Guest guest Posted November 30, 2003 Report Share Posted November 30, 2003 > My body language is always stiff during job interview, but I do make eye > contact. Stiff isn't horrible - it just looks like you are nervous. Most people who get interviewed will be nervous. > I'm currently *vastly* underemployed, working third-shift at a gas station. > I try to consciously mirror the other person's posture and tonality during a > job interview. Don't mirror it completely - you want the person interviewing you to be using dominant posture while you use *SLIGHTLY* submissive posture. At least that's what a friend told me, I could never quite figure it out. Try to get the person interviewing you to talk. Ask him about something that you think she'll want to talk about. And then lean forward a bit and act like a good listener. If an interviewer does most of the talking, they'll generally think the interview went well. Don't cross your arms. It looks confrontational. > Do you think Asperger Syndrome is something one should mention up-front? I > ask because my background is in customer service. One of the questions is > " how do you handle stress " or " how do you handle problem callers. " My > answer is that, as an autistic, I *really don't care* about their problems, > but I enjoy fixing them because my emotional investment isn't in *making > other people like me,* so much as it is *making sure the system runs > smoothly.* When I hear a complaint, I know it's not about me, and I don't > personally identify myself with any employer. But, I do hear that the > system has either failed to work properly, or failed to work to the caller's > satisfaction. These are things I am naturally concerned about, and will > make every effort to rectify. Saying you have something wrong with you (which is how they'll hear it) won't help you get the job. You shouldn't generally volunteer information about anything that would be a fault in an employer's eyes. You won't have time to explain AS fully during an interview, either, so they'll leave with only a partial understanding - which probably won't be helpful. I might answer " How do you handle problem callers " by saying something like: Even if someone is very upset when they call, they still have a problem that they need to get solved. It's my job to try to listen to them well enough to figure out what their problem is, regardless of how they may be communicating it. I then respond professionally and calmly - I don't escalate the emotional situation. My job is to solve their problem. See, you've turned something that they might have seen as a downside (not connecting with the caller's emotions) into something positive and good. Obviously, you might need to change some of that if it doesn't apply - you don't want to lie, either. > However, I don't want to give the impression that I'm not able to do the > job, simply because I say " autistic. " (It struck me that " Aspergers > Syndrome " is a lot better than " Autism, " to use as a label. Yes, I know I > don't have Aspergers. I have something close to Hyperlexia - but it's all > on the same spectrum). They might also think, especially in a small company (in the US, anyhow), " Great, this person is going to cost us a fortune on medical insurance. " They aren't legally allowed to do that, but it doesn't mean it won't happen. If you say you have a medical or neurological condition, they'll remember that when you leave. They probably don't want to hire a medical condition - they want to hire someone who is good at their job. So you need to say you are good at the job, not that you have a medical condition. After you are hired it is okay to tell them if you want, especially if you need accommodations (although I've often got accommodations simply by going to a boss and saying, " I could use <whatever>. I think it will make me more productive because <talk about exactly what it will do, not autism in general>. " For instance, I've done this with working at home - I don't use autism to justify that. I use the fact that I won't be interrupted and that is really important when writing software, as it means I'll write more software in less time. Think about " what is in it for them " when asking for accommodation and focus on that. That way they don't see it as an expense, but instead as a way of making more money over the long run. -- Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 30, 2003 Report Share Posted November 30, 2003 > I got kind of an eerie, Twilight Zone-ish " deja vu " feeling following > this > thread, because my mother used to criticize my conversational style > (if you can call it that) using the exact words used here: " You > don't talk TO people, you talk AT them. " I'm sure at the time she > thought it was merely conceit--I hope now she realizes I know no > other way of conversing. My ex said (or more like yelled at the top of his lungs) something similar to me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 30, 2003 Report Share Posted November 30, 2003 Gail wrote: >...One thing that confuses >people about me is how I present as shy or timid and then I say or do >something they consider very bold, which surprises the heck out of them. That happens to me, too. Because I'm quiet and do not " engage " with people (don't do the body language or the small talk or the social smiling), people thing I'm " shy. " Then, when there is something of interest to me going on, I say what I think and people are amazed. Jane Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 30, 2003 Report Share Posted November 30, 2003 Kaiden wrote: >Do you think Asperger Syndrome is something one should mention up-front?[snip] >However, I don't want to give the impression that I'm not able to do the >job, simply because I say " autistic. " (It struck me that " Aspergers >Syndrome " is a lot better than " Autism, " to use as a label. Not according to Meyer, an aspie who perseverated on AS employment problems for years and then wrote his Asperger Syndrome Employment Workbook. He recommends that people seeking employment think very carefully before they bring up AS/autism in job interviews, and that if they decide they want to do it despite the risks, they plan with extreme care *how* to do it. He has some helpful discussion of the " how to do it " part in his book. He points out that " Autism is not something that most people understand. High functioning autism, or AS, is something that fewer people understand. " Expecting a potential employer, who doesnt care about the applicants and may be interiewing a lot of people, to devote time and energy to understanding AS is....asking a lot. Anyone who is serious about improving his/her employment status probably would benefit from 's book. I'm too impatient to follow the instructions about the workbook part of it (a self-history, inventory of skills, etc.), but I'm sure it is helpful for those who are able to perseverate on it sufficiently. Here is another (not specifically job-related) snippet from 's book: " Asperger Syndrome is not a mental illness. It is a neurobiological condition characterized by differences in cognitive processing with attendant behavioral outcomes. " Substitute " Autism " for " Asperger Syndrome, " if you prefer. For a contrasting view, on why we SHOULD all " come out autistic " at work, see Terry 's presentation at htttp://home.earthlink.net/~mellowtigger/SquarePegs.html Jane Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 30, 2003 Report Share Posted November 30, 2003 very good summary. to this i would add, a person who has really researched the job stands out. i did that recently, and based on my research prepared a number of questions for the interview panel. during the course of the interview, it became apparent, which were the best questions to ask, so i had 3 very penetrating questions that tested the panel. they liked this btw. also, during the interview, I was able to refer to information about the position that was not widely available. This was noticeably impressive, and in the summing up of the interview, the convenor mentioned my extensive preparation. I have been told that i blew all other applicants away on preparation and attention to detail, even having a handout for the interviewers. Message: 17 Date: Sun, 30 Nov 2003 07:39:24 -0700 (MST) Subject: Re: Please talk at me > Guess it has to do with the body language & looking @ others in the face > when communicating-like in job interviews. Don't look off/fidget > because you'd be mistaken for not paying attention/daydreaming. Anyone > else have such difficulty with attaining a decent job/employment on > account of this?? IMHO, I'd LOVE to call up the former places I've > applied at. Former bosses? See Jane's post. When I applied to my current job, I broke the rule I usually followed prior to that - I didn't try to act like as much of a NT as I usually do at job interviews. One part of that meant I decided to not look ANYONE in the eyes (even for just a second!) during the entire interview. My logic was that if I get the job by pretending to be someone I'm not, they are going to expect me to be able to continue that act - which I can't do. Fortunately the guy interviewing me didn't mind that (he later said that he hired me because it was obvious that I would have a different viewpoint on things and they really needed someone with a different viewpoint). But this is only one of two jobs I got by walking in off the street (and I still had a good recommendation from someone that was very respected here). The other one I thought I acted NT, but I was later told, " You were the first person we hired that didn't know someone else here already. But we were willing to do that because it was obvious that you were extremely weird and would fit in fine. " So I think it can be good in some things (both jobs were computer jobs, one was a dot-com - now out of business - and the other is a government agency surprisingly enough). But I have applied to PLENTY of jobs in my life. And I've got plenty of interviews (my resume gets me into a lot of interviews). But once they see me, they have to come up with some reason not to hire me ( " soft skills " , " we think you would be happier somewhere else " [with me thinking, " where? The unemployment line? " ], etc). So I know what you are talking about. It was much worse for me when I was just starting out in my career and also in High School when I was trying to get jobs like dishwasher. Now that I'm further along in my career, it is much easier to find work. All I can suggest is to keep trying. As for calling up places you interviewed at, that is fine. If you don't know if they've hired someone or not, ask, " Have you filled the position? " You can also ask " When will I know if I've been selected? " If they tell you that you aren't hired, you can say, " I would like to find out what I could do to improve my chances in the future. " Don't ask why you didn't get the job - that seems to make people nervous that you are going to sue or something. Simply ask how you can do better. You can ask questions about whether the job is filled by calling the receptionist at the company. But you should talk to the person who interviewed you (whichever one was most senior if more then one was there) to find out what you could improve. So make sure you get his/her name when you are being interviewed (I write it down if I don't get a business card - that isn't considered inappropriate at an interview, and having a pen/pencil and tablet of paper looks professional). If you have access to a college's career department, they can help you with mock interviews, how to dress, how to answer the " common " questions, etc. Some state employment agencies also offer this, although state employment agencies seem nearly useless to me ( " Oh, let's see...You have 7 years experience in software development. We have a position here for a forklift operator. Do you have a driver's license? " ). One thing I've noticed that really has helped me is to be a bit of a pest. If I apply from a job that I really want, and I don't hear back for a week or two, I send another letter, this time directly to the person making the hiring decision if I can find their name. I might send it FedEx if I really want to get their attention (note that I wouldn't do this unless I *REALLY* wanted the job and felt I was qualified). It's okay to say you WANT the job - most people don't say that, and it scares people who interview you because they don't want someone who will just leave in a few weeks. Just don't say it much - once or twice is plenty. Then, after the interview is over, right when you get home or at latest the next day, send a thank you letter. It's okay to send it via email if you got their email address. Don't send it to HR - send it to the person who interviewed you. Thank them for their time, say that you are looking forward to hearing from them, and that you hope that you are selected for the position. This is a GREAT place to fix anything you screwed up in the interview, too. If you know you answered something in a way which didn't reflect your true abilities, you can elaborate on the question in the note. You might also thank them for the tour of their operations if they gave you one, or the chance to meet your potential boss, or whatever. Let them know that you liked what you saw ( " I am very excited to see the use of Linux by the development teams! I've always enjoyed working with new technologies. " ) Very few applicants send thank-you letters, so it makes you stand out. That's what you want when you are applying for a job, although you typically want to stand out in a good way (which this will do). It makes them think that you have better soft skills (at least one candidate knew how to say " thank you " ...), and it reminds them that you exist a few hours later - they might have decided that you weren't the right fit, but now they have your name in front of them again and have to make that decision again. They might make a different one. I think the thank-you letter has helped me significantly. It's well worth the time. I think a big thing is to not get discouraged. I remember seeing a statistic somewhere that said the average white collar job applicant will submit resumes to 100 employers before being hired. And the other thing to remember is that they might be just as scared as you are - they are terrified that they are going to hire the wrong person, so anything you can do to show them that they don't need to be scared of you will help. -- __________________________________________________________________ McAfee VirusScan Online from the Netscape Network. Comprehensive protection for your entire computer. Get your free trial today! http://channels.netscape.com/ns/computing/mcafee/index.jsp?promo=393397 Get AOL Instant Messenger 5.1 free of charge. Download Now! http://aim.aol.com/aimnew/Aim/register.adp?promo=380455 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 30, 2003 Report Share Posted November 30, 2003 Hi, Had someone asked me " Would you tell? " as recently as three months ago, I probably would have said " yes. " But I've found lately that when I do, even those individuals who have some understanding of autism usually try to dismiss it. I might have mentioned this already, but I spoke with an online friend of mine on the phone about this, and she apparently feels, as most NT's seem to, that people on the " milder " end of the autism spectrum are so close to NT (compared to the so-called " low-functioning " autistics) that they can hardly be considered autistic at all. She's judging me on how I am now, the " broken in " version, if you will. She didn't know me as a child, when the autistic behaviors were far more obvious. Nor has she ever spent any time with me " live and in person. " I've noticed the ones who are least likely to believe me are those who don't spend more than a few minutes at a time around me. > Not according to Meyer, an aspie who perseverated on > AS employment problems for years and then wrote his Asperger > Syndrome Employment Workbook. He recommends that people seeking > employment think very carefully before they bring up AS/autism > in job interviews, and that if they decide they want to do it > despite the risks, they plan with extreme care *how* to do it. > He has some helpful discussion of the " how to do it " part in > his book. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 30, 2003 Report Share Posted November 30, 2003 It does make sense very well I do get your drift. I have had similar experiences while in my growing up years myself. It always pissed me to no end how I'd be " delegated " (for use fo a " nicer word') to the outfield, or somehow in the background. Kind of an " outta sight, outta mind " mentality, don't you agree? http://community.webtv.net/tikigalharkins/LETSTALKASPERGERS Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 30, 2003 Report Share Posted November 30, 2003 Like you with such news cases, I too, wonder if those people had ANY REMORSE OR A CONSCIENCE. Very sad state indeed. ;' > ( http://community.webtv.net/tikigalharkins/LETSTALKASPERGERS Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 30, 2003 Report Share Posted November 30, 2003 Years ago, I did customer svc./operator work. I took catalog orders & scheuled service appointments for Sears. I thououghly enjoyed taking catalog orders once you learned the ropes. The customers were more upbeat & friendly in attitude than in comparison to scheduling service calls. I also did subcontract local/long distance operator work for MCI which wasn't bad but it was so like a scene out of the movie " Office Space. " It paid $ 8.00 hrly. The policies however were another story. We tried to vote to unionize & lost. I felt like many of the people were intimidated/bullied by MCI & Nationwide Credit. Regardless, I hate being in a nonunion state. I just have felt like labor unions are more accommodating to those facing challenges. Am I right or wrong here?? This environment seemed all too commonplace within my prior places of employment. Jobs were OK. Their policies stank & they worshipped the gods of nonunion, downsizing & whatever else was brewing in their heads to do to us. In other words, if I do that again, it'd have to be on my terms only. http://community.webtv.net/tikigalharkins/LETSTALKASPERGERS Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 30, 2003 Report Share Posted November 30, 2003 Good grief, I always spend 30 seconds wondering how to start. Starting with 'Hi' seems false, starting with 'Hello' seems false. It's all too perplexing. Good grief, I did enquire as to what 'talking at' someone meant. I still don't understand if my question has been answered, only how to conduct myself at a job interview. I never want to work for anyone else but myself as I have a bad habit of not keeping on track and therefore I waste a lot of time and then they ask 'how long do you think that this next project will take?' I can't take it, maybe it's EF. Good grief, why do these threads always digress without warning. Good grief, I occaisionally come to you all for some comfort and I then I sometimes get more stressed. Maybe I need more sleep or to look at that intoxicating blue sky and cotton clouds. Anas > Hello > > I read somewhere about an autistic child who 'talks at you but not to > you.' > Please someone, what does this mean? > > Anas Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 30, 2003 Report Share Posted November 30, 2003 To my understanding " talking at " someone means to verbalise to another person on a topic of your choice (as opposed to theirs) without following the cues of conversation like eye contact pause to allow other person to join in with their thoughts allowing the conversation to evolve due to input from both of you Talking at someone might go something like this: " Yes, I'm working on my webpage right now. I've been fighting with frames for the last two weeks, mainly 'cos pagebuilder is a drag and drop editor and it's harder to work with html code in it. I don't know much code, so it's a bit of a learning experience for me. I need to download a decent html editor and learn how to use it. My left frame works ok, but sometimes the links in the left frame load in that frame instead of the main frame where it's supposed to. " pause for breath, look up and notice a glazed look on the other person's face. (This is a real conversation btw lol, the other person didn't get a word in!) That's about all I know about how conversation is *supposed* to work - probably because I do it so badly. Hope this helps a little sandi Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 30, 2003 Report Share Posted November 30, 2003 Originally, I was using a situation of a job interview as an example where being talked at vs. talked to occurs. This also occurrs within conflicts which thus sends the wrong or mixed messages to the other person. Tone of voice, body language, looking at others when talking & listening all matters. I mentioned listening. This is key in communication. My friend's mom taught speech & communication at the local university in town & is now retired. She has written a couple of books & is educated within this area. There are actually seminars/conventions on listening for educators. which she's attended. BTW: Maturity & how you relate the messages to others plays a huge part. This is also called when one " rubs you the wrong way " or bombs that " first impression. " Hope this helps out more. Am sorry I may of misled you. http://community.webtv.net/tikigalharkins/LETSTALKASPERGERS Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 1, 2003 Report Share Posted December 1, 2003 At 10:42 AM 12/1/2003 -0600, you wrote: >My problem is with, " what's new. " I know the answer to " how are you. " >(BTW, it's " fat and sassy. " ) But I'm not sure about how to answer " what's >new? " " York " " Brunswick " -jypsy PLEASE NOTE: The above was another of my attempts at humour (and answers I use in real life) ________________________________ Ooops....Wrong Planet! Syndrome Autism Spectrum Resources www.PlanetAutism.com jypsy@... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 1, 2003 Report Share Posted December 1, 2003 > > >One thing that worked for me... or perhaps went haywire with me.. is that I > >decided that I would rather get murdered in a fight then back down one more > >time. > > > I learned early on that backing away only lets them hit you harder. > Better to move in close and > try to grapple. They can't hit you as hard, and they can't hit you at > all if you can pin them. ********** If somebody were to hit me now, and i was in an evil mood....... id run close to killing them. If i was in a nice mood, id be flustered and try to talk with them. ********** > > If you can't do anything to stop it, try treating the blows as a really > intense stim. > (Not as off-the-wall as it sounds. This eventually led to my becoming > to masochistic > for them to bully anymore). ************ This sort of works. I remember one (pissed) guy hitting me a couple of years back, when i stood up for my friend. I knew he was about to hit me (he took his watch off). i saw it coming in ....... and didnt move. (btw, i was on copious amounts of ecstasy at the time, so looked him straight in the eye and didnt flinch) not even my head moved. And his face fell. it was quite comical. Then he threw a few more punches, and i caught his fist every time. Then i threw him on the floor. Trouble was, the police took me (me, not him) into the cell...... and i had around 10 pills in my pocket. getting them into my sock with my hands cuffed behind my back was an art form, trust me. anyway, luckily they didnt find the pills or id have been in BIG trouble.... so i took all of them in the cell, when id already had around 4. Needless to say, i didnt get any sleep! Andy, do you take ecstacy? ************ > > > As a child, we often believe the whole " don't hit back " hype. > > > Even more Aspie kids lack the reflexes and coordination to hit back. > Often our efforts are so > laughable as to encourage more bullying. ************* Well, aspie rage is a very impressive thing. I just kicked my way through a door in about 10 seconds at my parents when i was a kid, half glass and half wood. (so i didnt hit them). If an aspie kid is under attack and feels in the right, and doesnt *try* to hit them just gets mad like he is inside, he'll beat any pumped up NT who is just trying to act hard. ************* > > >It's just a case of overliteralism and following the rules too closely. Trust > >me, if I ever have a kid, I'll teach them " anyone who lays violent hands > >upon you deserves to be treated cruelly and without mercy. > > > To massively escalate things isn't right either, and would get your > hypothetical kid into trouble, > even if another kid started it. Sometimes the Aspie will get into > trouble for defending himself > anyway, when it is the word of an Aspie kid vs that of an NT kid, you > know which one they'll believe. ********** Well, there is the problem of getting into trouble to consider, yes, but there is also the internal struggles to contend with. Not standing up to ones boundaries is an awfull thing to have to live with (when one is lucky enough to know where they are) and i think that children are in the best possible position to learn that; A fight in the playground does not land people in jail, but the same fight for similar reasons with adults on the street would, and possibly the hospital. It pays for children to stand up for their boundaries early on. And if the other kid gets hurt, he'll know not to do it again. ************* > > > > Ride the Music > > AndyTiedye Indeed, Gareth. P.s i really like you saying you wouldnt drive to work for environmental reasons, thats REALLY cool. :-) All the best, Gareth. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 1, 2003 Report Share Posted December 1, 2003 > Good grief, why do these threads always digress without warning. > Good grief, I occaisionally come to you all for some comfort and I > then I sometimes get more stressed. > Maybe I need more sleep or to look at that intoxicating blue sky and > cotton clouds. > > Anas ********** Eeek :-) well, the blue sky and cotton clouds sounds like a good thing, actually. In the meantime, ill forward you personally my response to your question, because i was quite proud of it. Enjoy those clouds :-) Gareth. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 1, 2003 Report Share Posted December 1, 2003 > We were talking " at " your question, rather than " to " it. > > > Good grief, why do these threads always digress without warning. ********** Nice observation Kaiden. :-) Gareth. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 1, 2003 Report Share Posted December 1, 2003 Gareth. You are one cool dude. This is the kind of story you tell your grandchildren. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 1, 2003 Report Share Posted December 1, 2003 > Gareth. You are one cool dude. This is the kind of story you tell your > grandchildren. ******* Thanks Kaiden! :-D ive been coming to like you, too. Can i write to you off list? All the best, Gareth. :-) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 1, 2003 Report Share Posted December 1, 2003 Reminds me of a story I once heard ... Re: Please talk at me > > > We were talking " at " your question, rather than " to " it. > > > > > Good grief, why do these threads always digress without warning. > > ********** > > Nice observation Kaiden. :-) > > Gareth. > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 1, 2003 Report Share Posted December 1, 2003 What story Colin? > > > We were talking " at " your question, rather than " to " it. > > > > > > > Good grief, why do these threads always digress without warning. > > > > ********** > > > > Nice observation Kaiden. :-) > > > > Gareth. > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 2, 2003 Report Share Posted December 2, 2003 Kaiden Fox wrote: >My body language is always stiff during job interview, but I do make eye >contact. > >I'm currently *vastly* underemployed, working third-shift at a gas station. > >I try to consciously mirror the other person's posture and tonality during a >job interview. > > I never tried that, but I did pay a lot of attention to all the superficial stuff during interviews early in my career, which only served to make them extremely stressful and usually futile, because doing all that slowed me down too much on the stuff that really mattered. In the more recent ones, I ignored all the usual job interview advice completely, showed up in full tiedye with my hair halfway down my back, and made no conscious attempt to edit my style. I was almost certainly talking " at " them when I was answering their questions, but they must have liked what they heard. I didn't mention Aspergers (indeed, I didn't even know about it) at my last interview, but I did inisist on being allowed to telecommute several days a week, as it would make me more productive, and because I considered driving so far every day to be unacceptable for environmental reasons. >Do you think Asperger Syndrome is something one should mention up-front? > If they know what it is, they'll figure it out anyway and you won't need to tell them. If not, you'll have an awful lot of explaining to do. If it's the computer industry, autistic traits are so common that a lot of people just think of them as part of the engineers are (especially the good ones). >I ask because my background is in customer service. One of the questions is > " how do you handle stress " or " how do you handle problem callers. " My >answer is that, as an autistic, I *really don't care* about their problems, >but I enjoy fixing them because my emotional investment isn't in *making >other people like me,* so much as it is *making sure the system runs >smoothly.* When I hear a complaint, I know it's not about me, and I don't >personally identify myself with any employer. But, I do hear that the >system has either failed to work properly, or failed to work to the caller's >satisfaction. These are things I am naturally concerned about, and will >make every effort to rectify. > > Most of them won't understand how autism would make you better able to do these things. It would take awesome communications skills to successfully explain that in a job interview. The above statement is quite understandable and positive without the reference to autism. >However, I don't want to give the impression that I'm not able to do the >job, simply because I say " autistic. " (It struck me that " Aspergers >Syndrome " is a lot better than " Autism, " to use as a label. Yes, I know I >don't have Aspergers. I have something close to Hyperlexia - but it's all >on the same spectrum). > > I certainly would not suggest labeling yourself based on what sounds better (and I wouldn't put too much stock in official diagnoses either, especially if you are in the habit of filling out the tests at random, as you mentioned in an earlier post). >Damn, I need money. > > Do you have any contacts from your old tech support job who might be able to give you references and/or job leads. Some of the companies that outsourced their call centers overseas have been re-opening them here due to complaints from customers, there should be some jobs opening up. Ride the Music AndyTiedye Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 2, 2003 Report Share Posted December 2, 2003 > or else he (and his friends) will be looking to get even. Which is why, if I ever have a kid, I'll make sure to read " Ender's Game " to him or her as part of Storytime. In the first chapter, the title character gets into a fight with another kid, and *kills* him. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 2, 2003 Report Share Posted December 2, 2003 Kaiden Fox wrote: >One thing that worked for me... or perhaps went haywire with me.. is that I >decided that I would rather get murdered in a fight then back down one more >time. > I learned early on that backing away only lets them hit you harder. Better to move in close and try to grapple. They can't hit you as hard, and they can't hit you at all if you can pin them. If you can't do anything to stop it, try treating the blows as a really intense stim. (Not as off-the-wall as it sounds. This eventually led to my becoming to masochistic for them to bully anymore). > As a child, we often believe the whole " don't hit back " hype. > Even more Aspie kids lack the reflexes and coordination to hit back. Often our efforts are so laughable as to encourage more bullying. >It's just a case of overliteralism and following the rules too closely. Trust >me, if I ever have a kid, I'll teach them " anyone who lays violent hands >upon you deserves to be treated cruelly and without mercy. > To massively escalate things isn't right either, and would get your hypothetical kid into trouble, even if another kid started it. Sometimes the Aspie will get into trouble for defending himself anyway, when it is the word of an Aspie kid vs that of an NT kid, you know which one they'll believe. Ride the Music AndyTiedye Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 2, 2003 Report Share Posted December 2, 2003 > > > or else he (and his friends) will be looking to get even. > > Which is why, if I ever have a kid, I'll make sure to read " Ender's Game " to > him or her as part of Storytime. In the first chapter, the title character > gets into a fight with another kid, and *kills* him. It's not the reason I would read it to them. I happen to think it's a good book and would read it to them for those reasons. Along with things like the Hobbit, probably the Narnia books (memories of own childhood) and more that I cannot currently think of. On the other hand my current chances of having children is low and decreasing, I have no intention of raising one alone and I no hopes of finding someone to raise them with. Jen Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 3, 2003 Report Share Posted December 3, 2003 Gareth wrote (and I reformatted for readability): >********** >If somebody were to hit me now, and i was in an evil mood....... id >run close to killing them. If i was in a nice mood, id be flustered >and try to talk with them. >********** > I'd probably let him pound on my body a bit and then give him a (bear) hug. I wrote: >>If you can't do anything to stop it, try treating the blows as a really >>intense stim. (Not as off-the-wall as it sounds. This eventually led to >>my becoming too masochistic for them to bully anymore). >> gareth replied: >************ >This sort of works. I remember one (pissed) guy hitting me a couple >of years back, when i stood up for my friend. I knew he was about to >hit me (he took his watch off). i saw it coming in ....... and didnt >move. (btw, i was on copious amounts of ecstasy at the time, so >looked him straight in the eye and didnt flinch) not even my head >moved. And his face fell. it was quite comical. > I used to get that. " What's this? I hit him in the stomach and he's still smiling?! " Hitting my stomach was my favorite stim for some time, and you can imagine the effect that had on my abdominal muscles. They couldn't hurt me that way, and it was fun to watch them try, and enjoy feeling all that energy surge into my body. > Then he threw a few >more punches, and i caught his fist every time. Then i threw him on >the floor. Trouble was, the police took me (me, not him) into the >cell...... > Was this " blame the Aspie " or " blame the one who is still standing " ? >and i had around 10 pills in my pocket. getting them into >my sock with my hands cuffed behind my back was an art form, trust >me. anyway, luckily they didnt find the pills or id have been in BIG >trouble.... so i took all of them in the cell, when id already had >around 4. Needless to say, i didnt get any sleep! Andy, do you take >ecstacy? >************ > I tried it years ago (it was actually still legal then), but I can get into pretty much the same state just from dancing (which is the perfect stim) and sensory overload. >>>As a child, we often believe the whole " don't hit back " hype. >>> >>> >>Even more Aspie kids lack the reflexes and coordination to hit >>back. Often our efforts are so laughable as to encourage more >>bullying. >> >> > >************* >Well, aspie rage is a very impressive thing. I just kicked my way >through a door in about 10 seconds at my parents when i was a kid, >half glass and half wood. (so i didnt hit them). If an aspie kid is >under attack and feels in the right, and doesnt *try* to hit them >just gets mad like he is inside, he'll beat any pumped up NT who is >just trying to act hard. >************* > Not if he has as poor coordination as I did as a kid, and adrenaline only made it worse. I was more likely to shut down that to become Berzerker-Aspie. Kaiden wrote: >>>It's just a case of overliteralism and following the rules too >>>closely. Trust me, if I ever have a kid, I'll teach them >>> " anyone who lays violent hands upon you deserves to be treated >>> cruelly and without mercy. >>> I replied: >>To massively escalate things isn't right either, and would get your >>hypothetical kid into trouble, even if another kid started it. >>Sometimes the Aspie will get into trouble for defending himself >>anyway, when it is the word of an Aspie kid vs that of an NT kid, >>you know which one they'll believe. >> >> This applies to Aspie adults too, as Gareth discovered. He also replies: >********** >Well, there is the problem of getting into trouble to consider, yes, >but there is also the internal struggles to contend with. Not >standing up to ones boundaries is an awfull thing to have to live >with (when one is lucky enough to know where they are) and i think >that children are in the best possible position to learn that; > It is often a question of finding some boundaries, *any* boundaries, that we are physically able to defend. >A fight in the playground does not land people in jail, but the same >fight for similar reasons with adults on the street would, and >possibly the hospital. It pays for children to stand up for their >boundaries early on. And if the other kid gets hurt, he'll know not >to do it again. >************* > or else he (and his friends) will be looking to get even. Ride the Music AndyTiedye Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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