Re: SORRY! I really need to vent

[Guest guest]

A BP, self righteous? No.... I could NEVER imagine that. What, is

that sacasm dripping from the walls? :-)

My nada is one of the most self righteous people I know. I think

it's typical for a BP to be like that. And this " damned if you do,

damned if you don't " mentality is normal, too.

The whole " wants me on my own but doesn't want me to leave " is

something I identify w/ big time. I think that they say that they

want us on their own, b/c " a good mom would say that, " but as a BP

they are afraid of being abandoned and rejected, so they really

don't want you to leave.

My nada also talks about her childhood, and how her mom was distant,

etc. I think she REALLY overcompensated w/ me, by trying to have me

so emeshed with her... TOO close. There's GOT to be a happy medium

between a child who feels invisible, and a child who is suffocated.

Good luck. This stuff is hard.

Grace

>

> Got into a HUGE fight with my BP mom today and I really need to

> release some of this tension before someone loses a head. Of

course

> with the holidays coming up, everyone is more stressed than usual.

> This shouldn't be the case in my family because we have already had

> Christmas. All my siblings are married and are having Christmas

with

> the other side of the family this year, so we decided to have

> Christmas at Thanksgiving. So I thought that maybe I could spend

> Christmas with my boyfriend for a change (we live 800 miles away

from

> each other, so this is a bit harder.) And of course my mom was

> offended that I didn't want to spend the non-christmas christmas

with

> her and my dad. IT WOULD JUST BE THE THREE OF US! My mom is nuts

and

> my dad is so passive and antisocial that one of those new robotic

pets

> would be more comforting.

>

> I did compromise. (I'm working on setting my limits. I'm just

facing

> BPD and I believe my cut will have to be total and quick. Much

like a

> band aid.) I decided to spend Christmas with them and New Years

with

> my boyfriend. But during this fight momster brought up the whole

can

> of worms and telling me everything that I was doing wrong and that

she

> wants me on my own but at the same time doesn't want me to leave.

I

> think I should write down our arguments so she can see how many

times

> she contradicts herself. Then she spouted off into all the

horrible

> things she has overcome in her childhood and her parents ignored

her

> and so on and how she is a much stronger person and can't

understand

> why I can't be stronger (which most people outside of my family

would

> laugh at the thought of someone referring to me as not strong.)

Is

> it normal for BPs to be so self-righteous? I never really noticed

the

> degree in which she praised herself before. And I find it very

ironic

> that the advice she tries to give me is the very thing she will

> probably disown me for later.

>