Guest guest Posted December 22, 2006 Report Share Posted December 22, 2006 Neko, I did - and still do - feel the way you do. My feelings caused me to go completely no contact with my nada. I just got to the end of my rope. I could no longer tolerate her childish and abusive behaviors. And I knew that the only way I could be in her presence was to act the way I used to act - to just accept her actions, stuff my feelings, etc. There is absolutely no reasoning with her, and setting boundaries, when everyone else was just acting like her behavior was okay, was something that I didn't think would be successful. I just no longer wanted to put up with it, and at a very deep level, I knew that being in her presence was killing my soul. I hope you know, even if you don't feel it, that you DO NOT owe her Christmas. That is her working FOG on you to manipulate you. I hope you also know that you CAN just not go. These are your decisions to make. Oh, how nice it must be for your foo. It seems they don't need to apologize, or be accountable for their actions. They can just wait until Christmas, and everyone who has been hurt and abused has to ignore their own feelings and needs and pretend that everything is okay. Take care of yourself, Neko. Have the best holiday you can. Sylvia > > Hi all. I'm having a paranoid moment right now. See, in my FOO, > Christmas is supposed to be a time where we all forgive and play nice > family. But I don't like Christmas, and so far this year, I've made > no bones about it. The truth is, I dislike CHristmas at my Grannada's > house, because ever year, she finds some flaw in the whole ordeal and > throws a temper tantrum. I remember one year, my grandfather bought > my grannada this arm chair, the EXACT one she'd picked out in the > store. He was appealing to her sense of theatrics, and letting > everybody else open up their presents before he dramatically brought > hers in so everybody would be paying attention to her. So, the last > present under the tree got opened, and my grannada starts screaming > and crying because she didn't get ANY presents. Needless to day, my > grandfather was crushed, and Christmas was ruined for the rest of us. > But none of that mattered, because she was upset. But that's in the > past. > > This year, since the Christmas specials started airing, my grannada > has taken to asking me how I can be such a cynic, since they've > always made sure I had a good Christmas? So far, I've managed to hold > my toungue, and not tell her all about how good is measured in > quality, not quantity. In past years, I've done my best to play the > completely self involved grandchild and ignore her exploits. But my > cousins are going to be ther this year. She'll be messing up > Christmas for them, not just for me. Assuming she has > another " episode " (90% chance, by my calculations), I'm going to find > it very hard to not open my big, sarcastic mouth and say something. > That, and I really don't want to spend another Christmas like all the > ones gone past. I've done pretty well raising little Neko, and > neither she nor I am at a stage where we can handle that kind of > stress. And I can't just not go. Cuz I " owe " her Christmas, since I > did my own Thanksgiving (more hassle than it's worth). Rock and a > hard place. > > Thanks for reading my vent. I appreciate it. > > Neko Jaimie > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 22, 2006 Report Share Posted December 22, 2006 Neko, Do you remember the term " FOG " and what does the O stand for? OBLIGATION. You even wrote it in your email: " I owe her... " b/c of Thanksgiving. You don't owe her shit, Neko. The true rock and the hard place is are you going to take care of yourself = Little Neko who absolutely is counting on you to stand up for her or she won't trust you for a long, long time, or ignore her needs and go into the lions' den with your eyes OPEN. Life is hard sometimes, but it doesn't have to be miserable. That's a choice. Merry Christmas. Greg. Christmas Fears Hi all. I'm having a paranoid moment right now. See, in my FOO, Christmas is supposed to be a time where we all forgive and play nice family. But I don't like Christmas, and so far this year, I've made no bones about it. The truth is, I dislike CHristmas at my Grannada's house, because ever year, she finds some flaw in the whole ordeal and throws a temper tantrum. I remember one year, my grandfather bought my grannada this arm chair, the EXACT one she'd picked out in the store. He was appealing to her sense of theatrics, and letting everybody else open up their presents before he dramatically brought hers in so everybody would be paying attention to her. So, the last present under the tree got opened, and my grannada starts screaming and crying because she didn't get ANY presents. Needless to day, my grandfather was crushed, and Christmas was ruined for the rest of us. But none of that mattered, because she was upset. But that's in the past. This year, since the Christmas specials started airing, my grannada has taken to asking me how I can be such a cynic, since they've always made sure I had a good Christmas? So far, I've managed to hold my toungue, and not tell her all about how good is measured in quality, not quantity. In past years, I've done my best to play the completely self involved grandchild and ignore her exploits. But my cousins are going to be ther this year. She'll be messing up Christmas for them, not just for me. Assuming she has another " episode " (90% chance, by my calculations) , I'm going to find it very hard to not open my big, sarcastic mouth and say something. That, and I really don't want to spend another Christmas like all the ones gone past. I've done pretty well raising little Neko, and neither she nor I am at a stage where we can handle that kind of stress. And I can't just not go. Cuz I " owe " her Christmas, since I did my own Thanksgiving (more hassle than it's worth). Rock and a hard place. Thanks for reading my vent. I appreciate it. Neko Jaimie __________________________________________________ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 22, 2006 Report Share Posted December 22, 2006 What in the Sam Hill is FOO, FOG, and NADA? smhtrain2 wrote: Neko, I did - and still do - feel the way you do. My feelings caused me to go completely no contact with my nada. I just got to the end of my rope. I could no longer tolerate her childish and abusive behaviors. And I knew that the only way I could be in her presence was to act the way I used to act - to just accept her actions, stuff my feelings, etc. There is absolutely no reasoning with her, and setting boundaries, when everyone else was just acting like her behavior was okay, was something that I didn't think would be successful. I just no longer wanted to put up with it, and at a very deep level, I knew that being in her presence was killing my soul. I hope you know, even if you don't feel it, that you DO NOT owe her Christmas. That is her working FOG on you to manipulate you. I hope you also know that you CAN just not go. These are your decisions to make. Oh, how nice it must be for your foo. It seems they don't need to apologize, or be accountable for their actions. They can just wait until Christmas, and everyone who has been hurt and abused has to ignore their own feelings and needs and pretend that everything is okay. Take care of yourself, Neko. Have the best holiday you can. Sylvia > > Hi all. I'm having a paranoid moment right now. See, in my FOO, > Christmas is supposed to be a time where we all forgive and play nice > family. But I don't like Christmas, and so far this year, I've made > no bones about it. The truth is, I dislike CHristmas at my Grannada's > house, because ever year, she finds some flaw in the whole ordeal and > throws a temper tantrum. I remember one year, my grandfather bought > my grannada this arm chair, the EXACT one she'd picked out in the > store. He was appealing to her sense of theatrics, and letting > everybody else open up their presents before he dramatically brought > hers in so everybody would be paying attention to her. So, the last > present under the tree got opened, and my grannada starts screaming > and crying because she didn't get ANY presents. Needless to day, my > grandfather was crushed, and Christmas was ruined for the rest of us. > But none of that mattered, because she was upset. But that's in the > past. > > This year, since the Christmas specials started airing, my grannada > has taken to asking me how I can be such a cynic, since they've > always made sure I had a good Christmas? So far, I've managed to hold > my toungue, and not tell her all about how good is measured in > quality, not quantity. In past years, I've done my best to play the > completely self involved grandchild and ignore her exploits. But my > cousins are going to be ther this year. She'll be messing up > Christmas for them, not just for me. Assuming she has > another " episode " (90% chance, by my calculations), I'm going to find > it very hard to not open my big, sarcastic mouth and say something. > That, and I really don't want to spend another Christmas like all the > ones gone past. I've done pretty well raising little Neko, and > neither she nor I am at a stage where we can handle that kind of > stress. And I can't just not go. Cuz I " owe " her Christmas, since I > did my own Thanksgiving (more hassle than it's worth). Rock and a > hard place. > > Thanks for reading my vent. I appreciate it. > > Neko Jaimie > __________________________________________________ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 22, 2006 Report Share Posted December 22, 2006 In the board menu (at the upper left of the page, where it says Home, Messages, Files, Photos), look under Files>WTOAdultChildren1 List Abbreviations. All the abbreviations are there. > > > > Hi all. I'm having a paranoid moment right now. See, in my FOO, > > Christmas is supposed to be a time where we all forgive and play > nice > > family. But I don't like Christmas, and so far this year, I've > made > > no bones about it. The truth is, I dislike CHristmas at my > Grannada's > > house, because ever year, she finds some flaw in the whole ordeal > and > > throws a temper tantrum. I remember one year, my grandfather > bought > > my grannada this arm chair, the EXACT one she'd picked out in the > > store. He was appealing to her sense of theatrics, and letting > > everybody else open up their presents before he dramatically > brought > > hers in so everybody would be paying attention to her. So, the > last > > present under the tree got opened, and my grannada starts > screaming > > and crying because she didn't get ANY presents. Needless to day, > my > > grandfather was crushed, and Christmas was ruined for the rest of > us. > > But none of that mattered, because she was upset. But that's in > the > > past. > > > > This year, since the Christmas specials started airing, my > grannada > > has taken to asking me how I can be such a cynic, since they've > > always made sure I had a good Christmas? So far, I've managed to > hold > > my toungue, and not tell her all about how good is measured in > > quality, not quantity. In past years, I've done my best to play > the > > completely self involved grandchild and ignore her exploits. But > my > > cousins are going to be ther this year. She'll be messing up > > Christmas for them, not just for me. Assuming she has > > another " episode " (90% chance, by my calculations), I'm going to > find > > it very hard to not open my big, sarcastic mouth and say > something. > > That, and I really don't want to spend another Christmas like all > the > > ones gone past. I've done pretty well raising little Neko, and > > neither she nor I am at a stage where we can handle that kind of > > stress. And I can't just not go. Cuz I " owe " her Christmas, since > I > > did my own Thanksgiving (more hassle than it's worth). Rock and a > > hard place. > > > > Thanks for reading my vent. I appreciate it. > > > > Neko Jaimie > > > > > > > > __________________________________________________ > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 22, 2006 Report Share Posted December 22, 2006 Here is a list of abbreviations: Dh is Dear/Devoted Husband DS is Dear Son DD is Dear Daughter ETC is my Cadillac Eldorado Touring Coupe Sports Edition ;o) Section 8 of the WTO Guidelines: ABBREVIATIONS Over the years the WTO groups have accumulated a list of abbreviations and their own vernacular. Words commonly used include the following. These are from the Guidelines which are posted to all the WelcomeToOz lists at the beginning of each month. BP: person in your life who has BPD or whom YOU THINK has BPD traits. BPD: Borderline Personality Disorder. BPSO: BP Significant Other. XBPSO=Ex BPSO (this has many variations). DBT: Dialectic Behavioral Therapy, a cognitive-behavioral therapy that has been successful in the treatment of BPD. Also see 'Therapies' at www.BPDCentral.com website. DEAR: Communication technique used to set limits and ask for things. See at www.BPDCentral.com (press 'Library'). Defense Mechanisms: projection, denial, splitting, and rationalization. Distortion campaign: a deliberate attempt by someone to smear your name because they have split you as all bad. They feel justified and may tell lies or truly believe their distortions. May or may not involve the law. DSM-IV: Diagnostic and Statistical Manual, edition 4, published by the American Psychiatric Association. Used for diagnostic and insurance purposes. Fada: Used by some of the NonBP adult children of BPDs on the Oasis lists to refer to their BP father who was not-a-father in the true sense of the word. Fleas: Unhealthy behavioral reactions learned while living with a BP. FOG: Fear, Obligation and Guilt, which make you susceptible to emotional blackmail. FOO: Family Of Origin (includes one's original mother, father, and other children). HF: High functioning. Hoovered: after the vacuum cleaner, to be sucked back into the relationship for another ride on the BPD rollercoaster. Intermittent reinforcement: when good outcomes happen on an unpredictable schedule, thereby reinforcing (ie, rewarding) behavior. Examples: when the BP sometimes acts 'normal', when you sometimes don't observe limits (this is rewarding to the BP). KO: Kid Of [a BP]. L & L: The booklet titled " Love and Loathing " . Lasagna therapy: A type of therapy whereby lasagna is dumped over the head of a BP who constantly criticizes the way one eats--so much so one won't eat with the family anymore. Salad dumping in the lap is an adjunct part of this therapy. Currently under double-blind test trials at several prestigious universities. <wink> LF: Low functioning. Light Bulb Effect: the realization that you're not crazy and BPD may explain the other person's behavior. LOL: Laughing Out Loud. Mirroring: Not absorbing the BP's projections and reflecting them back to the BP. Nada: Used by some of the NonBP adult offspring of BPDs on the 'Oasis' lists to refer to their BP mother who was not-a-mother in the true sense of the word. NPD: Narcissistic Personality Disorder. NonBP: Person who is affected by someone else's BPD -- eg, you and your family. OCD: Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. Oz: the " Twilight Zone " feeling of not knowing what is real because of the BP's distortions. PAS: Parental Alienation Syndrome: When a parent deliberately and repeatedly makes the other parent the " bad guy " and the child believes the accusations (such as " Daddy doesn't love you. " ) A form of child abuse. Projection: When a person denies certain feelings by attributing them to someone else. PUVAS and DEAR: Communication techniques you can download at the www.BPDCentral.com library. DEAR is about setting personal limits and PUVAS is about ONE of the communication techniques you can use to communicate with BPs. Other techniques in SWOE are defusing and walking away. Rationalization: Good-sounding reasons but not necessarily truthful. ROFL: Rolling on the floor laughing. SO: Significant Other. Splitting: Black and white thinking, practiced by both Nons and BPs. Sponging: Absorbing the BP's projections and bad feelings. (See " mirroring " ) STB-ex: Soon-to-be ex [husband, wife, or SO] SWOE: The book " Stop Walking on Eggshells. " SWOEW: The workbook to SWOE. Trigger: not a horse, but something that takes a person back to an earlier trauma. They respond to the current situation and also relive the past one. For example, a BP's criticism about your clothes triggers you because your father did the same thing. UBM: Book titled " Understanding The Borderline Mother " by Ann Lawson. Re: Re: Christmas Fears What in the Sam Hill is FOO, FOG, and NADA? smhtrain2 <smhtrain2yahoo (DOT) com> wrote: Neko, I did - and still do - feel the way you do. My feelings caused me to go completely no contact with my nada. I just got to the end of my rope. I could no longer tolerate her childish and abusive behaviors. And I knew that the only way I could be in her presence was to act the way I used to act - to just accept her actions, stuff my feelings, etc. There is absolutely no reasoning with her, and setting boundaries, when everyone else was just acting like her behavior was okay, was something that I didn't think would be successful. I just no longer wanted to put up with it, and at a very deep level, I knew that being in her presence was killing my soul. I hope you know, even if you don't feel it, that you DO NOT owe her Christmas. That is her working FOG on you to manipulate you. I hope you also know that you CAN just not go. These are your decisions to make. Oh, how nice it must be for your foo. It seems they don't need to apologize, or be accountable for their actions. They can just wait until Christmas, and everyone who has been hurt and abused has to ignore their own feelings and needs and pretend that everything is okay. Take care of yourself, Neko. Have the best holiday you can. Sylvia > > Hi all. I'm having a paranoid moment right now. See, in my FOO, > Christmas is supposed to be a time where we all forgive and play nice > family. But I don't like Christmas, and so far this year, I've made > no bones about it. The truth is, I dislike CHristmas at my Grannada's > house, because ever year, she finds some flaw in the whole ordeal and > throws a temper tantrum. I remember one year, my grandfather bought > my grannada this arm chair, the EXACT one she'd picked out in the > store. He was appealing to her sense of theatrics, and letting > everybody else open up their presents before he dramatically brought > hers in so everybody would be paying attention to her. So, the last > present under the tree got opened, and my grannada starts screaming > and crying because she didn't get ANY presents. Needless to day, my > grandfather was crushed, and Christmas was ruined for the rest of us. > But none of that mattered, because she was upset. But that's in the > past. > > This year, since the Christmas specials started airing, my grannada > has taken to asking me how I can be such a cynic, since they've > always made sure I had a good Christmas? So far, I've managed to hold > my toungue, and not tell her all about how good is measured in > quality, not quantity. In past years, I've done my best to play the > completely self involved grandchild and ignore her exploits. But my > cousins are going to be ther this year. She'll be messing up > Christmas for them, not just for me. Assuming she has > another " episode " (90% chance, by my calculations) , I'm going to find > it very hard to not open my big, sarcastic mouth and say something. > That, and I really don't want to spend another Christmas like all the > ones gone past. I've done pretty well raising little Neko, and > neither she nor I am at a stage where we can handle that kind of > stress. And I can't just not go. Cuz I " owe " her Christmas, since I > did my own Thanksgiving (more hassle than it's worth). Rock and a > hard place. > > Thanks for reading my vent. I appreciate it. > > Neko Jaimie > ____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ __ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 22, 2006 Report Share Posted December 22, 2006 Oh heavens, this is like learning a whole new language. Think I'll just stick to regular English. G wrote: Here is a list of abbreviations: Dh is Dear/Devoted Husband DS is Dear Son DD is Dear Daughter ETC is my Cadillac Eldorado Touring Coupe Sports Edition ;o) Section 8 of the WTO Guidelines: ABBREVIATIONS Over the years the WTO groups have accumulated a list of abbreviations and their own vernacular. Words commonly used include the following. These are from the Guidelines which are posted to all the WelcomeToOz lists at the beginning of each month. BP: person in your life who has BPD or whom YOU THINK has BPD traits. BPD: Borderline Personality Disorder. BPSO: BP Significant Other. XBPSO=Ex BPSO (this has many variations). DBT: Dialectic Behavioral Therapy, a cognitive-behavioral therapy that has been successful in the treatment of BPD. Also see 'Therapies' at www.BPDCentral.com website. DEAR: Communication technique used to set limits and ask for things. See at www.BPDCentral.com (press 'Library'). Defense Mechanisms: projection, denial, splitting, and rationalization. Distortion campaign: a deliberate attempt by someone to smear your name because they have split you as all bad. They feel justified and may tell lies or truly believe their distortions. May or may not involve the law. DSM-IV: Diagnostic and Statistical Manual, edition 4, published by the American Psychiatric Association. Used for diagnostic and insurance purposes. Fada: Used by some of the NonBP adult children of BPDs on the Oasis lists to refer to their BP father who was not-a-father in the true sense of the word. Fleas: Unhealthy behavioral reactions learned while living with a BP. FOG: Fear, Obligation and Guilt, which make you susceptible to emotional blackmail. FOO: Family Of Origin (includes one's original mother, father, and other children). HF: High functioning. Hoovered: after the vacuum cleaner, to be sucked back into the relationship for another ride on the BPD rollercoaster. Intermittent reinforcement: when good outcomes happen on an unpredictable schedule, thereby reinforcing (ie, rewarding) behavior. Examples: when the BP sometimes acts 'normal', when you sometimes don't observe limits (this is rewarding to the BP). KO: Kid Of [a BP]. L & L: The booklet titled " Love and Loathing " . Lasagna therapy: A type of therapy whereby lasagna is dumped over the head of a BP who constantly criticizes the way one eats--so much so one won't eat with the family anymore. Salad dumping in the lap is an adjunct part of this therapy. Currently under double-blind test trials at several prestigious universities. LF: Low functioning. Light Bulb Effect: the realization that you're not crazy and BPD may explain the other person's behavior. LOL: Laughing Out Loud. Mirroring: Not absorbing the BP's projections and reflecting them back to the BP. Nada: Used by some of the NonBP adult offspring of BPDs on the 'Oasis' lists to refer to their BP mother who was not-a-mother in the true sense of the word. NPD: Narcissistic Personality Disorder. NonBP: Person who is affected by someone else's BPD -- eg, you and your family. OCD: Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. Oz: the " Twilight Zone " feeling of not knowing what is real because of the BP's distortions. PAS: Parental Alienation Syndrome: When a parent deliberately and repeatedly makes the other parent the " bad guy " and the child believes the accusations (such as " Daddy doesn't love you. " ) A form of child abuse. Projection: When a person denies certain feelings by attributing them to someone else. PUVAS and DEAR: Communication techniques you can download at the www.BPDCentral.com library. DEAR is about setting personal limits and PUVAS is about ONE of the communication techniques you can use to communicate with BPs. Other techniques in SWOE are defusing and walking away. Rationalization: Good-sounding reasons but not necessarily truthful. ROFL: Rolling on the floor laughing. SO: Significant Other. Splitting: Black and white thinking, practiced by both Nons and BPs. Sponging: Absorbing the BP's projections and bad feelings. (See " mirroring " ) STB-ex: Soon-to-be ex [husband, wife, or SO] SWOE: The book " Stop Walking on Eggshells. " SWOEW: The workbook to SWOE. Trigger: not a horse, but something that takes a person back to an earlier trauma. They respond to the current situation and also relive the past one. For example, a BP's criticism about your clothes triggers you because your father did the same thing. UBM: Book titled " Understanding The Borderline Mother " by Ann Lawson. Re: Re: Christmas Fears What in the Sam Hill is FOO, FOG, and NADA? smhtrain2 wrote: Neko, I did - and still do - feel the way you do. My feelings caused me to go completely no contact with my nada. I just got to the end of my rope. I could no longer tolerate her childish and abusive behaviors. And I knew that the only way I could be in her presence was to act the way I used to act - to just accept her actions, stuff my feelings, etc. There is absolutely no reasoning with her, and setting boundaries, when everyone else was just acting like her behavior was okay, was something that I didn't think would be successful. I just no longer wanted to put up with it, and at a very deep level, I knew that being in her presence was killing my soul. I hope you know, even if you don't feel it, that you DO NOT owe her Christmas. That is her working FOG on you to manipulate you. I hope you also know that you CAN just not go. These are your decisions to make. Oh, how nice it must be for your foo. It seems they don't need to apologize, or be accountable for their actions. They can just wait until Christmas, and everyone who has been hurt and abused has to ignore their own feelings and needs and pretend that everything is okay. Take care of yourself, Neko. Have the best holiday you can. Sylvia > > Hi all. I'm having a paranoid moment right now. See, in my FOO, > Christmas is supposed to be a time where we all forgive and play nice > family. But I don't like Christmas, and so far this year, I've made > no bones about it. The truth is, I dislike CHristmas at my Grannada's > house, because ever year, she finds some flaw in the whole ordeal and > throws a temper tantrum. I remember one year, my grandfather bought > my grannada this arm chair, the EXACT one she'd picked out in the > store. He was appealing to her sense of theatrics, and letting > everybody else open up their presents before he dramatically brought > hers in so everybody would be paying attention to her. So, the last > present under the tree got opened, and my grannada starts screaming > and crying because she didn't get ANY presents. Needless to day, my > grandfather was crushed, and Christmas was ruined for the rest of us. > But none of that mattered, because she was upset. But that's in the > past. > > This year, since the Christmas specials started airing, my grannada > has taken to asking me how I can be such a cynic, since they've > always made sure I had a good Christmas? So far, I've managed to hold > my toungue, and not tell her all about how good is measured in > quality, not quantity. In past years, I've done my best to play the > completely self involved grandchild and ignore her exploits. But my > cousins are going to be ther this year. She'll be messing up > Christmas for them, not just for me. Assuming she has > another " episode " (90% chance, by my calculations) , I'm going to find > it very hard to not open my big, sarcastic mouth and say something. > That, and I really don't want to spend another Christmas like all the > ones gone past. I've done pretty well raising little Neko, and > neither she nor I am at a stage where we can handle that kind of > stress. And I can't just not go. Cuz I " owe " her Christmas, since I > did my own Thanksgiving (more hassle than it's worth). Rock and a > hard place. > > Thanks for reading my vent. I appreciate it. > > Neko Jaimie > ____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ __ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 23, 2006 Report Share Posted December 23, 2006 Hi d yui, When you joined this group, you received an email that included a listing of the terms and abbreviations that we use. If you no longer have it, you can go to the home page at http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/WTOAdultChildren1/, and in the table of contents on the left, click on " files " . You will find the document there. Check it out - I particularly like 'lasagna' therapy for the upcoming 'family' holiday gatherings. FOO = Family of Origin FOG = Fear Obligation Guilt (a technique used to manipulate someone) nada = our term for our BPD mother, meaning 'not a mother', because she could not/would not/did not love, care for, and nurture us as a mother should do. Sylvia > > What in the Sam Hill is FOO, FOG, and NADA? > >.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 25, 2006 Report Share Posted December 25, 2006 These terms will be more familar to you after awhile. Some are common to internet communications (DH, LOL), others are common mental health abbreviations (BPD, NPD, OCD). They are helpful in communication within the group. But if you don't want to use them, you certainly don't have to. Sylvia > > > > Hi all. I'm having a paranoid moment right now. See, in my FOO, > > Christmas is supposed to be a time where we all forgive and play > nice > > family. But I don't like Christmas, and so far this year, I've > made > > no bones about it. The truth is, I dislike CHristmas at my > Grannada's > > house, because ever year, she finds some flaw in the whole ordeal > and > > throws a temper tantrum. I remember one year, my grandfather > bought > > my grannada this arm chair, the EXACT one she'd picked out in the > > store. He was appealing to her sense of theatrics, and letting > > everybody else open up their presents before he dramatically > brought > > hers in so everybody would be paying attention to her. So, the > last > > present under the tree got opened, and my grannada starts > screaming > > and crying because she didn't get ANY presents. Needless to day, > my > > grandfather was crushed, and Christmas was ruined for the rest of > us. > > But none of that mattered, because she was upset. But that's in > the > > past. > > > > This year, since the Christmas specials started airing, my > grannada > > has taken to asking me how I can be such a cynic, since they've > > always made sure I had a good Christmas? So far, I've managed to > hold > > my toungue, and not tell her all about how good is measured in > > quality, not quantity. In past years, I've done my best to play > the > > completely self involved grandchild and ignore her exploits. But > my > > cousins are going to be ther this year. She'll be messing up > > Christmas for them, not just for me. Assuming she has > > another " episode " (90% chance, by my calculations) , I'm going to > find > > it very hard to not open my big, sarcastic mouth and say > something. > > That, and I really don't want to spend another Christmas like all > the > > ones gone past. I've done pretty well raising little Neko, and > > neither she nor I am at a stage where we can handle that kind of > > stress. And I can't just not go. Cuz I " owe " her Christmas, since > I > > did my own Thanksgiving (more hassle than it's worth). Rock and a > > hard place. > > > > Thanks for reading my vent. I appreciate it. > > > > Neko Jaimie > > > > ____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ __ > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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