Re: Do Mates of BPD Parents also have DSM illnesses?

[Guest guest]

My nada is BPD and my fada is NPD. I used to think that if my parents

ever got divorced, my dad would " heal " and eventually be somewhat

functioning as a parent... but as it turned out, I was wrong. Five

years divorced and he's showing just how disfunctional he really is. I

think in some ways he liked being with her because she was " worse " than

him - it probably made him feel better about himself.

I'd be interested to know the percentage, too. It's probably pretty

high.

>

> I saw Greg's recent post that his Fada was APD and his Nada was BPD.

> (You are a walking miracle, Greg!)

>

> My Fada is a NPD (diagnosed) and my Nada is a BPD (undiagnosed as far

> as I know).

>

> Does anyone know the percentage of BPD mates that have mentally ill

> spouses? Is this a common occurence?

>

> a

>

[Guest guest]

Hi a, , and All,

a, your post could've been written by me. I

idolized my fada for decades until I began to emerge

from the FOG and realized that he was just as

destructive for me as my nada. Much later, I realized

his NPD was just as bad for me as my nada's BPD.

Better late than never.

One Non-BP Recovering Man

--- sherby2k wrote:

> My nada is BPD and my fada is NPD. I used to think

> that if my parents

> ever got divorced, my dad would " heal " and

> eventually be somewhat

> functioning as a parent... but as it turned out, I

> was wrong. Five

> years divorced and he's showing just how

> disfunctional he really is. I

> think in some ways he liked being with her because

> she was " worse " than

> him - it probably made him feel better about

> himself.

>

> I'd be interested to know the percentage, too. It's

> probably pretty

> high.

>

>

>

>

>

> >

> > I saw Greg's recent post that his Fada was APD and

> his Nada was BPD.

> > (You are a walking miracle, Greg!)

> >

> > My Fada is a NPD (diagnosed) and my Nada is a BPD

> (undiagnosed as far

> > as I know).

> >

> > Does anyone know the percentage of BPD mates that

> have mentally ill

> > spouses? Is this a common occurence?

> >

> > a

> >

>

>

>

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[Guest guest]

Wow! This astounds me...how deeply complex this whole mess of

Personality Disorders are!

But I guess it does make sense. I'm thinking any really healthy adult

who became involved with a BPD wouldn't stay in the relationship long.

a

>

> I saw Greg's recent post that his Fada was APD and his Nada was

BPD.

> (You are a walking miracle, Greg!)

>

> My Fada is a NPD (diagnosed) and my Nada is a BPD (undiagnosed as

far

> as I know).

>

> Does anyone know the percentage of BPD mates that have mentally ill

> spouses? Is this a common occurence?

>

> a

>

[Guest guest]

Same for me. I idolized my fada, too. Thought he was my ally.

Boy, was I wrong.

-Kyla

> > >

> > > I saw Greg's recent post that his Fada was APD and

> > his Nada was BPD.

> > > (You are a walking miracle, Greg!)

> > >

> > > My Fada is a NPD (diagnosed) and my Nada is a BPD

> > (undiagnosed as far

> > > as I know).

> > >

> > > Does anyone know the percentage of BPD mates that

> > have mentally ill

> > > spouses? Is this a common occurence?

> > >

> > > a

> > >

> >

> >

> >

>

>

>

>

>

_____________________________________________________________________

_______________

> Cheap talk?

> Check out Yahoo! Messenger's low PC-to-Phone call rates.

> http://voice.yahoo.com

>

[Guest guest]

Kyla,

That's it. I thought he, my fada, was my ally, while

it was OBVIOUS my nada kept acting like an enemy. She

attacked, he betrayed. The attacks were easier to

recognize. His betrayals took much longer to

recognize because I didn't see through my self-induced

FOG. I agree with that, probably, " he liked

being with her because she was " worse " than him - it

probably made him feel better about himself. " As we

know, it was at my expense. She acted as if she

couldn’t stand me. He acted as if he was being

supportive of me. She didn’t try to sacrifice my

soul, she tried to steal it. He, being of the same

gender as me, should’ve been MOST responsible for

building my soul, but he sold it to her for his own

peace of mind.

This kind of comparison could go on and on . . . I’ll

stop for now. Thanks to everyone for inspiring me to

think of these things this way. Any way I can

deconstruct my FOO’s (literally) maddening behavior

toward me helps me continue to heal and learn who I

am.

One Non-BP Recovering Man

--- kylaboo728 wrote:

> Same for me. I idolized my fada, too. Thought he

> was my ally.

> Boy, was I wrong.

>

> -Kyla

>

>

> > > >

> > > > I saw Greg's recent post that his Fada was APD

> and

> > > his Nada was BPD.

> > > > (You are a walking miracle, Greg!)

> > > >

> > > > My Fada is a NPD (diagnosed) and my Nada is a

> BPD

> > > (undiagnosed as far

> > > > as I know).

> > > >

> > > > Does anyone know the percentage of BPD mates

> that

> > > have mentally ill

> > > > spouses? Is this a common occurence?

> > > >

> > > > a

> > > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

>

_____________________________________________________________________

> _______________

> > Cheap talk?

> > Check out Yahoo! Messenger's low PC-to-Phone call

> rates.

> > http://voice.yahoo.com

> >

>

>

>

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[Guest guest]

One thing I've realized is that neglect felt better in light of full

on assault emotional & verbal abuse, but it wasn't any better for me.

You know what my Fada use to do when we were kids? If he committed

some household no-no setup by Nada, he would blame BP sis and I and

then we'd get the dog house treatment for a few days. Isn't that weak?

a

[Guest guest]

a,

I see this as more than weakness. It is downright cowardly, and

abusive to you and your sister. Our parents were suppposed to set the

example and train us. Instead, they took advantage of our innocence

and helplessness and abused us.

Take care,

Sylvia

>

> One thing I've realized is that neglect felt better in light of full

> on assault emotional & verbal abuse, but it wasn't any better for me.

>

> You know what my Fada use to do when we were kids? If he committed

> some household no-no setup by Nada, he would blame BP sis and I and

> then we'd get the dog house treatment for a few days. Isn't that

weak?

>

> a

>

[Guest guest]

Wow, Greg, that's exactly how our family was. My parents divorced (after

years of begging from my brother and I) when I was 12, and then all h*ll really

started to break loose. Suddenly there was *no one* else to keep anything

together, my brother, who was a year younger than me, became amazingly self

absorbed, my father's mother died, and Fada had some sort of breakdown, then

remarried an insane child. (She was 21 at the time, he was 14 years older.)

We, uh, didn't get along, to say the least. Right about that time, both of my

parents decided to split my brother white for good, and that was it, I was

out in the cold. Of course, I had to take care of them. Nada was going

through her second adolesence, going back through college, and informing me of

her

new-found sex life and stuff daughters just *shouldn't* know about her

mother. It's like the minute they divorced, they left us too, decided oh,

hell,

the marriage fell apart, but the kids will be all right. After all, millions

of kids come from divorced families, what could possibly happen... It's

taken years for me to even acknowledge what they pulled, the physical and

emotional neglect, having to finish raising my brother, and deal with, really,

three

more children in the house (Nada, Fada, and StepNada), which later turned

into 4 with an abusive and addict stepfada. I'll tell ya what, the duties and

responsibilites of the military was a CAKEWALK compared to what home was,

raising all those... brats!!!

Kristi

In a message dated 12/14/2006 5:06:21 PM Eastern Standard Time,

psychfred@... writes:

Oh My God, ,

I never remembered that until i read what you wrote

about " If only they would just get divorced, then

everything will be alright. " My dad will be a dad and

my mom will be a mom, like all my friends have. I

used to beg them to divorce since i was 6 years old.

they finally did during my 12-13th year and like you

said, nothing changed in them. it was more work and

uncertainty for me. Was it for you?

greg.

[Guest guest]

a,

There is a book about the different personality

disorders that different types of BPD's marry. I

haven't read it yet, just the back. seems very

interesting. But, as you mentioned in earlier posts

months ago, they do go together like the polarity of a

magnet. and we were the metal shavings that got stuck

until the centrifical force of their spinning magentic

force was so strong that we go spun off and they flew

apart. And then it was our metalic properties to bring

them back again facing the right way, not the

depolarized way, but the attraction way.

Take great care a,

Greg.

--- baast2play wrote:

> I saw Greg's recent post that his Fada was APD and

> his Nada was BPD.

> (You are a walking miracle, Greg!)

>

> My Fada is a NPD (diagnosed) and my Nada is a BPD

> (undiagnosed as far

> as I know).

>

> Does anyone know the percentage of BPD mates that

> have mentally ill

> spouses? Is this a common occurence?

>

> a

>

>

________________________________________________________________________________\

____

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[Guest guest]

Oh My God, ,

I never remembered that until i read what you wrote

about " If only they would just get divorced, then

everything will be alright. " My dad will be a dad and

my mom will be a mom, like all my friends have. I

used to beg them to divorce since i was 6 years old.

they finally did during my 12-13th year and like you

said, nothing changed in them. it was more work and

uncertainty for me. Was it for you?

greg.

--- sherby2k wrote:

> My nada is BPD and my fada is NPD. I used to think

> that if my parents

> ever got divorced, my dad would " heal " and

> eventually be somewhat

> functioning as a parent... but as it turned out, I

> was wrong. Five

> years divorced and he's showing just how

> disfunctional he really is. I

> think in some ways he liked being with her because

> she was " worse " than

> him - it probably made him feel better about

> himself.

>

> I'd be interested to know the percentage, too. It's

> probably pretty

> high.

>

>

>

>

>

> >

> > I saw Greg's recent post that his Fada was APD and

> his Nada was BPD.

> > (You are a walking miracle, Greg!)

> >

> > My Fada is a NPD (diagnosed) and my Nada is a BPD

> (undiagnosed as far

> > as I know).

> >

> > Does anyone know the percentage of BPD mates that

> have mentally ill

> > spouses? Is this a common occurence?

> >

> > a

> >

>

>

>

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[Guest guest]

a,

What a spineless bastard!! But that is what they are

and then some more!

I'm so glad you and your sis survived.

Greg.

--- baast2play wrote:

> One thing I've realized is that neglect felt better

> in light of full

> on assault emotional & verbal abuse, but it wasn't

> any better for me.

>

> You know what my Fada use to do when we were kids?

> If he committed

> some household no-no setup by Nada, he would blame

> BP sis and I and

> then we'd get the dog house treatment for a few

> days. Isn't that weak?

>

> a

>

>

________________________________________________________________________________\

____

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Ask your question on www.Answers.yahoo.com

[Guest guest]

Kristi, Greg, and All,

Ya, it was tough being an adult at age SIX, huh?

Raising all those " brats, " for sure!

One Non-BP Recovering Man

--- kchara@... wrote:

>

> Wow, Greg, that's exactly how our family was. My

> parents divorced (after

> years of begging from my brother and I) when I was

> 12, and then all h*ll really

> started to break loose. Suddenly there was *no one*

> else to keep anything

> together, my brother, who was a year younger than

> me, became amazingly self

> absorbed, my father's mother died, and Fada had some

> sort of breakdown, then

> remarried an insane child. (She was 21 at the time,

> he was 14 years older.)

> We, uh, didn't get along, to say the least. Right

> about that time, both of my

> parents decided to split my brother white for good,

> and that was it, I was

> out in the cold. Of course, I had to take care of

> them. Nada was going

> through her second adolesence, going back through

> college, and informing me of her

> new-found sex life and stuff daughters just

> *shouldn't* know about her

> mother. It's like the minute they divorced, they

> left us too, decided oh, hell,

> the marriage fell apart, but the kids will be all

> right. After all, millions

> of kids come from divorced families, what could

> possibly happen... It's

> taken years for me to even acknowledge what they

> pulled, the physical and

> emotional neglect, having to finish raising my

> brother, and deal with, really, three

> more children in the house (Nada, Fada, and

> StepNada), which later turned

> into 4 with an abusive and addict stepfada. I'll

> tell ya what, the duties and

> responsibilites of the military was a CAKEWALK

> compared to what home was,

> raising all those... brats!!!

>

> Kristi

>

> In a message dated 12/14/2006 5:06:21 PM Eastern

> Standard Time,

> psychfred@... writes:

>

> Oh My God, ,

>

> I never remembered that until i read what you wrote

> about " If only they would just get divorced, then

> everything will be alright. " My dad will be a dad

> and

> my mom will be a mom, like all my friends have. I

> used to beg them to divorce since i was 6 years old.

>

> they finally did during my 12-13th year and like you

> said, nothing changed in them. it was more work and

> uncertainty for me. Was it for you?

>

> greg.

>

>

>

>

>

> [Non-text portions of this message have been

> removed]

>

>

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