Guest guest Posted November 4, 2006 Report Share Posted November 4, 2006 WTH, wow! Your colleague is really out of line and standing up to her was the right thing to do. Don't feel to bad about being caught off your guard last time at the gymn. I think that you would have been well within your rights to just tell her to piss off, but as you are working on your boundaries, there will be times when you just can't come up with the best response. I have had this experience over and over again. But you probably already know that this will not be your last chance to set a boundary with your colleague. I would suggest the following: 1. decide what rights you have that this woman is violating--the right to choose your friends, the right not to be harassed in public places, the right to stand up for yourself when bullied. 2. talk to supportive people(friends, the board, your therapist) about your rights and your feelings and what's been violated(and it is my opinion that this lady is a nut and is violating your boundaries). This can really help you see more clearly and help you feel more confident the next time you need to uphold your boundaries. 3. think about the things that you can say to uphold your boundaries in advance--something short and assertive. For example, I had a colleague who was really freaky and kept trying to get me to accept gifts from him. My therapist actually helped me come up with the short and sweet, " I will not accept this gift. " to which I added, " when you insist it makes me uncomfortable and I am asking you to STOP! " 4. then consider practicing what you will say, by writing it or saying it in front of the miror--it really helps to be able to deliver a statement like this with as much confidence as possible. 5. when you stand up to the person again, don't worry if you are terrified. When I stood up to my weird colleague I was shaking. I just put my hands flat on my desk so they wouldn't move, looked him in the eyes and said what I had to say. It worked even though I was really scared! I know that being assertive around people that remind us of nada's is really hard and feels just aweful. I have worked hard in therapy to deal with it, but it is SO worth it. Sticking up for yourself will change your life and even if it's hard now. . .it gets a lot easier! Also, don't be afraid to post and ask for more help on this or any topic. You have every right to do that. Trish > > Good morning everyone > I have been lurking for a while and I get so much wisodm from this email list. Sometimes I feel scared about posting on the internet. > I have problem, well it's about boundaries and this woman at work. She doesn't work in the same department as me, but I see her everywhere and she really wants to get close to me. It makes me espcially uncomfortable that I see her everywhere but work, and I don't think just because I work with you makes it necessary to be friends. She also did some obnoxious things, where she talked about me at work and I complained about it, and it took an incredible amount of energy for me to stand up for myself, and it was the right thing to do. This made her leave me alone for a while, which was nice and good. Yesterday, I ran into her at the gym of all places. I had taken a gym class with a true friend of mine, and after the class the two of us were standing in the hall talking, and we were wearing our sweaty gym clothes. > This woman from work came out of the class room (I hadn't noticed she was in the class at all) and said my name in a commanding way. My friend turned around and this woman said to her " is that your name? " This woman totally pushed her way into our conversation and my friend left to go to the locker room and shower. This woman cornered me and started crying and telling me I had ruined her relationships with people at work and everything is so hard, and she was willing to " forgive " me for having said what I said (which was really standing up for myself in a constructive way). > I told her, look I have trouble setting boundaries sometimes, but I do need boundaries, especially since it feels like you want to be involved with me all over town and I don't feel comfortable. > After the conversation, I felt so bad about myself because she made me, FORCED me to apologize for having stood up for myself. The way that she cornered me in a vulnerable moment (in sweaty gym clothes, tired after a gym class) scares me. I couldn't sleep last night, I was so angry. I think she might be a BP, why else would she torment me so much? > What do I do to set boundaries? Do you think it was enough that I told her yesterday, look I have a hard time setting boundaries and I need you to give me some space? > I don't know, it's so wierd, because she never says things in front of other people. > > Afterwards, in the locker room, my friend was totally shocked how that woman had just interrupted us and sent her away. > I wish I never had to deal with this woman again. It's also possible that I was wrong to set a boundary, that I was too harsh in asking other people at work to help me deal with it. But I can't tell. It could also be that I did a good thing by setting this boundary and she doesn't want to respect it. I see this as a KO problem because she managed to make me feel bad about setting a boundary. > I wish she would just stop talking with me, or at least engagin me in this really emotional way. Maybe she's gay and is hitting on me, but I think it's more likely she is BP or something, narcissistic, I don't know, but that would make sense why I can't seem to break this connection with her, because she just has power over me. I wish I had just stood up to her and said " this is not a good time, I am here with my friend, we could talk another time " but I couldn't. She overpowers me. What do I do? > > Thanks. > WTH. > > __________________________________________________ > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 4, 2006 Report Share Posted November 4, 2006 WTH, I have really been thinking about you and your situation as it concerns me a great deal for your safety. This woman is NUTS. When I worked in Human Resources for X company, a woman came to file a grievance about another employee that had trapped her in a threatening manner at the grocery store. Since it was off work campus, we couldn't do anything, according to our lawyers in that state. We did suggest to her that she file a report with the police. While she was considering it, he raped her at work in the parking lot in between shifts. I would highly suggest going to your local police station with your friend who witnessed what transpired and tell the police officer what happened and what action they suggest taking. Boundary setting is important,but I would try and set boundaries with say Manson. He just wouldn't get it, nor would $mith or her butane curling iron and her Shishido instant " I care " face make up. ;o) TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF, Greg. Re: from a lurker WTH, wow! Your colleague is really out of line and standing up to her was the right thing to do. Don't feel to bad about being caught off your guard last time at the gymn. I think that you would have been well within your rights to just tell her to piss off, but as you are working on your boundaries, there will be times when you just can't come up with the best response. I have had this experience over and over again. But you probably already know that this will not be your last chance to set a boundary with your colleague. I would suggest the following: 1. decide what rights you have that this woman is violating--the right to choose your friends, the right not to be harassed in public places, the right to stand up for yourself when bullied. 2. talk to supportive people(friends, the board, your therapist) about your rights and your feelings and what's been violated(and it is my opinion that this lady is a nut and is violating your boundaries). This can really help you see more clearly and help you feel more confident the next time you need to uphold your boundaries. 3. think about the things that you can say to uphold your boundaries in advance--something short and assertive. For example, I had a colleague who was really freaky and kept trying to get me to accept gifts from him. My therapist actually helped me come up with the short and sweet, " I will not accept this gift. " to which I added, " when you insist it makes me uncomfortable and I am asking you to STOP! " 4. then consider practicing what you will say, by writing it or saying it in front of the miror--it really helps to be able to deliver a statement like this with as much confidence as possible. 5. when you stand up to the person again, don't worry if you are terrified. When I stood up to my weird colleague I was shaking. I just put my hands flat on my desk so they wouldn't move, looked him in the eyes and said what I had to say. It worked even though I was really scared! I know that being assertive around people that remind us of nada's is really hard and feels just aweful. I have worked hard in therapy to deal with it, but it is SO worth it. Sticking up for yourself will change your life and even if it's hard now. . .it gets a lot easier! Also, don't be afraid to post and ask for more help on this or any topic. You have every right to do that. Trish > > Good morning everyone > I have been lurking for a while and I get so much wisodm from this email list. Sometimes I feel scared about posting on the internet. > I have problem, well it's about boundaries and this woman at work. She doesn't work in the same department as me, but I see her everywhere and she really wants to get close to me. It makes me espcially uncomfortable that I see her everywhere but work, and I don't think just because I work with you makes it necessary to be friends. She also did some obnoxious things, where she talked about me at work and I complained about it, and it took an incredible amount of energy for me to stand up for myself, and it was the right thing to do. This made her leave me alone for a while, which was nice and good. Yesterday, I ran into her at the gym of all places. I had taken a gym class with a true friend of mine, and after the class the two of us were standing in the hall talking, and we were wearing our sweaty gym clothes. > This woman from work came out of the class room (I hadn't noticed she was in the class at all) and said my name in a commanding way. My friend turned around and this woman said to her " is that your name? " This woman totally pushed her way into our conversation and my friend left to go to the locker room and shower. This woman cornered me and started crying and telling me I had ruined her relationships with people at work and everything is so hard, and she was willing to " forgive " me for having said what I said (which was really standing up for myself in a constructive way). > I told her, look I have trouble setting boundaries sometimes, but I do need boundaries, especially since it feels like you want to be involved with me all over town and I don't feel comfortable. > After the conversation, I felt so bad about myself because she made me, FORCED me to apologize for having stood up for myself. The way that she cornered me in a vulnerable moment (in sweaty gym clothes, tired after a gym class) scares me. I couldn't sleep last night, I was so angry. I think she might be a BP, why else would she torment me so much? > What do I do to set boundaries? Do you think it was enough that I told her yesterday, look I have a hard time setting boundaries and I need you to give me some space? > I don't know, it's so wierd, because she never says things in front of other people. > > Afterwards, in the locker room, my friend was totally shocked how that woman had just interrupted us and sent her away. > I wish I never had to deal with this woman again. It's also possible that I was wrong to set a boundary, that I was too harsh in asking other people at work to help me deal with it. But I can't tell. It could also be that I did a good thing by setting this boundary and she doesn't want to respect it. I see this as a KO problem because she managed to make me feel bad about setting a boundary. > I wish she would just stop talking with me, or at least engagin me in this really emotional way. Maybe she's gay and is hitting on me, but I think it's more likely she is BP or something, narcissistic, I don't know, but that would make sense why I can't seem to break this connection with her, because she just has power over me. I wish I had just stood up to her and said " this is not a good time, I am here with my friend, we could talk another time " but I couldn't. She overpowers me. What do I do? > > Thanks. > WTH. > > ____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ __ > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 26, 2007 Report Share Posted January 26, 2007 Hi, I just want to give an update. I had so much anxiety about this, it was awful, I kept talking and talking with all of my friends about it, I mentioned it to my boss, who called her and asked her to leave me alone... It was crazy, but I finally felt empowered enough to call this organization that helps people who are being stalked/harassed. I talked with a social worker there, and she let me talk and talk for a long time, and she validated my feelings of anxiety and fear and anger. She gave me all kinds of information and people I could call. I called these people and got more information, as to what my options were. I was able to alert a police detective who specializes in stalking to this situation. He told me my options, and I chose to make a police report about the most recent incident (the one my December email below was about). I did this today. It has taken me a long time to speak up and do something. The police officer was unsure if it was REALLY stalking, and I then was able to put the detective on the phone with him, and the detective explained to him which paperwork to fill out. I really advocated for myself, and I did it in a prepared, informed way. I remained calm. I got what I was seeking. I now have a police report, and the police warned me there may be further incidents. If there are, it helps a lot that I have this paper, they told me. I feel so relieved, and it has taken me MONTHS to do something about this. I was anxious, angry, I have wasted a lot of my friends time talking and talking about this and not doing anything, because I didn't feel I had the right, I didn't feel empowered. Now I know that with the right information, there are resources out there to help me and take my feelings seriously. That social worker helped to empower me SO MUCH. I called her to thank her today. I feel a lot more balanced than I have in a while. I think other KOs understand this, because I was able to live with a high level of anxiety, fear and anger for a long time. Other people, normal people, would have gone to the police a LONG time ago. It is really hard not to feel guilty and scared for speaking up. Thank you, any emails of support and understanding will help me. WALKING TO HAPPINESS. > > > > > Shana,Carol, Greg, and -- > > > > It takes me a long time to catch up on > > emails--part of not taking care of myself. But I > > finally read these posts, and I thank you all for > > this advice. Mainly your replies made me realize > > that I need to take my fears seriously. > > > > I just saw her on Sunday, at a public event I went > > to. She came and stood really close to me, and then > > just stood there and stared at me for a long time. > > I and the friend I was with, we moved away, but it > > made me feel like I didn't have a right to be > > there. It scared me, and made me not enjoy the > > event for about 15 minutes as my mind freaked out-- > > I think in those moments when my mind freaks out I > > feel like I don't deserve to exist. It is really > > hard for me to stand up for myself, in a case like > > this. > > > > It is timely that I read your posts right now, > > because what I did was I emailed her boss, and > > detailed the gym class incident and then detailed > > how she made me feel at the event on Sunday. I > > don't know if that is professional or if I come > > across as whiny, but your posts made me take my > > feelings seriously. This boss helped me last time, > > because he had a meeting with her and documented it, > > and I feel like from gossip at work, a lot of other > > people have problems with her, and they were > > relieved that someone had spoken up. So, thanks for > > the validation. I need to believe my feelings and > > believe that I have a right to stand up for myself. > > I have a right to be out in public and not have all > > the wierd psychos in the world clump themselves onto > > me. > > > > This is such a big part of my healing process, to > > move towards healthy people and move away from all > > the crazy ones. I have spent most of my life giving > > up my existence to care for the crazies, and so much > > of my healing process is kicking the crazies out of > > my life. Only a few days ago did I realize I have a > > RIGHT to say yes and no to whatever experiences I > > want in my life. I do not have to be a doormat, > > like my FOO raised me to be. THis is 3 and a half > > decades of conditioning I am undoing, by standing up > > for myself. > > > > But, that feeling I had when she came to stand > > close to on sunday and stared right in my eyes, > > that feelling was so chilling, and I NEVER NEVER > > NEVER want to feel like that again. I refuse to feel > > like that Again. I CHOOSE to not feel like that > > again. If I have to go to the police and say this > > woman is stalking me, so be it, the police are there > > to protect us citizens. I do not need to fear > > standing up for myself. > > > > Does anyone else struggle with owning the right to > > not feel intimidated by crazies? Does anyone else > > struggle to reach out and get the help you need? > > > > I wish I could just yell at this woman next time I > > see her, or better yet punch her. It would be self > > defense, I have now documented these incidents and > > sent them to her boss. Instead, my response in a > > REALLY THREATENING SITUATION is the doormat > > response. Help! > > > > Thank you all > > Walking to happiness. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 26, 2007 Report Share Posted January 26, 2007 Hi, I just want to give an update. I had so much anxiety about this, it was awful, I kept talking and talking with all of my friends about it, I mentioned it to my boss, who called her and asked her to leave me alone... It was crazy, but I finally felt empowered enough to call this organization that helps people who are being stalked/harassed. I talked with a social worker there, and she let me talk and talk for a long time, and she validated my feelings of anxiety and fear and anger. She gave me all kinds of information and people I could call. I called these people and got more information, as to what my options were. I was able to alert a police detective who specializes in stalking to this situation. He told me my options, and I chose to make a police report about the most recent incident (the one my December email below was about). I did this today. It has taken me a long time to speak up and do something. The police officer was unsure if it was REALLY stalking, and I then was able to put the detective on the phone with him, and the detective explained to him which paperwork to fill out. I really advocated for myself, and I did it in a prepared, informed way. I remained calm. I got what I was seeking. I now have a police report, and the police warned me there may be further incidents. If there are, it helps a lot that I have this paper, they told me. I feel so relieved, and it has taken me MONTHS to do something about this. I was anxious, angry, I have wasted a lot of my friends time talking and talking about this and not doing anything, because I didn't feel I had the right, I didn't feel empowered. Now I know that with the right information, there are resources out there to help me and take my feelings seriously. That social worker helped to empower me SO MUCH. I called her to thank her today. I feel a lot more balanced than I have in a while. I think other KOs understand this, because I was able to live with a high level of anxiety, fear and anger for a long time. Other people, normal people, would have gone to the police a LONG time ago. It is really hard not to feel guilty and scared for speaking up. Thank you, any emails of support and understanding will help me. WALKING TO HAPPINESS. > > > > > Shana,Carol, Greg, and -- > > > > It takes me a long time to catch up on > > emails--part of not taking care of myself. But I > > finally read these posts, and I thank you all for > > this advice. Mainly your replies made me realize > > that I need to take my fears seriously. > > > > I just saw her on Sunday, at a public event I went > > to. She came and stood really close to me, and then > > just stood there and stared at me for a long time. > > I and the friend I was with, we moved away, but it > > made me feel like I didn't have a right to be > > there. It scared me, and made me not enjoy the > > event for about 15 minutes as my mind freaked out-- > > I think in those moments when my mind freaks out I > > feel like I don't deserve to exist. It is really > > hard for me to stand up for myself, in a case like > > this. > > > > It is timely that I read your posts right now, > > because what I did was I emailed her boss, and > > detailed the gym class incident and then detailed > > how she made me feel at the event on Sunday. I > > don't know if that is professional or if I come > > across as whiny, but your posts made me take my > > feelings seriously. This boss helped me last time, > > because he had a meeting with her and documented it, > > and I feel like from gossip at work, a lot of other > > people have problems with her, and they were > > relieved that someone had spoken up. So, thanks for > > the validation. I need to believe my feelings and > > believe that I have a right to stand up for myself. > > I have a right to be out in public and not have all > > the wierd psychos in the world clump themselves onto > > me. > > > > This is such a big part of my healing process, to > > move towards healthy people and move away from all > > the crazy ones. I have spent most of my life giving > > up my existence to care for the crazies, and so much > > of my healing process is kicking the crazies out of > > my life. Only a few days ago did I realize I have a > > RIGHT to say yes and no to whatever experiences I > > want in my life. I do not have to be a doormat, > > like my FOO raised me to be. THis is 3 and a half > > decades of conditioning I am undoing, by standing up > > for myself. > > > > But, that feeling I had when she came to stand > > close to on sunday and stared right in my eyes, > > that feelling was so chilling, and I NEVER NEVER > > NEVER want to feel like that again. I refuse to feel > > like that Again. I CHOOSE to not feel like that > > again. If I have to go to the police and say this > > woman is stalking me, so be it, the police are there > > to protect us citizens. I do not need to fear > > standing up for myself. > > > > Does anyone else struggle with owning the right to > > not feel intimidated by crazies? Does anyone else > > struggle to reach out and get the help you need? > > > > I wish I could just yell at this woman next time I > > see her, or better yet punch her. It would be self > > defense, I have now documented these incidents and > > sent them to her boss. Instead, my response in a > > REALLY THREATENING SITUATION is the doormat > > response. Help! > > > > Thank you all > > Walking to happiness. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 27, 2007 Report Share Posted January 27, 2007 Just want you to know, Walking, that you have a lot of support here. People really know what you are going through. For me, I feel really stupid and foolish when I stand up for myself, even if I know I have done nothing wrong. It was nada's constant putdowns and " who do you think you are " comments. We were trained to think bad about ourselves, that kept us in line. I've been nc for four years, and had to recently stand up for myself by getting a second court order just to get her to leave me alone. I TOTally understand the staring, she just scares me to death, by her looking at me. Doesnt' that sound crazy to someone who doesn't know a mentally ill person??? I had to go to court, and she was sitting there waiting on me, and I was so creeped out just seeing her. Her eyes have so much hate, like " I'm gonna get you for this. " and it is clearly intentional. She wants to FORCE me and my children to go back and have a happy go lucky relationship.. after all the threats and stalking (I totally understand how stalking freaks a person out. It is MEANT to intimidate a person, and then they say: " I didn't DO anything. " But I know exactly what you mean. We live in a small town, and some people would just rather me keep my mouth shut to get along. But they DON " T understand the kind of mental torture she puts people through. She totally believes in the BIblical " eye for an eye " thing, so she filed a court order against me, even though all I did was send her an email telling her to leave me the %^% alone. That was just not allowable in her book, and so she had to " get even " by making up a story to get a protective order against me. Fine by me!!!! Just gives an extra layer of protection, since we are supposed to stay away from each other. DOes'nt bother me!!!!! Hang in there and sometimes its just too much, and other times I really feel I make progress. Overall, I've been able to grow up and slowly get rid of the fear and guilt. NOw I just feel embarassed to have such a ridiculous person for a mother, as she goes around claiming that I love her and my dh has kept me from her. HUGS> Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 27, 2007 Report Share Posted January 27, 2007 That is such good news for you to report. I am glad that you looked into this and that you found supportive people along the way. It is to your credit that you were so proactive in a difficult situation. Sylvia > > > Hi, > I just want to give an update. I had so much anxiety about this, it > was awful, I kept talking and talking with all of my friends about > it, I mentioned it to my boss, who called her and asked her to leave > me alone... It was crazy, but I finally felt empowered enough to > call this organization that helps people who are being > stalked/harassed. I talked with a social worker there, and she let > me talk and talk for a long time, and she validated my feelings of > anxiety and fear and anger. > > She gave me all kinds of information and people I could call. I > called these people and got more information, as to what my options > were. I was able to alert a police detective who specializes in > stalking to this situation. He told me my options, and I chose to > make a police report about the most recent incident (the one my > December email below was about). > I did this today. It has taken me a long time to speak up and do > something. The police officer was unsure if it was REALLY stalking, > and I then was able to put the detective on the phone with him, and > the detective explained to him which paperwork to fill out. > > I really advocated for myself, and I did it in a prepared, informed > way. I remained calm. I got what I was seeking. I now have a > police report, and the police warned me there may be further > incidents. If there are, it helps a lot that I have this paper, they > told me. > > I feel so relieved, and it has taken me MONTHS to do something about > this. I was anxious, angry, I have wasted a lot of my friends time > talking and talking about this and not doing anything, because I > didn't feel I had the right, I didn't feel empowered. > > Now I know that with the right information, there are resources out > there to help me and take my feelings seriously. That social worker > helped to empower me SO MUCH. I called her to thank her today. > > I feel a lot more balanced than I have in a while. I think other KOs > understand this, because I was able to live with a high level of > anxiety, fear and anger for a long time. Other people, normal > people, would have gone to the police a LONG time ago. > > It is really hard not to feel guilty and scared for speaking up. > > Thank you, any emails of support and understanding will help me. > > WALKING TO HAPPINESS. >....... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 27, 2007 Report Share Posted January 27, 2007 Hi Walking, This story reminds me of so many experiences I have had. Why is it that we (KOs who have already been controlled, manipulated, and forced into relationships that are not healthy) keep running into people like this?? Shana made a comment referring to it being some kind of learning experience. I have just moved half way across the US, to meet a new neighbor who has started similar behavior. I have had to just stop talking to her and not returning her phone calls. The tough part is that she has a child who likes to play with my child. I don't want to bring the children into this, but I will protect my child at any cost, and I am not going to let this person effect me or push herself on me. From what she has told me I believe she is BP and I wish that I could help her, but I think the best I can do is learn to set appropriate boundaries for me and my family. I agree with Shana in that I know that these people I encounter are a problem for me because I haven't quite mastered setting boundaries yet without it effecting me. Hopefully I will get better at it. It really helps to read the postings here. I know more and more that I am not alone and that I can trust my intstincts about people. I hate that you had to go so far with someone you work with. It really is hard and uncomfortable. A few years back I filed a sexual harassment complaint against my suppervisor and he was immediately fired. His behavior was really about control and possession, but he finally crossed the sexual line. It was somewhat empowering for me to get the result I had hoped for, but it was also quite scary, because he had been pulling very unprofessional, yet very subtle behavior with me for eight months. His behavior got progressively worse until I felt I had something that was bad enough to talk to HR about. As a KO, I had to fight feelings of responsibility for his behavior, but I knew that I had done the right thing, even though he tried to tell me that he had a wife and four children depending on him. I did what I had to do for me. I sure hope he learned a lesson. Probably not!! Hope your situation gets better for you. Just don't be afraid to do what you feel like you need to do to stand up for yourself. Good luck, and thanks for your posting, > > > > > > > > Shana,Carol, Greg, and -- > > > > > > It takes me a long time to catch up on > > > emails--part of not taking care of myself. But I > > > finally read these posts, and I thank you all for > > > this advice. Mainly your replies made me realize > > > that I need to take my fears seriously. > > > > > > I just saw her on Sunday, at a public event I went > > > to. She came and stood really close to me, and then > > > just stood there and stared at me for a long time. > > > I and the friend I was with, we moved away, but it > > > made me feel like I didn't have a right to be > > > there. It scared me, and made me not enjoy the > > > event for about 15 minutes as my mind freaked out-- > > > I think in those moments when my mind freaks out I > > > feel like I don't deserve to exist. It is really > > > hard for me to stand up for myself, in a case like > > > this. > > > > > > It is timely that I read your posts right now, > > > because what I did was I emailed her boss, and > > > detailed the gym class incident and then detailed > > > how she made me feel at the event on Sunday. I > > > don't know if that is professional or if I come > > > across as whiny, but your posts made me take my > > > feelings seriously. This boss helped me last time, > > > because he had a meeting with her and documented it, > > > and I feel like from gossip at work, a lot of other > > > people have problems with her, and they were > > > relieved that someone had spoken up. So, thanks for > > > the validation. I need to believe my feelings and > > > believe that I have a right to stand up for myself. > > > I have a right to be out in public and not have all > > > the wierd psychos in the world clump themselves onto > > > me. > > > > > > This is such a big part of my healing process, to > > > move towards healthy people and move away from all > > > the crazy ones. I have spent most of my life giving > > > up my existence to care for the crazies, and so much > > > of my healing process is kicking the crazies out of > > > my life. Only a few days ago did I realize I have a > > > RIGHT to say yes and no to whatever experiences I > > > want in my life. I do not have to be a doormat, > > > like my FOO raised me to be. THis is 3 and a half > > > decades of conditioning I am undoing, by standing up > > > for myself. > > > > > > But, that feeling I had when she came to stand > > > close to on sunday and stared right in my eyes, > > > that feelling was so chilling, and I NEVER NEVER > > > NEVER want to feel like that again. I refuse to feel > > > like that Again. I CHOOSE to not feel like that > > > again. If I have to go to the police and say this > > > woman is stalking me, so be it, the police are there > > > to protect us citizens. I do not need to fear > > > standing up for myself. > > > > > > Does anyone else struggle with owning the right to > > > not feel intimidated by crazies? Does anyone else > > > struggle to reach out and get the help you need? > > > > > > I wish I could just yell at this woman next time I > > > see her, or better yet punch her. It would be self > > > defense, I have now documented these incidents and > > > sent them to her boss. Instead, my response in a > > > REALLY THREATENING SITUATION is the doormat > > > response. Help! > > > > > > Thank you all > > > Walking to happiness. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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