Guest guest Posted September 7, 2004 Report Share Posted September 7, 2004 Wish I had a better answer...but it sounds like you should be in the ER...hope all goes well! mom to Robin (5 yrs), PVL and tethered cord and Jaxon (3 yrs), Chiari I, tethered cord, hydrocephalus, seizure disorder... > Hi ALL! > My daughter Jazmin just had a tether cord surgery on August 26. > Her back is really swollen. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 4, 2004 Report Share Posted November 4, 2004 Have they done a Post Operative MRI? Me Nebraska, USA mymocha@... Is there a test that can be done to check for a spinal leak? > It looks as big as a baseball. I do not want to take her to the ER , Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 4, 2004 Report Share Posted November 4, 2004 Brande, can you let me know if you get this email? I never get a response from anyone. > >Reply-To: tetheredspinalcord >To: <tetheredspinalcord > >Subject: Re: Need advice >Date: Wed, 3 Nov 2004 21:25:51 -0600 > >Have they done a Post Operative MRI? > >Me >Nebraska, USA >mymocha@... > > Is there a test that can be done to check for a spinal leak? > > It looks as big as a baseball. I do not want to take her to the ER , > > _________________________________________________________________ FREE pop-up blocking with the new MSN Toolbar – get it now! http://toolbar.msn.click-url.com/go/onm00200415ave/direct/01/ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 4, 2004 Report Share Posted November 4, 2004 Yes, I got it. I'm sending this Reply to you privately, though. Take Care, Brande mymocha@... > Brande, can you let me know if you get this email? I never get a response > from anyone. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 4, 2004 Report Share Posted November 4, 2004 Oops, sorry. Forgot to paste the other Email. Me Nebraska, USA mymocha@... > > Yes, I got it. I'm sending this Reply to you privately, though. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 25, 2006 Report Share Posted November 25, 2006 > > 2. If this does happen in person, a neutral place is a good idea, > right? Especially since they are very into their handguns and take > them everywhere (and I know they'd still have them with them at a > neutral place, they always do, but having the gun in her purse in > public is still, I think, less creepy than being up there with them > in their house, alone... get my drift???). > Hi Grace, I am mostly a lurker, but your situation has brought me out of the closet. Your concern 2 worries me. If your nada would become unhinged durring this talk would a public location stop her (or your dad in support of her) from using their guns? To me that is just too creepy, carrying around a firearm, and it seems that the stakes are too high in this matter to trust someone who has demonstrated a lack of self- control and judgement. By the way, does your state allow concealed-carry? If so, do they have a permit to carry? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 26, 2006 Report Share Posted November 26, 2006 Grace, I totally agree with 's concern. Please consider making the absence of the handguns a condition for your meeting together. As far as the rest of your original post, I think all that you are planning is very solid. I am so glad that your husband is providing all of this support for you. It is much better for us KOs to have someone by our side when dealing with the BP. They do tend to behave a bit better when someone else is present. Take care, Sylvia > > > > > 2. If this does happen in person, a neutral place is a good idea, > > right? Especially since they are very into their handguns and take > > them everywhere (and I know they'd still have them with them at a > > neutral place, they always do, but having the gun in her purse in > > public is still, I think, less creepy than being up there with them > > in their house, alone... get my drift???). > > > > Hi Grace, > > I am mostly a lurker, but your situation has brought me out of the > closet. Your concern 2 worries me. If your nada would become unhinged > durring this talk would a public location stop her (or your dad in > support of her) from using their guns? To me that is just too creepy, > carrying around a firearm, and it seems that the stakes are too high > in this matter to trust someone who has demonstrated a lack of self- > control and judgement. > > By the way, does your state allow concealed-carry? If so, do they > have a permit to carry? > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 26, 2006 Report Share Posted November 26, 2006 Hi Grace, I applaud your intentions in getting together to talk about your nada's issues, but I just want to remind you that unless she is in therapy and is actively addressing her behaviors, this will more than likely be an exercise in futility. Normally I would say to go ahead and do it so you could say 'Well I said my peace, I tried my best to explain to her what she was doing that was causing me so much pain, it is up to her now'. However, the more I learn about people with BPD (and remember about my own nada's refusal to address her issues), the more I realize that the energy is wasted trying to explain my viewpoit to her. She just doesn't get it, and I really don't think she ever will. Just be careful and be realistic about the outcome. love, > > Happy Thanksgiving everyone! > I need some advice. My husband and I have rec'd two messages from my > stepdad, on Sunday and one Wed. We haven't clld back yet because we > are still debating what to say. > > I have come to the conclusion that we need to confront the isses w/ > my nada and stepdad. We need to a) address the current situation > (their getting riled up over guardianship of my kid, nada hanging up > on me and not apologizing, calling my MIL, etc) as well as the > past issues, and c) boundaries and lines to draw if we are to have a > relationship with them. > > We have a couple of options on how to do this, and I think I know > what we are going to do but advice always helps. I don't think I can > talk to my nada right now on the phone. She is too manipulative, and > I am too emotional with all of this... we would either have a huge > nasty fight or she would manipulate me and I'd get sucked into OZ, > covered in FOG. My hubby could call, but if we're going to lay it > all out on the table, I should be involved. > > So that means if we're both going to be talking, then we are > thinking about trying to set something up in person. It'd be us, > nada and my stepdad, who is a total pushover and it is sad. I think > we will suggest/insist on a neutral place to meet. Our place is too > far to ask them to drive (1 hr 15 min) and their place would be bad > b/c nada is weird about her guns, (IMO) unstable emotionally, and > certainly unpredictable and has broken down before. So maybe a > public place, like a coffeeshop, would prevent her from going > nuclear. > > I anticipate this leading to total NC. I really do. But it will > probably be horrible and awful and nasty and gut wrenching. Nada is > so into my daughter, and we want to have a lot more kids and she > knows that. My brother is nowhere near having kids, and my sister is > actually my stepsister so it's not the same to her, plus she lives > far away and has always been split black to nada. So as of right > now, I'm the main source for grandkids and I think that puts me in a > weird spot b/c she has more to loose if she loses contact with me. > > Anyway, I'm pretty wound up about this. I still feel pangs of > sadness, lots of them, and I just don't see this getting better. She > is downright nuts, classic BP, and I can't live my life knowing that > she could throw a tantrum when I chose someone over her, and I don't > want to live with her constant jealousy of my in-laws, of everyone, > and everything else.... it's just too much. I am fed up, I am FED > UP!!! I know what I want and I want peace, I am fed up and I want to > rip the tape recorders out of my head, have the freedom to not call > her back, have the freedom to not care what she thinks and to get > rid of fleas without having more heaped on top of me b/c I still am > in close contact with her. I'm sick of FOG, of paranoia, of feeling > like a bad daughter when I know I am not. > > It boils down to this: I look at my life when I was close to her, > and I look at the people around her who are close to her now > (basically that is JUST my stepdad). She isolates people and divides > them from others. She is divisive. She is manipulative, she is > destructive and I just don't want that. > > So could you all help me with a couple of things? > > 1. Should this " big talk " happen in person? If it were to be over > the phone it would be my husband and my nada. My husband doesn't > want to talk to my stepdad b/c he is just a figurehead, and it would > be fighting a " proxy war. " > > 2. If this does happen in person, a neutral place is a good idea, > right? Especially since they are very into their handguns and take > them everywhere (and I know they'd still have them with them at a > neutral place, they always do, but having the gun in her purse in > public is still, I think, less creepy than being up there with them > in their house, alone... get my drift???). > > 3. Any general advice? At this point, I anticipate (am not certain, > but this is the plan so far) that my husband will call tomorrow, > Sunday night. He will say that we want to get together, the four of > us, and talk about things. We don't want to get into it over the > phone, and if nada asks to talk to me the answer is NO, we will all > sit down and talk in person in a couple of weeks when schedules work > out (we have to wait a couple of weeks due to work schedules). I > will certainly need advice on the talk istelf, but so far it looks > like my husband is going to just call to initiate setting that up. > > > Thanks, I know this was super long. > > Grace > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 26, 2006 Report Share Posted November 26, 2006 , Thanks for your reply. Yes, they have concealed weapons permits and all, but just b/c they follow the rules doesn't make it any less bizarre to me. I don't have anything against guns, in fact, my husband and I are actually very " pro 2nd ammendment, " or however you want to say. The problem is WHO is carrying the guns, and WHY, and how OBSESSIVE they/she is about it. Now we are debating writing a letter. Less risky on all fronts. And we can say what we need to say, carefully, thoughtfully, and take our time. Yeah, the gun thing is weird. I have a toddler, and they are not at all respectful of locking up the handguns when we are around. That is just careless. > > > > > 2. If this does happen in person, a neutral place is a good idea, > > right? Especially since they are very into their handguns and take > > them everywhere (and I know they'd still have them with them at a > > neutral place, they always do, but having the gun in her purse in > > public is still, I think, less creepy than being up there with them > > in their house, alone... get my drift???). > > > > Hi Grace, > > I am mostly a lurker, but your situation has brought me out of the > closet. Your concern 2 worries me. If your nada would become unhinged > durring this talk would a public location stop her (or your dad in > support of her) from using their guns? To me that is just too creepy, > carrying around a firearm, and it seems that the stakes are too high > in this matter to trust someone who has demonstrated a lack of self- > control and judgement. > > By the way, does your state allow concealed-carry? If so, do they > have a permit to carry? > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 8, 2006 Report Share Posted December 8, 2006 I agree with Sylvia on this one. Talk to your husband... you two need to be united on this. And she is also right about protecting your children... they shouldn't have to deal with this sort of crap. And you are right... you shouldn't have to put a bandaid on this just because it's Christmas. Keep us posted! Grace > > > > > > Hey y'all! > > > > I am looking for some advice regarding my BPD mother and father- in- > law. > > Well....they aren't technically BPD....but they do have the > narcissistic > > qualites and are extremely manipulative. My mother-in-law is > extremely > > vindictive and the manipulation QUEEN...and that just isn't my > take...my > > husband's family think so too. Anyway...here is where I need help. > > > > About 6 weeks ago or so my husband and I decided that " no contact " > was > > necessary. This is a major, major step for him, so I'm treading > on thin ice > > here. It took us a week to come to the realization of how > necessary no > > contact was. My husband mulled over it for weeks...I have 3 entire > > notebooks of his thoughts, preparing to make that call and let her > know > > where we stand. Finally he did it...and he told her that she had > worn out > > our patience and since both she and her husband were constantly > overstepping > > our boundries, we must cut them off completely. He explained, > very clearly > > that we would not be speaking to any of them and didn't want > contact with > > the entire family. She specifically asked if " that meant > Christmas too " .. > > and he said " yes...Christmas too...this isn't a temporary > decision, it is a > > permanent one. She has called our house since...about 3 times > laying on the > > guilt to both of my kids. Yesterday was my husband's > birthday....her > > husband called at 2pm (he knows my husband wouldn't be home....so > wtf?)...he > > spent 20 minutes on the phone with my daughter asking her if she > was coming > > to the house to trim their Christmas tree. She said she didn't > know. He > > then made the comment " you know, i'm very dissapointed in you that > you aren > > t going with us to the ocean for new year's " ....my daughter > replied " well, > > if you had planned it for another time, we would have...it is my > 16th > > birthday ya know....it's kind of a big deal...plus it's not big > surprise.. > > my birthday is December 30th of every year....it doesn't change. " > So he > > changed the subject back to her coming there for Christmas again. > He said > > you need to make your parents show up for Christmas....i'm going > to be very > > disappointed in you and your sister if you don't " Eventually he > changed the > > subject and the call ended. My daughter is still tight lipped > about > > everything else he said...but she cried for a half hour after she > hung up. > > So here is my ordeal....yesterday my husband received birthday > cards from > > his mom and his grandmother. His mom wrote inside the card " Hope > to hear > > from you soon " . His grandmother wrote on the inside of hers " We > miss you, > > please come to Christmas, it might be the last one with all of us > there. " ... > > Here is the thing though, he opened them, then he hid them and > didn't tell > > me about it. This really worries me...my youngest even confided > in me that > > my husband and her sister were planning a " secret trip " to mom- > mom's house. > > What?? Are you kidding me???? I don't know if I should say > something to my > > husband or just let this go. He's obviously being dishonest about > us > > sticking together with this one. Plus, I have made it clear that > I don't my > > kids anywhere around those people. How dare he go behind my back > and > > blatently violate my wishes. He was emphatic that he agreed with > me...so i > > don't know if he has been lying the whole time or if she got to > him. Ughhh. > > ..i'm perplexed. I don't want this drama for my kids at Christmas > time.... > > but within my heart of hearts I can't just let it go just because > it's > > Christmas. Any suggestions? > > > > > > > > > > > > Kisses and Nibbles, > > Bunny > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 8, 2006 Report Share Posted December 8, 2006 Bunny, You answered your own question, which is the best way to do it. I agree with you; how can you not talk to him about it, regardless of it being Christmas or not. You both methodically went through going nc and it is very, very hard on some people at different times. So, like you said sit down and talk with him and then then it sounds to me like the kids need some help with these boundaries as well. Good luck, Greg. --- Beach Bunny wrote: > > Hey y'all! > > I am looking for some advice regarding my BPD mother > and father-in-law. > Well....they aren't technically BPD....but they do > have the narcissistic > qualites and are extremely manipulative. My > mother-in-law is extremely > vindictive and the manipulation QUEEN...and that > just isn't my take...my > husband's family think so too. Anyway...here is > where I need help. > > About 6 weeks ago or so my husband and I decided > that " no contact " was > necessary. This is a major, major step for him, so > I'm treading on thin ice > here. It took us a week to come to the realization > of how necessary no > contact was. My husband mulled over it for > weeks...I have 3 entire > notebooks of his thoughts, preparing to make that > call and let her know > where we stand. Finally he did it...and he told her > that she had worn out > our patience and since both she and her husband were > constantly overstepping > our boundries, we must cut them off completely. He > explained, very clearly > that we would not be speaking to any of them and > didn't want contact with > the entire family. She specifically asked if " that > meant Christmas too " .. > and he said " yes...Christmas too...this isn't a > temporary decision, it is a > permanent one. She has called our house > since...about 3 times laying on the > guilt to both of my kids. Yesterday was my > husband's birthday....her > husband called at 2pm (he knows my husband wouldn't > be home....so wtf?)...he > spent 20 minutes on the phone with my daughter > asking her if she was coming > to the house to trim their Christmas tree. She said > she didn't know. He > then made the comment " you know, i'm very > dissapointed in you that you aren > t going with us to the ocean for new year's " ....my > daughter replied " well, > if you had planned it for another time, we would > have...it is my 16th > birthday ya know....it's kind of a big deal...plus > it's not big surprise.. > my birthday is December 30th of every year....it > doesn't change. " So he > changed the subject back to her coming there for > Christmas again. He said > you need to make your parents show up for > Christmas....i'm going to be very > disappointed in you and your sister if you don't " > Eventually he changed the > subject and the call ended. My daughter is still > tight lipped about > everything else he said...but she cried for a half > hour after she hung up. > So here is my ordeal....yesterday my husband > received birthday cards from > his mom and his grandmother. His mom wrote inside > the card " Hope to hear > from you soon " . His grandmother wrote on the inside > of hers " We miss you, > please come to Christmas, it might be the last one > with all of us there. " ... > Here is the thing though, he opened them, then he > hid them and didn't tell > me about it. This really worries me...my youngest > even confided in me that > my husband and her sister were planning a " secret > trip " to mom-mom's house. > What?? Are you kidding me???? I don't know if I > should say something to my > husband or just let this go. He's obviously being > dishonest about us > sticking together with this one. Plus, I have made > it clear that I don't my > kids anywhere around those people. How dare he go > behind my back and > blatently violate my wishes. He was emphatic that > he agreed with me...so i > don't know if he has been lying the whole time or if > she got to him. Ughhh. > ..i'm perplexed. I don't want this drama for my > kids at Christmas time.... > but within my heart of hearts I can't just let it go > just because it's > Christmas. Any suggestions? > > > > > > Kisses and Nibbles, > Bunny > > > > [Non-text portions of this message have been > removed] > > __________________________________________________ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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