Re: Anyone want to go on TV?

[Guest guest]

Can you imagine what would happen if we went on there with our mothers......

They would have a way to turn the " nation " against their rotten children. And

being on tv would feed that look at me syndrome...... No way.

walkingto happiness wrote:

Good morning everyone,

I was just surfing the net a little, should be working, and I came across an

upcoming Oprah show ttitled " Making Peace with Your Mother " .

If anyone feels like being interviewed on national TV, or maybe all of us

together on the board could send in an email statement, something about what it

is like to make peace with the realization that you have been severely abused

and traumatized most of your life by your BPD mother, and making peace with your

own life by being non-contact.

here's the link to go on the show:

https://www.oprah.com/plugger/templates/BeOnTheShow.jhtml?action=respond & plugId=\

246800004

Anyone interested? I am just so tired of the holy place " MOTHERHOOD " has in our

society. It's really time that the pathology in motherhood is discussed.

Walking to happiness.

__________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

I dunno how much I'd recommend that...

I've already had my stint with reality TV (twas a room-makeover show

that went horribly, horribly wrong, but it had nothing to do with

Fada). It's an interesting process, but I don't think it's for

everyone. (Not that the talk show is the same, but I have no doubt

that those little clips they show of the people at-home aren't much

different.) It's a really odd feeling to watch what you've said

clipped and re-ordered. If I had to do it over again, I wouldn't.

(Well, ok, unless they ever pick me for Survivor... I'd put up with a

lot for a million dollars.)

Anyways, if anyone here does have an itchin for bein on TV, I really

wouldn't think that exposing a family situation would be the best way

to go about it. I watch enough Oprah and Dr.Phil to get the feeling

that a lot of the people on there are speaking to/for the TV, instead

of really getting at the problems.

It's much easier to re-makeover a room after TV has messed it up than

to re-makeover a relationship.

>

> Good morning everyone,

> I was just surfing the net a little, should be working, and I came

across an upcoming Oprah show ttitled " Making Peace with Your Mother " .

>

> If anyone feels like being interviewed on national TV, or maybe

all of us together on the board could send in an email statement,

something about what it is like to make peace with the realization

that you have been severely abused and traumatized most of your life

by your BPD mother, and making peace with your own life by being

non-contact.

> here's the link to go on the show:

>

>

https://www.oprah.com/plugger/templates/BeOnTheShow.jhtml?action=respond & plugId=\

246800004

>

>

> Anyone interested? I am just so tired of the holy place

" MOTHERHOOD " has in our society. It's really time that the pathology

in motherhood is discussed.

>

> Walking to happiness.

>

> __________________________________________________

>

[Guest guest]

Hi, Kath,

" , you said:

-I know my nada has made me suffer and that she is impossible to live

with, but the terrible need for H-E-L-P HERE is so, so very hurtingly

obvious. If only there were money and a way to get her the help she

needs. Society needs to change so that help for hurting people can be

facilitated and not blocked at absolutely every turn.

While they are suffering, and screaming for help, but they also deny

help when it is presented. They cannot accept that anything is wrong

with themselves, because their concept of themselves is broken to

begin with.

search4pc noted also how hard it is to keep a BP on medication:

-from what I have researched BPD or NPD and the schizoid disorders

have the poorest prognosis because the patient does not self-monitor

and has no perspective on his/her own situation.

From all of my own research the best way to deal with a BP in the

family is to help the family around the BP. I don't think any amount

of money thrown at the BP him/herself will do them any good, it's the

sad truth. Many people with problems like these have to hit absolute

rock-bottom before they're even willing to admit they have a problem. "

I'm certainly not arguing any of this.

My point is more like this:

Once upon a time, any family member could commit almost any other family

member to a mental institution for almost any reason. While this was abused

and eventually had to be done away with, one good aspect was that, for

example, if I had the money and knew that my nada was suffering with a

raging mental illness, I could compel her to at least get in the hospital,

get diagnosed, and at least start out on proper therapy and medication at

some point in her life.

Now the laws are different, and a person has to be suicidal or homicidal

before they can be detained at a facility against their will. While this

has prevented the sort of tragedies where people who weren't that ill (or

not ill at all) got trapped for years in mental hosptals, it prevents us

from getting any diagnosis or help at all for our BP's who won't accept that

they have a problem and don't want help.

Not only that, but mental health care in this country is so expensive that

most people cannot afford it. I have been planning to go to a counselor

over my situation since the beginning of December, and I don't have the

faintest idea when I will be able to, for the simple lack of $217.00. Yes,

therapy is $217.00 an hour. How the hell is any BP or KO, whose impairments

in taking care of themselves tend to leave them less well off than the

average American, supposed to get the help even if they admit they need it??

Society needs a better solution to these problems, but we won't get one

unless and until more people know that there is a problem.

That was my particular point.

" If you all are serious about seeking help for your own family on TV

(which I still don't think is a great idea), think of Dr. Phil as well: "

I think the person who originally posted this idea (it wasn't me) was

reacting to an upcoming Oprah topic about getting together adult kids who

aren't getting along with their mothers to reconcile. I think the point of

that person was that they were upset that most people don't understand our

plight with regard to mentally ill parents (especially BP's who look so

normal to people who don't know them). That person suggested that an Oprah

devoted to this kind of topic could help correct the impressions of

well-meaning people who look at KO's and go, " How COULD you treat your poor

mother like that! "

That was the original impetus of this thread.

If anybody REALLY wants to do this, I can write and can help draft a letter.

That's all I'm saying.

Thanks and I hope your day is going well.

--LL.

[Guest guest]

This is an excellent way of putting it. Being that it is close to

Mothers Day; well, not really but topics need to be researched

before airing. Nevertheless, this topic is unique because it is

about your average relationship that broke due to disagreement, and

an attempt at reconciliation. I can only speak for myself, but I am

not looking for a way to reconcile now that I have been NC for so

long and been so happy. Now knowing all that I know about BPD, and

being in this group, and the many many years of counseling--there

isn't anything to repair. I know this sounds final, but there is

too much involved where the BP person is in caring for themselves

and dealing with their problem. I feel I have tried for way to many

years for something that wasn't there; I thought there was because

I knew nothing about this. Going on TV could possibly make me have

to face much ridicule for my choices, especially from those stuck in

the unknown and thinking this was just simple. Although this is

difficult, because I think people like Oprah and Dr. Phil should

educate people on this topic, but remember they are in this for

reviews and telling people on TV that family members are best

separating, or doing anything close to the things we have done, let

alone the thoughts is not going to get the reviews they are looking

for. I also am not ready to air dirty laundry on National TV. I

have enough difficulty letting people into my space right now, and

now my co-workers, and or friends who are not aware would now be

aware. I am surely not against those who have the desire to do

this; I commend anyone who feels they have to do this, and by all

means often times we have to do anything and everything, so as to

not have regrets. Just like there are some of us in here who are

NC, and some that are not--no matter what we support their choices.

I would be happy to proof read what anyone writes if they need that

assistance. But, I guess I have to admit that I don't have the guts

to go on Oprah and try to make society accept something that is

still so new, and often times against the normal values of family

taking care of family. I would even be willing to be there for

anyone after the show if needed, but right now I feel comfortable

only in here and with my counselor in learning about this illness.

I do appreciate this post, as I seriously considered this, and as

always processed this in depth. I appreciate you taking the time to

look into this and I look forward to seeing if this interests Oprah.

erbuss ()

>

>

> Hi, Kath,

>

>

> " , you said:

>

> -I know my nada has made me suffer and that she is impossible to

live

> with, but the terrible need for H-E-L-P HERE is so, so very

hurtingly

> obvious. If only there were money and a way to get her the help she

> needs. Society needs to change so that help for hurting people can

be

> facilitated and not blocked at absolutely every turn.

>

> While they are suffering, and screaming for help, but they also

deny

> help when it is presented. They cannot accept that anything is

wrong

> with themselves, because their concept of themselves is broken to

> begin with.

>

> search4pc noted also how hard it is to keep a BP on medication:

>

> -from what I have researched BPD or NPD and the schizoid disorders

> have the poorest prognosis because the patient does not self-

monitor

> and has no perspective on his/her own situation.

>

> From all of my own research the best way to deal with a BP in the

> family is to help the family around the BP. I don't think any

amount

> of money thrown at the BP him/herself will do them any good, it's

the

> sad truth. Many people with problems like these have to hit

absolute

> rock-bottom before they're even willing to admit they have a

problem. "

>

>

>

> I'm certainly not arguing any of this.

>

> My point is more like this:

>

> Once upon a time, any family member could commit almost any other

family

> member to a mental institution for almost any reason. While this

was abused

> and eventually had to be done away with, one good aspect was that,

for

> example, if I had the money and knew that my nada was suffering

with a

> raging mental illness, I could compel her to at least get in the

hospital,

> get diagnosed, and at least start out on proper therapy and

medication at

> some point in her life.

>

> Now the laws are different, and a person has to be suicidal or

homicidal

> before they can be detained at a facility against their will.

While this

> has prevented the sort of tragedies where people who weren't that

ill (or

> not ill at all) got trapped for years in mental hosptals, it

prevents us

> from getting any diagnosis or help at all for our BP's who won't

accept that

> they have a problem and don't want help.

>

> Not only that, but mental health care in this country is so

expensive that

> most people cannot afford it. I have been planning to go to a

counselor

> over my situation since the beginning of December, and I don't

have the

> faintest idea when I will be able to, for the simple lack of

$217.00. Yes,

> therapy is $217.00 an hour. How the hell is any BP or KO, whose

impairments

> in taking care of themselves tend to leave them less well off than

the

> average American, supposed to get the help even if they admit they

need it??

>

> Society needs a better solution to these problems, but we won't

get one

> unless and until more people know that there is a problem.

>

> That was my particular point.

>

>

>

> " If you all are serious about seeking help for your own family on

TV

> (which I still don't think is a great idea), think of Dr. Phil as

well: "

>

> I think the person who originally posted this idea (it wasn't me)

was

> reacting to an upcoming Oprah topic about getting together adult

kids who

> aren't getting along with their mothers to reconcile. I think the

point of

> that person was that they were upset that most people don't

understand our

> plight with regard to mentally ill parents (especially BP's who

look so

> normal to people who don't know them). That person suggested that

an Oprah

> devoted to this kind of topic could help correct the impressions

of

> well-meaning people who look at KO's and go, " How COULD you treat

your poor

> mother like that! "

>

> That was the original impetus of this thread.

>

> If anybody REALLY wants to do this, I can write and can help draft

a letter.

> That's all I'm saying.

>

> Thanks and I hope your day is going well.

>

> --LL.

>

[Guest guest]

L.L.,

First, I think that most good therapists work at $100/hr, so if you

don't have insurance and you're paying the entire fee yourself, you

shouldn't be paying more than that. But I do understand that for many

people in this world, even $100 extra is a stretch in their budget.

It's food, it's mortgage, it's other priorities, and it's sad, and

there's not much that can be done about that in this world. (I'll

avoid a political conversation on that...)

Second, I definitely agree that the greater society should be made

more aware of these " higher functioning " mental illnesses. I don't

doubt that going on TV to talk about it would be good for society to

get to know the problem, I just question how good it would be for the

individual family. Like you said, there are those people who say " How

could you treat your poor mother like that? The woman who gave birth

for you and cared for you? " How would they play that on TV? Who

would they favor? It's all about what would get best ratings. (Thou

Oprah herself had a bad childhood from everything I've heard, and

right there is a good reason that Oprah might be a better person to

talk to than Phil.)

I just have doubts that being on TV would solve anything for the

participants, thou it has potential to give knowledge to the greater

public. Yes, good free therapy for the children of a BP Nada/Fada

could probably help make their lives better. But, even if you got a

million dollars for therapy for Nada, even if you could have her

committed against her will, would Nada ever change?

I think, aside from family issues with BPD, there are issues to be

addressed with therapists making definite diagnosis' of these

personality disorders. I think many pussy-foot around the problem.

The best potential for help for a BP, as I see it, would be for

teens/young adults with BPD, as people in their early 20's haven't

been set in their ways for as long.

If enough people were still interested in talking to Oprah about their

BP Nada/Fada, I think that they might make a whole episode out of the

problem. Considering that most people here aren't thinking about

" reconciling " with a parent who can't even grasp the concept that

there's something to reconcile. I wouldn't doubt that the Oprah show

puts out general calls for people with problems with the expectation

that more specific issues pop up that they could make an episode out of.

>

>

> Hi, Kath,

>

>

> " , you said:

>

> -I know my nada has made me suffer and that she is impossible to live

> with, but the terrible need for H-E-L-P HERE is so, so very hurtingly

> obvious. If only there were money and a way to get her the help she

> needs. Society needs to change so that help for hurting people can be

> facilitated and not blocked at absolutely every turn.

>

> While they are suffering, and screaming for help, but they also deny

> help when it is presented. They cannot accept that anything is wrong

> with themselves, because their concept of themselves is broken to

> begin with.

>

> search4pc noted also how hard it is to keep a BP on medication:

>

> -from what I have researched BPD or NPD and the schizoid disorders

> have the poorest prognosis because the patient does not self-monitor

> and has no perspective on his/her own situation.

>

> From all of my own research the best way to deal with a BP in the

> family is to help the family around the BP. I don't think any amount

> of money thrown at the BP him/herself will do them any good, it's the

> sad truth. Many people with problems like these have to hit absolute

> rock-bottom before they're even willing to admit they have a problem. "

>

>

>

> I'm certainly not arguing any of this.

>

> My point is more like this:

>

> Once upon a time, any family member could commit almost any other

family

> member to a mental institution for almost any reason. While this

was abused

> and eventually had to be done away with, one good aspect was that, for

> example, if I had the money and knew that my nada was suffering with a

> raging mental illness, I could compel her to at least get in the

hospital,

> get diagnosed, and at least start out on proper therapy and

medication at

> some point in her life.

>

> Now the laws are different, and a person has to be suicidal or

homicidal

> before they can be detained at a facility against their will. While

this

> has prevented the sort of tragedies where people who weren't that

ill (or

> not ill at all) got trapped for years in mental hosptals, it

prevents us

> from getting any diagnosis or help at all for our BP's who won't

accept that

> they have a problem and don't want help.

>

> Not only that, but mental health care in this country is so

expensive that

> most people cannot afford it. I have been planning to go to a

counselor

> over my situation since the beginning of December, and I don't have the

> faintest idea when I will be able to, for the simple lack of

$217.00. Yes,

> therapy is $217.00 an hour. How the hell is any BP or KO, whose

impairments

> in taking care of themselves tend to leave them less well off than the

> average American, supposed to get the help even if they admit they

need it??

>

> Society needs a better solution to these problems, but we won't get one

> unless and until more people know that there is a problem.

>

> That was my particular point.

>

>

>

> " If you all are serious about seeking help for your own family on TV

> (which I still don't think is a great idea), think of Dr. Phil as well: "

>

> I think the person who originally posted this idea (it wasn't me) was

> reacting to an upcoming Oprah topic about getting together adult

kids who

> aren't getting along with their mothers to reconcile. I think the

point of

> that person was that they were upset that most people don't

understand our

> plight with regard to mentally ill parents (especially BP's who look so

> normal to people who don't know them). That person suggested that

an Oprah

> devoted to this kind of topic could help correct the impressions of

> well-meaning people who look at KO's and go, " How COULD you treat

your poor

> mother like that! "

>

> That was the original impetus of this thread.

>

> If anybody REALLY wants to do this, I can write and can help draft a

letter.

> That's all I'm saying.

>

> Thanks and I hope your day is going well.

>

> --LL.

>

[Guest guest]

I thought about this myself. I wanted to get the word out about BPD.

I'm hesitant to go on TV myself, unless I was a dark image and voice

altered, because I'm very fresh NC and worried that nada's continued

abuse of boundaries will affect my son who she has an unhealthy

obession over.

I am open to ways about sharing the info on BPD while balancing how

much is appropriate to share.

erica

[Guest guest]

I asked my therapist about this option... because I agree... the

world does need to know about BPD... However... it might not be

such a good idea, because all it will most likely do, is draw your

family more apart, and then they really will have some tangible

excuse to blame you for everything...

Dr. Phil, as good as he is... really doesn't help the ppl. It's

ratings nowadays... they cut to commercial breaks entirely

unproductively... and in the end, what happens? They set you up

with a doctor, if you and all parties choose to get help... Maybe...

But I've never seen any positive and fulfilling conclusion on his

show, or any other kind of " productive " talk show, honestly. ...My

therapist even went to a taping of the Dr. Phil show and

explained that nothing productive happens behid the scenes

either.

....Where I live, lots of ppl don't have medical insurance, and are

poor... There are some WONDERFUL therapists out there, and

it doesn't hurt to ask if maybe you can help pay for the visit by

doing some office work for the therapist. I've seen this happen a

few times before. ...And my therapist now... I think I'm quite lucky,

because when my medical insurance cancelled, she still hasn't

stopped treating me, and it's almost been a year now. ...I like to

think I pay her in crafts and by doing what I can to improve... at

least until things get better for me...

It's like getting a job... spread your resume around... Call and ask

if they have any ideas... All of the doctors I have seen, will go out

of their way to give some sort of support if they can't do anything

themselves.

<3--XOXO--<<