Re: My Husband Dosent Get It!!!!

March 31, 2004

Gail,

I'm in the same boat! I've had this since I was 14, and had to put up with this

attitude from my father and my sibs. (Now my sibs all have it!) Now, it's my

husband! (We were just married in August) Though he hasn't said it yet, he

doesn't believe that I'm as sick as I say I am. Throw the word cancer out there

and everyone is, " Oh, you poor dear! " Say Fibromyalgia and it's " Oh, is that

all? " Sometimes I wish I were sick enough to be hospitalized, then he'd take me

seriously! You gals with intelligent, sympathetic, and understanding husbands

out there don't know how good you got it! Hang in there girl! Once you have a

definite dx, take your husband to the Dr's office to discuss it with him. Then

maybe he'll sit up and take notice.

Until then, you just take care of you!

Tracey

Boone, NC, a very wet and snowy place tonight!

My Husband Dosent Get It!!!!

Hey Everyone, Its Gail in Georgia, I finally got my e-mail fixed and

Im back in the group,, Finally,, Ive missed you all.

I have a little story to tell you all: Last night my husband and I

were talking and I was telling him about all the fatigue and joint

and muscle pain I've been in.... and HE Said,, Well thats strange how

you fit your illness to accomidate things you dont want to do.

He says, If I want to go out to dinner, I go, If I want to go to a

movie with a friend,, I go,,, If I want to go to Savannah to see my

sister with my mom, I can go,, But Yet, you cant get the laundry

done, and you cant fix a big meal at night, and you sleep all the

time.,

My Husband says,, I think your just a Lazy hypercondriac..!! well

people I blew my top! He says, If Im so sick why is it the doctors

cant put a name to it. What is it he says, Fibro? Arthritis? Lupis?

I told him that Thats why I was seeing a Rhumy to find out! It really

hurts my feelings that my husband after 16 years of marriage thinks

Im faking and am lazy!

You see, HIS family has never been sick in a day of there lives, He

cant fantom the idea of someone being chronically tired and weak all

the time.

Is anyone else having problems with getting spouces and family

members to understand what were going through?

Now Because Im so Upset at him im having a really bad flair up today!

Depressed, sad, mad and feeling let down!

Gail in Ga.

March 31, 2004

Gail,

I get the " I'd just LOVE to be able to ... be lazy,sleep all the

time, have an excuse for not doing whatever, etc " from my husband and

of course " THE LOOK " when I say I'm not feeling well. Then every time

I hear him on the phone with his relatives, I hear yeah a's now

having a different problem, pain, etc. Last time I saw his mother

(who DOESN'T like me and is neurotic to say the least) she commented

on all of my " illnesses " -- I just told her with a grin " Yeah, he

didn't know I was so defective when he married me. " And then I walked

away.

No matter how much pain I am in my husband will never get it - I have

stopped trying to explain a lot of it. He won't get it because if he

stubs his toe (even if it doesn't hurt), he will yell LOUDLY. He does

this just in case/expecting it to hurt. He has made the kids cry when

they step on his foot by doing this. I have told him not to and

expained why, but nothing changed until I talked to the kids and told

them to ignore it.

I've tried telling my dad how it feels, but he'll interrupt and say

something like " oh yeah my back hurts too, so I know what you're

going through " . I just gave up on explaining.

Try not to let them upset you too much so that you don't end up

hurting even more - since they won't understand that either :-)

God Bless,

a

> Hey Everyone, Its Gail in Georgia, I finally got my e-mail fixed

and

> Im back in the group,, Finally,, Ive missed you all.

>

> I have a little story to tell you all: Last night my husband and I

> were talking and I was telling him about all the fatigue and joint

> and muscle pain I've been in.... and HE Said,, Well thats strange

how

> you fit your illness to accomidate things you dont want to do.

>

> He says, If I want to go out to dinner, I go, If I want to go to a

> movie with a friend,, I go,,, If I want to go to Savannah to see my

> sister with my mom, I can go,, But Yet, you cant get the laundry

> done, and you cant fix a big meal at night, and you sleep all the

> time.,

>

> My Husband says,, I think your just a Lazy hypercondriac..!! well

> people I blew my top! He says, If Im so sick why is it the doctors

> cant put a name to it. What is it he says, Fibro? Arthritis? Lupis?

>

> I told him that Thats why I was seeing a Rhumy to find out! It

really

> hurts my feelings that my husband after 16 years of marriage thinks

> Im faking and am lazy!

>

> You see, HIS family has never been sick in a day of there lives, He

> cant fantom the idea of someone being chronically tired and weak

all

> the time.

>

> Is anyone else having problems with getting spouces and family

> members to understand what were going through?

>

> Now Because Im so Upset at him im having a really bad flair up

today!

>

> Depressed, sad, mad and feeling let down!

>

> Gail in Ga.

March 31, 2004

So tell your husband to kiss your butt..!!!..You need to NOT allow him

to treat you that way....People can only get away with what you ALLOW

them to get away with....If they don't like how you feel or don't

understand,educate them.If they still don't understand,or don't

care......then fooey on them....but don't let them disrespect you...I

have a wonderful husband but he was sceptical until I told him to call

my DR.and talk to him about it....now he is EXTREMELY helpful....his

family,however,are a bunch of losers who live to cut others(me) down...I

ignore them...my life is not their business and if your husband makes it

their business,he has no respect for you.....give him a

kick,sweetheart.....they can learn to deal with it or leave you the hell

alone.....

Deneen:)

March 31, 2004

I'd tell him that men are not spared. My brother has everything I

have with the Fibro. Your hub could get it as easily as my brother

got it. My brother hurt his back, while in the USCG. It's rather easy

to get Fibro, by being in a car wreck, moving furniture, hurting your

neck, or catching the " drop dead flu. " I pray that he will

understand, and there are many publications for those who think it's

a made up disease.

I know that I pay for it when I try acting like a " nermal. "

> Hey Everyone, Its Gail in Georgia, I finally got my e-mail fixed

and

> Im back in the group,, Finally,, Ive missed you all.

>

> I have a little story to tell you all: Last night my husband and I

> were talking and I was telling him about all the fatigue and joint

> and muscle pain I've been in.... and HE Said,, Well thats strange

how

> you fit your illness to accomidate things you dont want to do.

March 31, 2004

Hey there, Gail! It's in Jax. I wondered what happened to you. I was

hoping you'd had a miracle cure & didn't need us anymore.<sigh> Oh, well, we

can but dream!

Illegitimi non carborundum. Long remembered words of encouragement, although

probably not spelled right. " Don't let the bastards get you down. "

Hubby #3 told me for years that I was lazy & crazy. That was my only problem as

far as he was concerned. So I ignored all the stuff that was starting to go

wrong & kept going until I had a complete physical breakdown. Hubby #4,

although proclaiming to understand when we met & married, got tired of it after

a couple of years. Hubby #5 is a dreamboat about it. The only time he losses

his patience with me is when I try to do too much or get too pitiful.

That being said, tell your hubby to take a flying....hmmmm...leap will

do.<wicked grin> If he'd rather, you'll just stay home all of the time and

never get out at all. You still won't get anything done, but at least he'll

have the satisfaction of knowing that you're not enjoying yourself either.

It amazes me what we as women and, even more, what we as FMSers are expected to

put up with just to keep a man around the house. I stayed with hubby #3 for 9

years, being humiliated and beaten just because I was so brainwashed as to my

worthlessness that I was terrified to be on my own. Guess what, even ill, it

wasn't that bad. Sure I was broke, but at least I didn't have the constant

abuse to beat me down further.

The point? I do have one, I think.<grin> If he is that unhappy with you, he

knows where the door is. Otherwise, get over it. If you don't have a diagnosis

by now, BTW, you do need to get one. But he can just learn to live with it,

like you do. Or better than you do, actually. All he has to do is be a little

compassionate.

My thoughts are with you. And you still owe me a good time in St. 's. I'll

bring transportation & some bucks. You bring the inspiration.

W

<><><><><>

To:

Fibromyalgia_Support_Group <mailto:Fibromyalgia_Support_Group@yah\

oogroups.com>

Sent: Wednesday, March 31, 2004 4:26 PM

Subject: My Husband Dosent Get It!!!!