Anyone else feel dramatic and embarassed sharing the FOO story?

December 25, 2006

I spent a WONDERFUL Xmas with my family (husband's side) today and

yesterday. A real multigenerational event with 9 people and everyone

helping and enjoying being with one another.

When my sister-in-law brought up whether or not I heard from the FOO,

I just feel really over dramatic and embarassed that the whole NC and

mental illness stuff is going on. Anyone else feel that?

Also, my SIL husband bought my 2.5 year-old son a Imaginarium

115-Piece Sound City Railway Train Table for Christmas from Santa. I

have a feeling he did it because I had told him the story about how I

had donated a the Train trundle table that Nada had sent for my

son for Xmas and his original response was that I shouldn't have done

that because I could have said it had come from Santa. I told him,

that I could have done that, but then I would have felt really bad

every time I saw it and that my son was by no means deprived of toys.

This situation with the FOO just feels so dramatic, tragic, and soap

operaish. I'm embarassed.

a

December 30, 2006

Very embarassed. When I posted for the first time; I had this long

story, then I read it and erased it all. It is hard. I just talked

to a person, whom I think is a good friend and shared my past with

her. I got another call, so I asked her to hold and when I returned

she was gone. I tried calling her back and her answering maching

picked up. Now in my mind I think, I trusted her to tell her this

and I may have scared her off. Here she thought for so long that I

was so together and with it, and now she was hearing different.

This is my biggest problem with having female friends. I am trying

to think in my mind that she probably had errands to run, or

something, but it never fails--friends distance themselves once they

get the whole story. Or when something cracks in the friendship

they throw your past back at you. You would think I would learn to

stop talking about my past with folks. I am glad to have found this

website full of people's stories, so now I can talk openly and not

have to talk to someone else about my issues. What's weird is I am

not looking for sympathy from my friends, but I get excited when I

overcome a hurdle, which is why I was sharing with my friend this

morning. Anyone else have friendship issues?

erbussmom

> >

> > I spent a WONDERFUL Xmas with my family (husband's side) today

and

> > yesterday. A real multigenerational event with 9 people and

> everyone

> > helping and enjoying being with one another.

> >

> > When my sister-in-law brought up whether or not I heard from the

> FOO,

> > I just feel really over dramatic and embarassed that the whole

NC

> and

> > mental illness stuff is going on. Anyone else feel that?

> >

> > Also, my SIL husband bought my 2.5 year-old son a Imaginarium

> > 115-Piece Sound City Railway Train Table for Christmas from

Santa.

> I

> > have a feeling he did it because I had told him the story about

how

> I

> > had donated a the Train trundle table that Nada had sent

for

> my

> > son for Xmas and his original response was that I shouldn't have

> done

> > that because I could have said it had come from Santa. I told

him,

> > that I could have done that, but then I would have felt really

bad

> > every time I saw it and that my son was by no means deprived of

> toys.

> >

> > This situation with the FOO just feels so dramatic, tragic, and

soap

> > operaish. I'm embarassed.

> >

> > a

> >

>

December 30, 2006

Dear , a,

I know what you mean. It's strange, because I feel like part of my healing

process is telling my story and getting validation from people who see that I

exist and that I was abused. But, then, sometimes when I start talking about

it, so much starts tumbling out all at one time, people have a hard time

following my story.

I envy people who grew up in families where they were involved with each

other's day to day life, so that each thing that happened would be discussed in

real time, near to the time that it happened, and family members would express

their care, exitement and concern.

I feel like when I talk with people I have to speak about 30+ years in one

conversation, and it's hard to organize what I say in a clear way. I have also

had a hard time, when people I barely know start a conversation asking " Where

are you from? " because I think for normal people it's a simple answer. For me,

because I have been enmeshed and then isolated, if I open my mouth about myself,

all the decades of MY STORIES that I had to keep locked up inside me come

spilling out. Has anyone else experienced this, and what do you do? I mean, I

need to tell my story, precisely BECAUSE I had to keep it locked up within

myself for so long.

Walking to happiness

__________________________________________________

December 31, 2006

I used to feel dramatic when posting on this site, but not anymore.

I only say things to the people really close to me about my family

and sometimes I think, " Do they think I'm aweful for how I feel? "

I pick and chose what I say and to who I say it to. Though last

night I let it all out about the trip to my friend. Don't know what

she thought about that. She was brought up in a stable family, but

her sister drives her nuts and has a drinking problem, so I think

she can relate a little. she was upset after staying with her sister

in Florida too. She shared that with me and thats okay, we all need

to vent. I sometimes work with a guy who is going through a bad

divorce from what he said I gather she is a Borderline. He doesn't

know what that means and one day when it settles down I will tell

him about BPD. I have shared some stories of my sister Lynn when

he told my his soon to be exwife was crazy. His response was, " I

guess you do know crazy " . My response was, " There are many nuts

hanging from my family tree! "

>

> I spent a WONDERFUL Xmas with my family (husband's side) today and

> yesterday. A real multigenerational event with 9 people and

everyone

> helping and enjoying being with one another.

>

> When my sister-in-law brought up whether or not I heard from the

FOO,

> I just feel really over dramatic and embarassed that the whole NC

and

> mental illness stuff is going on. Anyone else feel that?

>

> Also, my SIL husband bought my 2.5 year-old son a Imaginarium

> 115-Piece Sound City Railway Train Table for Christmas from

Santa. I

> have a feeling he did it because I had told him the story about

how I

> had donated a the Train trundle table that Nada had sent

for my

> son for Xmas and his original response was that I shouldn't have

done

> that because I could have said it had come from Santa. I told him,

> that I could have done that, but then I would have felt really bad

> every time I saw it and that my son was by no means deprived of

toys.

>

> This situation with the FOO just feels so dramatic, tragic, and

soap

> operaish. I'm embarassed.

>

> a

>

December 31, 2006

You know, they have a saying in mental health. It says, " Borderlines

beget borderlines beget borderlines " . As a result, I am careful of

who I share information with regarding my mother because my worst

fear is being like her or being perceived like her. I too feel a

little overly dramatic when I post or when I discuss it sometimes.

And I think the " drama " pushes the " you're like your mother " button.

It does sound dramatic but when I look at the facts, those are the

facts. We're not making them up, although sometimes I get the

distinct impression from people that they think I'm embellishing or

blowing things out of proportion. How can you encapsulate 42 years

of this experience in a meaningful and coherent manner? I am so

happy that I have good relationships with my brother and sister. We

all feel the same way and there is some sort of sanity found in that.

I read these posts and they just help confirm everything for me. I

feel like I could respond to every post. But, I'll shut up for now.

Thanks.

>

> I spent a WONDERFUL Xmas with my family (husband's side) today and

> yesterday. A real multigenerational event with 9 people and

everyone

> helping and enjoying being with one another.

>

> When my sister-in-law brought up whether or not I heard from the

FOO,

> I just feel really over dramatic and embarassed that the whole NC

and

> mental illness stuff is going on. Anyone else feel that?

>

> Also, my SIL husband bought my 2.5 year-old son a Imaginarium

> 115-Piece Sound City Railway Train Table for Christmas from Santa.

I

> have a feeling he did it because I had told him the story about how

I

> had donated a the Train trundle table that Nada had sent for

my

> son for Xmas and his original response was that I shouldn't have

done

> that because I could have said it had come from Santa. I told him,

> that I could have done that, but then I would have felt really bad

> every time I saw it and that my son was by no means deprived of

toys.

>

> This situation with the FOO just feels so dramatic, tragic, and soap

> operaish. I'm embarassed.

>

> a

>

December 31, 2006

Greg,

Thank you. Really it was my typical insecurities I have had forever

because of the lack of trust I had with NADA. My friend called me

back about an hour or so later, and apologized because her daughter

was leaving out of state. This is my problem with having female

friends, is that I am so insecure and scared to engage in a

friendship that involves me trusting them. This is something I am

working on, but have had major difficulty. I am not sure if others

feel this way, but it has been difficult to accept not bonding with

Nada, and because of Fleas.

I am new to this group, and new to the idea of the fact that I have

been dealing with Nada blaming myself for not being able to deal

with her BPD. Reading the entries; I am learning I am not alone,

but it is truly a reality check, and it hurts. I take these

feelings out on other " Females " because of my past. I thought I had

this all figured out until my counselor suggested SWOE. Now I feel

like " WOW " there is a reality to all of this, there are answers, and

the FOG of severing my relationship with NADA. I guess you can say

I am going through the lightbulbeffect.

erbussmom

> > >

> > > I spent a WONDERFUL Xmas with my family (husband's side) today

> and

> > > yesterday. A real multigenerational event with 9 people and

> > everyone

> > > helping and enjoying being with one another.

> > >

> > > When my sister-in-law brought up whether or not I heard from

the

> > FOO,

> > > I just feel really over dramatic and embarassed that the whole

> NC

> > and

> > > mental illness stuff is going on. Anyone else feel that?

> > >

> > > Also, my SIL husband bought my 2.5 year-old son a Imaginarium

> > > 115-Piece Sound City Railway Train Table for Christmas from

> Santa.

> > I

> > > have a feeling he did it because I had told him the story

about

> how

> > I

> > > had donated a the Train trundle table that Nada had

sent

> for

> > my

> > > son for Xmas and his original response was that I shouldn't

have

> > done

> > > that because I could have said it had come from Santa. I told

> him,

> > > that I could have done that, but then I would have felt really

> bad

> > > every time I saw it and that my son was by no means deprived

of

> > toys.

> > >

> > > This situation with the FOO just feels so dramatic, tragic,

and

> soap

> > > operaish. I'm embarassed.

> > >

> > > a

> > >

> >

>

> __________________________________________________

>

December 31, 2006

erbussmom,

I can really relate to this. I've been NC 14 years, and the issues

with the FOO are resolved or at least way at the back of my priority

list. But something I have realized in the last few years is that I

really have a hard time keeping long term friendships, especially with

other women. I know part of it is because we move a lot (7 moves in 15

years), and I was diagnosed with ADHD a little over a year ago, so that

explains all the letters written but not mailed etc., but I think it

runs much deeper than that. I never had a bond with my mother. I was

painted black from birth. So I have a hard time with female

friendships. I can relate so much better to men. My friends were

primarily boys from earliest memory. It's something I'm working on,

and hope more people will chime in. I would love to know how others

have worked on this. Acknowledging a problem is the first step to

solving it......... but what is the next step? I'm still trying to

figure that one out.

Fresabird

> Greg,

>

> Thank you. Really it was my typical insecurities I have had forever

> because of the lack of trust I had with NADA. My friend called me

> back about an hour or so later, and apologized because her daughter

> was leaving out of state. This is my problem with having female

> friends, is that I am so insecure and scared to engage in a

> friendship that involves me trusting them. This is something I am

> working on, but have had major difficulty. I am not sure if others

> feel this way, but it has been difficult to accept not bonding with

> Nada, and because of Fleas.

>

> I am new to this group, and new to the idea of the fact that I have

> been dealing with Nada blaming myself for not being able to deal

> with her BPD. Reading the entries; I am learning I am not alone,

> but it is truly a reality check, and it hurts. I take these

> feelings out on other " Females " because of my past. I thought I had

> this all figured out until my counselor suggested SWOE. Now I feel

> like " WOW " there is a reality to all of this, there are answers, and

> the FOG of severing my relationship with NADA. I guess you can say

> I am going through the lightbulbeffect.

>

> erbussmom

>

> > > >

> > > > I spent a WONDERFUL Xmas with my family (husband's side) today

> > and

> > > > yesterday. A real multigenerational event with 9 people and

> > > everyone

> > > > helping and enjoying being with one another.

> > > >

> > > > When my sister-in-law brought up whether or not I heard from

> the

> > > FOO,

> > > > I just feel really over dramatic and embarassed that the whole

> > NC

> > > and

> > > > mental illness stuff is going on. Anyone else feel that?

> > > >

> > > > Also, my SIL husband bought my 2.5 year-old son a Imaginarium

> > > > 115-Piece Sound City Railway Train Table for Christmas from

> > Santa.

> > > I

> > > > have a feeling he did it because I had told him the story

> about

> > how

> > > I

> > > > had donated a the Train trundle table that Nada had

> sent

> > for

> > > my

> > > > son for Xmas and his original response was that I shouldn't

> have

> > > done

> > > > that because I could have said it had come from Santa. I told

> > him,

> > > > that I could have done that, but then I would have felt really

> > bad

> > > > every time I saw it and that my son was by no means deprived

> of

> > > toys.

> > > >

> > > > This situation with the FOO just feels so dramatic, tragic,

> and

> > soap

> > > > operaish. I'm embarassed.

> > > >

> > > > a

> > > >

> > >

> >

> > __________________________________________________

> >

January 1, 2007

WTH,

I know what you mean about not knowing when to say enough or how much that is.

I did that for about a decade, usually overtelling b/c i so craved VALIDATION.

It was very painful b/c a great many people can't relate to what we've been

through, or what's even worse is telling it to someone who is in denial about

their own abuse. This can have really bad results. This lead me to feel

INVALIDATED and isolated. For me, I learned that when people ask where I'm from

I say, " I'm from Alaska. You? " And they usually say, " I'm from _________.

Alaska. I've always wanted to take a cruise or that must have been different or

is that part of the United States? ;o)

We are really mirroring what our mother or bp father did: tell too much. A NPD

father will spew with style. A BPD mother will manipulate and spew twisted

tales with style.

It's normal for the child in us to want, even need that validation. But that is

where our therapist, this board, very close friends, and most importantly

ourselves comes in.

Happy New Year!

Greg.

Re: Anyone else feel dramatic and embarassed

sharing the FOO story?

Dear , a,

I know what you mean. It's strange, because I feel like part of my healing

process is telling my story and getting validation from people who see that I

exist and that I was abused. But, then, sometimes when I start talking about it,

so much starts tumbling out all at one time, people have a hard time following

my story.

I envy people who grew up in families where they were involved with each other's

day to day life, so that each thing that happened would be discussed in real

time, near to the time that it happened, and family members would express their

care, exitement and concern.