister.

> Grandnada, our last conversation was a bad one but I

> really don't

> care what do you expect from a bp? I would not go to

> her funeral and

> I am at peace with what I said to her. I tried to be

> clear this is

> not my fault but she needs a place to lay blame and

> it sure is not

> herself or her daughter! I love her but she is not

> my cup of tea.

> And all the rest I have peace there also. Sometimes

> silence is the

> peace.

>

> I feel much like what Kerrie wrote I don't want to

> get roped into

> their chaos! I am making great strides in my life. I

> know some of my

> last conversations were maybe considered " bad ones "

> by outsiders

> looking in. Like the conversations I had w/ nada and

> grandnada but

> like I said when you talk to a bp what do you

> expect. One thing my

> nada always tried to do to haunt me was tell me how

> I better never

> get mad b/c it might be the last time I see

> somebody. That is bull,

> even if you were mad at somebody when they died I

> like to think that

> years of a steady relationship would cover that! So

> I give myself

> the freedom to feel mad, I am not mad at grandnada

> and nada (for the

> time being) But our last conversation was sour. I

> really could care

> less even if our last conversation was sweet it

> would make no

> difference in the true character in either of us. I

> am at peace

> whether they are or not is up to them.

>

> I hope this did not sound cold hearted I just can't

> let myself be

> hurt anymore. This is the way I know how. Merry

> Christmas. All my

> love Lizzy

>

> > > >

> > > > Why does it seem like as soon as a KO goes NC

> their nada's get

> > > cancer

> > > > or some other major life threatening illness?

> Is it a ploy to

> > pull

> > > us

> > > > back in or is it legit health issues b/c the

> rage eats away at

> > > them

> > > > so badly and they have even more anger when we

> finally

=== message truncated ===

__________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

GREAT for you, LIzzy!!!!

Gre.g

--- lizzyboo81 wrote:

> To all, first off I want to say Kerrie, you really

> speak with grace.

>

> They will do this mine right now has had " several

> major medical

> conditions " especially in the last 6 months.

> Including benign tumors

> in the brain. UGH! Last year I think it was liver

> cancer! This past

> summer " kidney failure " ! Anything to turn my head

> but my head just

> keeps looking forward.

>

> I know we all have so much in common and one thing I

> have made as a

> personal choice is this….If each family member I

> have were to die

> today would I be at peace with the standing

> relationship? Have I

> spoken all that I need to speak? Would I be happy

> with my self about

> going or not going to a funeral? Because they will

> be dead, we will

> be alive, we only need to worry about ourselves

> because we can't

> worry about anybody else we only can change and help

> our selves.

>

> I have decided I am at peace with all relationships

> the way they are

> standing. They are all very different. Nada and I

> are n/c and I have

> not been able to speak my peace, the last words I

> said were " F%#@

> you " but I think she knows I love her;-) What did

> she think I would

> say she was taking me to court for my kids? I did

> see her one time

> for court forced visitation after now that I think

> about it she did

> something and I said " stop mom your scaring my kids "

> but I think

> overall she would not hear me anyways if I did say I

> love you she

> can't hear when I tell her stop or f off why would

> she hear I love

> you? I would like to be at her deathbed or funeral.

> In regards to my

> sister, she sometimes makes me mad b/c I think she

> is on the fence

> but I clearly said I love you and I meant it. I hope

> nothing happens

> to her she is so young but if it did I am at peace

> with what I said.

> With my dad I tell him every time I talk to him I

> love him if we

> ever talk about the family and how my mom should get

> I even say I

> love my mom and my sister I want him to know I don't

> hate my family

> they are just difficult. I am at peace there also. I

> am not sure my

> mom would let me come to the funeral of my dad or

> sister.

> Grandnada, our last conversation was a bad one but I

> really don't

> care what do you expect from a bp? I would not go to

> her funeral and

> I am at peace with what I said to her. I tried to be

> clear this is

> not my fault but she needs a place to lay blame and

> it sure is not

> herself or her daughter! I love her but she is not

> my cup of tea.

> And all the rest I have peace there also. Sometimes

> silence is the

> peace.

>

> I feel much like what Kerrie wrote I don't want to

> get roped into

> their chaos! I am making great strides in my life. I

> know some of my

> last conversations were maybe considered " bad ones "

> by outsiders

> looking in. Like the conversations I had w/ nada and

> grandnada but

> like I said when you talk to a bp what do you

> expect. One thing my

> nada always tried to do to haunt me was tell me how

> I better never

> get mad b/c it might be the last time I see

> somebody. That is bull,

> even if you were mad at somebody when they died I

> like to think that

> years of a steady relationship would cover that! So

> I give myself

> the freedom to feel mad, I am not mad at grandnada

> and nada (for the

> time being) But our last conversation was sour. I

> really could care

> less even if our last conversation was sweet it

> would make no

> difference in the true character in either of us. I

> am at peace

> whether they are or not is up to them.

>

> I hope this did not sound cold hearted I just can't

> let myself be

> hurt anymore. This is the way I know how. Merry

> Christmas. All my

> love Lizzy

>

> > > >

> > > > Why does it seem like as soon as a KO goes NC

> their nada's get

> > > cancer

> > > > or some other major life threatening illness?

> Is it a ploy to

> > pull

> > > us

> > > > back in or is it legit health issues b/c the

> rage eats away at

> > > them

> > > > so badly and they have even more anger when we

> finally

=== message truncated ===

__________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

GREAT for you, LIzzy!!!!

Gre.g

--- lizzyboo81 wrote:

> To all, first off I want to say Kerrie, you really

> speak with grace.

>

> They will do this mine right now has had " several

> major medical

> conditions " especially in the last 6 months.

> Including benign tumors

> in the brain. UGH! Last year I think it was liver

> cancer! This past

> summer " kidney failure " ! Anything to turn my head

> but my head just

> keeps looking forward.

>

> I know we all have so much in common and one thing I

> have made as a

> personal choice is this….If each family member I

> have were to die

> today would I be at peace with the standing

> relationship? Have I

> spoken all that I need to speak? Would I be happy

> with my self about

> going or not going to a funeral? Because they will

> be dead, we will

> be alive, we only need to worry about ourselves

> because we can't

> worry about anybody else we only can change and help

> our selves.

>

> I have decided I am at peace with all relationships

> the way they are

> standing. They are all very different. Nada and I

> are n/c and I have

> not been able to speak my peace, the last words I

> said were " F%#@

> you " but I think she knows I love her;-) What did

> she think I would

> say she was taking me to court for my kids? I did

> see her one time

> for court forced visitation after now that I think

> about it she did

> something and I said " stop mom your scaring my kids "

> but I think

> overall she would not hear me anyways if I did say I

> love you she

> can't hear when I tell her stop or f off why would

> she hear I love

> you? I would like to be at her deathbed or funeral.

> In regards to my

> sister, she sometimes makes me mad b/c I think she

> is on the fence

> but I clearly said I love you and I meant it. I hope

> nothing happens

> to her she is so young but if it did I am at peace

> with what I said.

> With my dad I tell him every time I talk to him I

> love him if we

> ever talk about the family and how my mom should get

> I even say I

> love my mom and my sister I want him to know I don't

> hate my family

> they are just difficult. I am at peace there also. I

> am not sure my

> mom would let me come to the funeral of my dad or

> sister.

> Grandnada, our last conversation was a bad one but I

> really don't

> care what do you expect from a bp? I would not go to

> her funeral and

> I am at peace with what I said to her. I tried to be

> clear this is

> not my fault but she needs a place to lay blame and

> it sure is not

> herself or her daughter! I love her but she is not

> my cup of tea.

> And all the rest I have peace there also. Sometimes

> silence is the

> peace.

>

> I feel much like what Kerrie wrote I don't want to

> get roped into

> their chaos! I am making great strides in my life. I

> know some of my

> last conversations were maybe considered " bad ones "

> by outsiders

> looking in. Like the conversations I had w/ nada and

> grandnada but

> like I said when you talk to a bp what do you

> expect. One thing my

> nada always tried to do to haunt me was tell me how

> I better never

> get mad b/c it might be the last time I see

> somebody. That is bull,

> even if you were mad at somebody when they died I

> like to think that

> years of a steady relationship would cover that! So

> I give myself

> the freedom to feel mad, I am not mad at grandnada

> and nada (for the

> time being) But our last conversation was sour. I

> really could care

> less even if our last conversation was sweet it

> would make no

> difference in the true character in either of us. I

> am at peace

> whether they are or not is up to them.

>

> I hope this did not sound cold hearted I just can't

> let myself be

> hurt anymore. This is the way I know how. Merry

> Christmas. All my

> love Lizzy

>

> > > >

> > > > Why does it seem like as soon as a KO goes NC

> their nada's get

> > > cancer

> > > > or some other major life threatening illness?

> Is it a ploy to

> > pull

> > > us

> > > > back in or is it legit health issues b/c the

> rage eats away at

> > > them

> > > > so badly and they have even more anger when we

> finally

=== message truncated ===

__________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

GREAT for you, LIzzy!!!!

Gre.g

--- lizzyboo81 wrote:

> To all, first off I want to say Kerrie, you really

> speak with grace.

>

> They will do this mine right now has had " several

> major medical

> conditions " especially in the last 6 months.

> Including benign tumors

> in the brain. UGH! Last year I think it was liver

> cancer! This past

> summer " kidney failure " ! Anything to turn my head

> but my head just

> keeps looking forward.

>

> I know we all have so much in common and one thing I

> have made as a

> personal choice is this….If each family member I

> have were to die

> today would I be at peace with the standing

> relationship? Have I

> spoken all that I need to speak? Would I be happy

> with my self about

> going or not going to a funeral? Because they will

> be dead, we will

> be alive, we only need to worry about ourselves

> because we can't

> worry about anybody else we only can change and help

> our selves.

>

> I have decided I am at peace with all relationships

> the way they are

> standing. They are all very different. Nada and I

> are n/c and I have

> not been able to speak my peace, the last words I

> said were " F%#@

> you " but I think she knows I love her;-) What did

> she think I would

> say she was taking me to court for my kids? I did

> see her one time

> for court forced visitation after now that I think

> about it she did

> something and I said " stop mom your scaring my kids "

> but I think

> overall she would not hear me anyways if I did say I

> love you she

> can't hear when I tell her stop or f off why would

> she hear I love

> you? I would like to be at her deathbed or funeral.

> In regards to my

> sister, she sometimes makes me mad b/c I think she

> is on the fence

> but I clearly said I love you and I meant it. I hope

> nothing happens

> to her she is so young but if it did I am at peace

> with what I said.

> With my dad I tell him every time I talk to him I

> love him if we

> ever talk about the family and how my mom should get

> I even say I

> love my mom and my sister I want him to know I don't

> hate my family

> they are just difficult. I am at peace there also. I

> am not sure my

> mom would let me come to the funeral of my dad or

> sister.

> Grandnada, our last conversation was a bad one but I

> really don't

> care what do you expect from a bp? I would not go to

> her funeral and

> I am at peace with what I said to her. I tried to be

> clear this is

> not my fault but she needs a place to lay blame and

> it sure is not

> herself or her daughter! I love her but she is not

> my cup of tea.

> And all the rest I have peace there also. Sometimes

> silence is the

> peace.

>

> I feel much like what Kerrie wrote I don't want to

> get roped into

> their chaos! I am making great strides in my life. I

> know some of my

> last conversations were maybe considered " bad ones "

> by outsiders

> looking in. Like the conversations I had w/ nada and

> grandnada but

> like I said when you talk to a bp what do you

> expect. One thing my

> nada always tried to do to haunt me was tell me how

> I better never

> get mad b/c it might be the last time I see

> somebody. That is bull,

> even if you were mad at somebody when they died I

> like to think that

> years of a steady relationship would cover that! So

> I give myself

> the freedom to feel mad, I am not mad at grandnada

> and nada (for the

> time being) But our last conversation was sour. I

> really could care

> less even if our last conversation was sweet it

> would make no

> difference in the true character in either of us. I

> am at peace

> whether they are or not is up to them.

>

> I hope this did not sound cold hearted I just can't

> let myself be

> hurt anymore. This is the way I know how. Merry

> Christmas. All my

> love Lizzy

>

> > > >

> > > > Why does it seem like as soon as a KO goes NC

> their nada's get

> > > cancer

> > > > or some other major life threatening illness?

> Is it a ploy to

> > pull

> > > us

> > > > back in or is it legit health issues b/c the

> rage eats away at

> > > them

> > > > so badly and they have even more anger when we

> finally

=== message truncated ===

__________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

GREAT for you, LIzzy!!!!

Gre.g

--- lizzyboo81 wrote:

> To all, first off I want to say Kerrie, you really

> speak with grace.

>

> They will do this mine right now has had " several

> major medical

> conditions " especially in the last 6 months.

> Including benign tumors

> in the brain. UGH! Last year I think it was liver

> cancer! This past

> summer " kidney failure " ! Anything to turn my head

> but my head just

> keeps looking forward.

>

> I know we all have so much in common and one thing I

> have made as a

> personal choice is this….If each family member I

> have were to die

> today would I be at peace with the standing

> relationship? Have I

> spoken all that I need to speak? Would I be happy

> with my self about

> going or not going to a funeral? Because they will

> be dead, we will

> be alive, we only need to worry about ourselves

> because we can't

> worry about anybody else we only can change and help

> our selves.

>

> I have decided I am at peace with all relationships

> the way they are

> standing. They are all very different. Nada and I

> are n/c and I have

> not been able to speak my peace, the last words I

> said were " F%#@

> you " but I think she knows I love her;-) What did

> she think I would

> say she was taking me to court for my kids? I did

> see her one time

> for court forced visitation after now that I think

> about it she did

> something and I said " stop mom your scaring my kids "

> but I think

> overall she would not hear me anyways if I did say I

> love you she

> can't hear when I tell her stop or f off why would

> she hear I love

> you? I would like to be at her deathbed or funeral.

> In regards to my

> sister, she sometimes makes me mad b/c I think she

> is on the fence

> but I clearly said I love you and I meant it. I hope

> nothing happens

> to her she is so young but if it did I am at peace

> with what I said.

> With my dad I tell him every time I talk to him I

> love him if we

> ever talk about the family and how my mom should get

> I even say I

> love my mom and my sister I want him to know I don't

> hate my family

> they are just difficult. I am at peace there also. I

> am not sure my

> mom would let me come to the funeral of my dad or

> sister.

> Grandnada, our last conversation was a bad one but I

> really don't

> care what do you expect from a bp? I would not go to

> her funeral and

> I am at peace with what I said to her. I tried to be

> clear this is

> not my fault but she needs a place to lay blame and

> it sure is not

> herself or her daughter! I love her but she is not

> my cup of tea.

> And all the rest I have peace there also. Sometimes

> silence is the

> peace.

>

> I feel much like what Kerrie wrote I don't want to

> get roped into

> their chaos! I am making great strides in my life. I

> know some of my

> last conversations were maybe considered " bad ones "

> by outsiders

> looking in. Like the conversations I had w/ nada and

> grandnada but

> like I said when you talk to a bp what do you

> expect. One thing my

> nada always tried to do to haunt me was tell me how

> I better never

> get mad b/c it might be the last time I see

> somebody. That is bull,

> even if you were mad at somebody when they died I

> like to think that

> years of a steady relationship would cover that! So

> I give myself

> the freedom to feel mad, I am not mad at grandnada

> and nada (for the

> time being) But our last conversation was sour. I

> really could care

> less even if our last conversation was sweet it

> would make no

> difference in the true character in either of us. I

> am at peace

> whether they are or not is up to them.

>

> I hope this did not sound cold hearted I just can't

> let myself be

> hurt anymore. This is the way I know how. Merry

> Christmas. All my

> love Lizzy

>

> > > >

> > > > Why does it seem like as soon as a KO goes NC

> their nada's get

> > > cancer

> > > > or some other major life threatening illness?

> Is it a ploy to

> > pull

> > > us

> > > > back in or is it legit health issues b/c the

> rage eats away at

> > > them

> > > > so badly and they have even more anger when we

> finally

=== message truncated ===

__________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

GREAT for you, LIzzy!!!!

Gre.g

--- lizzyboo81 wrote:

> To all, first off I want to say Kerrie, you really

> speak with grace.

>

> They will do this mine right now has had " several

> major medical

> conditions " especially in the last 6 months.

> Including benign tumors

> in the brain. UGH! Last year I think it was liver

> cancer! This past

> summer " kidney failure " ! Anything to turn my head

> but my head just

> keeps looking forward.

>

> I know we all have so much in common and one thing I

> have made as a

> personal choice is this….If each family member I

> have were to die

> today would I be at peace with the standing

> relationship? Have I

> spoken all that I need to speak? Would I be happy

> with my self about

> going or not going to a funeral? Because they will

> be dead, we will

> be alive, we only need to worry about ourselves

> because we can't

> worry about anybody else we only can change and help

> our selves.

>

> I have decided I am at peace with all relationships

> the way they are

> standing. They are all very different. Nada and I

> are n/c and I have

> not been able to speak my peace, the last words I

> said were " F%#@

> you " but I think she knows I love her;-) What did

> she think I would

> say she was taking me to court for my kids? I did

> see her one time

> for court forced visitation after now that I think

> about it she did

> something and I said " stop mom your scaring my kids "

> but I think

> overall she would not hear me anyways if I did say I

> love you she

> can't hear when I tell her stop or f off why would

> she hear I love

> you? I would like to be at her deathbed or funeral.

> In regards to my

> sister, she sometimes makes me mad b/c I think she

> is on the fence

> but I clearly said I love you and I meant it. I hope

> nothing happens

> to her she is so young but if it did I am at peace

> with what I said.

> With my dad I tell him every time I talk to him I

> love him if we

> ever talk about the family and how my mom should get

> I even say I

> love my mom and my sister I want him to know I don't

> hate my family

> they are just difficult. I am at peace there also. I

> am not sure my

> mom would let me come to the funeral of my dad or

> sister.

> Grandnada, our last conversation was a bad one but I

> really don't

> care what do you expect from a bp? I would not go to

> her funeral and

> I am at peace with what I said to her. I tried to be

> clear this is

> not my fault but she needs a place to lay blame and

> it sure is not

> herself or her daughter! I love her but she is not

> my cup of tea.

> And all the rest I have peace there also. Sometimes

> silence is the

> peace.

>

> I feel much like what Kerrie wrote I don't want to

> get roped into

> their chaos! I am making great strides in my life. I

> know some of my

> last conversations were maybe considered " bad ones "

> by outsiders

> looking in. Like the conversations I had w/ nada and

> grandnada but

> like I said when you talk to a bp what do you

> expect. One thing my

> nada always tried to do to haunt me was tell me how

> I better never

> get mad b/c it might be the last time I see

> somebody. That is bull,

> even if you were mad at somebody when they died I

> like to think that

> years of a steady relationship would cover that! So

> I give myself

> the freedom to feel mad, I am not mad at grandnada

> and nada (for the

> time being) But our last conversation was sour. I

> really could care

> less even if our last conversation was sweet it

> would make no

> difference in the true character in either of us. I

> am at peace

> whether they are or not is up to them.

>

> I hope this did not sound cold hearted I just can't

> let myself be

> hurt anymore. This is the way I know how. Merry

> Christmas. All my

> love Lizzy

>

> > > >

> > > > Why does it seem like as soon as a KO goes NC

> their nada's get

> > > cancer

> > > > or some other major life threatening illness?

> Is it a ploy to

> > pull

> > > us

> > > > back in or is it legit health issues b/c the

> rage eats away at

> > > them

> > > > so badly and they have even more anger when we

> finally

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